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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 10:19:17 AM   
blnymph


Posts: 1599
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		A single mother of two children has 3 time schedules to coordinate these days - and I am not counting the 4th who complains here and seems never to have asked her about hers ...

(in reply to cloudboy)
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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 1:15:20 PM   
littleladybug


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quote:

ORIGINAL: blnymph

A single mother of two children has 3 time schedules to coordinate these days - and I am not counting the 4th who complains here and seems never to have asked her about hers ...


Why is this woman making plans for a specific time then, when she knows she will be late *every single time*?

And, we know that he didn't ask her about her schedule how? Presumably, she's an adult and is capable of agreeing on a time and place for a date that would work for her and her other obligations...

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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 1:29:32 PM   
blnymph


Posts: 1599
Joined: 11/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug


quote:

ORIGINAL: blnymph

A single mother of two children has 3 time schedules to coordinate these days - and I am not counting the 4th who complains here and seems never to have asked her about hers ...


Why is this woman making plans for a specific time then, when she knows she will be late *every single time*?

And, we know that he didn't ask her about her schedule how? Presumably, she's an adult and is capable of agreeing on a time and place for a date that would work for her and her other obligations...


all we have here is his complaint - and the absence of mentioning any of her reasons about being late, but an abundance about him, him, and him, not to forget him ...


(in reply to littleladybug)
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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 1:34:34 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blnymph


all we have here is his complaint - and the absence of mentioning any of her reasons about being late, but an abundance about him, him, and him, not to forget him ...




When it happens every time, do the reasons about being late even make a difference?

(in reply to blnymph)
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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 1:53:00 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
When it happens every time, do the reasons about being late even make a difference?


When I was a kid, any "Keep Out" sign was an open invitation to go inside and see what they were trying to keep us away from.
To some others, that very same "Keep Out" sign was an inviolable invisible barrier, not to be crossed under any circumstances.

To some, particularly the rigid strong-J types, rules are inviolable.
To others, particularly the flexible strong-P types, rules are merely a suggestion.

Same thing with time.

To some people (mostly the rigid "J" types), a set time to meet is an inviolable actual time on the clock. No sooner. No later.
To others (mostly the flexible "P" types), it's merely a suggestion.

Being flexible with meeting times has absolutely nothing to do with the clock.
Only the rigid inflexible J types THINK it has something to do with a clock.

It's all in the wiring of the mind.

The people who are flexible in meeting times aren't late at all (to them) because the meeting time was ALWAYS flexible (whether the strong J type knew it or not).

The people who are inflexible in meeting times consider the other person late, because the meeting time was ALWAYS rigid (whether the strong P type knew it or not).

It's all about personalities, people.


(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 2:44:53 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, let's blame the mother with two children and make her feel even worse for not quite cutting it as she holds down a job, mother's two kids, buys food, prepares meals, cleans house, does laundry, pays bills, manages the yard and the house maintenance, gets the children to and from school or daycare, etc. When you live in this kind of household, unless you are a super person, you are always forgetting something, not getting something done, and able to feel bad that you are not doing enough to please others or clear out your own to-do list.

Here's my own personal question ^^^^ supposing this women is a femsub. After using up all her service and attention energy on others, does this burn her interest out in being a sub (giving one's energy toward another.) Seems to me that a single woman with kids might best be able to function as a bottom (and I do not say that critically at all.) One can only do so much "giving" and orienting around others.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/24/2015 3:02:36 PM >

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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 2:50:17 PM   
blnymph


Posts: 1599
Joined: 11/13/2010
Status: offline 		honestly - I wonder why she came at all a second, third etc time

such a huge ego with so little anything else should be kept in the company he enjoys most - his and only his

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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 3:24:57 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Yes, let's blame the mother with two children and make her feel even worse for not quite cutting it as she holds down a job, mother's two kids, buys food, prepares meals, cleans house, does laundry, pays bills, manages the yard and the house maintenance, gets the children to and from school or daycare, etc. When you live in this kind of household, unless you are a super person, you are always forgetting something, not getting something done, and able to feel bad that you are not doing enough to please others or clear out your own to-do list.


Oh my.

*If* her situation is such that she has to do all of these things, then the solution is simple. Don't make lunch dates that you are obviously unable to keep.

To me, if she's not able to show him the simple respect of actually attempting to keep a date even at remotely the agreed upon time, she shouldn't be agreeing to meet him at all.

And yes, I'm blaming the person who obviously has too much on her plate to actually follow through on what she has committed to. The reason for it is simply not relevant to me.

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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 3:31:09 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Here's my own personal question ^^^^ supposing this women is a femsub. After using up all her service and attention energy on others, does this burn her interest out in being a sub (giving one's energy toward another.) Seems to me that a single woman with kids might best be able to function as a bottom (and I do not say that critically at all.) One can only do so much "giving" and orienting around others.


How would being a "bottom" help the situation? Dates are still made between tops and bottoms, aren't they?



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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 3:41:47 PM   
KYsissy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
This is will not be acceptable in any kind of situation in my country and there is no 'strong extrovert" that would even approve of this. Is this normal in the US? This behaviour? Are you from US?

Are you crazy?
This is the Silicon Valley. It's not an old-people's home.
We all have IDEAS. Ideas are why they HIRE us.
They don't hire us to be potted plants.
And, we don't solve problems that have ever been solved before.
Every single day, we solved problems that had NEVER been solved before.
We push the limits every single day.
EVERYONE is an engineer.

Now, some are introverts. Some are extroverts. So we need to work together.
In general, the introverts are the program manager types (but that's pushing the Myers-Briggs a bit - but just to make a point).
The extroverts are, in general, the skunk-works types (again, this is pushing the envelope - just to make the point that personalities determine a lot of who you are and what you are good at).

But, if we didn't have this type of behavior, we wouldn't be pushing the limits every single day.
How many times have YOU solved a problem which had never been solved before?
If you did it, you didn't do it by being a potted plant.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
With being chronically late, I recognize it as a failing and a flaw and that is not subjective as there are people who are just time management experts and can juggle anything, despite their dense packed situations.

We have a saying, here in the valley, if you want something done, ask a busy person.
The point is that some people get a lot done, and some don't.
But I don't think being late or early to a social meeting will characterize either one.


I am an engineer as well. If someone comes in and erases my whiteboard without asking what is relevant, there will be trouble. That is just rude and arrogant. And unless your signature is at the bottom of my paychecks, there will be hell to pay.


_____________________________

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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 4:57:32 PM   
MistressMarie50


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/23/2015
Status: offline 		I have one acquaintance who was always late. I tolerated it the first 3 times we met for dinner. One time I invited her to my home so there was less impact to me if she was late. However, the fourth time we were to meet and she called me "on her way", when I probed what had happened and where she was, I estimated she'd be at least 50 min late to meeting me at a restaurant for dinner. And there was no reason other than poor planning on her part. I told her right then that I was sorry but I could not wait that long. She was upset but I politely said it just wouldn't work for me.

(in reply to KYsissy)
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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 5:25:54 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MikeRaven

I met someone on this site and we have been dating for about 3 months. She is a single mother of 2 and leads a very busy life. We have been on approximately 12 dates and each time she is late. I'm not talking about 3 minutes or 5 minutes each time. She is at least 20 minutes late each time.

I drive 40 minutes to her city to meet her at a restaurant. If we are to meet at 1:00pm she will text me at 1:00pm and tell me she is running late. It's always at least another 20 minutes. The latest was 40 minutes.

However, I noticed this with other people I've met and have had dinner dates with. They are always late?

Why are they late?
Because... [insert valid and believable excuse here]

Whenever I bring up the subject matter of them being late, as diplomatic and nice as I can be, they always take offense.

Does this happen to anyone else? If so, how do you deal with it? Doesn't it drive you nuts?


I'm never late....always 20 minutes early for every appointment, corporate or personal...it's rude to be late.

Don't like them being late? Change the time.

(And you wasted an input for this?)

(in reply to MikeRaven)
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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 5:30:42 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Yes, let's blame the mother with two children and make her feel even worse for not quite cutting it as she holds down a job, mother's two kids, buys food, prepares meals, cleans house, does laundry, pays bills, manages the yard and the house maintenance, gets the children to and from school or daycare, etc. When you live in this kind of household, unless you are a super person, you are always forgetting something, not getting something done, and able to feel bad that you are not doing enough to please others or clear out your own to-do list.



I'm sorry, but are you arguing that a single mother has no ability to hold down a job by making sure she shows up on time for it, at least most of the time?
Or has no ability to be on time for a doctor's appointment, or to drop her kids off at school before they're late, or an appointment with her hairdresser, or a court appearance, or any other of the myriad of things that we expect people to be on time for?

If she's busy, and she knows she has a lot on her plate preventing her to make the lunch appointment consistently, she shouldn't make it, or move it to a location closer to her home, or schedule it on a different time, or less frequently.

If she cares enough about the appointment, she should schedule her time such that she's able to leave in time to make it. If that means 'starting to get out the door' 2 hours earlier than she would have to if she was single, then that's what she needs to do. It's how she handles all the other stuff in her life she needs to be on time for, despite being a single mom.

When she does that, she might still occasionally be late. Such is life... especially with kids. But structural lateness indicates that she simple does not value his time as much as she values her own.



_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 6:13:53 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Flex Time. If the guy likes her, he's got to find a way to problem solve the issue. I don't recall ever using terms like "no ability" when it comes to single mothers.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/24/2015 6:31:39 PM >

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/24/2015 6:43:09 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleladybug
Why is this woman making plans for a specific time then, when she knows she will be late *every single time*?
And, we know that he didn't ask her about her schedule how? Presumably, she's an adult and is capable of agreeing on a time and place for a date that would work for her and her other obligations...

Clearly this woman has time management problems. People with time management problems always underestimate the time they need to get things done, pack too much during a day, tries to meet all the schedule, have genuine intention of being on time for everything, and then things derail.

But of course then there is the hierarchy of importance, and yea, I am sure the priority to her kids comes first to her, as it should.

(in reply to littleladybug)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/25/2015 9:53:29 PM   
crumpets


Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy
I am an engineer as well. If someone comes in and erases my whiteboard without asking what is relevant, there will be trouble. That is just rude and arrogant. And unless your signature is at the bottom of my paychecks, there will be hell to pay.


Ummm... that's what the whiteboard is for.

(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/25/2015 10:36:12 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy
I am an engineer as well. If someone comes in and erases my whiteboard without asking what is relevant, there will be trouble. That is just rude and arrogant. And unless your signature is at the bottom of my paychecks, there will be hell to pay.


Ummm... that's what the whiteboard is for.


No, that is what the white-board in your space is for. So you can put your creative ideas/equations/brainstorming results down.

If one is going to erase someone else's stuff in their space, then asking them what is relevant is both prudent and polite.

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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/25/2015 10:47:25 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
Ummm... that's what the whiteboard is for.

So you think if you have worked all day writing down all your ideas on your whiteboard and some "extreme extroverts" comes crashing into your whiteboard without warning and erased all your idea from it? Would that be cool with you?

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/26/2015 9:34:27 AM   
ShoeDivaManko


Posts: 28
Joined: 4/25/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

For example, I'm a strong extrovert, so, to get a complex task figured out, I'd barge uninvited into someone's office and start erasing their whiteboard to throw a few different scenarios out, to discuss the pros and cons of, and I'd grab anyone who walked by the open door to see what they thought about each solution, and I'd toy with crazy ideas, just to see if some stuck, etc. This tactic worked FINE with the people who were lined up with me on "my" side of the room; but, the approach utterly failed with the introverts on the other side of the room.


For me this would be obnoxious and disrespectful and wouldn't be tolerated in my office. I expect people to treat me with respect, same as they expect. Being late is indeed disrespectful. It depends on if her child is indeed high maintenance. Maybe engaged in many things, pageants, black belt training, cheerleading, advanced classes. A child being high maintenance isn't always negative. Her mom might be shooting for Harvard is all.

(in reply to crumpets)
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RE: How To Handle People Who Are Always Late? - 9/26/2015 10:07:07 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets


quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy
I am an engineer as well. If someone comes in and erases my whiteboard without asking what is relevant, there will be trouble. That is just rude and arrogant. And unless your signature is at the bottom of my paychecks, there will be hell to pay.


Ummm... that's what the whiteboard is for.


That's what the EMPTY whiteboards all around the office are for.

In my husband's current work space, they've got individual whiteboards, one big whiteboard that runs the entire length of long office wall from floor to ceiling, and they made the walls in the meeting rooms, break room and game rooms out of glass so that in a pinch, the guys can start writing on those as well.

Offices like you're talking (that solve problems that have never been solved before) about SMOTHER their workers in whiteboards to facilitate this type of idea bouncing.

Erasing somebody else's work to scribble your nonsense down when there are literally dozens of square feet of empty whiteboard space available in the building is rude.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 9/26/2015 10:08:31 AM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to crumpets)
Profile   Post #: 60
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