dreamlady
Posts: 737
Joined: 9/13/2007
From: Western MD
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: notaBULL
When Dominant Females claim they want submissive males, are they really sure they want that,
Um, no different than when Dominant males claim they want submissive females. Or males. Or both. No question that Dominant personalities who lead, want submissive personalities to follow them.
I think what your real question is (aside from your private dramas), is a matching up of D/s levels desired, basic compatibility issues aside.
Are either parties seeking a committed ownership, or just seeking a steady or semi-steady play partner?
Does the Dominant want to be the Master or Mistress of a submissive, or of a slave? If they want more of a slave, then they both need to be willing to give their D/s relationship time to develop and to deepen into a functioning M/s dynamic.
For instance, I personally don't want to be the Mistress to a slave. I don't do slaves. What I want is a submissive male who has more multidimensionality going for him than that (no offense).
quote:
ORIGINAL: notaBULL
the feedback I am getting is that they get bored of these men very quickly,
I don't like to say that I get bored of people because I'm only attracted to interesting characters to begin with.
However, I quickly get bored of slaves, both the inculcated ones who have been in the lifestyle for 20 years or so, and have nothing to show for it after having served 3-4 Mistresses except habitually slavish practices and a slave mindset that make them unsuitable to be any woman's primary partner; in addition to all the wannabe (male) "slaves" who are slaves only to their severely limited range of fetishes.
I don't get bored or tired of submissive men because what piques my interest and sustains my interest is who they are as a person, as a man first, and then being submissive is secondary to the rest.
quote:
ORIGINAL: notaBULL
so what is the solution here?
You should have gotten a good deal of insight based on what's already been posted.
quote:
ORIGINAL: peppermint
As with any relationship you date, you get to know each other, and most times you find out that it's not going to work long term. That means you break up and start to look for someone else who might be the one. It doesn't matter that it's a Dominant/submissive relationship. It will still be like any other relationship.
I certainly did not marry the first man I dated. I certainly did not form a long term relationship with the first Dom I met. It's not boredom. It's incompatibility. It's just not going to work.
quote:
ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
One of things that tends to prevelant in the D/s BDSM community is people jump right into a kinky sex relationship. They confuse tingly genitals for love. Then about 3 months into it, the bloom is of the rose and they realize that they don't like the person they're with.
I'll also add that many people have unrealistic expectations of what is possible within a relationship. In some cases, they seem to think that D/s is some sort of magical power that suspends basic human interaction.
Because of this, the average life span of D/s BDSM relationship tends to be 3 - 6 months.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MisterP61
Yes, quite a few are on here for the kinky sex, but others are wanting more than that. It basically boils down to finding the right match, and that really can't be found without any sort of time investment.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Me personally? I would get bored of the stereotypical 'lowly worm' types. The ones that have the air of desperation? I'm not suited for them, either.
You want a quality D, right? Well, Dominant women tend to want a quality s too, if they are really going for the relationship thing. It takes a little more to be that than just picking a label from the drop down menu. There's also the part about being a good man, being compatible with your partner, and all of that other stuff if you are actually going to love a person.
Can I give you some advice? The smartest thing you are ever going to do is listen to what the Dominant women are saying when it comes to the criteria that they use for the partners that matter to them. Most of it is about being a good man/human. Kind of like what vanilla people do, without the kink.
quote:
ORIGINAL: J0K3ER
let me cut right to the chase now, and in order to stick to the topic, your question is " do really dommes want male subs" this is the main question, I believe the answer is yes, IF they are genuine dommes, then it is very natural for them to seek subs. Do men and women seek and enter into marriages? yes. Do they ( in some cases ) wanna retract afterward and get a divorce? Also yes. this is a general rule that applies to ALL Men and Women regardless their sexual orientation or their Cultural background.
your Q:<< are they really sure they want that >> I DONT KNOW, I really dont. e.g., A woman's hansdom, successful co-worker or colleague, may disclose his orientation to her as a sub whose interest is ONLY in dommes. what you think notaBULL ? her lucky day Huh!
<<the feedback I am getting is that they get bored of these men very quickly, so what is the solution here?>>
yes thats true, people lose interest, and if you think me, or anyone else here could give you the solution to this, you may wanna ask them to solve the problem of divorce as well.
a D/s, M&S engagement is no different than any other Vanilla ice cream relationship.the question is how much efforts can you put towards the relation in order to succeed. couples committing to a long-term-relationship quelque-soit leur rôles, dom/es or subs, are not free anymore after making commitment, you as a dom/me have Obligations towards you sub and vice versa, so it is no privilege for the dom/me to violate the agreement by claiming unlawful rights to walk away from the deal.
Btw OP, any sort of enduring relationship requires value-added contributions that flow back & forth naturally with an almost effortless ease. If it feels more like work than pleasure, or as if any of the associated parties involved has taken on a major job-like project, then this does not auger well.
While submission is valued by Dominants, just like their dominance is valued by the submissive, saying you are submissive and willing to do XYZ to seal the deal is not enough.
Both partners at the very minimum, assuming they have reached an understanding to move forward, need to continuously show that they are better off together than as separate entities.
When you are dealing with your prospective Owner's primary partner having to sign off on your inclusion to their pre-existing union, then the benefits of your presence have to outweigh the complications/drawbacks of having a 3rd or 4th wheel on board.
DreamLady
Edit - fixed quote boxes
< Message edited by dreamlady -- 10/14/2015 1:56:52 AM >
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RE: To want or not to want - 
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