RE: "One Note" (sexually) People

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NookieNotes -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 12:38:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 Yes I have very clear sexual fetishes, hence why I frequent fetish websites such as this one. I like painful sex such as anal or oral combined with orgasm denial, implements such as clamps and a certain amount of sexual objectification. That's not to say I always get it, but if I could, I would. Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. I think the point is to match up with those whose kinks complement yours. Constant anal and spanking sounds perfect to me! Endless experimentation irritates me but it may be your cup of tea. And to clarify, I don't think you can have (clinically speaking) more than one exclusive fetish. Meaning, I don't think you can have constant anal/spanking as a fetish OR oral/orgasm denial. One is not a fetish f you don't need it to get off. So, you are a fetishist in common vernacular in the sense that you have strong preferences, but not clinically, according tot hat definition. Lucky for you, it seems like it is changing, and therefore "fetishists" need not be sigularly focused, just strongly preferential. This has been proposed for a change: quote: A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges and behaviors involving either the use of non-living objects and/or a highly specific focus on non-genital body part(s). B. The fantasies, sexual urges, and behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. C. The fetish objects are not limited to articles of clothing used in cross- dressing (as in Transvestic Fetishism) or devices specifically designed for the purpose of tactile genital stimulation (e.g., vibrator). Again, though, it strikes me that even in your paragraph quoted above, you are showing a range (albeit limited) and not a singular "one trick." So, I find it fascinating that you are narrowing it so much to create a defense. In fact, I said I have preferential favorites as well (maybe more or different than you), and that I just like to try new things in balance. Not so far apart, I think.

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 1:35:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 You know, you are right. I was thinking of it as a negative because the OP posted it that way. But when you think about it, almost everyone has something that always or mostly gets them off. If I was to say that nothing but oral got me off, would that be a fetish? Not really, because I love everything else. But if that was not happening, I would be annoyed. I think there is a bit of a semantics thing going on here. I guess what I'm getting at is something that has become especially evident ever since I started meeting people on CS and FL. What drives me crazy is....why do they mention in their profiles that they like to do certain things....but when things get down to business, they only want to do the same one or two things over and over?. I was with a Dom for a short time whose profile says that he "loves" bondage, blindfolds, wax play,electrical play,spanking, and getting massages. I was only with him for 2 months (maybe I should have given him longer?) and in those 2 monthss, all we ever did was I gave him massages and hand jobs. We never did any bondage,spanking, wax play or anything else he mentioned in his profile. And my problem is....aren't they getting bored??? Why do they even bother mentioning any other activities if they never want to do them??

NookieNotes -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 1:55:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 Why do they even bother mentioning any other activities if they never want to do them?? I can answer this. Many people put in their profiles (and put it out in the personality on dates) who they would LIKE to be, or see themselves as, and not necessarily who they are. Unfortunately, no matter who they would like to be (or be seen as), they revert to exactly who they are without much thought.

Greta75 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 2:07:42 PM)
My sexual relationship with a regular FB now, kinda limited to a tiny range of stuffs. But the reason for that is that, there are other things on the sexual spectrum that we are into, but are not compatible. So when we do play with each other, we stick to the parts where we both enjoy mutually, and those parts are limited. My x-dom had a gigantic range, and every day, I felt like it was totally something different. But somehow still tailored to my preferences. I guess it's just about compatibility end of the day. In casual sex situation, I don't settle unless the man is gonna do everything I want. Otherwise, not interested in sex with him. So that's how I keep my sexual interactions filled with sexual satisfaction on my end. In a committed relationship, non-sexual fulfillment that the person can give you gotta weighed against all the sexual unfulfillment he can't give you.

GoddessManko -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 2:30:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 Why do they even bother mentioning any other activities if they never want to do them?? I can answer this. Many people put in their profiles (and put it out in the personality on dates) who they would LIKE to be, or see themselves as, and not necessarily who they are. Unfortunately, no matter who they would like to be (or be seen as), they revert to exactly who they are without much thought. I don't know, for me, I put activities I have done, it simplified everything for me. I want to try more things in my curious about than my loves or lives for, but I think of my mindset when I'm in the motion of things to answer my kink preferences to the best of my ability. I would say (sorry for this) but most frequently the male subs, even more shockingly the alleged "experienced ones" cannot properly answer a question about limits. LITERALLY. The very basic "before we get into this, what are your limits?" Their answer EVERY TIME; "scat, blood, kids, animals." My response, "ok, now that we know you're sane, do you know where your pain threshold is?" And only THEN do they say"indefinite chastity", "well my nipples are very sensitive, I even dislike them being touched," or "no cbt, I don't think I can handle it". But the worst is "oh yes, the prodommes don't tie me up well enough, I can completely handle being incapacitated by rope" (until it actually happens). Or some have this idea of x, y and z being hardcore while some fetish photography is "just rigged up a newbie" and my mouth drops at the photograph. Or they think we're gonna start whipping out the fucking machines and bullwhips on the first date. This is why communication as Nookie stated, is so important. Especially in this regard. In fact I have no idea how some boys have indulged in play without having a clear idea of limits beforehand or how to even approach. shrugs

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 2:31:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I don't think you can have (clinically speaking) more than one exclusive fetish. Meaning, I don't think you can have constant anal/spanking as a fetish OR oral/orgasm denial. One is not a fetish f you don't need it to get off. I'm not sure this is accurate. It may be the combination of activities that is so exciting that the feeling gained from that combination IS the fetish. It's like having a fetish for cake, rather than a fetish for flour, eggs, sugar and butter. On their own, each element is unsatisfying but brought together they work for the individual. I'm not sure there is any rule that interrogation roleplay, for example, or submission cannot be a fetish, yet both of those may involve multiple elements; stone floors, water torture, bright lights, being asked questions, etc. If the individual can only get off when that roleplay or submission box is being ticked then it most certainly is a fetish, however many 'elements' it involves. quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I find it fascinating that you are narrowing it so much to create a defense I find it fascinating that you are reacting so strongly to someone politely, happily and in the spirit of exploration replying to your post with an alternative viewpoint that you accuse them of trying to 'create a defense'. Do I really need to 'defend' my point of view in order to have a discussion about this topic?

NookieNotes -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 2:57:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes I find it fascinating that you are narrowing it so much to create a defense I find it fascinating that you are reacting so strongly to someone politely, happily and in the spirit of exploration replying to your post with an alternative viewpoint that you accuse them of trying to 'create a defense'. Do I really need to 'defend' my point of view in order to have a discussion about this topic? Ah. My apologies, then. I was not reacting strongly. I find it fascinating when people read so much into words, putting new ones where they were not, even while quoting. I was simply responding with logic. And, also my apologies, I didn't read these quotes as happily: quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 However, since many of us on here have fetishes, that we recognise, accept, enjoy and gain a great deal of pleasure from, it seems a bit unfair to present this as something negative. The world judges many fetishists for their fetishes, surely BDSM websites are a safe space where we can admit that, yes, this one thing may get us off to the exclusion of all else? ...snip... But is it really so wrong to enjoy an activity so much that you'd rather do that, than anything else? I'd argue that 'one note' sexuality may not be your kink, but it is still very much okay - even more so, here, on a fetish website. Where you are essentially of accusing me (and possibly others) of saying one note is not "okay," while giving your own experiences as if in defense. So, perhaps, you misunderstood me, and/or perhaps I misunderstood you, when you specifically said "you" in response to me, you meant the general "you" in response to the entire world reading the thread? I'm certainly not upset. I'm sorry if I have given you that impression or upset you.

Bhruic -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 4:54:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 ... Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. ... Tried and true favorites exist for everyone, I would agree... But I don't really see sex and sexuality as something that has a finite number of "things" to explore. Even doing tried and true things in different environments, or contexts, can make them new again. To me, everything about a relationship (especially sex) needs to be continuously evolving in order for the relationship to thrive. It can be fast or slow, subtle or overt... but it has to evolve.

GoddessManko -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 4:58:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 ... Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. ... Tried and true favorites exist for everyone, I would agree... But I don't really see sex and sexuality as something that has a finite number of "things" to explore. Even doing tried and true things in different environments, or contexts, can make them new again. To me, everything about a relationship (especially sex) needs to be continuously evolving in order for the relationship to thrive. It can be fast or slow, subtle or overt... but it has to evolve. I agree to this completely. Sometimes the best of kinks are the undiscovered ones.

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 5:45:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 ... Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. ... Tried and true favorites exist for everyone, I would agree... But I don't really see sex and sexuality as something that has a finite number of "things" to explore. Even doing tried and true things in different environments, or contexts, can make them new again. To me, everything about a relationship (especially sex) needs to be continuously evolving in order for the relationship to thrive. It can be fast or slow, subtle or overt... but it has to evolve. I agree to this completely. Sometimes the best of kinks are the undiscovered ones. I agree with this as well. But I also think one of my main points is selfishness. I can see if someone REALLY likes one or two particular activities. But what about their partner? For them to tell me that they like seven or eight different things, but only ever WANT to do one or two of them is very annoying. Don't tell me that you enjoy doing something....and then never want to do it!

GoddessManko -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 6:22:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 I agree with this as well. But I also think one of my main points is selfishness. I can see if someone REALLY likes one or two particular activities. But what about their partner? For them to tell me that they like seven or eight different things, but only ever WANT to do one or two of them is very annoying. Don't tell me that you enjoy doing something....and then never want to do it! That is totally fair, I cannot understand it to be honest. Exploration to me is the entire point. And also getting a desired response from a sub. Especially your sub. Maybe he's worried about venturing into the unknown? I would approach respectfully and discuss. While keeping the most respectful tone as possible. I don't want him to think it's topping from the bottom but seriously, somethin's gotta give, especially if you expected it. Maybe he's treading lightly for now?

DesFIP -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 8:57:42 PM)
Only wanting to do one thing seems unusual. But only wanting to do things you know you enjoy and that gets a good response from your partner is something else. The problem with experimenting is you don't know the outcome ahead of time. So if you want to do forced orgasms, you are limited to those activities that your partner will orgasm during. If you want to do orgasm control, again you're limited to those activities that will cause your partner to want to orgasm. But as long as you're both enjoying these ten things that make up your usual play immensely, why bother to try other things just to say you've tried them? Why not do things that you know you'll enjoy? It's like not forcing yourself to go eat Mexican food just because everyone else you know loves it, when you already know you don't like it.

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/17/2014 11:18:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NookieNotes My apologies, then. Apology accepted :-)

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 4:36:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko quote: ORIGINAL: smileforme50 I agree with this as well. But I also think one of my main points is selfishness. I can see if someone REALLY likes one or two particular activities. But what about their partner? For them to tell me that they like seven or eight different things, but only ever WANT to do one or two of them is very annoying. Don't tell me that you enjoy doing something....and then never want to do it! That is totally fair, I cannot understand it to be honest. Exploration to me is the entire point. And also getting a desired response from a sub. Especially your sub. Maybe he's worried about venturing into the unknown? I would approach respectfully and discuss. While keeping the most respectful tone as possible. I don't want him to think it's topping from the bottom but seriously, somethin's gotta give, especially if you expected it. Maybe he's treading lightly for now? LOL....Ummmm....except in this case I am the sub who has played with the Doms who only want to do one or two things. And most of the time (but not always) they are things that are totally for their own pleasure....massages...blow jobs and such.

smileforme50 -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 4:39:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Only wanting to do one thing seems unusual. But only wanting to do things you know you enjoy and that gets a good response from your partner is something else. The problem with experimenting is you don't know the outcome ahead of time. So if you want to do forced orgasms, you are limited to those activities that your partner will orgasm during. If you want to do orgasm control, again you're limited to those activities that will cause your partner to want to orgasm. But as long as you're both enjoying these ten things that make up your usual play immensely, why bother to try other things just to say you've tried them? Why not do things that you know you'll enjoy? It's like not forcing yourself to go eat Mexican food just because everyone else you know loves it, when you already know you don't like it. But if it something that you know doesn't do anything for you.....why list it on your CS profile as a "love" or "like"? I've met a few guys who have things listed in their profiles as things they like or love....but when we really got into doing things, all they wanted was their one favorite.

InHisHeart -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 5:07:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessManko quote: ORIGINAL: Bhruic quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 ... Experimentation is fine when you're inexperienced or don't know what you like but once you've tried most things you inevitably prefer tried and tested favourites. ... Tried and true favorites exist for everyone, I would agree... But I don't really see sex and sexuality as something that has a finite number of "things" to explore. Even doing tried and true things in different environments, or contexts, can make them new again. To me, everything about a relationship (especially sex) needs to be continuously evolving in order for the relationship to thrive. It can be fast or slow, subtle or overt... but it has to evolve. I agree to this completely. Sometimes the best of kinks are the undiscovered ones. I also agree with this for our relationship. He has his favorites, I have my favorites and there have been times when something different we tried has become a favorite. My favorites have changed many times over the years, many things I love doing now I couldn't imagine doing 20 or 30 years ago. I've always been someone who wants to keep exploring different things, try something new, go beyond the tried, true, comfortable in all parts of my life, sexual and non-sexual ways, he's the same way.

ExiledTyrant -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 5:58:04 AM)
I keep my life pretty structured, rigidly so in some aspects, but my sexual stuff is a one trick pony. My one trick is unpredictability. I loath ritualistic sex, and my sexual stuff is always in flux with my mood... which is often Primal to varying degrees, but not always. It does tend to keep a girl on her toes, unintentional collateral damage I suppose. shrugs

SweetForDaddy -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 6:13:49 AM)
Yep, I had one partner who was really into variety at first but it all tailed off to doing just two things. He did have a few secrets that he didn't tell me about though, like that he was bi and a switch. He wanted everything in every combination that suited him basically. Never again. Personally I like some things that are done almost ritually, I like regular spankings, they make me feel safe and secure and keep the roles defined but I would be bored if only that happened. I like playing games, I want to have fun with my partner not get stuck into a rut. I think forever experimenting is hard work and there is a tendency for things to become more extreme that way. There are really finite things to do if you don't go down that route, but infinite ways to do them. I appreciate a bit of creativity.

GoddessManko -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 8:37:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: InHisHeart I also agree with this for our relationship. He has his favorites, I have my favorites and there have been times when something different we tried has become a favorite. My favorites have changed many times over the years, many things I love doing now I couldn't imagine doing 20 or 30 years ago. I've always been someone who wants to keep exploring different things, try something new, go beyond the tried, true, comfortable in all parts of my life, sexual and non-sexual ways, he's the same way. You're just awesome. [:D]

littleladybug -> RE: "One Note" (sexually) People (12/18/2014 10:18:21 AM)
Yup...been there, done that. Been with the guy who you could predict, down to the second. Have also been with the guy who should have had "analonly" as his screenname... Then I started to really think about "my type". And I found out that it was someone who will try those different things-- even if (especially if?) I suggest them.

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