Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What is high maintenance?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What is high maintenance? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:30:41 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		What exactly does a person mean when they call another *high maintenance*? I've seen and heard people say this many times and I'd like to know exactly what is meant by it?

Are they people with boundaries who refuse to "lower" them in order to live a happy and more fulfilled life according to their own standards? Or are they just leeches looking for a freebies?

Also why are people who are considered *high maintenance* to be avoided  like the plague? I'm curious as to others opinions of this phrase.

To me *high maintenance* is someone who desires possessions and lots of spending cash. They can be extremely self centered and spoiled. I've seen it in both genders so I do not believe it is gender specific.

Thoughts, opinions?

~Lashra
Whipping asses since 1981

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”





Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:36:33 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I just posted about this in the trust in BDSM thread. I dislike the term high maintenance because it is a catch all phrase used to connote many things.

One can be termed high maintenance as you say above, but I would term all that somewhat shallow, superficial, materialistic and acquisitive and not high maintenance.

Other times a woman or man is called high maintenance when they are challenging intellectually, assertive, empowered, dramatic, intense or other attributes that intimidate others.

It can also mean someone who takes care of themselves, gets manicures, gets their hair done, wears makeup and jewelry and takes too long to get ready to go out.

I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women.

Of course, it can also mean someone who is very difficult to get along with and who is uncompromising and one who requires too much work to deal with.

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 7/15/2006 10:40:51 AM >

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:39:13 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		 I must be in a weird, tired and humorous mood, as I am tempted to just say: See the thread on the word "real", hehe (you have to read it, it's good, and a good topic). Another subjective definition.

Bottom-line, it means (to me): This person is too much, or whole heaps of (if not too much) work (for whoever is saying it to someone else) - which (I think) is fine for someone to state, as long as they've taken a good look at the situation, and themselves, and the other person, to reach that judgment, and not made it some excuse for their own shortcomings (this goes for both sides of the fence, I guess).

You could also see the "why bdsm and slavery don't mix" (or whatever it's called, I can't remember now), thread that was posted by Crappy Dom earlier this morning. Maybe the people involved are at different "stages" in terms of personal growth? One person's "high-maintenance" could be another's dream partner, I guess it all depends on how honest people are being with themselves and eachother, and what it is they have to offer and what they want.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/15/2006 10:46:56 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:40:06 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		To newcomers to our household, I am "high maintenance", as is my mate, SR. To me, high maintenance means that we expect that things will be as we decide that they will be, and will suit our comfort, rather than another's. We have expectations (though we try to verbalize them for the convenience of those who will be expected to meet them), and some of our expectations are quite demanding. SR and I are even worse than the materially-high-maintenance, who require lots of "things" to keep them happy -- we are intellectually, spiritually, esoterically, and emotionally high-maintenance. We are -not- easy to get along with, easy-going, free of conflicting opinions and contradictory moments -- and we expect those who attend to us to be able to adapt, rather than requiring that -we- adapt to the comforts and neuroses of those who attend us.

Low-maintenance in our areas would be an individual who flowed with the shifts and changes around them without getting ruffled or needing a lot of external validation. We are certainly -not- that... and we haven't met very many people who are, actually. When it gets down to brass tacks, just about everyone is "high maintenance" -- which becomes apparent as soon as hir needs are not being met. The "low-maintenance" situations everyone dreams of develop because everyone's needs are being met, and so going with the flow becomes painless.

The only reason I can think of to turn away an obvious high-maintenance situation is because we do not have the time, with our other responsibilities, to provide proper care and protection for the need that is reflected in the "high maintenance" situation, and when that is the case, we likely won't take on ANY new relationship, because IMO, all new relationships are "high maintenance". Otherwise, if we're in a place where we have the time and energy, every new relationship would have its own chance to find out whether the newcomer's "high maintenance" meshed with ours.

ZWD

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:43:09 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:43:41 AM   
sexypet


Posts: 225
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		i dislike the term as well...and am often called it because i have strong opinions, ask questions and am generally needy emotionally and want attention.  i used to think i had finally found a place where i fit in, but am finding so many of the "Dominant" men i speak with are ill-equipped to handle this aspect of me and disappear, or part quickly.

it's becoming quite discouraging.

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:44:36 AM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women.


Personally, I would just call your type irritating (to me), it has nothing to do with insecurity.

High maintenance means different things to different people, to me high maintenance means that the partner is never satisfied in one way or another and there is always an uneasy peace. In my past that partner has usually been me, so I guess I would be considered high maintenance.

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:45:42 AM   
babygirl005


Posts: 146
Joined: 5/3/2005
Status: offline 		Why would would you think being generally needy and needing attention make you desirable?

Estring

< Message edited by babygirl005 -- 7/15/2006 10:49:40 AM >

(in reply to sexypet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:45:50 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided.

...Unless one a besotted s-type and she is a beautiful Dominia...
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:45:50 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

High maintenance is exactly that. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them and sucks up all your energy just to take care of their needs. It has nothing to do with being a "strong" woman. It has everything to do with an "it's all about me" woman. A strong woman can serve very well, a high maintenance woman will never be good at it. That's why they are to be avoided.


I agree that is one more definition of high maintenance, but it is often declared that a woman is high maintenance if she even WANTS her own needs addressed, and that is what I have an issue with.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:46:12 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I consider myself high maintenance, and not economically. I have much value to someone that would choose to collar me one day, and it takes high maintanence to keep this up. I have no problem with the term high maintenance, it surely beats being low maintenance in my eyes. We get what we give in this world, anything worth having is worth putting effort into, and I am worth putting effort into. If a Dominant doesn't agree with that worldview, well I wouldn't be the sub for him.

I consider a high mainenance submissive to be someone that a dominant sees worthy of investing time into. Perhaps he wants to corset train her, or puppy train her, or for her to appear a certain way, such tanned and fit.. these things take maintenance and they are not free.

Just my opinion of course

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:47:21 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morpheus07

quote:

I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women.


Personally, I would just call your type irritating (to me), it has nothing to do with insecurity.

High maintenance means different things to different people, to me high maintenance means that the partner is never satisfied in one way or another and there is always an uneasy peace. In my past that partner has usually been me, so I guess I would be considered high maintenance.


Oh goody. I am glad that being intelligent and questioning and forthright and bright makes me irritating. And I can certainly weed out those men who cannot keep up with me. If that is high maintenance, I will keep it up.

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 7/15/2006 10:50:07 AM >

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to Morpheus07)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:47:23 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     I define 'high maintenance' as someone who believes their immediate desires are the top priority in your life.  For some, this might be the center of a D/s or M/s relationship.  To me, it means the same as 'unreliable.'

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:50:06 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
It just another subjective term.  Some people see it as a positive attribute - some like to use it do dismiss people as too 'untrainable' or such.
 
Take the person who uses the word, find their definition and work on it from there...
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:51:43 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		High maintenace to me is someone who loves to be adored rather than adores to be loved. Their gratification is paramount or the relationship goes belly up.

I agree with WyrdRich, it makes someone unreliable, which I found out very much to my cost.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:53:28 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		fast reply,

for those who think of this as a pejorative term, I have to ask, do you want a submissive that takes no maintanence at all?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:54:05 AM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morpheus07

quote:

I just dislike it when I am called high maintenance by someone who cannot handle that I spoke back to them or gave a strong opinion or expressed myself in a way that left them feeling insecure or one who is challenged by strong, bright women.


Personally, I would just call your type irritating (to me), it has nothing to do with insecurity.

High maintenance means different things to different people, to me high maintenance means that the partner is never satisfied in one way or another and there is always an uneasy peace. In my past that partner has usually been me, so I guess I would be considered high maintenance.


Oh goody. I am glad that being intelligent and questioning and forthright and bright makes me irritating. And I can certainly weed out those men who cannot keep up with me. If that is high maintenance, I will keep it up.


Absolutely, you should always be exactly who you are, I just know what irritates me and what types I belong with (I am sure to offend many with my word usage, but...Oh well). Fortunately for both of us, I have found my mate, and I wish you luck in finding yours.


_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:56:31 AM   
sexypet


Posts: 225
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:


ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

High maintenace to me is someone who loves to be adored rather than adores to be loved.


Nope, i definitely adore to be loved...but it's definitely been awhile.   i don't need anyone to adore me, i have my mother for that, lol.

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:56:38 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

fast reply,

for those who think of this as a pejorative term, I have to ask, do you want a submissive that takes no maintanence at all?


Just someone who can accept life is a two way street.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What is high maintenance? - 7/15/2006 10:59:25 AM   
Morpheus07


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

fast reply,

for those who think of this as a pejorative term, I have to ask, do you want a submissive that takes no maintanence at all?


I absolutely love to maintain my submissive, it is one of the true joys of my life. I love to bathe her, brush her hair, listen to her thoughts and feelings, get her waxings/manicures/pedicures/spa days, take her to dinner and feed her from my plate, spank her bottom when she needs it, make her cum till she cries, etc, etc, etc... Oh yes, maintenance good....yummy

High maintenance bad...yucky

_____________________________

Its a case of mind over matter, "I don't mind, because you don't matter!"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What is high maintenance? Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078