quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Most people wearing fetish clothing and obvious collars and such in public are part of the goth scene, not the BDSM crowd.

Now I personally used to dress to bar-tend at the Fetish Cafe in Antwerp at home, and then took public transport or my scooter into work, I've also got the BDSM triskilian tattooed on me, so over the years I've been asked if I was into kink quite a few time by random people (one day at my vanilla job by a coworker who saw the tattoo when my clothing shifted).

Whether or not I was upset at being asked always depended entirely on how the person was doing the asking. There were times where it was incredibly annoying and offensive (mainly when I was in the middle of doing something else, and the person somehow felt "entitled" for me to pause and spend time answering questions or explain stuff to them, just because they had "figured it out") and other times where it wasn't offensive at all, and it lead to brief acknowledgements or interesting conversations.

I think the "how" of asking is a bigger deal that the actual subject itself. But then again, when approaching strange women in public, the response is always going to depend very heavy on how you actually approach her. An innocent vanilla compliment can be very offensive and off-putting if its done in the wrong location, wrong time of night, wrong tone/manner, and while she's busy with something else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

yes but UllrsIshtar the world is vanilla, so it would be unreasonable for a BDSM personality to be upset in public
over the approach of a vanilla. If you wish to mix worlds you have to be prepared to break a few eggs or stretch
your xenophobia.... no I am not calling you a xenophobe...lol


It is not correct to my circumstance in BDSM to say my wearing collar and leash was a Goth expression. My file at the VA is resplendent with my discussion with my Doctors on the matter of BDSM...

quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

Hi JOK3ER we are departing as a affiliation in this discussion except when you wish to discuss to the topic. I am not
interested in pissing people off "lokie" and you have a lot of great things to say.
But I for one am not interested in burning bridges, only in building. So enjoin me on that goal. Yes if someone unfairly
attacks you expect my support. But I am not interested in zombiegurlsos being identified as a troll
So everyone if you have been insulted by me I apologize, you treat me with respect and I will double the respect I
give to you....

I am not a politician I am a slave, so please don't expect anymore than that of me. I will say brilliant things and sometimes very silly
things, but my intent is never to harm only to communicate.

Thank you all

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Most people wearing fetish clothing and obvious collars and such in public are part of the goth scene, not the BDSM crowd.

Now I personally used to dress to bar-tend at the Fetish Cafe in Antwerp at home, and then took public transport or my scooter into work, I've also got the BDSM triskilian tattooed on me, so over the years I've been asked if I was into kink quite a few time by random people (one day at my vanilla job by a coworker who saw the tattoo when my clothing shifted).

Whether or not I was upset at being asked always depended entirely on how the person was doing the asking. There were times where it was incredibly annoying and offensive (mainly when I was in the middle of doing something else, and the person somehow felt "entitled" for me to pause and spend time answering questions or explain stuff to them, just because they had "figured it out") and other times where it wasn't offensive at all, and it lead to brief acknowledgements or interesting conversations.

I think the "how" of asking is a bigger deal that the actual subject itself. But then again, when approaching strange women in public, the response is always going to depend very heavy on how you actually approach her. An innocent vanilla compliment can be very offensive and off-putting if its done in the wrong location, wrong time of night, wrong tone/manner, and while she's busy with something else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou

quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

yes but UllrsIshtar the world is vanilla, so it would be unreasonable for a BDSM personality to be upset in public
over the approach of a vanilla. If you wish to mix worlds you have to be prepared to break a few eggs or stretch
your xenophobia.... no I am not calling you a xenophobe...lol


It is not correct to my circumstance in BDSM to say my wearing collar and leash was a Goth expression. My file at the VA is resplendent with my discussion with my Doctors on the matter of BDSM...

There's a very important rule to these sorts of interactions. If you're willing to spend time defending them, odds are you're nowhere near skilled enough to pull them off.

You're well within your rights to approach and say that you like her outfit. The conversation can then go in ways that allow her to drop hints as to her own tastes if she's so inclined. If not, let the matter drop.

The two big things to be mindful of are:

-Asking a stranger about their sexual tastes is a major faux pas. There's some wiggle room if you're asking about their membership in a certain community. But as mentioned above, if you're not sure exactly where the line is, you're probably better off not doing it.

-Even if she does happen to be a domme and a major player in the community, that doesn't necessarily imply that she's going to dom you right then and there. As with any relationship, it has to happen because the two people involved are interested in each other. Simply being a sub is not enough to automatically attract every dom, especially since the desirable doms probably have plenty of interested subs to chose from already.

And on that note, being too sexual or too needy too soon is not a good way to attract a dom. It shows that you have rather unhealthy relationship expectations.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bhruic
To me, this sounds as safe as asking a woman if she is pregnant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: J0K3ER
snip

the subtle statement you just made is an acknowledge to the subjectivity of my question.
you just assumed that " I DO NOT GO OUT AND DO NOT TRAVEL" yeah whatever, I know your state by the Inch. plus the other 47 states, plus canada, Mexico, west europe and the middle east and North Africa. so why can I not assume that a lady in 7" high heel-knee high
boots , chain-belts around her hips is not a fetishism?moreover what is likely to go wrong if I ask, as long as I keep my approach on the polite side.
and feeders keep alluding to my post as being a sexual harassment attempt , where in my post did i say I would ask her out? or even implied it. I am just doing a gallup poll of whether it is appropriate or not, from both men and women point of view, if you say NO. it is not appropriate. dont stop there please, I'd like to know why it is okay to strike a conversation with a lady and can ask her a very personal question as if she was married or if she is a member of people-helping organization. or is BDSM something people dont recognize as socially acceptable behavior. is BDSM shameful?.

quote:

ORIGINAL: J0K3ER

quote:

ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos

Hi JOK3ER we are departing as a affiliation in this discussion except when you wish to discuss to the topic. I am not
interested in pissing people off "lokie" and you have a lot of great things to say.
But I for one am not interested in burning bridges, only in building. So enjoin me on that goal. Yes if someone unfairly
attacks you expect my support. But I am not interested in zombiegurlsos being identified as a troll
So everyone if you have been insulted by me I apologize, you treat me with respect and I will double the respect I
give to you....

I am not a politician I am a slave, so please don't expect anymore than that of me. I will say brilliant things and sometimes very silly
things, but my intent is never to harm only to communicate.

Thank you all

hi zombie, you missed my point, freedomdwarf1 in his reply revealed severe misconception that was in fact a controversy to modern social life. his fallacy was more like a piece of steak, a T bone steak that needed a good cook to prepare it for the eaters. and because i was not ready to cook it properly so that it can be enjoyed, I left it raw for a better cook instead of burning it out and make it useless.
but since you believe freedomdwarf1 troll was brilliant, I cant argue. I can only believe that Adam Sandler is every waitress movie star.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Most people wearing fetish clothing and obvious collars and such in public are part of the goth scene, not the BDSM crowd.

Now I personally used to dress to bar-tend at the Fetish Cafe in Antwerp at home, and then took public transport or my scooter into work, I've also got the BDSM triskilian tattooed on me, so over the years I've been asked if I was into kink quite a few time by random people (one day at my vanilla job by a coworker who saw the tattoo when my clothing shifted).

Whether or not I was upset at being asked always depended entirely on how the person was doing the asking. There were times where it was incredibly annoying and offensive (mainly when I was in the middle of doing something else, and the person somehow felt "entitled" for me to pause and spend time answering questions or explain stuff to them, just because they had "figured it out") and other times where it wasn't offensive at all, and it lead to brief acknowledgements or interesting conversations.

I think the "how" of asking is a bigger deal that the actual subject itself. But then again, when approaching strange women in public, the response is always going to depend very heavy on how you actually approach her. An innocent vanilla compliment can be very offensive and off-putting if its done in the wrong location, wrong time of night, wrong tone/manner, and while she's busy with something else.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

Last of all, if she's into you, she probably wouldn't be offended. If she didn't like how you look, she'll probably be offended anyway. Lol!

If you don't take a risk, you never know. She might have a sense of humour and turn out to be really cool, or she might just look at you in horror ha!

If I was wearing dominatrix-like attire, I probably wouldn't feel offended, personally, at their assumption. I see it from my viewpoint that, I would be curious because I was into bdsm, if that person was into bdsm too.

It just feels totally non-offensive to me, but that's just me.

quote:


ORIGINAL: zombiegurlsos
"Think Twice and speak once, because once a word is spoken it can't be taken back.....