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RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 3:30:26 PM   
ReinRaus


Posts: 69
Joined: 4/11/2014
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVenom13

I just felt like people were jumping to conclusions and I admit I let my pride get the better of me which caused me to get defensive.


Your intentions are obviously good and are coming from the heart. But sometimes we let our ego get in the way of being selfless. I think you and your gal can easily move through this and continue on a wonderful journey, but it's also the opportunity to revisit your communication and relationship with her. Strengthen it, strengthen the confidence in yourself, and be happy for the introspective hiccup. :)

Best of luck to you two.

(in reply to MasterVenom13)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 5:58:57 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Appropriate dress is not the same as looks. Her looks haven't changed. He didn't make her start wearing a fake scar across her face. Or a fake nose that was oversized. She didn't walk in saying she was fighting an upper resp and therefore was wearing heavy clothes to stay warm. He made her stand out in a bad way without any believable explanation.

And coworkers are not the same as close friends. They are all in competition for available bonus monies and promotions. This is important to keep in mind. They are acquaintances, not people with whom you should discuss sensitive topics that people argue about. Otherwise we wouldn't advise people not to discuss their sex lives and kinks at the office.

I don't think there's much she can do to salvage this. If she tells her boss that her jealous boyfriend is picking her clothing, she won't be seen as someone who can make her own decisions and therefore will be on the 'do not promote' list. She's probably on the list of expendables now in case of lay offs. If she says she just wanted to see who her true friends were, again she'll again have shown that when it comes to the job, she doesn't focus on it. She's shot herself in the foot irrepairably.


I agree with this. This wasn't a case of you making her dress dowdy and go to a singles bar.

The OP screwed with her work life. That to me is a huge no no. And it's a shame she didn't tell you to fuck yourself, but what is is.

Workplaces have a culture. The OP said he told her not only to dress badly but act like a "clutz/slob." Who the heck wants to be around a slob at work?

It's not like the OP changed someone who dressed like a 2-dollar whore at work into someone who wore plain, but professional attire.

Sounds like he said her wear stuff that was inappropriate for her workplace. Sounds like he instructed her to become an unpleasant person to be around and then he was shocked no one wanted to be around her.

And, yes, you could have seriously damaged her career.

The fact that the OP asked "did I give her a learning experience" tells me he shouldn't be allowed with 50 feet of a sub. As a dom, he is completely incompetent and dangerous.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 1/14/2015 6:11:19 PM >

(in reply to MasterVenom13)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 6:55:43 PM   
ReinRaus


Posts: 69
Joined: 4/11/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality
The OP screwed with her work life. That to me is a huge no no. And it's a shame she didn't tell you to fuck yourself, but what is is.

Workplaces have a culture. The OP said he told her not only to dress badly but act like a "clutz/slob." Who the heck wants to be around a slob at work?

It's not like the OP changed someone who dressed like a 2-dollar whore at work into someone who wore plain, but professional attire.


I agree with this and was surprised at the hostile comments defending his actions as being a moral lesson. This was not the place to make a juvenile point by instructing her to show up looking like a slob in a place where her appearance could impact client relations or disrupt things in the office. In a perfect world we could surround ourselves with people who only judge us by what's on the inside, but that's just not possible for those who choose a typical job in certain fields. You need to fit in with things or possibly lose your respect from supervisors, your job, your income, your insurance, etc. IMO, putting these things at risk is not worth the heart-warming lesson OP was going for.

Maybe pulling the same thing around your friends and seeing who stops inviting you to go out is a fine way of weeding out insincere company, but doing it at work is going to have more possible consequences than the benefit of learning this lesson. I don't know how people are saying, "Fuck the higher ups and forget your coworkers if they don't stick by you when you come to work in a stained hoodie!"

OP didn't mention until later in the thread that his sub wasn't dressing appropriately and that she legitimately needed to be given some pointers. After reading this, I think his actions were lazy and reckless. He could have taken the time to go through some of her wardrobe, toss the inappropriate items, and teach her what dressing in an acceptable manner should look like for her position and work environment. This would have benefited her in the long run without possibly tarnishing her image or ruining the chance of a raise in the near future for this little stunt. Instead, he stupidly told her to go all-out slob mode just because it's the easiest way to make a blatant point while shaming her professionally. Dressing like a slut at the office is just as bad as dressing in sweats and a t-shirt when you're supposed to be coming in business casual. OP dropped the ball at caring enough to guide her to the middle ground.

Like I already suggested, a Dom needs to think before acting. Actually, most adults would benefit from getting in the habit of doing this.

< Message edited by ReinRaus -- 1/14/2015 7:04:14 PM >

(in reply to seekingreality)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 7:10:26 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus

a Dom needs to think before acting.



People need to think before acting.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ReinRaus)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 7:22:12 PM   
ReinRaus


Posts: 69
Joined: 4/11/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

People need to think before acting.


But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 7:27:04 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

People need to think before acting.


But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?


Just make shit up, that's what I do.

It's raining in Tokyo... your fault... that's a paddlin.
The rubble fell 8 points... your fault... that's a paddlin.
Stubbed my toe... clearly your fault... that's a paddlin.

See, it is amazingly simple. I mean, we have to resort to drastic measures when our /s's are just fucking awesome!

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to ReinRaus)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 7:27:31 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus

But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?



You need a reason?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ReinRaus)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/14/2015 7:45:30 PM   
ReinRaus


Posts: 69
Joined: 4/11/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

You need a reason?


It's more fun that way than paddlin' for the sake of paddlin'! But that's personal preference, I suppose.

Maybe I should be open to your suggestion of not needing a reason to inflict punishment? I'll start now...ET, get over 'ere.

< Message edited by ReinRaus -- 1/14/2015 7:46:27 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/15/2015 3:29:57 PM   
ExiledTyrant


Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

You need a reason?


It's more fun that way than paddlin' for the sake of paddlin'! But that's personal preference, I suppose.

Maybe I should be open to your suggestion of not needing a reason to inflict punishment? I'll start now...ET, get over 'ere.


Okay, but I don't think that is going to work out the way you think it is going to work out.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to ReinRaus)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/15/2015 4:14:51 PM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

People need to think before acting.


But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?


Just make shit up, that's what I do.

It's raining in Tokyo... your fault... that's a paddlin.
The rubble fell 8 points... your fault... that's a paddlin.
Stubbed my toe... clearly your fault... that's a paddlin.

See, it is amazingly simple. I mean, we have to resort to drastic measures when our /s's are just fucking awesome!


You remind me of one of my ex-Masters <sighs happily> Ahhhh good times good times.

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/15/2015 6:37:36 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

People need to think before acting.


But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?


Just make shit up, that's what I do.

It's raining in Tokyo... your fault... that's a paddlin.
The rubble fell 8 points... your fault... that's a paddlin.
Stubbed my toe... clearly your fault... that's a paddlin.

See, it is amazingly simple. I mean, we have to resort to drastic measures when our /s's are just fucking awesome!


You remind me of one of my ex-Masters <sighs happily> Ahhhh good times good times.

Who else's fault would it be? ~nods~

(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/15/2015 6:44:57 PM   
LiveSpark


Posts: 808
Joined: 12/25/2014
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

People need to think before acting.


But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?


Just make shit up, that's what I do.

It's raining in Tokyo... your fault... that's a paddlin.
The rubble fell 8 points... your fault... that's a paddlin.
Stubbed my toe... clearly your fault... that's a paddlin.

See, it is amazingly simple. I mean, we have to resort to drastic measures when our /s's are just fucking awesome!


You remind me of one of my ex-Masters <sighs happily> Ahhhh good times good times.

Who else's fault would it be? ~nods~


Naturellement mon ami

_____________________________

I've been here as MontrealPhoenix, zephyr and
TheFireWithinMe.

I also have the sarcasm gene which is NOT to be taken seriously.

If you fall I'll always be there to catch you ~ Floor

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/15/2015 7:17:40 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus


OP didn't mention until later in the thread that his sub wasn't dressing appropriately and that she legitimately needed to be given some pointers. After reading this, I think his actions were lazy and reckless. He could have taken the time to go through some of her wardrobe, toss the inappropriate items, and teach her what dressing in an acceptable manner should look like for her position and work environment. This would have benefited her in the long run without possibly tarnishing her image or ruining the chance of a raise in the near future for this little stunt. Instead, he stupidly told her to go all-out slob mode just because it's the easiest way to make a blatant point while shaming her professionally. Dressing like a slut at the office is just as bad as dressing in sweats and a t-shirt when you're supposed to be coming in business casual. OP dropped the ball at caring enough to guide her to the middle ground.

Like I already suggested, a Dom needs to think before acting. Actually, most adults would benefit from getting in the habit of doing this.


I didn't see this either. But I'd also add I don't know why some doms think they have to always act like a dick in order to be dominant. Dominance should fundamentally be a caring act where both submissive and dominance want each other to be the best possible version of themselves. And sometimes that means understanding what you don't know and not pretending to guide someone in areas you know nothing about.

(in reply to ReinRaus)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/16/2015 7:52:18 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant


quote:

ORIGINAL: LiveSpark


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant


quote:

ORIGINAL: ReinRaus


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

People need to think before acting.


But then what opportunity would I have to discipline my man in the most cruel way possible?


Just make shit up, that's what I do.

It's raining in Tokyo... your fault... that's a paddlin.
The rubble fell 8 points... your fault... that's a paddlin.
Stubbed my toe... clearly your fault... that's a paddlin.

See, it is amazingly simple. I mean, we have to resort to drastic measures when our /s's are just fucking awesome!


You remind me of one of my ex-Masters <sighs happily> Ahhhh good times good times.

Who else's fault would it be? ~nods~


Naturellement mon ami
vous attendiez-vous rien de moins, mon amie?

(in reply to LiveSpark)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/24/2015 3:46:38 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Lol, so she stopped wearing makeup and slutty clothes and is now an 'outcast' at work?!



Not so sure the OP mentioned 'slutty clothes', but, yes, really strange behaviour on the part of the work colleagues.

In addition, there's something not quite right with the OP. The "I alone wanted to see her beauty" line smacks of I only caused you pain because I love you.

On a more positive note, it's never too late and so you have an opportunity to put things right, although for your own good this may constitute time out to look in the mirror depending upon the extent of your problem.
Uiteui

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to orgasmdenial12)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/24/2015 4:08:35 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
Either way, she must be some woman as there's been a collective meltdown involving the OP, the lady and thousands of workers. Christ, she's only swapped a dress for a pair of trousers.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to MasterVenom13)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 1/24/2015 6:33:30 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
No. She wore an outfit more typical of a chav than a professional. And that's inappropriate.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 3/4/2015 2:39:38 AM   
Mikhaelis


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline
SO basically you have an attention whore for a slave and once she stopped dressing like a whore, no one gave her attention and it hurt her little itty bitty feelings. She obviously needs to spend more time thinking about how to please her owner and less time trying to get attention from others. What you have is a roleplayer, so don't be surprised when she jumps ship for some other "dom" who gives her the vagina tingles.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 3/4/2015 10:41:59 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikhaelis

SO basically you have an attention whore for a slave and once she stopped dressing like a whore, no one gave her attention and it hurt her little itty bitty feelings. She obviously needs to spend more time thinking about how to please her owner and less time trying to get attention from others. What you have is a roleplayer, so don't be surprised when she jumps ship for some other "dom" who gives her the vagina tingles.

I just don't even know how to reply to this. Or if it's even worth it.


_____________________________

"RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE".

"I'm a baaa-aaad pussycat".


(in reply to Mikhaelis)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Was it wrong or did I provide her with a good learn... - 3/4/2015 10:45:18 AM   
GoddessManko


Posts: 2257
Joined: 3/6/2013
From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikhaelis

SO basically you have an attention whore for a slave and once she stopped dressing like a whore, no one gave her attention and it hurt her little itty bitty feelings. She obviously needs to spend more time thinking about how to please her owner and less time trying to get attention from others. What you have is a roleplayer, so don't be surprised when she jumps ship for some other "dom" who gives her the vagina tingles.


The last thing I would suggest is that the Ebola virus has taken human form.

_____________________________

Happy consent is the name of the game. You are my perfect Mistress. - my collared.

http://submissivemale.blogspot.com/

The Bird of Hermes is my name, eating my wings to make me tame.

(in reply to Mikhaelis)
Profile   Post #: 60
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