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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 8:38:31 AM   
ExiledTyrant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

Yeah, yeah, you girls always go for the gentlemen for the fine wine and dine, but when you want torn up from the floor up my phone rings... how odd is that?


And here I would probably be willing to pay for the wine and dine to get torn up on the floor...but that is a whole other problem...men don't want women that they don't have to pursue.

Now that think about it...that may be where much of the crux of this problem lies. Men always want what they "can't have".. You learn early on that being eager or accommodating does NOT get the attention of who you want so...you make people jump through hoops to "earn" you... At some point that evolved into money which is quantitative. Of course...could be that whole "evolutionary" theory that females of all species are seeking males that can protect and support their offspring.


I'm a bit of an anomaly. If I get the sense that this is a chase, I'm done. I know myself, know what I want, more importantly I know what I need. I am relationship orientated, so that really precludes me from hit and run, so when I see that "she" is compatible with me I am laser focused and making her Mine. The challenge is making sure that compatibility is mutual and that is revealed through time, because I have a future that I want to realize and I cannot realize that future playing musical beds.

As it is, I've found her, she is far away, and I am laser focused on securing our future. It took a long time for me to sort out all the needs, wants, likes, dislikes, loads of introspection... and I am really a tyrant... I mean, really am a tyrant, so I was prepared to spend the rest of my life comfortably alone rather than consign myself to a miserable relationship, but I got lucky finding someone that thinks my brand of tyranny is the bee's knees.

I am deeper than the ego driven "hard to get it so I want it", I'm securing my forever, so I was always attracted to effortless compatibility... in essence a natural dance partner where we do not need choreography, we move fluid and natural together, and eager "natural" accommodation always got my attention because, as I said, I was looking for LTR and not a game.

I was in a relationship that was shaky at best and I suspected it would disintegrate sooner rather than later, and what drove the final nail in that coffin was when she said "I've worked very hard on being good." If being good is an effort, I do not need that in my life. Being bad should be the effort... seriously, being bad should be unnatural and require thought and energy for anyone that is going to be with me. Preferably badness that will elicit a Primal response from me :) It could be just me though, I'm kind of a weirdo.

Jus sayin

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 9:45:25 AM   
NookieNotes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant
I was in a relationship that was shaky at best and I suspected it would disintegrate sooner rather than later, and what drove the final nail in that coffin was when she said "I've worked very hard on being good." If being good is an effort, I do not need that in my life. Being bad should be the effort... seriously, being bad should be unnatural and require thought and energy for anyone that is going to be with me.


This right here is incredibly well-stated.

Sexy brain. *licks*


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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 10:07:41 AM   
shiftyw


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From: The Shire
Status: offline 		Knots, I disagree.

I know as the token millennial my experience might differ from others. But...
I don't play those games, and I don't know many that actively seek that. In fact playing those games is a sign that it won't work for me, if I feel someone needs me to jump through hoops and bring drama so they can "chase me"- it's no good.

My maitinence fee is pretty low (and I'm not talking money)- I expect theirs to be too.

I even put out on the first date on occasion because if he does loses interest in me after we bang- do I really want him around anymore?

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 11:20:50 AM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I never cared about dating for money. I always earned my own way.

Gentlemen are gentleman with or without money.

There is no amount of money rivaling the way someone treats me, and that is not about gifts.

If someone shows me they care, that works for me.


Sexyred, I've missed you. A few words and you cut through it all. :-)


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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 12:29:15 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Granted...I think that it is not really gender specific...more men would probably try the same thing if there were more women willing to foot their bills (although...as we see more equality in pay and, in fact, women are becoming more economically successful...we will probably see more men demanding money and women paying just to get attention)



I'd agree, not gender specific but perhaps for cultural reasons its more prevalent among women.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 12:59:02 PM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

When you're out with a group of lads, it's an unwritten rule over here that lads drink in rounds, and everyone takes his turn in buying a round. Anyone trying to buy their own drink, would be pulled up first time; second time they wouldn't be invited out again. So, not only is there a culture of paying your way, but also one of doing it as a group activity. Anyone attempting to miss a round would be frowned upon and would sharp have no mates to share a beer with.



It's the same thing "over here" with my circle of friends. There's this one person though, who always waits until the end of the time out to buy a round. Why? Because generally at that point, he doesn't have to buy a full one. There are also a couple of people who don't "keep tabs" and will buy rounds out of turn. Why? Because that's what they want to do.

Yup, "paying ones own way" works in this situation, and it's expected. Though, I'm not sure that any of us would not invite the "wait until the end of the evening to buy a round" guy out, because I think we all do happen to enjoy his company.


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


The following has been said on this thread more than once: if he ain't picking up the tab there's no relationship.

So, he could be intelligent, honest, loyal, caring; but money wins out over these redundant by comparison traits.

That raises a red flag with me; clearly others see it differently.

I wouldn't have friends consumed by money let alone a relationship.


Yup, "money wins out". Or, as you have said, the *principle*.

If someone would view this as a "money issue", that shows me that we are not compatible in our thinking. I'm sure there are a lot of honest, loyal and caring people that I wouldn't care to have a romantic relationship with. But, there are quite a few that I would. It's nice that it's worked out that way.




I'm not quite sure what you're saying in the second part of your post, LittleLadyBug. Not due to you - it's been a long day and my mind packs in at night.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 7:04:12 PM   
TNDommeK


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kittenluv954

since when did contribution ONLY come in the form of money? i am pretty sure there are homes where the woman does not work, but does many other things. she would probably be pretty offended to hear shes not contributing because shes not putting money in the household accounts. you talk like anyone not bringing money to the table is showing up empty handed. and really, thats total bullshit. contribution comes in more forms than coins and paper, though it seems you are just as consumed by money as you seem to think we are. i would never date someone like that, tallying everything up, considering my income and presenting me with "fair share" invoices lol, constantly counting and protecting his poor little pennies. thats just so petty and unappealing. *shudders as my skin kinda crawls*



So much this^^^

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/16/2015 7:59:43 PM   
cloudboy


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Status: offline 		Can't this be moved to Off Topic Discussion or Polls and Random Stupidity???

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/16/2015 8:00:24 PM >

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/17/2015 7:50:02 AM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

When you're out with a group of lads, it's an unwritten rule over here that lads drink in rounds, and everyone takes his turn in buying a round. Anyone trying to buy their own drink, would be pulled up first time; second time they wouldn't be invited out again. So, not only is there a culture of paying your way, but also one of doing it as a group activity. Anyone attempting to miss a round would be frowned upon and would sharp have no mates to share a beer with.



It's the same thing "over here" with my circle of friends. There's this one person though, who always waits until the end of the time out to buy a round. Why? Because generally at that point, he doesn't have to buy a full one. There are also a couple of people who don't "keep tabs" and will buy rounds out of turn. Why? Because that's what they want to do.

Yup, "paying ones own way" works in this situation, and it's expected. Though, I'm not sure that any of us would not invite the "wait until the end of the evening to buy a round" guy out, because I think we all do happen to enjoy his company.


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


The following has been said on this thread more than once: if he ain't picking up the tab there's no relationship.

So, he could be intelligent, honest, loyal, caring; but money wins out over these redundant by comparison traits.

That raises a red flag with me; clearly others see it differently.

I wouldn't have friends consumed by money let alone a relationship.


Yup, "money wins out". Or, as you have said, the *principle*.

If someone would view this as a "money issue", that shows me that we are not compatible in our thinking. I'm sure there are a lot of honest, loyal and caring people that I wouldn't care to have a romantic relationship with. But, there are quite a few that I would. It's nice that it's worked out that way.




I'm not quite sure what you're saying in the second part of your post, LittleLadyBug. Not due to you - it's been a long day and my mind packs in at night.



And my lack of clarity I can blame on not having had my coffee yet.

To re-phrase--

I don't view a man picking up a check for a first date as a "money issue" at all. It is, in fact, the "principle" of the thing for me.

I'm sure there are loving, caring and honest guys who feel that things should be split. Fortunately, I've not had to be in a position where I've had to sacrifice what I feel is correct behavior in order to find loving, caring and honest guys.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/17/2015 2:41:29 PM   
NorthernGent


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Status: offline 		LLB,

I'm still a touch unsure, but think you're saying it is correct behaviour for a man to pick up the cheque.

We'd have to agree to disagree on that score. But, it takes all sorts to make the world go 'round.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/17/2015 2:43:50 PM   
littleladybug


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


We'd have to agree to disagree on that score. But, it takes all sorts to make the world go 'round.


Yes. And, if more people understood that, it would be a hell of a lot better world to live in.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 12:06:48 PM   
MzzJennifer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

LLB,

I'm still a touch unsure, but think you're saying it is correct behaviour for a man to pick up the cheque.

We'd have to agree to disagree on that score. But, it takes all sorts to make the world go 'round.



I believe it's the correct behavior for the man to pick up the check. How could it be otherwise? He asks the girl out and he should pay for everything.

I also wanted to address the question the OP asked. If people give me things, do I devalue them? NOPE! The most expensive gift I've ever received was from an older gentleman. He was going to buy a new car so he gave me his old one. It was perfect timing because I really needed a car. I love getting gifts from men! Just because a man pays my cellphone bill doesn't mean I devalue my cellphone!


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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 12:28:17 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Status: offline 		I believe George Bernard Shaw had an assessment relevant to the above.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 12:40:57 PM   
GoddessManko


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From: Dante's Inferno
Status: offline 		I think it's entirely strange when a man thinks courting a woman, which is done throughout the entire animal kingdom, is something strange. And even if I would buy my friends dinner or take them out to the movies, I won't say it's OK for a man to be willfully against gifting merely because of the expectation. Like someone else said, you can pick a flower. I have had flowers picked for me. And if you really think coughing up some cash will suddenly make someone attach to you, I'm sorry to say that is not the case unless they have some sort of major habit to support. Alternatively if they are not from a well to do background and need some measure of support. This kind of thinking is baffling. I have even helped exes with their investment portfolio but OK then. My thoughts= short term investment, long term return on the matter.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 12:41:58 PM   
vivaciousgrace


Posts: 45
Joined: 12/13/2014
Status: offline 		Hmmm. This is an odd one.
I have been completely independent from the age of 15 and when I was married I was generally the one paying for nights out.
I actually feel a little strange about the notion of a man buying me a gift or paying for a date. it makes me uncomfortable.
This is not helped by once accepting a gift that a very insistent man offered, and then later having a full scale argument with him about how I now OWED him sex because he had bought me a present (which I had never asked for, and was reluctant to accept) He was extremely difficult to handle and the entire encounter made me feel sick.

On the other hand I do occasionally meet gentlemen who want to make that nice gesture of paying and who are not implying in any way that this will buy my services. And then I end up torn between potentially upsetting them by refusing to let them pay, or accepting the gift but then I am not comfortable with that... Its really hard to know what to do for the best. And is in fact why i often avoid "formal date" type situations until I have had time to explain my feelings on the matter!

One friend and occasional playmate is very insistent on paying for things, largely because of the vast difference between our incomes. I think he likes to treat me to things i would not ever have otherwise. Its very nice of him, it upsets him if i refuse to accept and we have agreed that although i will not be buying him any fancy meals in expensive restaurants because I do not have the means to do so, I am pretty damn good in the kitchen myself and bake amazing cakes and I can return the favour that way. :)
As long as we each make effort to do nice things for each other, within what we can each afford, then it works.

But I would never EXPECT a man to pay, and absolutely never ask for it! I think that is really quite rude!
And I am not so disillusioned as to think myself special enough that men should earn my favour with presents or money.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 1:01:53 PM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

But I would never EXPECT a man to pay, and absolutely never ask for it! I think that is really quite rude!


It's a department of manners, isn't it? That's the only department that can deal with such paradoxes: a man might love to give gifts, to the point where she learns to expect it. But if she shows that expectation, it kills his desire to give her gifts. A lot of this stuff just isn't all that rational, basically.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 1:01:57 PM   
littleladybug


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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessManko

Like someone else said, you can pick a flower. I have had flowers picked for me.


Not quite the same, but this got me to thinking. In terms of the "thought" behind what we do when we're dating, or in a relationship, or just generally dealing with another person on a romantic level.

This past Friday, when I got to my man's place, he told me to close my eyes and put out my hands. When I opened my eyes, I saw in my hands a small bouquet of my favorite flowers. Pink carnations. Nothing expensive, but apparently quite difficult to find around these parts. Literally, it *was* the thought that counted.

I view paying for a first date in the same way. I would hope that any place that we would go to wouldn't make or break the month's budget. But, I do expect that it will be paid for. As a thoughtful gesture.


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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 1:07:13 PM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

I think it's entirely strange when a man thinks courting a woman, which is done throughout the entire animal kingdom, is something strange.


I don't think it's a good idea to appeal to 'the animal kingdom' in support of the idea of courting, GM. After all, in many species, including some of our closest cousins, the male doesn't court the female. If he's the biggest male around he just humps her when she's in heat and he feels like it, along with all the other females.

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 1:21:03 PM   
PerfectClaire


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Status: offline 		That's how my anoles do it. The male just pounces on the female, bites her neck, and goes wild with one of his two penises.

< Message edited by PerfectClaire -- 2/18/2015 1:22:07 PM >

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RE: I Don't Understand About Women & Money - 2/18/2015 1:31:22 PM   
freedomdwarf1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
...But, I do expect that it will be paid for. As a thoughtful gesture.

If it becomes an expectation, it's no longer "a thoughtful gesture" any more.
A thoughtful gesture is something unexpected.

For old-fashioned folk, the guy is half expected to pick up the tab because that's what we've all been taught as good manners and 'the right thing to do'. That strain of ideology goes right back to the days of gallant knights and beyond.

These days, if women want any sort of equality, they should expect to go dutch; not 'expect' the guy to pay for everything.


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