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RE: Tribute for a FLR? - 12/30/2014 8:00:56 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV


quote:

ORIGINAL: MartianMan9

Should male subs/slaves have to tribute to serve in a FLR?


Let's flip that question.

Should female subs/slaves have to tribute to serve in a MLR?

Break it down... "have to." No, BDSM is all about consensual agreements, dynamics and relationships. There is no "have to" except as a fantasy which is played out as if prior consent had not already been bestowed upon the Dom by the submissive or slave. It's called "consensual non-consent" but it is actually a form of extended consent.

Tribute -

Now this gets tricky. Do we refer to the tribute of the time and lost earnings that a female submissive may sacrifice to profit her Dominant? Do we refer to the free labor, intellectual property and services that a Dom accepts as his due?

Please understand that BDSM exists under the umbrella of the vanilla world where male supremacists run rampant.

Calling the gains, profits or expansions that Doms receive as a result of the efforts of their submissives... nothing... resounding silence there

Yet also calling the gains, profits or expansions that Dommes receive as a result of the efforts of their submissives - Tributes, is just another way of disrespecting women! Period.

Why is that a true assertion?

Because the Domme is being questioned, reviewed and categorized when she profits financially, while the Dom is treated with silent regard, unquestioned as to how he profits financially, because sexist society deems him to be already entitled to profit from his lover/wife/submissive/slave.



And all that might be true if it weren't for the fact that it's the dommes themselves who use that term. Nice theory though


Nah, it's not that easy to counter the assertion. Here's why...

When you talk about rape, because that is the word that is used, to describe rape, does that mean you support rape or does using the word itself inform others of anything else that is meant, too? I'll assume, "Not." It's just the word we've got. We'd need more information to come to a conclusion about how and why the word is being used.

That point now decimated, leaves us with the actual assertion that both Dommes and Doms receive tributes, but in polite society, we don't dare speak of the financial gain of Doms... because of sexist entitlement conditioning.,

Which, BTW, when women call each other "the b word" what we are seeing is

"The oppression of any group is complete when they begin oppressing themselves."

Just because a woman is a Domme, does not mean she is enlightened, aware or even sensitive to the ways in which she may denigrate herself with sexist language and participation in sexist ways of relating.

Please note... there's a difference between a D/s supremacist agreement between two specific people and a general attitude of supremacy towards all others. The difference is agreement and consent versus entitlement and violation.


(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Tribute for a FLR? - 12/30/2014 8:14:41 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV


quote:

ORIGINAL: MartianMan9

Should male subs/slaves have to tribute to serve in a FLR?


Let's flip that question.

Should female subs/slaves have to tribute to serve in a MLR?

Break it down... "have to." No, BDSM is all about consensual agreements, dynamics and relationships. There is no "have to" except as a fantasy which is played out as if prior consent had not already been bestowed upon the Dom by the submissive or slave. It's called "consensual non-consent" but it is actually a form of extended consent.

Tribute -

Now this gets tricky. Do we refer to the tribute of the time and lost earnings that a female submissive may sacrifice to profit her Dominant? Do we refer to the free labor, intellectual property and services that a Dom accepts as his due?

Please understand that BDSM exists under the umbrella of the vanilla world where male supremacists run rampant.

Calling the gains, profits or expansions that Doms receive as a result of the efforts of their submissives... nothing... resounding silence there

Yet also calling the gains, profits or expansions that Dommes receive as a result of the efforts of their submissives - Tributes, is just another way of disrespecting women! Period.

Why is that a true assertion?

Because the Domme is being questioned, reviewed and categorized when she profits financially, while the Dom is treated with silent regard, unquestioned as to how he profits financially, because sexist society deems him to be already entitled to profit from his lover/wife/submissive/slave.



And all that might be true if it weren't for the fact that it's the dommes themselves who use that term. Nice theory though

Have to say I agree wit LiveSpark.

I've heard this argument before about how we male dominants "profit" off our female submissive and call it nothing while, when the female dominant does, its called tribute...as a slam to female dominance. You've got a screw loose in your theory...

First. I make a decent living. I work...always have. My mother worked. Every woman I've been involved with worked. If I want to enjoy companionship...and she does too...why should I be the only one working? If I work, everybody works. That's not profit, that's you being an adult. Make more than I do? Contribute your share of the expenses...more IF you want...and keep the rest. But you will work.

There's been this discussion before...whether female sub's pay a tribute as compared to male sub's that did. While there's various beliefs about that, once a basic definition of tribute has been laid out, it had nothing to do with the submissive partner's work.


I AM saying there is monetary gain for a Dom because of the efforts of the submissive. Entitlement... is why we never made up a word for the way they profit. It's sexism polluting BDSM.

Dommes are questioned about being hookers a lot!

Doms, who also financially profit from the support of a submissive, whether it be time, intellect or money/things, are not questioned about the money exchanged between themselves and their subs. Hmmm, maybe a new thread.

I don't think you are being deliberately obtuse here, but bottom line, Doms are not inundated with questions about whether they are for sale, or not. Their financial gains are met with silence and denial that they profit, whether the submissive earns a salary, or not.

Is it really that hard to connect the fact that women are for sale all over the world... girls are! Yes, some boys, too, but it is no way comparable. Same is going on here. If a woman wants to be a Domme, she may not... is not free, to proceed without being questioned about a price tag. A man does not face such oppressive and repetitive questioning.

I am definitely putting out a view you disagree with, and I stand by it. The loose screw is not mine.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Tribute for a FLR? - 12/30/2014 8:25:31 PM   
BecomingV


Posts: 916
Joined: 11/11/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

Yeah, I have to agree with CD and LiveSpark, here.

There is a difference, IMO, between tribute and "sharing/controlling wealth within a live-in arrangement."

Tribute is money or gifts "paid" by the submissive in exchange for time and attention.

My controlling the money of my Pet, were we to live together, would be a part of the relationship we have created without payments.

I have yet to meet a male dom who demands tribute of any sort to meet or create a relationship. I'm not saying they do not exist, but I have yet to meet one or encounter a profile that suggests it.

I have met many male doms who control the finances once a relationship has been established. But again, male or female dominant, I don't see this as tribute. No mare than one of a vanilla couple controlling the finances is.

Frankly, there is a word like "tribute" for a very specific reason.

And I personally have nothing against it. If a woman wants it, she can require it. If a man wants to give it, he can make that choice as well. Not my style, but whatever floats boats, and suchlike.


In my local community, tributes are discussed by both subs and Dommes in terms of services, like fixing her car or mowing her lawn. I mean in a live-in arrangement. The tasks are noted as tributes, whereas with female submissives, what they do is considered, "obedience" rather than as a contribution.

I do agree with almost your entire post. I don't have a problem with anyone doing what is consensual, including supremacist relationships. I've been known to like them.

I'll put it in broader terms. I see sexism in BDSM, specifically male supremacy. A Dominant woman, even in our community, will be asked to explain herself in the same situation in which a male Dominant would proceed without being exposed to such nonsense as, "Do you charge?"

Mass acceptance of any given practice doesn't make it just.

I think I expect better.

< Message edited by BecomingV -- 12/30/2014 8:28:21 PM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Tribute for a FLR? - 12/31/2014 5:15:55 AM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV


quote:

ORIGINAL: MartianMan9

Should male subs/slaves have to tribute to serve in a FLR?


Let's flip that question.

Should female subs/slaves have to tribute to serve in a MLR?

Break it down... "have to." No, BDSM is all about consensual agreements, dynamics and relationships. There is no "have to" except as a fantasy which is played out as if prior consent had not already been bestowed upon the Dom by the submissive or slave. It's called "consensual non-consent" but it is actually a form of extended consent.

Tribute -

Now this gets tricky. Do we refer to the tribute of the time and lost earnings that a female submissive may sacrifice to profit her Dominant? Do we refer to the free labor, intellectual property and services that a Dom accepts as his due?

Please understand that BDSM exists under the umbrella of the vanilla world where male supremacists run rampant.

Calling the gains, profits or expansions that Doms receive as a result of the efforts of their submissives... nothing... resounding silence there

Yet also calling the gains, profits or expansions that Dommes receive as a result of the efforts of their submissives - Tributes, is just another way of disrespecting women! Period.

Why is that a true assertion?

Because the Domme is being questioned, reviewed and categorized when she profits financially, while the Dom is treated with silent regard, unquestioned as to how he profits financially, because sexist society deems him to be already entitled to profit from his lover/wife/submissive/slave.



And all that might be true if it weren't for the fact that it's the dommes themselves who use that term. Nice theory though


Nah, it's not that easy to counter the assertion. Here's why...

When you talk about rape, because that is the word that is used, to describe rape, does that mean you support rape or does using the word itself inform others of anything else that is meant, too? I'll assume, "Not." It's just the word we've got. We'd need more information to come to a conclusion about how and why the word is being used.

That point now decimated, leaves us with the actual assertion that both Dommes and Doms receive tributes, but in polite society, we don't dare speak of the financial gain of Doms... because of sexist entitlement conditioning.,

Which, BTW, when women call each other "the b word" what we are seeing is

"The oppression of any group is complete when they begin oppressing themselves."

Just because a woman is a Domme, does not mean she is enlightened, aware or even sensitive to the ways in which she may denigrate herself with sexist language and participation in sexist ways of relating.

Please note... there's a difference between a D/s supremacist agreement between two specific people and a general attitude of supremacy towards all others. The difference is agreement and consent versus entitlement and violation.




What a load of crap. Tribute is money and/or gifts simply for the "privilege" of serving the Domme. It's very very specific, and yes it (as far as I've seen) only occurs with Dommes. In the 7 years I've been in the lifestyle I have NEVER ever once heard of a Dom requiring money and/or gifts before "allowing" a female sub/slave to serve him. Never. I'm sure it happens but it's far from the norm.

_____________________________

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TheFireWithinMe.

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(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Tribute for a FLR? - 12/31/2014 5:40:40 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BecomingV
I'll put it in broader terms. I see sexism in BDSM, specifically male supremacy. A Dominant woman, even in our community, will be asked to explain herself in the same situation in which a male Dominant would proceed without being exposed to such nonsense as, "Do you charge?"


Hmmm. I don't see that in my local community. I do know there is sexism. It's everywhere. But not in front of me.

That could be, at least in part, because we have a very strong FemDom group and are seen more and in more situations, perhaps? No one has ever asked me if I charge in real life. We never use the word tribute to describe what submissive males or females do for us. I never heard that term in that sense until I came to CollarMe a little over a year ago, and I've been out in real life since I was 19, and around lifstylers pretty much my whole life.

Perhaps it's more regional? And CM/CS is a national/international community that lets such things spread like wildfire, because, hey, MONEY!

All I know is that I think it's fine for people to do what they want, call it what they want, etc. It's just not how I view the relationships I build. I would NEVER consider my gifts from my Pet tribute, even though I will bring them up, because others (like you pointed out) might, even though they are part of an actual relationship dynamic.

_____________________________

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(in reply to BecomingV)
Profile   Post #: 105
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