RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learning experience?

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RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 6:58:19 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I find the OP to be a completely clueless insecure jerk. I don't care that he admitted it.

I HATE men who are so insecure that they seek to destroy their woman.

He hurt her socially, at work and worse, her self esteem.

How sickening to even suggest that he taught her a lesson.

The only lesson she should now know is she picked a selfish, insecure freak and she should run to a secure man who will value her looks and proudly allow her to be herself.

Thank god the men in my life were happy I got stares and when I got hit on, they were proud to know I was going home with them. If anyone ever told me to deglam myself, I would tell them to fuck off.

Being insecure is not the same as being possessive.

Well...no. She DID genuinely learn that her coworkers treat her differently depending on how she dresses. Noone here is defending what he did but it cannot be said that the only lesson she learned is that her dom is insecure.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 21

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 7:05:11 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I don't know where you work, but most adults in the work force, if not wearing a uniform, have to try and fit in. Perhaps you don't give a fuck how you look at work, but in my field, sales, looks help. Even if you are not in a client facing position, it is well known that being attractive helps at work and socially in all ways.

It is height of stupidity to expect her co workers to treat her the same when, in fact, she is not the same. She let herself go to please an insecure man who doesn't care if she is harmed in her job.

Don't be naive. There is no justification for what he did.

He knows it and was seeking validation from the masses here who have not thought this out clearly.

(in reply to LiveSpark)

Post #: 22

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 7:14:46 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't know where you work, but most adults in the work force, if not wearing a uniform, have to try and fit in. Perhaps you don't give a fuck how you look at work, but in my field, sales, looks help. Even if you are not in a client facing position, it is well known that being attractive helps at work and socially in all ways.

It is height of stupidity to expect her co workers to treat her the same when, in fact, she is not the same. She let herself go to please an insecure man who doesn't care if she is harmed in her job.

Don't be naive. There is no justification for what he did.

He knows it and was seeking validation from the masses here who have not thought this out clearly.

You know what you want to be an asshole that's your choice. I'm not going to play along. When/if you decide you want to discuss this let me know.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 23

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 7:15:18 AM

MasterVenom13

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/28/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
Are they ignoring her because she's no longer stunning? or ignoring her because she's changed and they aren't sure how to interact with her at the moment?

It's not that people are just ignoring her it's also that she's been on the receiving end of some cruelty at work for example she told me that she walked into the bathroom at work and walked in on her friends making fun of her for wearing a hoody and sneakers (her friends are very fashion obsessed and shallow we didn't know how much until well you know) they wouldn't even sit with her at lunch.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 24

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 7:18:51 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't know where you work, but most adults in the work force, if not wearing a uniform, have to try and fit in. Perhaps you don't give a fuck how you look at work, but in my field, sales, looks help. Even if you are not in a client facing position, it is well known that being attractive helps at work and socially in all ways.

It is height of stupidity to expect her co workers to treat her the same when, in fact, she is not the same. She let herself go to please an insecure man who doesn't care if she is harmed in her job.

Don't be naive. There is no justification for what he did.

He knows it and was seeking validation from the masses here who have not thought this out clearly.

You know what you want to be an asshole that's your choice. I'm not going to play along. When/if you decide you want to discuss this let me know.

Oh, I am an asshole for clearly stating my opinion. Ok, lol. I must be an asshole for not agreeing with you, is that it?

Sorry you don't have the ability or words to have a discussion.

(in reply to LiveSpark)

Post #: 25

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 7:20:03 AM

LiveSpark

Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
Are they ignoring her because she's no longer stunning? or ignoring her because she's changed and they aren't sure how to interact with her at the moment?

It's not that people are just ignoring her it's also that she's been on the receiving end of some cruelty at work for example she told me that she walked into the bathroom at work and walked in on her friends making fun of her for wearing a hoody and sneakers (her friends are very fashion obsessed and shallow we didn't know how much until well you know) they wouldn't even sit with her at lunch.

That to me says more about them than it does her. IMO they aren't real friends and never were if they are THAT shallow. I think she's better off without them. This is high school behaviour not adultlike.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 26

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 7:22:46 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
Are they ignoring her because she's no longer stunning? or ignoring her because she's changed and they aren't sure how to interact with her at the moment?

It's not that people are just ignoring her it's also that she's been on the receiving end of some cruelty at work for example she told me that she walked into the bathroom at work and walked in on her friends making fun of her for wearing a hoody and sneakers (her friends are very fashion obsessed and shallow we didn't know how much until well you know) they wouldn't even sit with her at lunch.

You are still wrong for setting this in motion. Unless of course, she told you she always wanted to start looking bad and giving no explanation to anyone about why she would make such a drastic change.

If I was her co worker, I would have asked her if anything was wrong, is she not feeling well, etc. I wouldn't ostracize her, but that is not the point of this OP, is it? It's your own self esteem issues that have harmed your woman.

I find it laughable that people are defending you and focusing on her "shallow" co workers. These people must live under rocks for their limited knowledge of human behavior.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/13/2015 7:24:41 AM >

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 27

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 11:51:35 AM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

~FRing it~

It came from an out-of-control place. Not a place of teaching her anything. It wasn't really for anything more than your insecurity. And she gets to pay the price for your insecurity. Dominance isn't about breaking someone down so you feel better about yourself and your relationship. Dominance is about inspiring your submissive to be the best she can be. And no matter what you do, you can never hide her inner beauty nor are you guaranteed to be the only one who finds her beautiful...no matter how shitty you make the outer package look. All you really did was break her down and turn her into a social pariah. For what?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 28

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 12:46:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If the corporate culture is that people dress fashionably, as it is if you work for a fashion related industry or marketing, then making her dress inappropriately is hurting her career chances.

She may well no longer be considered for a promotion simply because of this experiment of yours. Congratulations on making sure she will not get a raise or have any chance of moving up.

My suggestion is that she job hunts and dresses appropriately for the job, so as to succeed. And that she needs to decide why she is trusting someone who has clearly demonstrated that he does not have her best interests at heart. To a point that even when he admits it, he still refuses to remove these roadblocks that prevent her from succeeding.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Post #: 29

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/13/2015 8:48:53 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

Here's the thing my slave is very attractive and she use to get hit on a lot I didn't like it so I told her to dress more nerdy maybe even act more for lack of a better word like a clutz/slob. She actually had no problem with it until people started treating her differently for example she went from being popular at work to being the odd one out guys stopped holding doors for her and other little things she took for granted stopped.

It really hurt her how dramatic her life had changed just because her looks had altered- she basically went from hotty to plain Jane- part of me feels guilty because this started because I was insecure and because I wanted to be the only one that saw her beauty another part of me feels this has provided her with a good learning experience.

Lessons to be learned:

1. A dominant should not be insecure. You didn't like her being hit on, while I can kind of understand that, you were taking her home every night and having your way with her. I don't see how her being hit on was anything but a huge ego boost because she was yours... unless, of course, you have concerns that she would trade up.

2. People judge a book by its cover. You should not have forced her to change her dress at work, just going out. Now, we have zero idea what she does for a living, so her dress, or lack thereof might not be an issue. However, it did directly affect how her coworkers saw her which, for employment, could be important.

3. She learned that her looks are why she was treated the way she was. Got news for you, looks fade. She took things for granted... now she may appreciate them more.

4. If you cannot see her beauty without her looks... buddy, you are in a world of hurt.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 30

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 10:27:07 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Appropriate dress is not the same as looks. Her looks haven't changed. He didn't make her start wearing a fake scar across her face. Or a fake nose that was oversized. She didn't walk in saying she was fighting an upper resp and therefore was wearing heavy clothes to stay warm. He made her stand out in a bad way without any believable explanation.

And coworkers are not the same as close friends. They are all in competition for available bonus monies and promotions. This is important to keep in mind. They are acquaintances, not people with whom you should discuss sensitive topics that people argue about. Otherwise we wouldn't advise people not to discuss their sex lives and kinks at the office.

I don't think there's much she can do to salvage this. If she tells her boss that her jealous boyfriend is picking her clothing, she won't be seen as someone who can make her own decisions and therefore will be on the 'do not promote' list. She's probably on the list of expendables now in case of lay offs. If she says she just wanted to see who her true friends were, again she'll again have shown that when it comes to the job, she doesn't focus on it. She's shot herself in the foot irrepairably.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 31

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 10:48:50 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Thanks Gauge and DesFIP,

I was beginning to think I was the only voice of reason here.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 32

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 11:05:53 AM

littleladybug

Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline

So, you did something inherently reckless and selfish, and want kudos because there might have been some "silver lining" to it?

Yup, we don't know what her profession is. But, what if she had lost her job over this? What if there wasn't this "lesson" as to who her "true friends" are?

Fact is, it was wrong on SO many levels...not the least of which that you acted from a place of insecurity. At the risk of getting labelled a "one true wayer" for the umpteenth time...I will ask you....is *this* the way you think that a person who is in control of another should act? Shouldn't you *want* her not to be ostracized at her job? At the end of the day, is your ego *that* fragile that you have to start fucking with her employment in order to make yourself feel better?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 33

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 12:54:48 PM

wickkeddesire

Posts: 37
Joined: 1/3/2015
Status: offline

You value, or perceive others do, on looks alone.
Curious

true beauty is beyond your concept..but worry not as it is this way with most people; you are far from alone.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 34

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 1:33:46 PM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Holy Fuck! wd posted something that actually is readable as English!

(in reply to wickkeddesire)

Post #: 35

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 2:37:07 PM

MasterVenom13

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/28/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

So, you did something inherently reckless and selfish, and want kudos because there might have been some "silver lining" to it?

No I've been kicking myself in the ass for it and was just trying to see if there was maybe a silver lining or a bright side to this screwed up situation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug

Yup, we don't know what her profession is. But, what if she had lost her job over this? What if there wasn't this "lesson" as to who her "true friends" are?

Fact is, it was wrong on SO many levels...not the least of which that you acted from a place of insecurity. At the risk of getting labelled a "one true wayer" for the umpteenth time...I will ask you....is *this* the way you think that a person who is in control of another should act? Shouldn't you *want* her not to be ostracized at her job? At the end of the day, is your ego *that* fragile that you have to start fucking with her employment in order to make yourself feel better?

This whole thing started because of her job. While we were out at dinner she told me that she'd gotten in trouble with her employers for dressing provocatively apparently some her coworkers found it distracting and uncomfortable she then asked if I had a problem with how she dresses and I did express my issues which lead to a fight and the rest is pretty long so I'll summarize. After our fight we didn't talk for a while. Then we slowly started talking again and she told me she'd gotten in trouble again and asked what I felt would be less slutty I suggested maybe less make up and start wearing jeans with perhaps a hoody.

I have clearly given a lot of you the wrong impression for which I apologize trust me not as bad as it's been made out to be. Her change in wardrobe didn't cause any problems with her employers just her friends at work who I've always found to be a bit snobby but I always kept my opinions to myself and for the record my slave's not the first person they've done this to I never even thought they'd turn on her like that. I've even told my slave to go to her boss about the harassment but she refuses. I admit my own insecurity played a part in this but it was far from the the only factor.

I had hoped to get some advice so I could help her clearly I was wrong.

(in reply to littleladybug)

Post #: 36

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 2:55:41 PM

VelvetOnSteel

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/10/2012
Status: offline

Makes me think of sharia law and wearing a burka.

Do you want her to stay with you because she chooses you, or because she feels she has no other choice?

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 37

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 3:03:09 PM

MasterVenom13

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/28/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VelvetOnSteel

Makes me think of sharia law and wearing a burka.

Do you want her to stay with you because she chooses you, or because she feels she has no other choice?

Because she chooses of course what kind of a question is that?

(in reply to VelvetOnSteel)

Post #: 38

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 3:13:58 PM

ReinRaus

Posts: 69
Joined: 4/11/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

Because she chooses of course what kind of a question is that?

You're 23. It's time to start thinking before you act so you can avoid feeling regret for unintentionally hurtful actions you do out of haste. If you want to call yourself a Master, you need to learn how to keep your cool and resolve a silly heated situation calmly. There was no need for you guys to fight about this and resort to not talking.

Use this situation as a learning experience and work on your communication skills with your loved one. It sounds like she came to you for honest guidance and advice, and you somehow let it turn into drama.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

I had hoped to get some advice so I could help her clearly I was wrong.

Oh woe is me. What are you going to do, flounce out of here now? You've gotten some solid advice from both ends of the spectrum here: People who think you did good and didn't do good, and everything in between. If you can't take away some constructive criticism from this thread, you're not reading it right and are voluntarily letting your feelings get hurt.

< Message edited by ReinRaus -- 1/14/2015 3:17:10 PM >

(in reply to MasterVenom13)

Post #: 39

RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 3:26:01 PM

MasterVenom13

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/28/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus

You're 23. It's time to start thinking before you act so you can avoid feeling regret for unintentionally hurtful actions you do out of haste. If you want to call yourself a Master, you need to learn how to keep your cool and resolve a silly heated situation calmly. There was no need for you guys to fight about this and resort to not talking.

Use this situation as a learning experience and work on your communication skills with your loved one. It sounds like she came to you for honest guidance and advice, and you somehow let it turn into drama.

Yes your right me and her we tend to fight a lot sometimes and we don't always handle things well. Thank you I appreciate your advice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

I had hoped to get some advice so I could help her clearly I was wrong.

Oh woe is me. What are you going to do, flounce out of here now? You've gotten some solid advice from both ends of the spectrum here: People who think you did good and didn't do good, and everything in between. If you can't take away some constructive criticism from this thread, you're not reading it right and are voluntarily letting your feelings get hurt.

I just felt like people were jumping to conclusions and I admit I let my pride get the better of me which caused me to get defensive.

< Message edited by MasterVenom13 -- 1/14/2015 3:27:18 PM >

(in reply to ReinRaus)

Post #: 40

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