RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 5:51:17 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
You consider a group of entrepreneurial Harvard grads to be nerds?

Actually when I said "we" I meant nerds not kinksters and that self-inclusion was meant to clue you in that I wasn't using the term nerd as a pejorative.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/7/2014 6:15:32 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

You consider a group of entrepreneurial Harvard grads to be nerds?

Actually when I said "we" I meant nerds not kinksters and that self-inclusion was meant to clue you in that I wasn't using the term nerd as a pejorative.

Aha. I don't consider the term nerd or even geek to be a pejorative, but others do use it as a put down. (Not a mindreader.

Wish I were, though. Maybe, depending on whose mind!)

Nerds and geeks and kinksters are not mutually exclusive either. Thanks for clearing that up, btw.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GotSteel)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/8/2014 11:54:51 AM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

So like we were talking about before different sites have different demographics, okcupid is made by nerds so I'd expect we make up a stronger demographic there than on say christian mingle. As such what gets hits might be a touch skewed and you're right that context matters.

I think the things to take away from that article are:

1. netspeak = fail

2. Showing your compatible uniqueness and personality is more likely to get a response than a lifeless form letter.

You consider a group of entrepreneurial Harvard grads to be nerds? Ones who allow a kink subculture to flourish on their dating site? Pretty damn ingenious, to me. I daresay there are more of us lighter D/s types out there in the general population than there are hard-core BDSMers. What I like to do is to swap screen names and then compare their OkC profile with their CS profile. OkC gives me a more fleshed-out version, plus facial pics, to work with, then CS will show me their inconsistencies or else another aspect of themselves (whether by info contained, and by what is omitted). Then I can tie all of this in with their messaging content.

Btw, I've heard of plentyoffish, but never bothered to check out that site. And I concur with your conclusions about netspeak failing (as does textspeak when not actually texting), and the ineffectiveness of boiler-plated form letters (or one-word/sentence intros).

I've never tried a Christian dating site, although I am Christian, so can't comment on Christianmingle from firsthand experience. But...my best girlfriend at the time (who'd been celibate for many years) did meet a churchgoing man to whom she got engaged. Within a year, she'd bought the wedding dress and made plans when she discovered that he had another girlfriend. I think there are men who go on these Christian sites just to find "virtuous" ladies who are looking to save themselves for their (next) husband. Or else these guys were just hypocrites to begin with, religious convictions aside.

We self label as "nerds" now, we love it. I think Pharrell started that trend, not sure. But nerds are the cool kids now, LOL. It's sort of a badge of honor. OKCupid got a bad rap from this video for me personally. It was a social experiment (and hilarious). "Worst Woman Ever" on OKCupid Gets Tons of Messages
Pof has a lot of really hot guys who lost their luggage (shirtless) who send "send me some sexy pics baby." Which literally takes any initial attraction to the bulging muscles and destroys it, LOL. At least subs are reasonable in their approach and not presumptive we owe them half naked selfies because they say hello. Pof also has some pretty nice and good looking professionals of all ages who are a blast with whom to hang out. Sushi, wine tasting and watching a flambe get made never gets old. Hiking,jetskiing, sailing, oh yes, let's do stuff.

I am keeping my one service sub who I am growing closer to and in the meantime vanilla dating just to see "what's out there." The guy I went out with this past weekend I give an A+ on personality and overall demeanor, He even said "nothing really bothers me, not even when driving. Someone cuts me off and I think...I have done that to someone before and let it go." Love that.
EHarmony I give an A+ for asking lots of fundamental questions from the beginning of your choosing before the "get to know you" part and the compatibility factor beforehand. Christianmingle is maybe a D+ for usability and overall members. I had no wow moments.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/8/2014 2:06:26 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

We self label as "nerds" now, we love it. I think Pharrell started that trend, not sure. But nerds are the cool kids now, LOL. It's sort of a badge of honor. OKCupid got a bad rap from this video for me personally. It was a social experiment (and hilarious). "Worst Woman Ever" on OKCupid Gets Tons of Messages
Pof has a lot of really hot guys who lost their luggage (shirtless) who send "send me some sexy pics baby." Which literally takes any initial attraction to the bulging muscles and destroys it, LOL. At least subs are reasonable in their approach and not presumptive we owe them half naked selfies because they say hello. Pof also has some pretty nice and good looking professionals of all ages who are a blast with whom to hang out. Sushi, wine tasting and watching a flambe get made never gets old. Hiking,jetskiing, sailing, oh yes, let's do stuff.

I am keeping my one service sub who I am growing closer to and in the meantime vanilla dating just to see "what's out there." The guy I went out with this past weekend I give an A+ on personality and overall demeanor, He even said "nothing really bothers me, not even when driving. Someone cuts me off and I think...I have done that to someone before and let it go." Love that.
EHarmony I give an A+ for asking lots of fundamental questions from the beginning of your choosing before the "get to know you" part and the compatibility factor beforehand. Christianmingle is maybe a D+ for usability and overall members. I had no wow moments.

You might not know this, but back when my Gen-Xer was a tween and those "Revenge of the Nerds" movies came out, being a nerd started becoming less uncool. Maybe another decade before nerds had the coolness factor. (Dunno about the timeline for geeks, but that got piggybacked. :p)

I'm not impressed by show-offs or guys who go around strutting their stuff, so PoF doesn't sound appealing in the slightest. (I prefer live eye candy.) I was on eHarmony for a year and that site sucks. Five dimensions of compatibility and not one of them touches upon romantic-erotic compatibility. Like, WTF. They bring matches to you and those are the ones you're stuck with to choose from (no member search feature). I did swap messages for about six months with a guy out in Australia. Out of (site) boredom mostly, but he did have an amusing sense of humor and was an interesting character. His next closest match to me was in the Philippines.

GM, it's alarming for me to hear that there are plenty of social-climbing metrosexuals (whether nerds or not) scattered around with their penchant for sushi-sashimi and fondues.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/8/2014 7:27:44 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
You might not know this, but back when my Gen-Xer was a tween and those "Revenge of the Nerds" movies came out, being a nerd started becoming less uncool. Maybe another decade before nerds had the coolness factor. (Dunno about the timeline for geeks, but that got piggybacked. :p)

I'm not impressed by show-offs or guys who go around strutting their stuff, so PoF doesn't sound appealing in the slightest. (I prefer live eye candy.) I was on eHarmony for a year and that site sucks. Five dimensions of compatibility and not one of them touches upon romantic-erotic compatibility. Like, WTF. They bring matches to you and those are the ones you're stuck with to choose from (no member search feature). I did swap messages for about six months with a guy out in Australia. Out of (site) boredom mostly, but he did have an amusing sense of humor and was an interesting character. His next closest match to me was in the Philippines.

GM, it's alarming for me to hear that there are plenty of social-climbing metrosexuals (whether nerds or not) scattered around with their penchant for sushi-sashimi and fondues.

Well not gonna lie, they have a lot of shirtless guys holding up trout or bass with reflective sunglasses on or taking gym selfies. But there's about the same with very eligible, gorgeous guys. I think expanding horizons is good, you never know.
Hopefully I get over my OKCupid bias but never heard of "great stories" from there, only that video.
But yea, not sure if I'll call any of the guys I date metro, he works in professional sports (yes, he's on google it seems) and self identifies as alpha despite his easy going nature. He doesn't tweeze or wax. I tend to be inclined to very masculine types, masculine enough to make me feel feminine and small in a vanilla setting. I don't categorize them with CD/TV at all.
Chiseled, tall and athletic preferred. Not the Ryan Seacrest types. Personality tends to be the deal breaker for me more than looks though, by far.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/8/2014 7:56:30 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Well not gonna lie, they have a lot of shirtless guys holding up trout or bass with reflective sunglasses on or taking gym selfies....

Hopefully I get over my OKCupid bias but never heard of "great stories" from there, only that video.
<snip>

ROFL, what are those guys thinking who hold up fish in their profile pics!!! <can't stand up> And I could probably out-angler them any day of the week.

Actually, I met my last sub on OkC. He was/is a sexy hunk, too, although it was his charming personality, and fine intellect that reeled me in. Well, that and a few other things ... like being romantic, artistically & musically talented, with amazing verbal & writing skills, a great lover... (not necessarily in that order). Yep, he was the whole package and a hard act to follow.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to GoddessManko)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/9/2014 7:17:09 PM

IIapetus

Posts: 41
Joined: 4/10/2014
Status: offline

I'd speak to OKC being a good platform. Met some really cool people via it. As it is location focused by default, I can only speak for using it in New York. But for my age demographic, looking for fellow working professionals, I'd rate it highly.

I don't rate their hamfisted marketing efforts, however.

_____________________________

Make your own Iaps:

2 cups tigger
1 cup intellectual
1 cup athlete
4 free range eggs
Dash of nutmeg
Large splash of sarcasm
Sea salt and irreverence to taste

Combine in a large bowl, simmer over a high heat. Serve immediately.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/9/2014 9:20:52 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cody1345

im nice i say my name i dont say anything rude an im getting no where any advice?

Your profile pretty much says nothing but, "I don't know what to say." Both your profile and this message are riddled with typos and grammatical errors. So if you want women to respond the first basic steps are (1) actually say something of substance and (2) don't present yourself in such a sloppy way.

Start by re-doing your profile and tell something about yourself that would make women want to respond.

(in reply to cody1345)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/9/2014 9:28:05 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bounty44

I wonder if you all are missing the point maybe; of course I could be taking this wrongly, but it's possible the OP is referring to getting women to write back, as opposed to just seeing his profile & taking the initiative to write him?

I used to be on collarme years ago---left disgusted, am back here now for a few weeks and am experiencing close to the same thing. I've had just a handful of women who I have not messaged first, look at my profile---the point being, its less what you have written in your profile, and more what you send in your first message.

So the real battle it seems is two fold---one is in getting women just to open your message to begin with, and then the other is in writing something that leads to/encourages a reply. I quite seriously am finding the odds about 1:200.

There is no "battle" in getting someone to open your message, because there is nothing you can do to influence that part of it. All you can do is write something compelling if they do open your email.

As others have said, I don't think we're missing the point. A shoddy profile will affect whether women write back. Also, we are assuming the emails he is sending are as shoddy and poorly written as his profile.

(in reply to bounty44)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/9/2014 9:34:04 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Ok cupid has crunched a lot of data and come up with advise on the sort of things to say and not to say in a first message, I think it's definitely worth reading: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

This is a good article. Boiled down, it's pretty commonsensical -- be original; be literate; don't focus on the women's physical appearance; talk about specific interests that demonstrate you read the person's profile.

I'd say this holds for collar too - don't focus on kink; approach people as human beings; be genuine and curious.

(in reply to GotSteel)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/9/2014 10:59:17 PM

GoddessManko

Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IIapetus

I'd speak to OKC being a good platform. Met some really cool people via it. As it is location focused by default, I can only speak for using it in New York. But for my age demographic, looking for fellow working professionals, I'd rate it highly.

I don't rate their hamfisted marketing efforts, however.

Yea, my issue is personality as a deal breaker, when I get demands from almost strangers it just turns me right off but thanks! I have a second date with the sports dude and think I'm OK for now as far as the dating game, should things change, your advice will be my beacon. Finding young professionals isn't hard at all for me, especially locally and with all the "rate me, date me apps".

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

This is a good article. Boiled down, it's pretty commonsensical -- be original; be literate; don't focus on the women's physical appearance; talk about specific interests that demonstrate you read the person's profile.

I'd say this holds for collar too - don't focus on kink; approach people as human beings; be genuine and curious.

Good advice for newbies, thank you!

< Message edited by GoddessManko -- 12/9/2014 11:00:25 PM >

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to IIapetus)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/11/2014 6:11:39 PM

lalbobbilynn

Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

There is no depth to Your profile and its intensely vague .... it seems as if You dont know Yourself, hence why would i wish to know You; just shooting straight darlin.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 12:22:18 AM

skypilot46

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2014
Status: offline

This is my first attempt at joining a thread so if I'm out of place let me know how to do it an I'll take another swing at it.
I too have had limited results when writing to some of the members.Always respectful,polite,usually a little humor and I try to include something of interest from their profile.
So I think it may boil down to two things. One I can fix with a little help from the ladies,the other,well ,I'm fucked on that one. The first is the composition of my profile. The second is my age. So you can see,one we might be able fix the other,not so much.I should say I prefer to be with women in their 40s to early 50s. (mostly 40s)
I will appreciate any advise you can lay on me.

Thankx, Skypilot

“Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love.”
― Osho

(in reply to lalbobbilynn)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 1:16:01 AM

Moderator3

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

Well done Skypilot46! I hope it becomes a habit.

_____________________________

FAST REPLY

(in reply to skypilot46)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 1:22:46 AM

skypilot46

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2014
Status: offline

Mod 3,What was well done? My profile? If so, I'm not getting the responses I would hope to get. Or are you referring to I didn't screw up on my first post?

“Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love.”
― Osho

(in reply to Moderator3)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 1:50:42 AM

Moderator3

Posts: 3289
Status: offline

Skypilot,

I was speaking about your post.

I found that there were times of either feast or famine with the profile hits and responses. Do you use the journal? A lot of members go to the journal page and read all the members posts. That link can be found on your home page just above the profile you see. People read the journals and often times take a look at the profile. It offers some flexibility that some find more comfortable or useful.

Enjoy!

_____________________________

FAST REPLY

(in reply to skypilot46)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 2:24:46 AM

skypilot46

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2014
Status: offline

Thankx Mod 3,
I'll give that a try. Maybe drop in a piece of erotic poetry of mine. See if it gets ant attention.
How did I wind up with that silly ice cream
cone for an avatar?

“Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love.”
― Osho

(in reply to Moderator3)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 2:30:55 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: skypilot46

This is my first attempt at joining a thread so if I'm out of place let me know how to do it an I'll take another swing at it.
I too have had limited results when writing to some of the members.Always respectful,polite,usually a little humor and I try to include something of interest from their profile.
So I think it may boil down to two things. One I can fix with a little help from the ladies,the other,well ,I'm fucked on that one. The first is the composition of my profile. The second is my age. So you can see,one we might be able fix the other,not so much.I should say I prefer to be with women in their 40s to early 50s. (mostly 40s)
I will appreciate any advise you can lay on me.

Thankx, Skypilot

“Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love.”
― Osho

Hi, Skypilot46. Welcome to the forums. Your age is very much not a factor. I'm 58 and get plenty of attention from women in their 4s and 50s who can't relate to a younger man. The obvious factor that you do not mention is that women get flooded with messages and usually simply ignore most of them.

You mentioned your profile - please allow me the liberty of reviewing it.

1. Outstanding picture, one of the best I've ever seen. it makes you look both rugged and also tweedily professorial. And confident in a Sean Connery way.

2. First paragraph, again very good. I might quibble with the lack of spaces after commas, but it gives a good picture of what kind of woman you want. If you have no age or body type preferences.

3. The second paragraph confuses me. It begins with promising to say what you're like, then dodges until it finally says you're monogamous. That should have been a single sentence.

4. The third paragraph bothers me. Again, it uses lots of extra words to say that you want a relationship that will look vanilla to the outside world. Along the way, you show that you tend to be critical of other ways than your own.

5. The fourth paragraph is a gem. I can say from experience that someone claiming a position in the arts gets a lot more attention from the women than someone like myself who's an engineer. And saying that you're learning the bass at your age shows that you're still growing and learning.

6. The fifth paragraph sounds idyllic. But it brings up a nagging question... you're a liberal type that seems to have a comfortable position financially. At least in this paragraph you promise to spend like someone with money. You specify in your first paragraph that you want a woman who is financially stable. I'd recommend that you mention in the first paragraph that you can pay your own way, so your profile doesn't hint that you're seeking support.

7. The sixth paragraph bothers me. Again, you choose to be negative. Instead, I'd write "I believe in moving slowly. And I prefer women in the age range of 40s and early 50s who are comfortable in their careers, as I am." Then you won't need your seventh paragraph.

8. The eighth paragraph - Get rid of the first two sentences. That's like a job candidate saying, "We both know that there's a chance I'll screw up this job." The rest is wordy but says the right stuff and communicates more about your relationship style.

9. The ninth paragraph again dwells too much on the negative. I'd just say something like, "I'm looking forward to experimenting in the bedroom with my partner." Your limits are pretty much assumed.

10. The tenth paragraph isn't needed. You said in the second paragraph that you're monogamous.

11. The eleventh paragraph is kinda cute. Same for the twelfth.

12. The PS hit me like a brick wall. You confess that you lied about your age, you do not give the actual age, and you do not give any rationale for misrepresentation. And you seem cheerful about it. This makes far more of an impression on me than your noble words in the ninth paragraph.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to skypilot46)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 1:17:55 PM

skypilot46

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/14/2014
Status: offline

Hey there DarkSteven,
You should have been a creative writing professor instead of an engineer. May not have paid as well, but a lot more fun and creative.
Thank you very much for your critique. I followed with my profile along side by side. Your points are well taken. I'm not sure I see the
negatives you see. But then again I know the intent,you know how it affected you, so I'll take the advise and make the adjustments.
I will give you heads up after I've rewritten the profile so that you can fine tune it if necessary. But I assume I will be too busy sorting
through the ladies inquires to pay much attention to you. So I'll thank you in advance, I don't want you to think I'm not grateful .

“Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. By and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Not that you are in love - now you are love.”
― Osho

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: i was wondering how can i get girls to message? - 12/15/2014 1:22:41 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I wrote this a few years back. Seems it's still pretty valid, though:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_11/tm.htm

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to cody1345)

Profile

Post #: 40