"One Note" (sexually) People

"One Note" (sexually) People (Full Version)

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smileforme50 -> "One Note" (sexually) People (12/16/2014 8:22:29 PM)
I was thinking recently about some of my previous play partners and boyfriends (vanilla but especially kink), and it occurred to me that they all seemed to have very strong preference for A very limited number of play and intimate activities. Four instance one guy I know all we ever did was spank me with wooden paddles, and then ass fuck. This guy was totally into ass play and little else. A couple of other guys the only thing we ever did was me giving them oral (those relationships didn't last long). Another guy I knew, the only thing we ever did was me giving him a massage and a hand job.... Very rarely did we do anything else Now as frustrating as it may have been to be giving him something all the time and never getting anything in return, what bothered me the most was the fact that these guys only ever wanted to do one or two things... while I was looking to try a variety of new things. So I wanted to ask.... Have any of you ever had this experience where your partner has such a limited range of preferences and interestsń ( concerning sex and play) so that they just wanted to do the same few things all the time..... But you were looking for a bit more.........variety?

sexyred1 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/16/2014 8:27:09 PM)
My ex was obsessed with anal. I like it too, but made sure we did lots of other things. I would tell him I read about something that sounded hot or send him a photo and he did always go for it. If someone is just one note, I get bored.

Missokyst -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/16/2014 9:40:52 PM)
Hmm... weird. I can't say I have ever been intimate with anyone who wasn't on board for trying anything. They might have an initial preference but that would usually change up in the second hour. It might be because I enjoy talking about kink and sex just as much as I enjoy having it. Maybe try talking it up more?

FieryOpal -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 1:00:51 AM)
This is what I don't understand. Whether vanilla or BDSM, why would you choose to stay with a sex partner who isn't filling your needs? Then doing this more than once? There's a trite saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." It's not just you smile, I've seen this happen with lots of folks who aren't even married to one another, or aren't staying together for the sake of the kids, or their business co-ownership, or to avoid splitting up marital or partnership assets. Why settle for just what you can get? Nobody else can answer this for you. You have to ask yourself, why do you choose to settle for less than makes you happy. It can only end up making you feel used and resentful. Is there a part of you that might have gotten and is caught up in thinking that being subbly means you have no right to voice your needs and wants? Or do you assume that every Dominant out there is a selfish prick (or a selfish bitch), and that's just the way the ball bounces? Because this isn't true. Even once you've been collared as a sub, and are hopefully on the same page with your Dom, there should always be open lines of communication. Any Dom who tells you otherwise should be a red flag to you. ETA: In answer to your question, yes I run into this all the time. More so in BDSM and with fetishists. One or two-trick ponies. I have no interest in that type of sub, nor would I want a vanilla man who did not want to explore and experiment with me.

NookieNotes -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 1:55:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal This is what I don't understand. Whether vanilla or BDSM, why would you choose to stay with a sex partner who isn't filling your needs? Then doing this more than once? There's a trite saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." It's not just you smile, I've seen this happen with lots of folks who aren't even married to one another, or aren't staying together for the sake of the kids, or their business co-ownership, or to avoid splitting up marital or partnership assets. Why settle for just what you can get? Nobody else can answer this for you. You have to ask yourself, why do you choose to settle for less than makes you happy. It can only end up making you feel used and resentful. Is there a part of you that might have gotten and is caught up in thinking that being subbly means you have no right to voice your needs and wants? Or do you assume that every Dominant out there is a selfish prick (or a selfish bitch), and that's just the way the ball bounces? Because this isn't true. Even once you've been collared as a sub, and are hopefully on the same page with your Dom, there should always be open lines of communication. Any Dom who tells you otherwise should be a red flag to you. ETA: In answer to your question, yes I run into this all the time. More so in BDSM and with fetishists. One or two-trick ponies. I have no interest in that type of sub, nor would I want a vanilla man who did not want to explore and experiment with me. This. All of this. Never have been in a sexual relationship like that, though. I am careful to screen those types out.

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 2:13:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal This is what I don't understand. Whether vanilla or BDSM, why would you choose to stay with a sex partner who isn't filling your needs? Then doing this more than once? There's a trite saying, "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." It's not just you smile, I've seen this happen with lots of folks who aren't even married to one another, or aren't staying together for the sake of the kids, or their business co-ownership, or to avoid splitting up marital or partnership assets. Why settle for just what you can get? Nobody else can answer this for you. You have to ask yourself, why do you choose to settle for less than makes you happy. It can only end up making you feel used and resentful. Is there a part of you that might have gotten and is caught up in thinking that being subbly means you have no right to voice your needs and wants? Or do you assume that every Dominant out there is a selfish prick (or a selfish bitch), and that's just the way the ball bounces? Because this isn't true. Even once you've been collared as a sub, and are hopefully on the same page with your Dom, there should always be open lines of communication. Any Dom who tells you otherwise should be a red flag to you. ETA: In answer to your question, yes I run into this all the time. More so in BDSM and with fetishists. One or two-trick ponies. I have no interest in that type of sub, nor would I want a vanilla man who did not want to explore and experiment with me. Ummmm......I think I said that these were PREVIOUS partners.... So I wasn't looking for advice or to be told that I don't have to put up with it. I wasn't looking for advice.. I just wanted to know if this was a common occurrence or just the people I run into. I like that you called them "one trick ponies".... That's a great way to describe them

InHisHeart -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 5:20:57 AM)
I haven't experienced that but as soon as there's any thought of sex happening with that person, I let my wants, desires and kinks be known upfront and I want to know his. If I did encounter that, there'd be a serious talk after the first encounter and if it happened again the second time, that would be the end.

RockaRolla -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 5:44:07 AM)
My boytoy is all about receiving oral sex and cum play. The former is fine, the latter I'm not into. So I guess that's more of a two trick pony.

FieryOpal -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 6:17:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 I just wanted to know if this was a common occurrence or just the people I run into. It's not uncommon to run into men like this, whether they're kinky dudes or not. Some will only act like selfish or lousy lovers if they can get away with it. I have had (vanilla) girlfriends who were only into 1-2 sex acts, so I'm sure there are men who have the same complaint. There are women who can only get into the mood to have sex after getting a massage from their husbands. No quickies in those homes. [>:] What is unusual is for someone to stay in a relationship (other than marriage) where the sex or play is not gratifying to them and not try to work things out or speak up about it and set up boundaries of reciprocity, whether as a trade-off or as an ultimatum. That is the enigma that I was addressing. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If this is no longer an issue for you, then that's good to hear. Perhaps others are still caught up in this self-defeating or demoralizing cycle.

UnholyBear -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 6:33:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal What is unusual is for someone to stay in a relationship (other than marriage) where the sex or play is not gratifying to them and not try to work things out or speak up about it and set up boundaries of reciprocity, whether as a trade-off or as an ultimatum. That is the enigma that I was addressing. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If this is no longer an issue for you, then that's good to hear. Perhaps others are still caught up in this self-defeating or demoralizing cycle. Then I have to count myself as part of the unusual since I have a relationship where there is no intimacy and no sex. I am loved and I care for my partner. In this case, yes I could have issued ultimatums yet I also know that ultimatums will backfire. What I had to honestly look at was the fact that many years I had invested into this person and the relationship we built. Yes in numerous ways I have compromised on the little things yet trade off was worth it. I am fortunate to have a person who is accepting of me playing outside the relationship and that also includes seeking sexual partners elsewhere. To many it would be easy for them to say I should have walked away yet I question why should I? I willingly admit I want and desire variety when it comes to sex. I also know that even if my spouse still had a sex drive (he is 26 years older) , he would not be able to provide that to me and I sure can't provide it all for him.

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 9:20:41 AM)
Yes I have very clear sexual fetishes, hence why I frequent fetish websites such as this one. I like painful sex such as anal or oral combined with orgasm denial, implements such as clamps and a certain amount of sexual objectification. That's not to say I always get it, but if I could, I would. Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. I think the point is to match up with those whose kinks complement yours. Constant anal and spanking sounds perfect to me! Endless experimentation irritates me but it may be your cup of tea.

GoddessManko -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 9:29:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UnholyBear Then I have to count myself as part of the unusual since I have a relationship where there is no intimacy and no sex. I am loved and I care for my partner. In this case, yes I could have issued ultimatums yet I also know that ultimatums will backfire. What I had to honestly look at was the fact that many years I had invested into this person and the relationship we built. Yes in numerous ways I have compromised on the little things yet trade off was worth it. I am fortunate to have a person who is accepting of me playing outside the relationship and that also includes seeking sexual partners elsewhere. To many it would be easy for them to say I should have walked away yet I question why should I? I willingly admit I want and desire variety when it comes to sex. I also know that even if my spouse still had a sex drive (he is 26 years older) , he would not be able to provide that to me and I sure can't provide it all for him. Interesting. My boys never required sex from me, even in very long term dynamics. We had kink, but vanilla activities never topped the list. There SO much more though, LOL! So, so much more. That's pretty much what I enjoy, the lack of limitation.

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 9:36:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RockaRolla My boytoy is all about receiving oral sex and cum play. The former is fine, the latter I'm not into. So I guess that's more of a two trick pony. Yeah..... This is probably the most common that I have found

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 9:39:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FieryOpal quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 I just wanted to know if this was a common occurrence or just the people I run into. It's not uncommon to run into men like this, whether they're kinky dudes or not. Some will only act like selfish or lousy lovers if they can get away with it. I have had (vanilla) girlfriends who were only into 1-2 sex acts, so I'm sure there are men who have the same complaint. There are women who can only get into the mood to have sex after getting a massage from their husbands. No quickies in those homes. [>:] What is unusual is for someone to stay in a relationship (other than marriage) where the sex or play is not gratifying to them and not try to work things out or speak up about it and set up boundaries of reciprocity, whether as a trade-off or as an ultimatum. That is the enigma that I was addressing. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If this is no longer an issue for you, then that's good to hear. Perhaps others are still caught up in this self-defeating or demoralizing cycle. It's not an issue for me in that when I come across it I don't let it last but I still come across it very very often

NookieNotes -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 9:46:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. Agreed. What we're discussing here,t hough are those who have their one or two "things," and that's it. So, like the person who is difficult to eat out with because they only like "American food and no vegetables." They have tried things, decided everything besides "American food and no vegetables" is not-good, and do not sway. Whereas, if someone asks me what my favorite food is, I'll say, "Asian, probably. Thai or Sushi. I love Vietnamese. And Indonesian. I enjoy cooking Italian and German, some Danish, most American fare, French..." I also won't turn it down if they want to take me to eat food I've never tried. MOST of the time, I'll cook my favorite things, with days set aside for experimenting on new dishes as well. Balance. I could not live with someone who needed a specific pattern to get off every time. That's me.

GotSteel -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 10:16:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 So I wanted to ask.... Have any of you ever had this experience where your partner has such a limited range of preferences and interestsń ( concerning sex and play) so that they just wanted to do the same few things all the time..... But you were looking for a bit more.........variety? I've had vanilla girlfriends like that.

kdsub -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 10:45:00 AM)
I guess it depends what you are looking for.. if it is just a particular type of scene there is nothing wrong with that as long as this is known upfront. I have had play partners that I did not want to love or live a lifetime with... but enjoyed the occasional no commitment play then back to real life. But if looking for a lifetime partner then it is important that my desires are met... but it is also my obligation to see to the needs of the one i love... In fact...just me... I get more satisfaction out of pleasing a loved one than they pleasing me. The reward for giving love is much greater than than receiving it. Butch

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 11:55:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I could not live with someone who needed a specific pattern to get off every time. That's me. The very definition of a fetish is something that a person needs in order to get off, sexually. Therefore, you may simply be incompatible with those who have recognised fetishes. For example, one dictionary defines a fetish as: "an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification" I am not saying it is wrong to experiment, or to enjoy variety. However, since many of us on here have fetishes, that we recognise, accept, enjoy and gain a great deal of pleasure from, it seems a bit unfair to present this as something negative. The world judges many fetishists for their fetishes, surely BDSM websites are a safe space where we can admit that, yes, this one thing may get us off to the exclusion of all else? That we prefer this one thing to any other thing and that this one thing seems to us the very pinnacle of excitement, that nothing else could come close to. Obviously, your interests don't exclude other play and I'm sure that, for many kinksters, a wide variety of play is acceptable and relatively enjoyable. But is it really so wrong to enjoy an activity so much that you'd rather do that, than anything else? I'd argue that 'one note' sexuality may not be your kink, but it is still very much okay - even more so, here, on a fetish website.

sexyred1 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 12:04:10 PM)
You know, you are right. I was thinking of it as a negative because the OP posted it that way. But when you think about it, almost everyone has something that always or mostly gets them off. If I was to say that nothing but oral got me off, would that be a fetish? Not really, because I love everything else. But if that was not happening, I would be annoyed. I think there is a bit of a semantics thing going on here.

NookieNotes -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 12:28:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I could not live with someone who needed a specific pattern to get off every time. That's me. The very definition of a fetish is something that a person needs in order to get off, sexually. Therefore, you may simply be incompatible with those who have recognised fetishes. For example, one dictionary defines a fetish as: "an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification" Yes, I know. And honestly, VERY FEW PEOPLE actually fit the clinical definition of fetishist. You know that, right? quote: I am not saying it is wrong to experiment, or to enjoy variety. However, since many of us on here have fetishes, that we recognise, accept, enjoy and gain a great deal of pleasure from, it seems a bit unfair to present this as something negative. The world judges many fetishists for their fetishes, surely BDSM websites are a safe space where we can admit that, yes, this one thing may get us off to the exclusion of all else? That we prefer this one thing to any other thing and that this one thing seems to us the very pinnacle of excitement, that nothing else could come close to. In my world, having one thing that does it for you is a negative, if you want to be in a relationship with me. If you just have your thing, and you want to be friends, I'm cool with that. I did not say it's a negative thing in general. I said, in the piece you quoted: quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I could not live with someone who needed a specific pattern to get off every time. That's me. The "That's me." is the critical part. Oh, and the "I" at the beginning there. quote: Obviously, your interests don't exclude other play and I'm sure that, for many kinksters, a wide variety of play is acceptable and relatively enjoyable. But is it really so wrong to enjoy an activity so much that you'd rather do that, than anything else? I'd argue that 'one note' sexuality may not be your kink, but it is still very much okay - even more so, here, on a fetish website. I didn't say it wasn't OK, and you saying it several times does not make it any more accurate. You can do whatever you want. I'm cool with that. You just can't do whatever you want WITH ME. Because then my personal preferences come into play. Very simple. You only get off on screwing while in missionary position? Fine. Enjoy that. You and I won't be having sex. Because while I like that position, it's not enough for me to have a partner who only enjoys that position. No different than if you like to screw cars, dress in latex, quote "The Untouchables", make dolphin noises, or blow bubbles every three seconds to orgasm. If your sexual patterns are that rigid, they won't fit with me. But hey, I like plenty of people I don't have sex with. Far more than the number I do.

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