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RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 12:37:18 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I do not think there are that many "want to be subs" in your area as you indicated.Possibly it could be that there are that many "I do not want to be your sub" in that area however..but remember all you need is one,..your right one..be well..Temping.

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 21

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 2:30:41 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

Here we go again....sigh. A submissive is not required to answer any and all emails from any and all Doms just because she is a submissive.

Just because you're a self-identified Dom does not mean any self-identified sub has to be submissive to you. Until a dynamic is mutually agreed upon and set between a Dom and sub, they are interacting as 2 people, getting to know one another.

I'm not submissive to every one who claims to be a Dom either online or r/t. The Doms I know and interact with r/t would be offended if I acted as though I were their sub when no dynamic is set. They do not wish for all subs to call them Sir or Master either.

Just because a submissive "disappears" or cuts contact with you doesn't mean they're a wannabe either, it just means they no longer want to have contact with you, that you don't fit what they need or are looking for. Simple.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 2:55:27 PM

lilninotchka

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

Just because a submissive "disappears" or cuts contact with you doesn't mean they're a wannabe either, it just means they no longer want to have contact with you, that you don't fit what they need or are looking for. Simple.

Or their computer failed and they can't use another, were in an accident or fell ill and haven't been online, were really not submissive at all, were really a man and thought you might expect to see them at some near future time, or they forgot the url to the site, or they forgot they had a profile on this site, or they deleted your email in a fit of rage and CAN"T send to you because they forgot who youwere, or they lost your email in a flurry of new emails, or they just decided to become a man instead, or they decided to become a dominant instead, or they were really an alien and their mother ship came back for them...or not...

There was this meeting set up once in real life - i called the gentleman just hours before we were supposed to meet, telling him that i had just totalled my car and was headed to the hospital with my kids, who were in the car and wouldn't be able to make it...i got called all kind of 'wanna-be' and other assorted names i won't bore you with here, i offered him proof in the form of a police report and pics of my poor t-bird all to no avail - sometimes things are just not what you choose to see them as...and then sometimes they are. Nobody can actually say for sure what happened except the ones involved - just let it go and move on. Why bother stressing over it?

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 23

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 3:25:27 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

My philosophy is simply that I expect to teach *my* submissive everything she needs to know in pleasing and serving my needs but I don't expect to have to teach that same adult woman basic manners - such as the courtesy to reply to polite and sincere email.

Online does have its own dynamic where many a Dom and sub alike seem to feel the usual manners and courtesies don't apply. For the subs who have replied to me over the years, I've ranged from too pushy and over-bearing to seemingly not dominant at all. Fortunately, I've met enough "in between" who have actually appreciated I'm just being my normal, honest self.

As a Dom making the initial online email approach to a stranger, I've found there is nothing harder or more frustrating than apparently not living up to the preconceived notions too many fem/subs have of what a Dom is. I don't write "kneel bitch" mail and any sub with half a brain and has actually bothered to read my profile can work out why....

So what to do? Simple, because of the geek-mail all fem/subs get, I don't usually expect a reply from first contact, anyway. I'll then wait a few days and try again.... I've generally got 2 - 3 polite emails in me before I get tired of apparently talking to myself and then I write an equally polite final msg wishing her well. I then delete everything to do with her and vow never to contact her again because by now I'm thinking I've probably dodged a bullet with this one. IE, read my opening paragraph again....

It's the Net, get used to it!

Focus.

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 24

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 3:39:13 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Bites his tongue and just shakes his head.

All you can do is laugh

Errr, at what - someone who actually posted that he has nothing to say??? I'm thinking "empty vessels...."

Must be American humour because I'm shaking my own head in response.... lol

Focus.

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 25

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 3:40:57 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

It is also basic manners for a prospective dom not to approach a taken sub, but they do it to me at least a couple of times a week. Do you train your submissive to answer emails when her profile states clearly she is in a relationship? I do not think it is polite to email me a come-on. If it is a sincere response to my posts, that is one thing, if it is to pick up on me.. Im not responding, just like in the real world.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 26

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 4:07:07 PM

mysecret40

Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

M58DomFl :
Here is an example of why some of us subs stop answering emails...not saying this is you in any way~! But, this really bothers me...and I know many other subs,......I guess we just get tired of it....and perhaps take a break or lie low for a while.
Here is a recent email I recieved on here....

Shut up bitch. You talk way to much, and I think that worthless hole you call a mouth needs to be gagged shut. There is no way I'm reading all that useless garble you have spit out and just forr even trying to convince anyone you are anything more than a low life skanky whore you should be spanked untill that ass shines red. If you write me back you will refer to Me as Sir. YOU GOT THAT!

Master D ~~~~shakes head~~~~secret

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 27

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 4:16:57 PM

Pulpsmack

Posts: 394
Joined: 4/15/2004
From: Louisiana
Status: offline

In short, everybody's a douche.

As much as I agree with your assertion that we have a bunch of fake idiots who... you ask for disappointment by approaching them in the first place.

Want to make forum friends? Hang out at collarme.
Want to read about a new technique for ...? Hang out at collarme
Want to find a submissive for R/L interaction? Go somewhere else.

1/6 is unacceptable? did you stamp your foot too when you typed that?

I don't know what you write to others, but judging by the attitude I would presume you are one of the contributing factors that poisions the few people on the submissive side that are here for real.

(in reply to mysecret40)

Post #: 28

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 4:38:17 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

*fast reply*

You know, until you meet someone face to face, develop a relationship with that person and declare yourselves to be dominant and submissive to each other, you aren't entitled to anything beyond common courtesy. Whoever told you that submissive people must behave submissively to anyone that says he's a dominant was blowing smoke up your tighty whities.

So, not everyone is answering your emails. Consider the fact that no answer, is definitely an answer. It's just not one designed to snuggle up to your sense of entitlement.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Pulpsmack)

Post #: 29

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 4:51:20 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

I think we should put a stop to all these disappearing subs/slaves once and for all. Lets see..how could we do that? Oh I know..lets create a registry for "real sub/slaves" and part of registering for that entails being implanted with an electronic micro chip that any "real doms/masters" have access to, when a submissive/slave doesnt answer an email they can get zapped or something.

Seriously though, why fret it? People not replying for whatever reason, are saving you the time of finding out yourself you're not compatible, for whatever reason.

I'm still an advocate of giving up the search of finding someone though. Once you've given up the search you can expose yourself to areas in life your interested in without pressure, form friendships, meet like minded people and then just naturally a relationship may occur (and you've saved yourself a lot of stress in the meantime).

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 30

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 7:00:09 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i am not getting to many emails, perhaps becouse i am not pretty or perhaps becouse i am not looking for others than a playpartner, but anyway even i have somtimes not had the time to write back or somtimes i have become sick and had to lve intenet and my contacts for a while, disapearing, this is ofcourse rude, and is somthing i regret, but it appens, but it do not make me fake.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 31

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 7:36:07 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

perhaps you would be interested to know that some of us who receive alot of emails, do answer most of them. I like, other women, do not answer rude or ridiculous ones. If someone approaches me in an interesting manner, uses something from my profile as a conversation starter, compliments me or some other respectful approach, of course I will say hello back. If someone is rude or stupid, I will tell them off or ignore them, depending on my mood. the block button is your friend.

from the other side of the fence, I would complain about the many, many who write with expectations upfront, such as "will you relocate?" or "how will you serve me" even before saying hello and introducing themselves. Or they have no profile and photo and they write, "do you have more pics?" (I already have four, thanks). Or, they are overseas or too far across the country and I prefer someone within reasonable distance of meeting.

the worst are those who you actually engage with in conversations and then they, DOMS, not subs, do not follow up, after expressing tremendous interest and being asked to chat on the phone, then they disappear or reappear a few weeks later as if nothing happened. I find that many Dominant men on the site are actually quite passive/aggressive when faced with the actual prospect of talking on the phone or meeting. It is clear in that case, that they are hiding behind the computer or just not serious.

so, all of the above is not a personal rant as such, but more to enlighten you, the OP, as to why so many of us subs are just not getting excited about emails.

I have these troubles with subs/slaves, and it's getting old. Personally, I hate it when their emails are mostly flattery, I've noticed they are basically saying that they 1. can not have a real conversation, (only net speak) which is important in what I am looking for, and 2. they are covering up the fact that they have not read my profile. I've seen several post about being polite enough to answer even with a "no thank you" and I have the same experience as they do, the person looks on it as encouragement just because you answered. I still try to answer all respectful emails, but I also use the block button now where I wouldn't before.

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 32

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 7:46:49 PM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

To the OP:

You might want to consider that the non response, was your "respectful" answer. Maybe they just didn't know a polite way to say "no". In my experience, sometimes when I say "no thank you" they have written back "why not?" . And those that have written back to you then disappeared, maybe they were telling you between the lines "no" and when you didn't see it, they just decided the best is to just leave, especially if they felt pressure.

Not saying any of these cases are you, but you might want to think a while before you start judging, and also look at "your" approach. If you are comfortable with your actions, then consider yourself lucky and move on. Not gonna do any good dwelling on ones that probably wouldn't work out anyway.

And as many have posted...I would be tickled pink with 1 in 6 in only a few months, I've been here waaaaay longer than that....hell how many are you looking for anyway?

< Message edited by TxBlkMistress -- 7/15/2006 7:49:30 PM >

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 33

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 8:01:32 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress

And as many have posted...I would be tickled pink with 1 in 6 in only a few months, I've been here waaaaay longer than that....hell how many are you looking for anyway?

I read that and then think back to all the form letters that different dominants have sent me that obviously were sent to anything with a heartbeat and a vagina. That certainly has never engendered a desire for me to respond. If you are sending out enough emails to different women to come up with a ratio of responses to nonresponses this tells me that someone has sent out a lot of feelers only to be offended when we didn't bite for the chum he loaded the water with....

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/15/2006 8:02:31 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 34

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 8:12:10 PM

M58DomFl

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/8/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline

For now I will rewrite my profile a little. I removed all of the journal and wrote some new things. I duplicate posted this rant in Ask a Sub and got some great feedback. My thanks to them, even though it was deleted by the management. I hope they find this message and continue posting here. J

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

Post #: 35

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 8:33:35 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: M58DomFl

For now I will rewrite my profile a little. I removed all of the journal and wrote some new things. I duplicate posted this rant in Ask a Sub and got some great feedback. My thanks to them, even though it was deleted by the management. I hope they find this message and continue posting here. J

Please do not be offended by my comments. I just have seen this same rant over and over again... I am not meaning to offend you and perhaps I should not have made the comment about your ratio, and I apologize for it.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/15/2006 8:34:03 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 36

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 8:59:03 PM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

LOL. . .

I likely would not have answered you emails either after reading your profile.

Saying that you have a need for a sub just turns me off. I do not really enjoy being around people that are not self-sufficient and happy just being with themselves. Also you give very little information about yourself, merely just come off sounding desperate.

Also, saying that you can teach anything is arrogant and unlikely true. I would like to learn to tango. . . can you teach that? How about cannon specifications from the 17th century? Military fortifications during the 30 years war? Or perhaps how to keep women from returning to their abusers? And these are just a couple of areas that I am working in learning things.

Then again, if I received an email from you and it provide thought and interest for me, I might answer it.

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 37

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/15/2006 11:44:26 PM

M58DomFl

Posts: 14
Joined: 6/8/2006
From: Tampa Florida
Status: offline

juliaoceania , there is no need to apologize. This has been a learning experience for me.

LaMalinche...arrogant? Ok...I may not have a degree...but I have been around a lot longer that some people. I have things that can not be tough in colleges. I have real world experience. You seem very angry. Should I get down on my knees and beg for a sub? I read in many sub profiles what they 'need-want-desire-expect' in chapter and verse. I express myself clearly without alot of 'must be's and descriptions. BTW...I'm better at American Civil War and WW2 than 17th century and 30 yrs war information. Want to talk about it anyhow?

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 38

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/16/2006 12:48:57 AM

TxBlkMistress

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

Actually, I wasn't being critical, asking about how many you were looking for...it was a post ending joke...nothing more

_____________________________

Being Domme it is a way of life for me, not a kink, but it's not the only thing that defines me. Get to know me as person, you might like what you find.

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 39

RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/16/2006 2:24:24 AM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

LaMalinche...arrogant? Ok...I may not have a degree...but I have been around a lot longer that some people.

Age is not an accomplishment, and youth is not a sin.

I have things that can not be tough in colleges.

I think that what you are trying to say is that you have knowledge or skills that cannot be taught in college. . . but I may be mistaken. . . but most of us do have knowledge and experiences that are not from a college education, especially when you consider that the all-over matriculation rate for a 4 year degree is about 10% of the population.

I always wonder though, why people without a college degree seem to find it some sort of accomplishment that they did not receive one. Or attempt to derive some sort of moral superiority from it.

I have real world experience.

Congradulations! I am please to hear that you are not living in some fantasy world concocted in your own head. However I do believe that the only ones without real world experience are fetuses. What is the point of that statement anyway? No really, I am curious.

You seem very angry.

Why is that? Because I was critical of your profile and complaint? That does not make me angry, it merely means that I have an opinion, again, something that everyone has. To let you know since you appear to have some sort of concern for my emotional state, I am a fairly happy well-adjusted person.

Should I get down on my knees and beg for a sub?

If you think that it would help. Although more useful would be to attend different activities whether they be lifestyle oriented or not. And instead of just searching out subs, spend some time on the message boards here are get to know people, local or not. If you make it plain that you like people, it is hard for them to resist not liking you back. I normally recommend just making friends with people in meatlife and in virtual life, with the folks that you befriend in meatlife, do things such as going out for coffee, movies, galleries, whatever your mutual interests are. You would be suprised at the number of lifestyle people that you will meet that look perfectly vanilla.

I read in many sub profiles what they 'need-want-desire-expect' in chapter and verse. I express myself clearly without alot of 'must be's and descriptions.

Many profiles, Dom or sub or switch or whatever, have laundry lists of needs-wants-desires-expectations. This is do to the cultural conditioning that we have received that tells us that we are not to be without a mate for any length of time and that there is a 'perfect' life out there if you can just find the 'right' mate. Because reality does not work this way, many people find themselves feeling unfulfilled and instead of finding pulfillment in themselves, they look for fulfillment in others. Try not to buy into all of the crap that advertisers, magazines, written fiction, tv, and movies throw at you about this. It is like I mentioned about how your use of the phrase 'need a sub,' would immediatly make me contemplate not responding to an email. I am not looking for co-dependency, and that is what that type of phrase suggests.

BTW...I'm better at American Civil War and WW2 than 17th century and 30 yrs war information. Want to talk about it anyhow?

If I received an email from you discussing aspects of those wars, I would respond. Discussing it here would be a hi-jacking of this thread, however it is YOUR thread, so hi-jack if you want. The War of Southern Succession and WWII are the most popular amoung Americans, so much so that I tend to refer to the History Channel as the Hitler Channel. I do consider them overdone and romantisized. And then there is that fact that Captain Gars is one of my all time heroes. Even if he was a madman.

----------------------

So take my criticisms and my advice as you will. I am curious if you bothered to read my profile. I think that it gives some insight into myself. And feel free to come over to the Polls and Other Random Stupidity section and get to know some of us there. You might just have a good time and have a chance to meet and personal message with some really great ladies and gentlemen, which may help with your other attempts at emailing ladies in your search.

Just my $.10 - the price has gone up, someone noted the effects of inflation the other day.

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to M58DomFl)

Post #: 40

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