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NookieNotes -> RE: m f comparisions (3/13/2015 2:09:21 AM)
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ORIGINAL: dreamlady
Males segue onto a kink site like this more from having watched porn and surfing (FemDom) porn sites where they tend to project their fantasy image of the type of kinky woman they imagine they want and how she should stereotypically act.
This isn't to say that females haven't been influenced by porn and/or erotica also or don't have their own fantasy Master image in mind, or an unrealistic concept of how they themselves should behave, playact or roleplay.
Right, their porn is harlequin romance, 50 Shade, the Beauty series, and the like. Pretty much the same. Visual versus mental.
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As DesFIP noted, more males are prone to be fetishists and have tunnel vision about hoping to get their needs met. I see fetishists as a subset of the do-me male sub who reverses the active/receptive polarity into you-must-have-me-do-these-things-to-you, as fetish objectification. The object of their fetish desires is still getting sexually objectified.
I don't see females doing as much fetish-objectifying, which isn't to say that they aren't similarly motivated, but with much less of a one-track mind.
This is true, and scientifically proven, BUT... rarer on the male side than you might think and much more prevalent on the female than you might think, based on these boards and online interactions.
In my experience, in real life, it evens out much more.
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Males will also tend to seek out sexual or sexually-charged encounters and instant physical intimacy, and be less selective and discriminating in who Tops or bottoms for them, as long as it's the preferred gender.
Females tend to be more relationship-oriented in wanting emotional intimacy (even with forging enduring friendships), are more selective and discriminating in choice of play partner and/or in making a relationship commitment.
This is a pretty huge myth. In real life, the numbers are about even, in my experience. It's more about presentation.
I know just as many women who slept with men on the third play session as men who slept with women. The men went into it looking for sex with a side of "like or love." The women the other way around. But overall, again, in reality, what ends up happening is the same for both.
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Both can be seeking casual play, but a male does not screen for experience, technique, and individual character attributes as much as a female does. I've noticed that female subs are drawn to more experienced, seemingly trustworthy Masters or Mistresses by whom they are not (yet) owned or if seeking to become collared.
Again, I find this to be a myth. What I've found in actuality that women want is to be TOLD that the master is more experienced, trustworthy, blah blah blah. And he can be the one telling her. In fact, everyone else can be telling her the opposite, and she will still believe, because she is after getting her itch scratched just as much as the male sub is.
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For example, a female spankee will want an experienced spanking Top. A masochistic female will want to play with a reputable sadist at events, where she can feel safer in a group setting.
A (straight, but could also be bi) male spankee, on the other hand IME, doesn't care who wails away on his bare bottom as long as he is minimally attracted, or as long as the person willing to OTK spank him, or leather-strap spank him against the wall or while bent over bound to a spanking block, appears to be a woman doing it. In fact, male subs act as if they are willing to consider bottoming for any female who will do CFNM with them, where they get to strip down naked (so they can feel sexually objectified).
Again, in my experience, in real life scenarios, this is much less of a difference than presented here.
It sounds (to me) like inexperienced male subs being compared to experienced female subs. Not like to like.
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Most Doms and male switches who contact me aren't looking for a relationship -- they want kinky sex with a female who can Top them.
(I don't get contacted by females about this, so no data to report there.)
But this is online.
What about in real life, interacting at socials and play parties? How about then? And observing the behavior of males and females with others?
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In a nutshell, when talking about submission, I don't see nearly as many service-oriented males as there are service-oriented females who profess to want an owner, when it comes to a non-sexual/non-fetishy capacity.
Oh. I do.
In fact, in real life, the numbers for service actually skew more towards the males, in my experience (and in my friends' relationships). Females nearly always get some relationship/sex benefits from their service, at least long term.
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ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten
Male subs give more, female subs have rules and in general are bitches, men will lick your floor clean if you ask female subs will scoff.
The level of submission is quite different that is offered. most women want considerations want rules, want regulations want to tell me how far their submission goes and that its on their terms only. submissive first always....
Ive never encountered that with male subs, its all Me the Dominant first, then them the submissive second,
This is not my experience at all.
I am finding this thread fascinating.
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ORIGINAL: littleladybug
Men really do that? Wow, I should become a Domme, I totally need my house cleaned-- you know, as a "trial" of course.
So, aside from generally being "bitches", women don't have handyman skills, and generally offer less than their male counterparts? Fascinating.
LOL! Yes. This is where it gets interesting.
There are generalizations that can be made between the sexes, in motivations and so on. These generalizations can be made without judgment calls, but it's hard for people to even notice when they are being judgy or offensive, thanks to their own closely held belief systems.
The funny thing is, that while there are wild differences in the sexes in certain areas, very few of them are (in real life, as opposed to online) as different as they are presented here.
I'd like to point out that online is a medium geared more towards the female, by it's very social and verbal (written) nature. The average woman more likely to thrive online and be clear and get their point across than the average man.
Just like the average man is going to thrive and do better on the football field than the average woman. Put a woman out there and constantly judge her against the standards of football, and you are stacking the deck unfairly, even if she is exceptional at football.
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ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten
Hmm, People start threads based on what other people say, people go on and on and on about shit they dont know, being demeaning and rude, then people ask seriously personal questions about that poster...
And that poster.... SHOULDNT be jerkish in return? Really?
Generally, nope. While I think there is fun to be had one-on-one in snide contests when someone comes TO ME (in my inbox) with their idiocy, or in specially designated forums/groups, in general, there is no call to be publicly rude or inconsiderate to others, ever.
Of course we all will. I do. I just choose it despite the fact that it's not perfectly on the right. Not because it's A-OK then.
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ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten
Yes Female subs tend to want themselves to be the first consideration, where the male subs Ive encountered, put the Dominant first....
Female subs (females in general) are better at masking their true intentions.
Female subs get into relationships with just as many ulterior motives as male subs. They are just better at playing it off.
And to be clear, that is not a judgment call. It is just what it is is. Women are (generally) more socially adept than men, especially in mixed company), and better at manipulating to get what they want.
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ORIGINAL: GoddessManko
LOL, True. The first thing I said is "stop starting threads based on what I say". Then I won't have to throw people's blatant hypocrisy and outright lies in their faces. That is not my raison d'etre.
I'm not being snarky... I'm curious. Why does that upset you? You said it. In public. Does it matter that a thread was started on it?
I seriously don't get it.
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ORIGINAL: quizzicalkitten
Most of the boys who I have had serve me... Dont want a partnership, and dont want to be equal... they want to be less then, they want to know that there are others who can replace them if they dont fuck up...
So my relationships havent been partnerships because it isnt what either of us wanted or enjoyed... I have 3 boys who have been serving me regularly for 3 years + in this lack of "partnership"...
Have you considered that this is more related to the kinds of boys you attract and are willing to engage over time, versus how boys overall actually are?
Because that has not been my experience. Men and female submissives have wanted the same kind of PE partnerships from me. And NONE have wanted to be seen as easily replaceable, even the cucks.
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