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RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/19/2006 7:37:40 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Nods to bobbi..have had subs do that too.

I, on the other hand, don't waste time with arguing.

That's what the block feature is for.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/19/2006 7:03:21 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: M58DomFl

LaMalinche...I have been working long hours with little sleep since I last wrote.  You do have a caustic wit.  All I have been talking about is called common courtesy...it has nothing to do with being a sub or a Dom.  I've had my profile reviewed by a few sub friends and they don't find it 'out of the ordinary' or coming on too strong.  I've talked on the phone to bbwinma.  We've been more than friends for over 4 yrs.  She is one of those that has a lot of problems with her computer so she has not been able to get back to you.  I still think that there are a lot of 'wanna-bes' and players here.  J


Ahhhh. . . the poor over-worked dom.  I feel soooooo bad for you.  But since you want to have a pissing contest. . .

I am a grad student that puts in 20 praticum hours a week, plus summer classes, AND I work 50 plus hours a week.  I also do volunteer work, and am the emergency babysitter for friends' children.  Yet, I still found the time to not only respond to you, but to send you a PM. 

As far as my "caustic wit" goes, if you had taken the time to read my profile and were able to comprehend it, I do address that issue. 

It is not that you come on 'too strong' in your profile, you do not come on at all, except as co-dependent. 

I have no idea as to why bbwinma would be getting back with me, as I do not even know who she is, however, I am always willing to answer questions and give advice if requested. 

It is also not the best come-on method to come on to a message board and accuse people of being 'wanna-bes' just because they are not interested in you.  Whining and name-calling are not attractive characteristics.  Show some class.  Get off of your couch, turn off the Mork and Mindy re-runs, put down the cool Coors sixteen ouncer, and go do something.  Meet new and interesting people.  Take a walk.  Go fishing.  Find something to do, instead of bitching that no one wants you. 



"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile."  ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 17
 
 



_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to M58DomFl)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/19/2006 10:11:51 PM   
dominmd


Posts: 474
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I am just having patience. Sooner or later, I'll meet the people I want to meet.

No wait. I have.

I met the woman I collared by going out with the local group here in Baltimore. If I had not done that, IF I had stayed at home, I would have never met her.

I still search collarme for others who will be my friends and who knows, play partners and possibly even a serious relationship. All things take time and patience. Just because I am a Dom, does not mean anything. Submissives are people too, they have almost the same needs and wants and desires for a healthy realtionship that the rest of us do.

I will agree with all the other posts that say get up, go out, and be seen. Meet people, have fun, and then work on a D/s relationship. Just get the complainers off their lazy asses and get them to do something.

< Message edited by dominmd -- 7/19/2006 10:17:35 PM >

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/20/2006 7:29:39 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

Nods to bobbi..have had subs do that too.

I, on the other hand, don't waste time with arguing.

That's what the block feature is for.


I'm such a Jewish girl. I feel guilty using the block button.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/21/2006 4:05:35 AM   
wandering4u


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Block button is a person's best friend here.  In the real world you would not answer some people who annoy you. Here it is that button.

Cm is a great way to learn about the lifestyle and meet friends.That being said, there is nothing better than going out and becoming active in your local community to find someone to do more than chat with. 



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/21/2006 5:09:28 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		Interresting thread.  I personnally was brought up that it is good manners to respond even if just to say no thank you.  If I say no thank you to the first email, I do not have to respond to the second.  What I do not understand is the number of posts effectively saying that manners are not necessarry.  I do not expect a response if I email someone who is not local and they say they will not relocate; however in most of those cases I am simply saying good luck or something else similar that does not require a response.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/21/2006 7:13:16 PM   
bbwsubinma


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sure that I'll get loads of crap dumped on me by La Minche for saying this, but  in my humble opinion the biggest whiner in this entire thread has been La Minche.  Perhaps you need to get some sleep instead of reading and posting at all hours... perhaps then you'd be a bit less caustic and irritating.  Did you ever stop to think that the reason he doesn't check this board every 15 minutes so as to respond to you right away is because he does have a life and he's out living it?

J's original question could perhaps have been phrased in a less confrontational way, but he real meat of the question was "What has happened to common courtesy and manners?" 

He's a very nice man, who has always treated me with the utmost courtesy and respect.  He was very patient and kind when getting to know me - and yes, we met online in a chat room, then exchanged email and phone calls before meeting in person.  I'll stop there before I'm accused of writing an ad for him.  Reading this thread was my first exploration into these message boards... I have to say that if this is the way they all go, I'm not sure I want to explore the others.

(in reply to mstrj69)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/22/2006 1:29:35 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		I'm sure that I'll get loads of crap dumped on me by La Minche for saying this,

Interesting. . . I can do that, if it will make you feel acknowledged.  Oh, and it is LaMalinche, as in the historical figure. . . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Malinche

but  in my humble opinion the biggest whiner in this entire thread has been La Minche.

Again, interesting viewpoint. . . and you certainly are entitled to your opinions, whether they are humble or not, I would appriciate some evidence to back them up. . .

Perhaps you need to get some sleep instead of reading and posting at all hours...

It is called multi-tasking. . . I just leave the browser open while I do other things. 
 
perhaps then you'd be a bit less caustic and irritating. 

Highly unlikely.  I knew there must be a reason VH refers to me as Yomi at times.  You are more than welcome to come over to the Polls and Other Random Stupidity threads and have some fun with us there. 

Did you ever stop to think that the reason he doesn't check this board every 15 minutes so as to respond to you right away is because he does have a life and he's out living it?

I brought up his non-responsiveness only AFTER checking to see if he had been on CM.  And he had.  Not only has he not responded to this thread. . . which has now been somewhat hijacked. . . he did not respond to the PM that I sent.  This discussion really belongs on the other side, not here.

J's original question could perhaps have been phrased in a less confrontational way, but he real meat of the question was "What has happened to common courtesy and manners?" 

A note for the both of you: questioning the common courtesy of others and at the same time calling them wanna-bees is inconsistant and shows a lack of common courtesy on his part.

He's a very nice man, who has always treated me with the utmost courtesy and respect. 

Well, good.

He was very patient and kind when getting to know me - and yes, we met online in a chat room, then exchanged email and phone calls before meeting in person. 

Again. . . good.  I have meet several people in meat-life that I originally met on-line.

I'll stop there before I'm accused of writing an ad for him.  Reading this thread was my first exploration into these message boards... I have to say that if this is the way they all go, I'm not sure I want to explore the others.

Well, that is your choice, but I will quote Grey's Law anyway, "Try everything at least twice, in case you got it wrong the first time." 
 
Good luck on your search for your Dom, and as always feel free to email me on the other side.
 

< Message edited by LaMalinche -- 7/22/2006 1:38:51 AM >

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to bbwsubinma)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/22/2006 1:36:14 AM   
VandalHeart


Posts: 1333
Joined: 9/12/2004
Status: offline 		Too late.  It already sounds like an ad.

OK, let's get real here.  Manners and common courtesy are just like common sense.  They aren't all that common.  And while setting personal boundaries is one thing, most people need a slap in the face to get the point across.

On the other hand, I for one am sick and tired of people coming on the boards and tossing off the term "wanna-be" and expecting NOT to get lambasted by people.  When there is anyone who comes online and makes a "shotgun insult" it amazes me how much they can't take a little negative feedback.  Grow some skin, get a spine, I don't care how you get it, just get it.

_____________________________

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.
--King Jarenth of the Goblins, Labyrinth

(in reply to bbwsubinma)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/22/2006 10:28:08 AM   
bbwsubinma


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline 		"I brought up his non-responsiveness only AFTER checking to see if he had been on CM.  And he had.  Not only has he not responded to this thread. . . which has now been somewhat hijacked. . . he did not respond to the PM that I sent.  This discussion really belongs on the other side, not here."

And are you completely sure that this feature works perfectly all the time.  I belong to several other sites where even after I've logged out others have been given the impression that I am still logged in because the servers do not update.  I've gotten emails at these sites asking me why I never responded to requests to chat - once when I hadn't been logged in there for more than 5 hours.  So I would suggest not taking anything for granted - just because a site says someone is online, it very well may not be the case. 

Peace be with you.  

(in reply to VandalHeart)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/22/2006 12:19:29 PM   
petslavenj


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/3/2006
Status: offline 		   It is so easy to be angry with each other when we do not meet specific expectations. For myself, i have received so many rude and ignorant posts, or i have gotten into a conversation with someone and all they want is revealing pictures, that i have gotten jaded and therefore do not answer many posts. There are many on this site just phishing for a thrill and particularly when a sub first posts an id, she is overwhelmed with all sorts of replies to her profile.
The Doms I know and love are not rude or ignorant. They are respectful of others and in control of themselves. Unfortunately there are enough on this site who are not that i often find myself not responding just to give myself a break. And there are those when you meet them in person that you find all they want is a scene and then call it a night. So, if you wonder why subs don't answer every contact? Perhaps this is the reason. It is not like attending a munch or a party where people are respectful and accepting of one another. This forum can become quite abusive.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/23/2006 1:13:39 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I think the OP was misunderstood, or some of the respondants misunderstood. Here's my take on all this.

I've spoken to a few of my sub friends regarding the perspective of the sub and dom in terms of online personals and initial contact emails. Some of THEM, especially the females report that they're often overwhelmed by emails, and most of that is 'wannafuck' in nature. You know the type, one liners, null content, cock pic included, name your poison, they seem to get it in a very large dose. Often, they give up fast, simply because the noise to content ratio is so steep, that the labor involved just doesn't make it worth it to locate those few potential gems. Some actually give it the old college try though, but are often discouraged or simply dispair at the quality of potential partners that they do manage to sift out. Yes, they do often wonder if they missed some one that was genuine, or that thier methods are flawed as to cause missing some of those gems.

I have asked them, "If that is the case, why not just stop bothering with wading through the mail and browse profiles?", and honestly, I never got a satisfactory answer. :) What I usually got was, in general, "Because I don't want to.", or the next common one was, "If I write some one, they might get obsessed and that's just as bad as the emails." It seems that the subs are often in a double bind: Wait and sift and hope, or aggressively search and get a stalker. Granted, the second can be handled with a simple block, but some get so shocked or flustered, they often get flustered and flee, or stop bothering with the mail and dive into chat only.

Now, I'm not saying that there aren't some real troopers out there, but the 'wannafuck' crowd is making things really miserable for the rest of us to connect, honestly. I'm also not saying this is the only reason. I KNOW there are some thrill seekers, teases, and 'just here for fantasy' people as well.

I don't have any solutions, but I do have a large supply of patience. Only occasionally I try a few emails to those that I'm certainly interested in, and I'm not very good at introducing myself, just a simple hello, we've got a few similar interests, how about we talk a bit? If they don't respond? It's thier loss. That's too bad though, because I feel I'm one of those gems they're mucking for, at least potentially.

(in reply to petslavenj)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 4:25:38 AM   
wandering4u


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Pet and Scott make very good points. It is very difficult for anyone to search through to find the gem. 

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 5:11:01 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I really wanted to avoid this thread, but apparently i have a sick fascination with it.

The topic of submissives not extending common courtesy towards dominants has been hashed and rehashed so many times.

What about dominants extending common courtesy towards submissives? Is it because dominant feel like they don't need to send a well thought out e-mail to a lowly submissive? But funny how they expect one in return to their one liners.

I'll extend a dominant common courtesy when he does the same for me.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to M58DomFl)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 5:31:37 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I am always respectful to submissives.
I never send one liners on initial contact
I comment on something in their profile.

I make my email long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep it interesting.

I'm getting gun shy. I've been a salesman and can take a no but 98 "no-replys" out a 100 is getting to me.





_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 5:36:01 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I meant to add to my post that i realize not all dominants send one liners. That some are respectful. You are obviously one of them.

I was merely commenting on the fact that while SOME dominants expect common courtesy extended towards them; they don't take into consideration that SOME submissives expect the same thing.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 7:24:32 AM   
bbwsubinma


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline 		OK - here's how I handle rude or ridiculous email from anyone regardless of their status on any site where I have an account.  The sender gets a short and to the point "thanks, but no thanks" email  in return and they are immediately blocked.  It may take me a day or two to do so, just because I have a heavy schedule and don't have the chance to check in as often as I would like.  Extremely ridiculous come-ons/orders may inspire me to be pen a more direct reply, but they still get blocked after it's sent.  Life's too short to put up with the chaff - the point is that I respond... I hate to be left hanging by people that don't respond to me, so in turn I try not to leave anyone else hanging.  It's the old "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you" - I try to practice it and while I may not always succeed, at least I know I've tried.

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 7:47:44 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

I personnally was brought up that it is good manners to respond even if just to say no thank you. 


A few observations:

1) Since email didn't exist when you were being raised, you were not raised to believe that responding to email was good manners. You're taking two different situations and trying to make them the same.

2) People somehow lose sight of the fact that email is not like walking up to someone in public and saying hello. It is more akin to calling a stranger at home. You're coming into their space to make a comment. We all have different tolerances when it comes to people coming into our "space".

3) What I consider polite, may not be what you consider polite. Personally, I find it offensive when men I don't know call me pet, girl, dear, honey, and baby.

As I said before, I've really tried being polite. But, number of men that find that response as an open door have changed that response from me.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to mstrj69)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 12:54:21 PM   
SeasonsChange


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/8/2005
Status: offline 		I would say the problem that the entire community is experiencing is two things, 1) a massive power gap because of the number of dom's to subs, which inherantly gives the subs the power of choice, not doms (hundreds of emails vs. four emails a week, the reality of choice and options, the ability to be the one that says yes or no(power) goes to the subs) and this power gap for Dom's especially, is incredibly frustrating.  which creates 2) Those in that strive to be in power are rendered powerless(or close to it). And so the immense frustration the dom's feel, occationally inspires some to be less than proffessional in their approach or exceedingly more and more persistent.  This makes the girls read and reply to fewer emails...essentially creating a compounded problem.  but I will say from experience, I am a relatively young, attractive, intelligent guy, and my approach to contacting submissives was of genuine interest talking about their profiles and just getting in contact to get to know each other better never ordering them to do anything seeing as I did not own them...I suffered the same fate as most on here speak of...its a problem that faces all doms on this site.  I however lucked out, and found some one in real life, whom I happily own now.... :0) <i>suck it</i> collarme subs bahaha...and yes I am resentful with every right to be haha

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Disappearing subs...want-to-be's? - 7/24/2006 2:22:58 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeasonsChange
1) a massive power gap because of the number of dom's to subs, which inherantly gives the subs the power of choice, not doms 

Newsflash! Until there is an agreement for power exchange.....the subs have always had the power of choice. Unless you're a cave man and drag off your women by the hair...or live in country that will allow you to buy a woman for 3 sheep and a mule. What in the world makes you think that a woman gives up the choice of who she shares her life with just because she labels herself a submissive or slave?

quote:

this power gap for Dom's especially, is incredibly frustrating. 
Which would lead me to believe that many would strive to be outstanding. However, some just choose that moment to be a royal jackass.

quote:

Those in that strive to be in power are rendered powerless(or close to it).
Wrong. Every single one of us is in control of our own power and makes the choice of what to do with it. If you choose to feel powerless, that is your choice, not something that someone else did to you. 



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SeasonsChange)
Profile   Post #: 80
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