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RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:29:32 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
In my case, that would be things like cooking, housework, laundry, entertaining (planning parties, dinners), practical errands (grocery shopping), and a few other things. I am hesitant to list these things because I am afraid it will sound:

1) Boring

2) Like I am seeking marriage, which is not necessarily the case (that would depend, of course, on the person). I was married for 15 years, and am not really that anxious to do it right away, if ever, again. But am not ruling it out, either.

I do feel I am good at doing those things, and did them for many years, and enjoy doing many, if not most of them.

But - do these types of things even interest many Dominants?

Boring would depend on how it was written, not what was written. You are trying to catch someones interest in you as a person, not just sending in facts for consideration by a manager..... most CV's are boring. A paragraph on the sorts of things YOU consider as being of service isn't boring and tells me not just what you maybe good at but how you view 'service'

My girl doesn't live with me, marriage isn't and never will be 'on the cards' (marriage is a mistake I will never make again, with anyone!) but when she comes over she does those sorts of things, where needed, around my place.

And yes, the type (if I am a 'type') of Dom/Master I am is definatly interested in such things. Hence the comments in my profile about submission not begining and ending at the bedroom door!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 21

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:31:55 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
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Various skills are critical to me in seeing how well I would get along with someone. I'm really not interested in a girly girl sex slave. I need one that has artist potential and who can do mechanically inclined things. As well, there is administration and bookeeping to be done for the business. These are things that I'd rather have my partner do-it frees me up to have more time to spend on production in the greenhouses or metal shop.

Too many subs seem to spend a great deal of time on some silly harlequin romance crap in thier profiles. And not nearly enough on what they can DO.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/17/2006 6:33:10 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 22

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:38:00 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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shivvy: I hate (Hate) dealing with finances beyond paying bills. I will learn about things like investing, If someone makes me do it,and it might even be good for me, but am happier when someone else just does that kind of stuff. Looks like I am going to have to learn something pretty damn quick, too. I will get some books (I can read). I will not (NOT) hire a financial planner as I am convinced they are all in it for the commissions (call me a cynic, and no offense to the professional financial planners out there - I could be wrong - but I don't think so, in many cases). I can handle it (if I have to. I don't have to like it to do it). But I really don't like it much. I find it 1) Boring and 2) Risky. And I am not soliciting one here online, or online financial advice, either - I am just venting (again - my apologies). Thanks for listening.

I am still leafing through paperwork from my husband's work-related retirement finance accounts, and feel like a complete moron when I go to their (the account managers') offices and ask really basic questions, like: "How do I read this document"? - "what does this line mean, here"?

And they look at me like I am 'one brick short of a load' - it bugs me because I know I am not, and was a Business major in school, even - but - their forms are so confusing I just feel like leaving - but I can't - because they are in control of how things pan out, and I am not. It sucks, in this context (they are not my Dominant - but some of them act like they maybe think they are, truly). But - I better stop whining now, or I will bore everyone and it's not relevant anyway....I just hate dealing with finances - but some day I will be grateful for this phase of my life (it can't happen soon enough for me either). Sorry to whine. I am done venting. Thanks for listening.

Thank you Caretakr and Ravenmuse, for your comments - I am taking all of this in and, when I re-write my profile, this knowlege I've gained here I will try to make certain shows up there. I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/17/2006 7:18:18 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to shivvy)

Post #: 23

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:47:58 AM

shivvy

Posts: 746
Joined: 3/25/2006
From: Ireland, living in Kent, England.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
Boring would depend on how it was written, not what was written. You are trying to catch someones interest in you as a person, not just sending in facts for consideration by a manager..... most CV's are boring. A paragraph on the sorts of things YOU consider as being of service isn't boring and tells me not just what you maybe good at but how you view 'service'

My girl doesn't live with me, marriage isn't and never will be 'on the cards' (marriage is a mistake I will never make again, with anyone!) but when she comes over she does those sorts of things, where needed, around my place.

And yes, the type (if I am a 'type') of Dom/Master I am is definatly interested in such things. Hence the comments in my profile about submission not begining and ending at the bedroom door!

As always Raven Sir, i find wot You write is filled with wisdom. i agree with "submission not begining and ending at the bedroom door!" i think wot goes on in the bedroom is only a small part of wot we do.

this is a really grand thread Susan. thank you hun.

With my respect Raven Sir,

shiv
-x-

_____________________________

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`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.εΐз¸¸.·*´¯`v´¯`*·.¸¸ـ εΐз ~*luv shivvy*~ ـ εΐз

xxx
Owned and collared by SavageFaerie and Master P

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 24

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:55:18 AM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
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What I look for first and foremost in a profile is "does the woman seem grounded in reality" If someone had a long laundry list of chores I would wonder two things "does she feel that is all she has to offer and is it true" and "if she doesn't list something does that mean she won't do it"

To me a simple line like "I believe in service, real service, like doing boring chores, washing dishes, in short doing whatever I can to make my top happy and to free up his time to do with whatever he wishes" would blow me away.

But honestly, that wouldn't be a deal killer one way or the other.

(in reply to shivvy)

Post #: 25

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:58:25 AM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

To me a simple line like "I believe in service, real service, like doing boring chores, washing dishes, in short doing whatever I can to make my top happy and to free up his time to do with whatever he wishes" would blow me away.

Me too. Most seem to perfer to ramble on about Prince Charming.

THAT'S boring.

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 26

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:58:51 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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Susan,

While I find myself somewhat "oh, no" at the idea of reading through a whole list of all that you would do in terms of "domestic" service, I have to admit it makes a lot of sense to have something right there in front of you that both the dominant and you can refer to while discussing this aspect of the D/s dynamic rather than to have to keep thinking of things to ask about what you would do in this area. I also think it lends itself to you being able to ask the dominant what types of chores they would do...where they themselves fit into the idea of keeping the household up...and whether or not they are appreciative of this type of service or, if in their viewpoint, it is something to be 'rightly' expected.

I too am of the view that the way you approach this would matter. Do you approach every chore with the same enthusiasm (not sure if that's the word I'm searching for) because it is a way of showing submission to your dominant outside the usual realm of BDSM activities or even what is thought of as 'usual' within the D/s dynamic or is it something that is seen as your part of the relationship, no matter what the dynamic, with no special meaning attached to it?

I know that I myself would appreciate this type of service being offered. Yes, the BDSM "kinkies" are fun as is the courtesy and interaction of the D/s interaction but this comes down to the practical, day-to-day living. With my life, the willingness of my submissive to be able to do this type of service...and the wanting to...would be deeply appreciated.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 27

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 6:59:20 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Good point. I don't do roofing and housepainting, and would appreciate being able to use a snowblower if I need to shovel a driveway in a snowy area

- but can learn many things I might not list (and I will say that, too). There are things I like better than others, even if I list them because I enjoy doing them, and would try (hopefully succeed) to approach them all with enthusiasm because they would be service to my Dominant, Good point. Thanks.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/17/2006 7:01:56 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 28

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:21:42 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

There are four "S"s that I find important: Service, SM, Spirituality and Sex. The ranking depends on the person and relationship, however, service almost always comes first. Since I seperate service from sex, it's practical service I'm talking about. I appreciate a resume of items that can be done when looking at a profile. As an example of some services that would appreciate, take a look at that part of my household manual

http://geocities.com/master_fire_maam/HouseofFireManual.htm#Service

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 29

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:26:30 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thank you, Master FireMa'am, it is appreciated.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 30

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:35:06 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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Susan, personally, I think you have a great profile now. I started to quote parts here about your drawing and so on, but it is all good. I wouldn't mess it up with mundane things like housework. CE had only cooked 3 meals in the 10 years before I met her. It is up to 4 now. (I've known her for 3 years.)

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 31

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:45:52 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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You are so sweet. You give me hope on days when things really suck, ExSteel.
Please don't ever question how much good you do on these boards.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 32

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:51:23 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Hello Susan,

I'm sure it must vary widely, having spoken to many doms over the years.

Whenever I have written a profile it's always a mess because no matter what I write, it doesn't give a real indication of what I'm like and it's felt like fibbing or misleading. Not because anything I have written is untrue but because the opposite of everything I may have said, is equally true too.

The part that would concern me would be what the overall focus was and what intially attracted them.

If you list things that you're skilled at, you consider them an asset and something you'd be willing to offer, then why not?

If a chap is actively seeking someone that likes serving in a practical way, then whatever you've listed will be a jolly good guide. If they don't particulary desire it, then it's not a loss to anyone.

In a profile, I'd be VERY reluctant to say anything that I may not be able to carry through and I know it would depend very much on the person that I was supposedly doing it for, and why.

I know I'm *talking through my hat* in a way, because I have no desire to *serve*, as such.

The other thought that I had, when reading your post, was that certain people bring certain traits or parts of you, out.

I *served* my husbands in a practical way, I did it for VERY different reasons than the ones that I might have to in my M/s relationship.

From a totally personal angle..........My Master knew me for years before I became his and was perfectly aware of what I was or wasn't *good* at; what my strengths and weaknesses were etc..... as a person and in a practical sense. I didn't have to point them out, explain them or list them.

Regards, agirl

Edited for a badly -behaved comma.

< Message edited by agirl -- 7/17/2006 7:58:11 AM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 33

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:53:12 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for your opinions, agirl. Btw, I always read your posts and like them a lot. They are so well thought out.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 34

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 7:57:13 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Susan, personally, I think you have a great profile now.

This was pretty much the jist of the response I had typed. I don't believe that there is any skill you could list on the other side that would express who you are in a relationship better than the thougths and feelings you express on this side.

My sig other's profile listed a few general skills and interests he would find attractive in a partner, but still nothing like a list of must-haves. We figured out what kind of match we were by communicating directly with one another.

My profile listed no skills, no BDSM interests. My feeling was that whomever was intelligent, deep, spiritual and just donwright exceptional enough to inspire my submission could inspire my submission in whatever form he found pleasing. So far, that's turned out to be the case.

It is wonderful to imagine a life of joyful service! Sometimes "endurance" is more the fitting word than "enthusiasm", but what matters is the attitude of your heart and that when it comes right down to it, you do submit your will to his. I dont love cleaning toilets. I dont love doing laundry. I love my dom.

One can find meaning in any task given by a dom and can seek out ways to express submission through service whether or not one is enthusiastic about the act. It's just like times when Daddy says no to something you really want and you are still grateful. You may not be joyful in the moment but you still have that thread of meaning beneath it that allows you to find joy.

It's what I love about this kind of relationship. I sense that it is something love about it too. That will shine through no matter what you say in your profile, I guarantee it.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 35

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 8:11:27 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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Frankly, I'm more interested in the practical and useful than the sexual service. Discussing sexual service is assuming there will be sexual contact and BDSM is more than just kinky sex (at least for me it is).

Discussing likes and dislikes in terms of bondage, SM, fetishes, also does not seem like services to me but simply areas of potential mutual interest.

Helping someone out with the mundane necessities of life though is really service to me, service that reflects a deeper Ds relationship which goes beyond what is fun and what is arousing.

SusanofO the question really has to be: What type of top/dom are you intereested in attracting and finding? If mundane service is important to you and something you are confident of and proud of your ability to offer, then I would strongly suggest you include in your profile so you can attract someone who feels similiarly. If mundane service does not interest you, don't include it.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 36

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 8:24:59 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I think it's useful to distinguish "domestic" and "body" service. I don't call SM and sex service; body service means things like manicures and massages. Domestic service is personal-assistant or housekeeper stuff, from doing the vacuuming to organizing the mail. You can use that classification or a similar one, and just use a few examples to explain what each category means. This would cut down on the boring "...and I can dust, and I can mop, and I can do dishes, and I can..." list.

If you want to provide domestic service, then you're going to be compatible with someone who wants that. If you specifically outline what you want in a relationship in your profile and initial contacts, you would earn points with me even if I wanted different things and we ultimately were not compatible. The less time it takes me to decide whether you're a "yes, talk further" or a "no, thanks for your interest", the more I would like you.

If you aren't eager to provide domestic service, but are willing to do it, say that, too. However, please don't offer to do housework because you think that will improve your chances of a happy and secure relationship.

Monica

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 37

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 8:29:47 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I realized I didn't answer your direct question. Yes, I want domestic service. I'm quite willing to do SM play with someone who doesn't want to clean my kitchen, and I have a lot of fun doing it. I'm also perfectly happy to not touch a person who cleans my kitchen. Ah, the beauty of polyamory.

Monica

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 38

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 9:35:54 AM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I am seeking friends only right now, but am contemplating how I want to re-write my profile in the future. But - do these types of things even interest many Dominants?

*Does it matter if I list these things in a profile? Will this be seen as more of a detriment than an asset, overall, or is it "nuetral"?

Are many people seeking this type of service?

- Susan

Hey Susan ... and all....

I know dick all about writing profiles.
But, I've been teaching effective advertising
techniques and copywriting skills for many years ....

I think a profile needs to do 2 things.
1. Describe you and what you want in accurate terms.
2. Describe the person(s) you want to meet accurately.

>>But - do these types of things even interest many Dominants

Many?

How many doms do do you want?

Is this a mass-marketing consumer-driven
campaign where you want
maximum market penetration and thousands of sales?
Or do you consider it more of a niche situation
where you screen for a few good prospects?

>>*Does it matter if I list these things in a profile? Will this be seen as more of a detriment than an asset, overall, or is it "nuetral"?

It sounds like it's important to you, if I hear you right...
It might be an interesting growth experience
to be with a slovenly slob who directs you to
live in a pile of cigarette buts, beer cans, pizza boxes,
and won't let you pick up the dog shit your mutts leave in the yard.
But, I'd wonder about your long-term happiness.

If it matters to you, I'd say put 'er in.

Your post implicitly suggests a domestic situation,
and I think the mundane details of everyday life are
just as important, or more important, as whether he wants to use
a wireless remote control vibrator or just a TENS machine on ya....
But that's just my opinion.

>>Are many people seeking this type of service?

I think it's an abundant universe,
and that there are thousands of wonderful matchs
out there, ready and waiting for you two to discover each other.

Ask for what you want Susan.

The PMS-ing GodBitch who runs this universe might just give it to you.

I've been told that's a naive thought,
and I'm full of crap ... who knows, maybe I am.

But abundance-thinking has mostly worked for me.

DD
PS, the best profile I've ever seen, by far,
only has 7 exquisitely chosen words on it.
So there's lotsa ways to do things well....

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 39

RE: How important are practical types of service to Dom... - 7/17/2006 9:47:32 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Susan, I for one am not turned off by a list of skills. I would much rather know precisely what you pride yourself in offering than a bland generic "I am devoted to domestic service". I don't mean that you have to tell Me you can mop, dust and wash dishes, but rather what skills do you offer your Master that you are proud of? What do you do well, and want Him/Her to know about?

You should offer your skills as part of the package, and let prospective Dominants know that these are things you do well and you like to do. For example, you mention cooking and entertaining, two skills which -- were I "in the market" for a submissive I would find very necessary and appealing. Conversely, while I think twicehappy's skills (and clearly evident pride) in her motorcycle mechanics are pretty cool, I'd have no use for her in that area.

E.

(Now my problem is finding ways to use my little girl's exceptional service skills.)

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 40

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