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Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 6:24:08 AM   
MissPeach09


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline 		Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 6:44:38 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not?


I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.

If you believe something similar, and he does not, leave him behind. He is a poor fit for you.

I'd leave him behind in any case, because he's judgmental. It's OK to say that's not what HE prefers as a submissive, but not that it's wrong for all D/s relationships.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to MissPeach09)
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RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 6:51:27 AM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not?


I'm guessing he isn't very good at it and needs to own your ass so you can accept that good sex is a necessary sacrafice to exist in the light of his überness.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 6:54:30 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
I see D/s relationships as just that; relationships. I'm hard-pressed to imagine (for my own needs) a loving, caring, romantic relationship with a lady that doesn't include sex. I guess there are some people that see submissives as non-sexual, servants. I don't get that but each to their own.

I kind of agree with the explanation that he gave you that you passed on to us, here:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in.



I agree that far too many people engage in sex before they've investigated whether or not there's a decent foundation for a relationship.

I'm assuming the "Dom/Domme" thing in your post was a typo? If it was, it did kind of trigger an idea for me, anyway: Is there any chance this dominant was suggesting a sexual relationship with you; arguing the fact that he wasn't have sex with his submissive?

Good luck.



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 7:31:01 AM   
MissPeach09


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.




THIS. Thank you all for the reply's. I feel much the same way about this subject. He considers himself a primal and when he saw my status change from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub" or more. I for one was confused because if I choose someone as a sub there's no "just" about it. I care for and have a connection with that person. Up until today we've had great conversations and I was excited to meet him. However when you start using words like possessive and "make you mine" I can't agree with that. I explained to him I'm poly and while I may occasionally bottom, I'm never anyone's mine. It's a personal no-no for me. It might be best if I just left this one alone.

Basically when he saw that I changed my status from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub." Confusing to me because my submissive isn't "just" anything. If I enter this type of relationship it's because of a deep connection and mutual trust and respect. Pretty much he's telling me he wants me to only have sex with him or he'll feel possessive. I'm poly. This is very clear in my profile and the fact that I told him so again today. It's no secret. I can't understand it.

< Message edited by MissPeach09 -- 12/21/2014 7:37:30 AM >

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 7:59:51 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		So let me get this straight from what I'd originally read of your OP. This guy is a male sub or slave, not a Dom who told you this. He claims to be experienced in old-school D/s (which can be problematic in itself, since you have your work cut out for you in de-programming & re-programming him to suit yourself and your own Domination style). Btw, if you haven't already done so, you need to find out why he's no longer owned.

I don't care if this man had trophies given to him for outstanding sexual performance by every Mistress he's ever served. No man is moving in with me without passing in the sexual performance dept. with flying colors, and it makes no difference whether I'm a Domme or not.

The simple fact that he has disregarded your stated preference to be poly should be sufficient reason to get himself disqualified from your consideration. No "old school" submissive male can ever expect to be exclusive or instant primary partner with his Mistress. This is a privilege which must be earned. He knows better than this--and I'll even go so far as to say that he is Topping from the bottom with you.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 9:04:39 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

quote:

I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.




THIS. Thank you all for the reply's. I feel much the same way about this subject. He considers himself a primal and when he saw my status change from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub" or more. I for one was confused because if I choose someone as a sub there's no "just" about it. I care for and have a connection with that person. Up until today we've had great conversations and I was excited to meet him. However when you start using words like possessive and "make you mine" I can't agree with that. I explained to him I'm poly and while I may occasionally bottom, I'm never anyone's mine. It's a personal no-no for me. It might be best if I just left this one alone.

Basically when he saw that I changed my status from considering to Domme of my submissive he started asking if he was "just a sub." Confusing to me because my submissive isn't "just" anything. If I enter this type of relationship it's because of a deep connection and mutual trust and respect. Pretty much he's telling me he wants me to only have sex with him or he'll feel possessive. I'm poly. This is very clear in my profile and the fact that I told him so again today. It's no secret. I can't understand it.


1. You're poly and he's possessive.
2. He likes telling you what to do.
3. He makes up bullshit "this is the way everyone does it" justifications.

Tell him goodbye.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 9:29:48 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.


Indeed. And that's what I, as a sub, would expect from a femdom, too.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 9:50:15 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
No man is moving in with me without passing in the sexual performance dept. with flying colors, and it makes no difference whether I'm a Domme or not.



Say it like it is Fiery!

This is why I love this woman. Gives Fiery an early Christmas snog


_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 9:55:09 AM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

No man is moving in with me without passing in the sexual performance dept. with flying colors, and it makes no difference whether I'm a Domme or not.

Say it like it is Fiery!

This is why I love this woman. Gives Fiery an early Christmas snog

That would be overdue from last Christmas, believe it or not.

Forget the live-in part, I'm not going to keep seeing a guy who doesn't have it going on, if you know what I mean.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 10:13:35 AM   
MissPeach09


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline 		Haha FieryOpal I feel the same way. As I get older I don't feel the need to keep men around who can't satisfy in every category. Yes that massage might be amazing, but if I don't enjoy the sex I have to say no because sex is just important to me honestly.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 10:22:27 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		Old school my ass. My experience back in the day before these sites was that submission was inspired and that was sexual submission or...there wasn't any at all.

It is only since the advent of the Internet that we can wear a sign on our cyber forehead and proclaim or dominance or submission that has also tended to subject the idea to either Romanticism or some subjective protocols.

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 10:26:02 AM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

Good morning. I ran into a guy today that has the opinion that Dominants shouldn't be having sex with their subs. He says he was trained old school and sex between a Dom/Domme doesn't or shouldn't happen until the sub is a live in. I pointed out to him that every Dom I've met had sex with their subs and he said it's bad form. What's your opinion of this? I've never heard it before but I'm wondering if you ladies have sex with their subs? Why or why not?


I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.

If you believe something similar, and he does not, leave him behind. He is a poor fit for you.

I'd leave him behind in any case, because he's judgmental. It's OK to say that's not what HE prefers as a submissive, but not that it's wrong for all D/s relationships.

QFT....and cause I really really like that perspective

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


(in reply to NookieNotes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 4:02:13 PM   
MissPeach09


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline 		Thanks to all of the lovely advice sent here I turned him down politely letting him know that I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I wouldn't be meeting him. He texted back bye and then proceeded to upset my boy by saying I didn't know the difference between a play time and a proper sub on my flife account, that I threw away meeting him for a sub and then called me a whore and that because he's a "professional" apparently and I'm a lifestyler I'm a wannabe and a fake.

WHAT A CREEP! So glad that I turned him down and did NOT end up meeting this clown.

(in reply to slvemike4u)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 5:29:30 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

Haha FieryOpal I feel the same way. As I get older I don't feel the need to keep men around who can't satisfy in every category. Yes that massage might be amazing, but if I don't enjoy the sex I have to say no because sex is just important to me honestly.

That's my kind of gal.

Again, strictly speaking from an F/m viewpoint, the presumptuousness of this man to think he should become your primary partner and line-jump. I'm mono and ideally my primary would be my pairbonded mate, but there are no shortcuts with me to winning my heart or having any other kind of access to me. I would be the one collaring him, not the other way around. This is really unheard of in a non-marital situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

...he's a "professional" apparently and I'm a lifestyler....

WHAT A CREEP! So glad that I turned him down and did NOT end up meeting this clown.

A professional what? A professional clown, more like (no offense to those who actually are). For his info, being a lifestyler is not a derogatory term. I think he meant (BDSM) kinkster, and this isn't an insult to them either.

You can tell a person's character by how well they take rejection, when he no longer feels he has anything to lose and then his nastiness, belligerence and/or spitefulness surfaces.
It really is a good test, if I were the covertly testing type, which I am not. Nobody can say they were/are not forewarned with me.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 6:05:01 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

I think that as a Domme, I can do what the fuck I please with my subs. If I own a cock, I can put in in any hole I want, for as long as I want, in any position I want, because, duh, it's mine.


Indeed. And that's what I, as a sub, would expect from a femdom, too.


Yup, as others have said. You make the rules, period. There is no "one true way" to Dominate. Though personally being topped is something I have to REALLY want with someone because of a more profound connection than ownership. I am a Domme who has yet to be topped by her subs. I like being Top too much.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 6:40:21 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

Thanks to all of the lovely advice sent here I turned him down politely letting him know that I didn't think we were a good match for each other and I wouldn't be meeting him. He texted back bye and then proceeded to upset my boy by saying I didn't know the difference between a play time and a proper sub on my flife account, that I threw away meeting him for a sub and then called me a whore and that because he's a "professional" apparently and I'm a lifestyler I'm a wannabe and a fake.

WHAT A CREEP! So glad that I turned him down and did NOT end up meeting this clown.

As MrRodgers said, "Old school my ass." Had you heard anything about him from the locals?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 7:16:49 PM   
MissPeach09


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/9/2014
Status: offline 		I haven't really ever been topped by a sub. My sub would never even try to top from the bottom so I don't have to worry about it really. I haven't heard anything from anyone local about him yet, but there's a local guy that kinda keeps tabs on lowlifes and I told him about the situation. I mean if he's be so crass, rude and stalking with me I don't doubt he'd do it to others.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 7:24:17 PM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissPeach09

I haven't really ever been topped by a sub. My sub would never even try to top from the bottom so I don't have to worry about it really. I haven't heard anything from anyone local about him yet, but there's a local guy that kinda keeps tabs on lowlifes and I told him about the situation. I mean if he's be so crass, rude and stalking with me I don't doubt he'd do it to others.


Right, he sounds like a creep. As you stated, your sub's cock is yours to do as you please (within discussed or desired parameters). The internet is sort of a free for all so as long as you screen these guys in a way comfortable to you, you can better avoid. From the moment someone would try to tell me how to dom I would block them. I had one do it in a very subtle way, he was polite, so I politely told him we're incompatible. Scripts on his journal of very descriptive fantasies, nothing but fetish pics on profile and telling (in my mind dictating) me to tell him how I would dom my sub. I simply replied with *smiles*. Sometimes the signs are surprisingly subtle, but there.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to MissPeach09)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sex with submissives - 12/21/2014 7:28:31 PM   
RockaRolla


Posts: 1153
Joined: 1/20/2014
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Where was this guy when my friend was looking for a Dom?

In all seriousness, the situation caused her a lot of frustration because she was looking for a D-type with no actual intercourse, and several people accused her of topping from the bottom for having that limit. This is the first I've heard of a no-sex rule for subs.

_____________________________

~Roxie

(in reply to GoddessManko)
Profile   Post #: 20
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