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RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/16/2006 1:39:30 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

How can anyone have trust in a relationship. When honesty is 1 sided. When you have a sub that tells all that she does, everyone she talks to, and everything that is said in her life.
 
But then you have a Dom that hides stuff, tells you it is none of your business what He does, or who He does it with. Who He talks to or what He says to them. Keeps secrets. How is that a trusting relationship? As far as I am concerned there cannot be a trusting relationship in this lifestyle if a Dom doesn't have to be honest with His sub/slave and hide stuff.
My rant is done for the moment.
rose442


Ok, gonna be the opposer here. I for one.. won't enter a relationship where I have to account for all I do.. where I go.. with whom I encountered. If a dom needs to know all this.. I do believe he is the one with trust and jealousy issues. Just as I do not need to know all either. If I do not trust him... time to go about my way.  If I tell one of my doms what i've been up to... whom with.. it's because it came up in general conversation... or because I just simply chose to while talking.  Not because of being ordered too..if he's that insecure that he has to know every little thing I do on a daily basis.. time for him to be on his way as well.

Now let it be known... this is my own opinion...and what works for me... no one has to agree or disagree with this. It doesn't make me any less of whom and what I am... to myself and the ones it matters to.




_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 4:16:38 AM   
MasterStoney442


Posts: 39
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		This is in reply to most of the people that answer questions on here .
I find it very amusing that most who reply to questions on here ,do so with only knowing one side of the question. How can any one that really knows of life what  ever the life is ,give an answer to a one sided question or conversation?
 
I see there are alot that have nothing to do but set on the puter all day and do this . What a life they must have lol. I guess if all you have to do is set all day and eat bonbons and assume you know every thing , there must be alot of money in your bank. LOL.
 
For those that know what it is to be slave to a Master and give that kind of answer ,meaning you live it then you have that right. But remember you do not live my life , so what works for you is not my thing . Listen to the song by George Montgomery" You do you thing and I'll do mine " maybe you will see there are some that really think life is what you make it .
 
I really know that if one has  an issue in there life this is not the place to get answers . I very well could say more but why waste my time .
 
JUST A NOTE : THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO EVERY THING .

_____________________________

when you look at life it looks back at you

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 4:52:29 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		You are right, we do not know the other side of the "story".   We only know what the person that wrote it posted...hence:  all the replies to the person who wrote it.  For all i know it's just another ploy from a sub that is cryiny boo hoo, my master is so mean to me, he does not understand me, i can not control the way i want things so this is where i came to let everyone know.
Quite honestly, i could care less.  I replied saying y'all need some communication, and you posting this confirms it.  The comment about people being here online all day and eating bon bons was reaching.  Your pissed off, so now it's your turn to cry boo hoo?
Go talk to your woman and find out why she is airing your laundry in a public forum and either work it out, or not. 

Good luck.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 6:58:13 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I responded to this thread because your girl made a generalization about this lifestyle based upon her interactions with one individual...you. I suggested to her that this was not a lifestyle issue.

As for not knowing both sides of the story....we have all been privy to the accounts of the both of you. Much great thought and advice have been provided to each of you. But I think that smiless has it correct....it appears that it is easier for the two of you to come on here and slam each other....cry boo hoo....ask for advice....then yell at everyone who gives it, than it is for the two of you to actually sit down and communicate with each other and do the work that is necessary to salvage the pieces of your seriously damaged, immensely dysfunctional relationship. 

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:01:09 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

This is in reply to most of the people that answer questions on here .
I find it very amusing that most who reply to questions on here ,do so with only knowing one side of the question. How can any one that really knows of life what  ever the life is ,give an answer to a one sided question or conversation?
 
I see there are alot that have nothing to do but set on the puter all day and do this . What a life they must have lol. I guess if all you have to do is set all day and eat bonbons and assume you know every thing , there must be alot of money in your bank. LOL.
 
For those that know what it is to be slave to a Master and give that kind of answer ,meaning you live it then you have that right. But remember you do not live my life , so what works for you is not my thing . Listen to the song by George Montgomery" You do you thing and I'll do mine " maybe you will see there are some that really think life is what you make it .
 
I really know that if one has  an issue in there life this is not the place to get answers . I very well could say more but why waste my time .
 
JUST A NOTE : THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO EVERY THING .


Obviously you seem to know "the other side".  Care to enlighten us all?   I mean, we just can't go on being so ignorant and all.. SAVE US!!!!!

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:13:25 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I agree that in many cases, it is simply a difference of opinion...what is high-maintenance to me may be a 'piece of cake' to another dominant.  Perhaps, as CrappyDom noted on another thread, here too is a case where evolution may be involved...don't know for sure.


Not to hijack again, but can you clarify what evolution has to do with this? Just curious....


CD is referring to the thread "The Problem With Slavery And BDSM", and in it CrappyDom's description of the evolution of people's self-awareness in this lifestyle.  I took CD's comment to mean that perhaps the incompatible people we were talking about were simply at different stages of their respective journeys.

Edited to add:

*blushes*  Sorry, CD... I appear to have jumped in and answered for you.



~grins~...that's O.K., lost...you do such a good job of answering when you do that I can only sit back and be appreciative of your effort.

(in reply to losttreasure)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:19:14 AM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

How can anyone have trust in a relationship. When honesty is 1 sided. When you have a sub that tells all that she does, everyone she talks to, and everything that is said in her life.
 
But then you have a Dom that hides stuff, tells you it is none of your business what He does, or who He does it with. Who He talks to or what He says to them. Keeps secrets. How is that a trusting relationship? As far as I am concerned there cannot be a trusting relationship in this lifestyle if a Dom doesn't have to be honest with His sub/slave and hide stuff.
My rant is done for the moment.
rose442

quote:

This slave is Masters, heart, mind, soul, and body. To use as Master wishes, when Master wishes to do so.



Your signature negates any of your rant - If that is how you feel, accept it.


_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:21:05 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Dang, Rose slams D/s relationships in general and now, Stoney slams all of us posting on here. This is one generalizing couple.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:34:04 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Maybe it's a good idea next time to get the tattoo AFTER you're sure you're in a trusting relationship.

Just a thought.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

Ok I have to get in here now, yes, Master knows about this thread. He knows what is bothering me again. It is a trust issue I have. I am extremely jealous. It has gotten in the way of sleeping and our lives. I am missurable. And it is my fault. I don't trust him because I see Him as being sneeky. I don't think ANY relationship should have anything hidden from a partner. Rather it be a person you meet, talk to or somewhere you go. My life is an open book for him and I think His should be too. I am pissed. I am hurt, and I am embarrased because of what lenghts of distrust I have and make up. I have really no reason to be this way. I feel He does tell white lies. And I feel He does hide stuff from me. And to me that should not be there. Yes I take the blame for this thread and our problems at home. My ensecurities will cost Uus our relationship.
 
And for my tag line (signature) it was true at one point, b4 He moved here. Now I have to get it back. If Master wrote in this thread right now He would tell you it is me and my mind that is Oour problem.
 
I have to cook. Be back later.

rose442

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:41:49 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Hi Iron Bear

I thought I'd answer your question. I have the "need to know" feeling, but it's not from lack of trust or paranoia. When I am close to someone I am curious about everything they're doing. I enjoy them knowing everything about me too. It would bother me immensely if a man I lived with kept things hidden from me. I just don't want or need that much distance with my lover. This would be true even if I were sure nothing bad was going on. It's an emotional need to be involved and I know it isn't for everybody. But I am happy with it  :)

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:45:32 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Only casually following this thread but it would seem the Master of a girl who elicited 4 pages of replies to her complaints about him would be better to deal with his girl than to lash out at those who replied to her.

Of course there are two sides to every "story."  Were others advising the Master of that when he began his own thread about her?  Relationships played out in public are going to get all sorts of unwanted, disagreed with input.  Filter out what doesn't make sense, take what does, and deal with the relationship.  A post that criticizes the unwanted advice does nothing but add to the public display of drama.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:54:56 AM   
LadyElaine


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		There is a BIG difference also between lying and keeping secrets!
Especially around Christnas time.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 8:18:07 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rose442

How can anyone have trust in a relationship. When honesty is 1 sided. When you have a sub that tells all that she does, everyone she talks to, and everything that is said in her life.
 
But then you have a Dom that hides stuff, tells you it is none of your business what He does, or who He does it with. Who He talks to or what He says to them. Keeps secrets. How is that a trusting relationship? As far as I am concerned there cannot be a trusting relationship in this lifestyle if a Dom doesn't have to be honest with His sub/slave and hide stuff.

rose442


Then that person is not a dom, it is simple really.  Those who lie have no idea what the lifestyle is about.  They are just out to use others and play.
Your choice if you choose to be around them or not.
I'm sorry you have had to go through this.  I'm sure you have probably explained in a post afte rthe first one....perhaps I will get to that post today.

(in reply to rose442)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 9:35:03 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

This is in reply to most of the people that answer questions on here .
I find it very amusing that most who reply to questions on here ,do so with only knowing one side of the question. How can any one that really knows of life what  ever the life is ,give an answer to a one sided question or conversation?
 
I see there are alot that have nothing to do but set on the puter all day and do this . What a life they must have lol. I guess if all you have to do is set all day and eat bonbons and assume you know every thing , there must be alot of money in your bank. LOL.
 
For those that know what it is to be slave to a Master and give that kind of answer ,meaning you live it then you have that right. But remember you do not live my life , so what works for you is not my thing . Listen to the song by George Montgomery" You do you thing and I'll do mine " maybe you will see there are some that really think life is what you make it .
 
I really know that if one has  an issue in there life this is not the place to get answers . I very well could say more but why waste my time .
 
JUST A NOTE : THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO EVERY THING .


Then why is your slave asking all of us internet addicts for our time if we are so inadequate to the task? It is one thing to point out specific issues with different posts, it is quite another to attack everyone that posts here because they wanted to help your slave. Perhaps if you paid more attention to her sleeplessness and her upset instead of insulting strangers she wouldn't have asked their advice in the first place.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 9:38:43 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

Not to mention the times that he has come on asking for help in his own posts.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 3:08:43 PM   
DixieBellle


Posts: 20
Joined: 5/26/2006
From: middle TN
Status: offline 		I remember the overweight sub post also. He is not happy about your weight, he has people watch you, keeps very close tabs, doesnt trust you. Those are exactly the things that my horribly abusive ex husband did to me. This is not healthy for you.
I know exactly what i am talking about btw, i am married to and live with my Master 24/7. We both have complete trust in each other, we have no secrets.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 3:35:27 PM   
janiceleeinsc


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		Somewhere, someone has lied to you.   The trick is going to be for you to find peace within yourself. Once you set your own limits, values, and expectations, you will trust yourself again, and then you will be able to trust others. 

Respectfully,  Mistress_Jan

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:47:20 PM   
KennelDeSade2


Posts: 210
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom
Do you believe more Goreans are trustworthy than are those who do BDSM? 


Been my experience with Goreans is that once they have written about Honor, Duty, and Truth in their "scrolls" then they feel they have done all they need ever do in the service of those concepts.

I shall now hop on my tarn, and go play cowboy over the bosk herd, a bota of black wine over one shoulder and vodka (or what passes for in this local swill) over the other.  Being as close to Kahlua as you can get over here.


_____________________________

Rules? Just one: I say, she does.
Everything else, is just details.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 7:54:04 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterStoney442

This is in reply to most of the people that answer questions on here .


A sad response from you... but hardly unexpected...

It is my perception that you both are very deserving for each other.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MasterStoney442)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Trust is a lie in the BDSM world - 7/17/2006 10:43:03 PM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		I am fairly new to the forums, and seeing the posts i thought there was more to this thread than just this one thread.  I reviewed (briefly) the numerous posts made by both parties in this thread.

I would strongly suggest, which has been suggested before by many,  both parties need to take their personal lives offline, sit in a room without distractions and openly discuss what they each want, need and desire.  If that does not work or will not work find a kink friendly therapist and go to them.  Both parties have said they want this to work, they love each other.  I suggest you both prove it with actions not just words.  Obviously there are issues on both sides, nothing is one sided, however this is not the forum to solve the issues.

I wish you both the best as this is going to be a truly bumpy ride for both of you.

owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 80
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