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Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learning ... - 1/12/2015 10:36:36 PM

MasterVenom13

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Here's the thing my slave is very attractive and she use to get hit on a lot I didn't like it so I told her to dress more nerdy maybe even act more for lack of a better word like a clutz/slob. She actually had no problem with it until people started treating her differently for example she went from being popular at work to being the odd one out guys stopped holding doors for her and other little things she took for granted stopped.

It really hurt her how dramatic her life had changed just because her looks had altered- she basically went from hotty to plain Jane- part of me feels guilty because this started because I was insecure and because I wanted to be the only one that saw her beauty another part of me feels this has provided her with a good learning experience.

Post #: 1

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/12/2015 10:53:11 PM

DarkSteven

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What's the big deal? You told her to do something, and she complied. You did not destroy her life.

No need to dwell on the past. The question is - what do you want her to do going forward?

Make her tell you her feelings about it, and share yours with hers. Then decide.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 2

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/12/2015 11:03:37 PM

ReinRaus

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Joined: 4/11/2014
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You admit your actions were motivated by selfish means that ultimately hurt her.

IMO, a Dom has a responsibility to protect his sub/slave and always strive to do what's best for the sub/slave. Causing her to turn into an outcast at work just to protect your insecurities fails at looking out for the individual who has entrusted you with their heart, mind, and health.

If you agree that her well-being is supposed to be a priority for the both of you, then it would make sense for you to feel guilty for what you did.

You didn't mention she was behaving like a brat or acting entitled, which would then warrant teaching her a lesson or giving her a "learning experience." Should a sub be punished for what they can't control? For being born with decent looks and a personality that makes people feel good around him/her? That's not logical to me. There are ways to make sure she understands that she's gifted in certain areas without publicly degrading her for selfish reasons.

< Message edited by ReinRaus -- 1/12/2015 11:04:26 PM >

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 3

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/12/2015 11:26:40 PM

orgasmdenial12

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Lol, so she stopped wearing makeup and slutty clothes and is now an 'outcast' at work?!

I think the real learning curve here is that her colleagues are twats!

Yes, maybe it has done her a real benefit to see that the people she thought liked her, are actually shallow, horrible people who do not deserve her time and attention.

Tell her to notice who is being nice to her - those are the people worth bothering with.

It may also be that the nice people at work disliked her for the clothes and appearance (perhaps she herself came across as shallow or fashion-obsessed) and so will take some time to come around to the 'new' her. But I still think you've done her a favour. Anyone who treats people differently because of the way they dress is a grade-A moron, and it's good that she sees this.

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 4

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 12:37:45 AM

questioningdream

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Joined: 1/9/2015
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The outcome has good potential for the wrong reasons. She has learnt that people do tend to treat people according to how attractively they dress, which is wrong, but part of human nature at the same time. Perhaps now she can find co-workers who treat her well for who she is, not how she looks - which is how it should be in the workplace. What's wrong about the whole thing, is that you did it out of your own insecurities rather than any desire to better her.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 5

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 2:42:19 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

Here's the thing my slave is very attractive and she use to get hit on a lot I didn't like it so I told her to dress more nerdy maybe even act more for lack of a better word like a clutz/slob.

(bold mine)

Taking your insecurities out on your submissive is always wrong.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 6

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 3:02:07 AM

MariaB

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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I agree with Nookie.

You didn't say she was dressing slutty. The way people dress is an individual expression of themselves and you removed her ability to express herself through the way she dresses and asked her to wear clothes that probably felt very wrong. In turn this reflected on how she came over to people. She probably felt uncomfortable, as any of us would if we were suddenly given a new wardrobe chosen by someone else and being uncomfortable reflects on her personality or at least how it comes over to others.

You should be proud that other guys look at her. She's not theirs (unless of course you don't trust her), she's yours. Let her be herself in all her glory and decide for yourself if you can live and trust a head turning woman. You need to face your own fears and not put them on her.

_____________________________

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Post #: 7

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 5:08:50 AM

LiveSpark

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Joined: 12/25/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I agree with Nookie.

You didn't say she was dressing slutty. The way people dress is an individual expression of themselves and you removed her ability to express herself through the way she dresses and asked her to wear clothes that probably felt very wrong. In turn this reflected on how she came over to people. She probably felt uncomfortable, as any of us would if we were suddenly given a new wardrobe chosen by someone else and being uncomfortable reflects on her personality or at least how it comes over to others.

You should be proud that other guys look at her. She's not theirs (unless of course you don't trust her), she's yours. Let her be herself in all her glory and decide for yourself if you can live and trust a head turning woman. You need to face your own fears and not put them on her.

I agree BUT it also says a lot about her coworkers that they now treat her differently simply because of the way she dresses. He did it for the wrong reasons but at the same time she now knows who her real friends are. Was he right, no but she did learn a valuable lesson.

_____________________________

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TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 8

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 5:25:33 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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I am going to get into something that no one else has (that I can tell):

Yes, by your own admission, your motivation had something to do with possessiveness "part of me feels guilty because this started because I was insecure and because I wanted to be the only one that saw her beauty another part of me feels this has provided her with a good learning experience."

What's important, here (to me) is if your desire to be the only one to see her beauty stems from insecurity (did you think you'd lose her?) or possessiveness. I think there's a huge difference.

It is your right to be possessive, to a certain degree, if she has submitted to you.

Obviously, if it's insecurity, you need to check yourself but take heart in that you recognize it as an issue and can now take steps to work with it.

Talk with her and if it is insecurity, explain that fear.

Good luck.

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to LiveSpark)

Post #: 9

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 5:35:52 AM

NookieNotes

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Joined: 11/10/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark
I agree BUT it also says a lot about her coworkers that they now treat her differently simply because of the way she dresses. He did it for the wrong reasons but at the same time she now knows who her real friends are. Was he right, no but she did learn a valuable lesson.

Agreed. Oops! He got something right. LOL!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
What's important, here (to me) is if your desire to be the only one to see her beauty stems from insecurity (did you think you'd lose her?) or possessiveness. I think there's a huge difference.

It is your right to be possessive, to a certain degree, if she has submitted to you.

I don't see how possessiveness can mean that only he should see her beauty. How that can not be insecurity. Could you explain?

I can understand possessiveness. I am VERY possessive. What is mine is mine. Even when I share.

I am proud of my possessions, and want them to be the best and the most they can be. How could I want less, and not have it stem from my own insecurities?

Thanks, Michael. I'm curious.

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Post #: 10

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 5:43:12 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark
I agree BUT it also says a lot about her coworkers that they now treat her differently simply because of the way she dresses. He did it for the wrong reasons but at the same time she now knows who her real friends are. Was he right, no but she did learn a valuable lesson.

Agreed. Oops! He got something right. LOL!

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
What's important, here (to me) is if your desire to be the only one to see her beauty stems from insecurity (did you think you'd lose her?) or possessiveness. I think there's a huge difference.

It is your right to be possessive, to a certain degree, if she has submitted to you.

I don't see how possessiveness can mean that only he should see her beauty. How that can not be insecurity. Could you explain?

I can understand possessiveness. I am VERY possessive. What is mine is mine. Even when I share.

I am proud of my possessions, and want them to be the best and the most they can be. How could I want less, and not have it stem from my own insecurities?

Thanks, Michael. I'm curious.

I agree with the last part of your post Nookie. When in a relationship I'm also possessive of my D-type. I don't share well which is why I'm looking for a monogamous relationship (takes note to change profile) and not poly. It has nothing to do with how he dresses however, it's HIM I don't want to share.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 11

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 5:53:43 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

I don't see how possessiveness can mean that only he should see her beauty. How that can not be insecurity. Could you explain?

I can understand possessiveness. I am VERY possessive. What is mine is mine. Even when I share.

I am proud of my possessions, and want them to be the best and the most they can be. How could I want less, and not have it stem from my own insecurities?

Thanks, Michael. I'm curious.

Well, as I kind of explained in my post; if his motivation was fear that he would lose her, that's insecurity.

Possessiveness, in this case, is a very personal thing.

Just suppose, for the sake of argument, that I don't want anyone looking at my lady's butt because it's MINE. No other reason. It's mine. It's for my enjoyment, alone; even aesthetically. Can I not (if she's submitted to me) demand that she dress in such a way as to not accentuate her hips/butt? Is this not entirely within my rights?

I guess you could call it "greed" or "covetousness". No matter how you slice it (to me), as long as it doesn't stem from a fear of losing her , it's possessive; not insecure.

Michael

ETA: I don't know if this will help or not but I'll try:

If you've ever seen "This Is Spinal Tap" (If you haven't, you should), there's a scene where Marty DeBergi (Rob Reiner) is interviewing Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest? Married to Jamie Lee Curtis). Nigel is showing Marty all his guitars. He owns them all. There's no "fear of losing them". They're not going anywhere.

Marty points to one guitar and Nigel moves his arm down and says: "Don't touch it!"

Marty: "I wasn't touching it. I was just pointing at it."

Nigel: "Well, don't! Don't even look at it."

I'm not saying that this situation is a particularly "normal" (please notice the quotation marks) bent but it doesn't necessarily have to be about insecurity.

I own a guitar that absolutely NO ONE is allowed to touch. People rarely get to see it because it's stored in a climate-controlled environment (it's a 1962 Fender Stratocaster)

Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 1/13/2015 6:08:16 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 12

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 5:56:16 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Lol, so she stopped wearing makeup and slutty clothes and is now an 'outcast' at work?!

I think the real learning curve here is that her colleagues are twats!

Yes, maybe it has done her a real benefit to see that the people she thought liked her, are actually shallow, horrible people who do not deserve her time and attention.

Tell her to notice who is being nice to her - those are the people worth bothering with.

It may also be that the nice people at work disliked her for the clothes and appearance (perhaps she herself came across as shallow or fashion-obsessed) and so will take some time to come around to the 'new' her. But I still think you've done her a favour. Anyone who treats people differently because of the way they dress is a grade-A moron, and it's good that she sees this.

THIS^ is the good that came from it. If through this little adventure she has a coworker that has stuck with her in spite of all this, then she has at least one good friend among them.

Insecurities are your issue and she cannot fix them, only you can. You have to decide if you trust her or not. If you trust her, then allow her to be within her comfort zone. If you do not trust her, then figure out why and if it is all insecurity based then let her go because no one deserves to live under the oppression of your insecurities.

Jus sayin

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(in reply to orgasmdenial12)

Post #: 13

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:16:26 AM

subjects

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/27/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

Here's the thing my slave is very attractive and she use to get hit on a lot I didn't like it so I told her to dress more nerdy maybe even act more for lack of a better word like a clutz/slob. She actually had no problem with it until people started treating her differently for example she went from being popular at work to being the odd one out guys stopped holding doors for her and other little things she took for granted stopped.

It really hurt her how dramatic her life had changed just because her looks had altered- she basically went from hotty to plain Jane- part of me feels guilty because this started because I was insecure and because I wanted to be the only one that saw her beauty another part of me feels this has provided her with a good learning experience.

This is my first post, I think. I was The Sub in a similar situation. The Dom was an "earthy crunchy" guy, everything natural, hated make up, nail polish, even jewelry. I've had my toenails painted since BIRTH, and no make up? It was insanity. My feet looked like boys' feet. I couldn't take it. THEN we go to a concert and meet his colleagues. Here I am, looking like death, like a baglady who just doesn't care about herself or anything, I could not meet these polished professional women on my level, I was embarrassed and couldn't deal with it. What looking like Sh%$ says is, "I don't care, I'm a loser," After that, I started wearing nude tones on my manicures and pedicures and subtle make up. I realized the no make up B.S. was a hard limit. My safeword was "M.A.C."

subjects

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 14

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:17:26 AM

NookieNotes

Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
I'm not saying that this situation is a particularly "normal" (please notice the quotation marks) bent but it doesn't necessarily have to be about insecurity.

I own a guitar that absolutely NO ONE is allowed to touch. People rarely get to see it because it's stored in a climate-controlled environment (it's a 1962 Fender Stratocaster)

OK. I guess I get that. It's a foreign concept to me. I can understand not touching things that can be damaged by finger oils. Not taking things out of their cases or protective coverings. I'm not sure I can understand "can't see it, because it's mine."

At least, in regards to human beings. Inanimate objects are static. They cannot improve by themselves, and will likely degrade, no matter what. Humans are not the same.

That said, I'll accept your explanation, and agree, it's not "normal," in my view (to use the same crappy word).

I like to show my possessions off. My Pet is quite charming and charismatic. I love to see him work a room and flirt. Because he's mine. And owning something that amazing raises my status, at least in my eyes. It's why I want the best.

Thank you, Michael.

_____________________________

Nookie
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I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 15

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:28:46 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

Here's the thing my slave is very attractive and she use to get hit on a lot I didn't like it so I told her to dress more nerdy maybe even act more for lack of a better word like a clutz/slob. She actually had no problem with it until people started treating her differently for example she went from being popular at work to being the odd one out guys stopped holding doors for her and other little things she took for granted stopped.

It really hurt her how dramatic her life had changed just because her looks had altered- she basically went from hotty to plain Jane- part of me feels guilty because this started because I was insecure and because I wanted to be the only one that saw her beauty another part of me feels this has provided her with a good learning experience.

Sounds like she wants it both ways.

Sounds like so do you. Decisions have consequences. Not making decisions has consequences. Get clear on what you each want, who you each want to be, what kind of a partner you each want to be. Talk with her about it. Then do it.

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 16

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:29:44 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NookieNotes

OK. I guess I get that. It's a foreign concept to me. I can understand not touching things that can be damaged by finger oils. Not taking things out of their cases or protective coverings. I'm not sure I can understand "can't see it, because it's mine."

At least, in regards to human beings. Inanimate objects are static. They cannot improve by themselves, and will likely degrade, no matter what. Humans are not the same.

That said, I'll accept your explanation, and agree, it's not "normal," in my view (to use the same crappy word).

I like to show my possessions off. My Pet is quite charming and charismatic. I love to see him work a room and flirt. Because he's mine. And owning something that amazing raises my status, at least in my eyes. It's why I want the best.

Thank you, Michael.

I agree, completely with what I highlighted.

I wasn't trying to defend the behavior but only the OP can know what their motives were. I agree that the OP used the word "insecurity" and said that he "didn't like" his lady being hit on. I can sort of relate ... I don't like when people that know she's my lady hit on her. I think it's disrespectful. I don't insist that she "dress down". If anything, I encourage her to dress up, once I've had a four letter word or two with the "offending individual".

I have said on these forums, before (words very similar to): "Why would I want to do anything to reduce her in anyone else's eyes?"

I want that guy eating his guts out with covetousness. That's where my sadism reigns supreme; between the ears!

Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to NookieNotes)

Post #: 17

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:41:49 AM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I agree with Nookie.

You didn't say she was dressing slutty. The way people dress is an individual expression of themselves and you removed her ability to express herself through the way she dresses and asked her to wear clothes that probably felt very wrong. In turn this reflected on how she came over to people. She probably felt uncomfortable, as any of us would if we were suddenly given a new wardrobe chosen by someone else and being uncomfortable reflects on her personality or at least how it comes over to others.

You should be proud that other guys look at her. She's not theirs (unless of course you don't trust her), she's yours. Let her be herself in all her glory and decide for yourself if you can live and trust a head turning woman. You need to face your own fears and not put them on her.

I agree BUT it also says a lot about her coworkers that they now treat her differently simply because of the way she dresses. He did it for the wrong reasons but at the same time she now knows who her real friends are. Was he right, no but she did learn a valuable lesson.

About 4 years ago Steve and me did a dare. He asked me to dress like a man and go out to our local bar. I thought it would be fun and so we set about gearing me up as a bloke, including a sock in my pants and a little false moustache. The regulars laughed at me/with me when we walked in but that was as far as the fun went. I became very self concious and it became apparent to me that my acquaintances were treating me differently. We left early and I couldn't wait to rip this stuff off. I told Steve how I felt and he reassured me that nobody treated me any different but I was behaving differently. He said my personality shrunk and I wasn't socializing anything like what I normally do.

It may well be that this woman feels uncomfortable, ugly and dowdy in these clothes she's being dressed in and as a consequence of that, she may be losing her confidence and being overly self conscience. Us humans are sensitive beasts who are good at picking up on peoples emotions. Are they ignoring her because she's no longer stunning? or ignoring her because she's changed and they aren't sure how to interact with her at the moment?

_____________________________

My store is http://e-stimstore.com

(in reply to LiveSpark)

Post #: 18

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:46:34 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I agree with Nookie.

You didn't say she was dressing slutty. The way people dress is an individual expression of themselves and you removed her ability to express herself through the way she dresses and asked her to wear clothes that probably felt very wrong. In turn this reflected on how she came over to people. She probably felt uncomfortable, as any of us would if we were suddenly given a new wardrobe chosen by someone else and being uncomfortable reflects on her personality or at least how it comes over to others.

You should be proud that other guys look at her. She's not theirs (unless of course you don't trust her), she's yours. Let her be herself in all her glory and decide for yourself if you can live and trust a head turning woman. You need to face your own fears and not put them on her.

I agree BUT it also says a lot about her coworkers that they now treat her differently simply because of the way she dresses. He did it for the wrong reasons but at the same time she now knows who her real friends are. Was he right, no but she did learn a valuable lesson.

About 4 years ago Steve and me did a dare. He asked me to dress like a man and go out to our local bar. I thought it would be fun and so we set about gearing me up as a bloke, including a sock in my pants and a little false moustache. The regulars laughed at me/with me when we walked in but that was as far as the fun went. I became very self concious and it became apparent to me that my acquaintances were treating me differently. We left early and I couldn't wait to rip this stuff off. I told Steve how I felt and he reassured me that nobody treated me any different but I was behaving differently. He said my personality shrunk and I wasn't socializing anything like what I normally do.

It may well be that this woman feels uncomfortable, ugly and dowdy in these clothes she's being dressed in and as a consequence of that, she may be losing her confidence and being overly self conscience. Us humans are sensitive beasts who are good at picking up on peoples emotions. Are they ignoring her because she's no longer stunning? or ignoring her because she's changed and they aren't sure how to interact with her at the moment?

I think only those people can answer that though it's tricky because they may not know themselves as it might be subconscious. I think it's probably a bit of both, each feeding the other.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 19

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:52:11 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I find the OP to be a completely clueless insecure jerk. I don't care that he admitted it.

I HATE men who are so insecure that they seek to destroy their woman.

He hurt her socially, at work and worse, her self esteem.

How sickening to even suggest that he taught her a lesson.

The only lesson she should now know is she picked a selfish, insecure freak and she should run to a secure man who will value her looks and proudly allow her to be herself.

Thank god the men in my life were happy I got stares and when I got hit on, they were proud to know I was going home with them. If anyone ever told me to deglam myself, I would tell them to fuck off.

Being insecure is not the same as being possessive.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/13/2015 6:54:03 AM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 20

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