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RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 3:18:05 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

@LadyPact

I think it all depends if the man was submissive or dominant.
As a Dominant, we tend to be aggressive, it's in our nature.
If he was Dominant, I think the more appropriate response would have been something like this,

"Excuse me Sir, but please do not touch the property. Please respect the boundaries."

Well, that's my 2 cents worth.

Why do you think she should call him "Sir"?

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Post #: 61

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 3:22:59 PM

ilovestarbucks

Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

@LadyPact

I think it all depends if the man was submissive or dominant.
As a Dominant, we tend to be aggressive, it's in our nature.
If he was Dominant, I think the more appropriate response would have been something like this,

"Excuse me Sir, but please do not touch the property. Please respect the boundaries."

Well, that's my 2 cents worth.

Why do you think she should call him "Sir"?

oh hey, thanks for asking me that question. i don't know if u r new to BDSM or not, but at play parties the Dominants are called, "Sir" or some other title, and Domme are called, "Ma'am" or some other title. well, u know, the one i go to is that way. she may be at a similar play party where titles are appropriate. i mean that's no excuse 4 anyone to barge in and take over a scene. scenes r to be respected. but in any case, titles are to be given too.

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Post #: 62

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 3:25:58 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I don't take direction well.

That, I don't doubt for a moment.
Luckily, I take redirection rather well, but I'm an extremely strong "P" type, while you're likely just as strong a "J", which makes us on opposite sides of the spectrum (neither is good nor bad - just different).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
There are some people here that I definitely consider the "talent".

What I had meant by the "talent" or the "product" is that, without the "regulars" and/or the "scene players", there's not much else to distinguish a dungeon from an otherwise well-equipped bar.

The scene players is what, I think, draws the crowd, although I'll defer to the owners who, I'm sure, know who their key (paying) customers are and what draws them in.

In general, the golden sheep (nekkid ladies) draw in the wolves (wallets in the form of single men).
But I could be wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I could have been seen as the outright asshole.

I never faulted you, even as I think there was a chance that either the process failed, or this particular individual failed, or, both.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
There's been at least three moves in the last five years or so, right? It's been a while for me.

I think those three moves span a longer time than just five years, but, I remember 3 (or maybe even four) locations. There was one up on 680 or was it 880? And then there was the one across from Ray's Ultimate BMW on Lafayette Street (remember that one?) and then there was the one just north of the Costco on the same side as SJC airport on Coleman, so that makes three that I, myself, had been to that Alex and Allie ran (AFAIK).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I did not have the opportunity to meet Alex.

He was a nice, much older guy. I remember being at the club on his 60th birthday, and everyone gave him warm birthday wishes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I spoke at length with Allie electronically and she was working the desk the time that I went.

She was a LOT younger than Alex, and always personable.
She didn't have to be that nice to single guys (although, most of the time I had a date with me as I liked to take them there, just for fun).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
She had the right balance of welcoming, while keeping the business side clear.

Dunno about the business side, but, come to think of it, she did run all the records (you had to be a club member, in those days, but I never carried cards with me, even then, so she did all the lookups).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
This particular club mentioned in the OP does that, too.

I love snapping photos, and, well, there never was a guy who didn't like taking photos of nekked women, especially those locked in the birdcage or strapped to the St. Andrew's Cross. The only problem was that the lighting sucked, but, other than that, it was a wonderful place to take photos.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As you know, this is a fine line to walk and organizers/clubs/hosts have to be very careful that a door fee isn't interpreted as paying for sex upon entry.

I was decent friends with the owners of the forumx, over at Gilroy, and they told me a lot of what was going on. Eventually their own lawyer, who was also their landlord, screwed them, and they had to move to Gilroy, only a mile away from the San Jose border, but, in that simple crossing of the line was the genesis of their doom. The town didn't like the "business" they were running.

Now, they "structured" it as a "club", but, heck, it was a business. Nobody was being fooled ('cept, perhaps, the IRS), but, certainly the town wasn't fooled. Gilroy eventually closed 'em down, just as San Jose closed down Alex & Allie's club.

Dunno how the South Bay Spot structures things (club or business?) but it's just a name because the dynamic that you use the sheep (nekkid ladies) to bring in the wolves (fat wallets in the form of horny men) probably doesn't change. Dunno. I haven't actually been to the SBS. Nobody has offered to take me there! (heh heh). Heck, with all these admissions of transgressions when I was 18 in NYC, I'm probably a banned persona non grata already!

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Post #: 63

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 3:30:26 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

@LadyPact

I think it all depends if the man was submissive or dominant.
As a Dominant, we tend to be aggressive, it's in our nature.
If he was Dominant, I think the more appropriate response would have been something like this,

"Excuse me Sir, but please do not touch the property. Please respect the boundaries."

Well, that's my 2 cents worth.

Why do you think she should call him "Sir"?

oh hey, thanks for asking me that question. i don't know if u r new to BDSM or not, but at play parties the Dominants are called, "Sir" or some other title, and Domme are called, "Ma'am" or some other title. well, u know, the one i go to is that way.

I'm not new.....I've been involved in one of the largest kink communities in the country for over 2 decades. No one is expected to call someone Sir or Ma'am, unless it's part of their relationship. Sir and Ma'am is a sign of respect and respect is earned. So, no, LP is not obligated to call that man "Sir" and since he attempted to touch a submissive without her consent, he isn't worthy of the title.

You're also confusing BDSM with D/s.

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Post #: 64

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 3:55:55 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

@LadyPact

I think it all depends if the man was submissive or dominant.
As a Dominant, we tend to be aggressive, it's in our nature.
If he was Dominant, I think the more appropriate response would have been something like this,

"Excuse me Sir, but please do not touch the property. Please respect the boundaries."

Well, that's my 2 cents worth.

The hell it does.

I "sir" very few people in the kink world. Especially those that are so lacking in education that I have to teach them boundaries.

Also, I don't confuse people about top/bottom situations as referring to the bottom as "property".

I'd greatly appreciate it if you skipped the "me Dom, me aggressive in nature" stuff. That's a sign of lack of experience right there. I lean more toward being Dominant means you know who is in charge when, and that is not always necessarily you. Another person's club, another person's scene, another person's play partner. To me, that adds up to "not you" real quick.

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Post #: 65

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 4:12:15 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
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I had to break up my response 'cuz the captcha thing times out if I take too long, and then it's sheer hell to get a post to stick...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I haven't been to the Citadel. I've seen a lot of discussions that are pro and against the space. Not the space, itself, but there has been a lot of talk about who they will allow entry. I can't support that.

It's so far away for me, compared to what Edges was and SBS is, that I have only been there a few times, so, I'll let the SF regulars comment on the structuring of the Citadel.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
No top can convey boundaries to onlookers that walk up mid-scene.

Fair enough. As I said prior, it's not really your job to keep onlookers at bay.
As someone noted, you 'can' (at your discretion) "allow" participation, which, as I noted in the swing club, certainly happens regularly, but, in general, at the dungeons, it doesn't happen all that often, at least not between strangers.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As a female top, I'm not going to disagree with you on this. I have a pretty good success rate when it comes to pick up play. I'm a chick who can crack a whip, so automatically, I have certain advantages.

Yep.
Out in the wild, I have freedom that you will never have, simply because nobody gives a hoot about me. I joke that I could lounge about and eat free food in the lobby of almost any business hotel in the planet, and not a single person would even notice me, whereas there are almost no places you can go where you're not instantly and immediately noticed.

Everything is almost completely different, when it comes to the sex-related experiences of men versus women, and, in general, we have the freedom to be wholly and completely ignored, and you have the luxury of being noticed (and given perks, like a vastly reduced rate on admission).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
At swinger events, there is often a different price structure

Yep. Don't think I never noticed.
It was cheaper to bring a date than to go alone.
By a LOT!

Some men hung out outside the Power Exchange, as I recall, offering to pay single women $50 or some such amount, just to get a discount on the $70 rate (although it was, of course, against the rules).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
which some could say is discriminatory to single males.

Um... yeah. It's extremely discriminatory.
But men aren't gonna complain.
If you charged women as much as men, they wouldn't bother showing up.
No sheep. No wolves.
Simple logic.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
At the same time, if your swingers event is a sausage fest, you're not going to get the women to go.

Yup. A delicate balance it is.
Not at all worth it, in my book, to go alone.
So, I don't bother anymore.
Which is probably why I haven't been to the SBS (although I have been planning to go for a while now, just as I plan to go to a munch, and to a LIP/s event, etc.).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
How do we balance this so that everyone is treated well financially as well as socially?
It's certainly interesting to think about.

Yeah. Men get screwed and raped all the time.
Think of bar promotions where it's often "Ladies Free", which means "Men pay thru the nose!".
Still the same dynamic.
No sheep. No wolves. No dollars.

Now, it's the opposite at the dry cleaners, so, men aren't always the ones raped raw.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
We have more clubs, munches, cons, and groups than we ever have before.

Yeah, there must be a half dozen munches in the SF Bay area alone (Palo Alto, Southern Cross, San Jose, Lip/S, etc.).

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
And some of this is good. But, it's coming with a price.

Price is almost always the same.
Sheep get in for free or nearly free; wolves get raped every time; they gladly allow that rapage, in the hopes of themselves getting their grubby paws on one of 'dem soft sheep. Until they get to be old and wizened as I am, and then they don't bother anymore and stay home reading a book by the fireplace instead.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The lesson could go either way, couldn't it? The person might never come back. The possibility also exists that, if he comes back, he knows what will happen if he tries to grab somebody's ass.

Yup.

All I was saying was that the rules should have been explained to him, and they should have been clear to him, and he shouldn't have violated them, and that if he never returns, I'm not so sure that's a good thing or not for the owner, but I don't think anyone is crying over one missing wallet, um, I mean wolf, simply because there is a line of them out the door waiting to get their grubby lil' paws on some soft supple sheep!

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RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 4:27:38 PM

crumpets

Posts: 1614
Joined: 11/5/2014
From: South Bay (SF & Silicon Valley)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I cracked a guy right in the side of the head...

Gezus. You guys are vicious.

Maybe things are rougher nowadays, but I don't remember ANYONE ever getting hit like that at the various incarnation of Edges.

Everyone was as polite as if they were out on a Sunday picnic with Grandma and the grandchildren.

Maybe you live in a rough town?

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Post #: 67

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 4:37:31 PM

LadyConstanze

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Crumpets, what you don't get is during a scene people get into space, sub and top space, somebody interfering or touching can do massive damage, imagine it like hypnosis, meditation, whatever, you get into a headspace, then a stranger grabbing and interfering throws you out of it.

As the top or domme or whatever you want to call it, you have responsibilities for the sub, as they just let go, you can't let somebody yank them out of their "safe place" just because they feel like touching.

Imagine me training the new pup, who is insecure and destructive because he never learned how to be with people, he calms down, I stroke him to show him not acting up is a reward, somebody moving in and poking him would mess all that up and confuse him, we'd be thrown back weeks and months, same with a sub just a bit more damaging as humans tend to be a bit more complicated than dogs...

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Post #: 68

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 4:56:16 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I cracked a guy right in the side of the head...

Gezus. You guys are vicious.

Maybe things are rougher nowadays, but I don't remember ANYONE ever getting hit like that at the various incarnation of Edges.

Everyone was as polite as if they were out on a Sunday picnic with Grandma and the grandchildren.

Maybe you live in a rough town?

It wasn't intentional. I was already swinging when he leaned in to say something into the bottom's ear. He put his head in the way of my intended target. His stupidity doesn't make me vicious.

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Post #: 69

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 5:12:33 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crumpets
That, I don't doubt for a moment.

Kana about laughed at me and did the "Captain Obvious" thing when I got to meet him and I said that line.

quote:

Luckily, I take redirection rather well, but I'm an extremely strong "P" type, while you're likely just as strong a "J", which makes us on opposite sides of the spectrum (neither is good nor bad - just different).

Didn't take it that way at all. Judgement isn't as negative as some people make it out to be. We all judge situations every day, whether we like it or not.

quote:

What I had meant by the "talent" or the "product" is that, without the "regulars" and/or the "scene players", there's not much else to distinguish a dungeon from an otherwise well-equipped bar.

OK. I can get this. I'm kind of used to people enjoying watching me play. There's a lot that can come from it.

quote:

The scene players is what, I think, draws the crowd, although I'll defer to the owners who, I'm sure, know who their key (paying) customers are and what draws them in.

I think there are multiple elements but if you didn't know for sure that you were going to play, you can still get so much from watching. I steal ideas from other scenes all of the time. You didn't really think I came up with all of this stuff all on my own, did ya?

quote:

In general, the golden sheep (nekkid ladies) draw in the wolves (wallets in the form of single men).
But I could be wrong.

If that were the case, the guys could have went to the strip club. Oh, wait... Big sign on the wall that says, "DON'T TOUCH THE DANCERS."

quote:

I never faulted you, even as I think there was a chance that either the process failed, or this particular individual failed, or, both.

I didn't, either, but it could have gone that way.

quote:

I think those three moves span a longer time than just five years, but, I remember 3 (or maybe even four) locations. There was one up on 680 or was it 880? And then there was the one across from Ray's Ultimate BMW on Lafayette Street (remember that one?) and then there was the one just north of the Costco on the same side as SJC airport on Coleman, so that makes three that I, myself, had been to that Alex and Allie ran (AFAIK).

It's been too long for me to remember. I rely heavily on GPS these days. The garman is an awesome little device.

quote:

He was a nice, much older guy. I remember being at the club on his 60th birthday, and everyone gave him warm birthday wishes.

That's sweet.

quote:

She was a LOT younger than Alex, and always personable.
She didn't have to be that nice to single guys (although, most of the time I had a date with me as I liked to take them there, just for fun).

I only saw her the once, but she seemed nice to the people attending.

quote:

Dunno about the business side, but, come to think of it, she did run all the records (you had to be a club member, in those days, but I never carried cards with me, even then, so she did all the lookups).

I only had guest status.

quote:

I love snapping photos, and, well, there never was a guy who didn't like taking photos of nekked women, especially those locked in the birdcage or strapped to the St. Andrew's Cross. The only problem was that the lighting sucked, but, other than that, it was a wonderful place to take photos.

I have more photos of my wax work than anything else.

quote:

I was decent friends with the owners of the forumx, over at Gilroy, and they told me a lot of what was going on. Eventually their own lawyer, who was also their landlord, screwed them, and they had to move to Gilroy, only a mile away from the San Jose border, but, in that simple crossing of the line was the genesis of their doom. The town didn't like the "business" they were running.

Gilroy. That's the place of smells of garlic, isn't it?

quote:

Now, they "structured" it as a "club", but, heck, it was a business. Nobody was being fooled ('cept, perhaps, the IRS), but, certainly the town wasn't fooled. Gilroy eventually closed 'em down, just as San Jose closed down Alex & Allie's club.

I was just talking to someone yesterday about a play space that I would have never expected to be in that particular town. I was surprise at the very idea.

quote:

Dunno how the South Bay Spot structures things (club or business?) but it's just a name because the dynamic that you use the sheep (nekkid ladies) to bring in the wolves (fat wallets in the form of horny men) probably doesn't change. Dunno. I haven't actually been to the SBS. Nobody has offered to take me there! (heh heh). Heck, with all these admissions of transgressions when I was 18 in NYC, I'm probably a banned persona non grata already!

I can't comment about SBS. I almost said too much talking about the Citadel.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 5:32:29 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Andalusite, first, looking lovely, as always. I thought it was a bit weird when I moved here and they actually did use the word performance. I think I even said, "you mean they are going to play, right?" This is the only place I've lived where it gets described like that and I have some friends in the south that thought the term was funny as hell.

Aww, thanks LP! Sundin_photo (from Fetlife) was at the Sci-Fi themed playparty at the Citadel last week, and got some new shots of me! I kinda wish they'd had a Star Wars or other Science Fiction-themed backdrop, maybe a starscape, but it's always fun to get new pics of a cool outfit. I can sorta see considering BDSM public play to be a form of performance art, and when I was doing playpiercings, I did love being artsy with it. I still tend to think of "talent" as specifically paid professionals, though, rather than just people doing their scenes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Door fees between lurkers and players and who is paying the bills. I'll be the first person to tell you, I don't mind paying door fees. (My exception to this is that I don't believe in making a presenter pay if they are giving a demo and their demo bottom should get in free, too. I think it's the very least that the club/organization can do.) When I go, I go to play or for one of the other social benefits. Players are the repeat business and lurkers tend to rotate. Both are important for revenue and let's face it, bills have to be paid. Some lurkers will go once and never come back. Some will become regular attendees.

When it comes to dollars and cents, there's another consideration and that is reputation. Fet is a bigger site, so I'm going to use that example. The TOU of Fet says you can not name a consent violator by screen name. The same does not apply to a venue. It is very, very bad for business to have people writing about consent violations that happen at your club. You almost can't get worse press than multiple consent violations.

Absolutely! Venues may be happy to have the extra money from male "lurkers," but if they're would-be consent violators, the venue doesn't *want* them as a customer! It's not worth their admission fee to have to have the DM staff spend all their time watching them to make sure they don't get out of line instead of focusing on scenes, they make people (especially women) feel uncomfortable and unsafe and less willing to go to that event to play (which subsequently means less income from all of the well-behaved lurkers), etc. Many venues actually have banned lists. Heck, even vanilla dance club bouncers will happily turf out any guy who's grabbing gals' butts without permission.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

The question arose about where was the DM? In off peak hours, in a 2400 square feet club, with an upstairs and downstairs, you really can't expect them to be everywhere at once. Not to brag, but I'm a pretty safe player, and I'm not the person who has to be watched when it comes to a wax scene. The staff knows that my fingers don't 'drift' during casual play, so they know they don't have to hover over me every minute. The staff was actually all for the way it was handled.

I just went to the DM training session at the Citadel last weekend, and they covered a similar situation as one of the scenarios. Ideally, the DM would have headed him off at the pass and kept him away from you, or failing that, you could have seen him and chased him off when he got within 2'-3' of you. Since he did succeed in getting so close, you were absolutely right to yell and make him back off. I hope he doesn't go back - even if he's learned some manners from the incident, guys like that tend to be creepy boundary pushers whenever they think they can get away with it. The whole BDSM scene is better off without him.

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RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 5:37:29 PM

Andalusite

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crumpets, it's not like people are deliberately hitting lurkers who interfere with their scenes, they just are Captain Oblivious and walk right into it. It's like getting accidentally kicked or stepped on when you're on a crowded dance floor, but unlike the dance floor, the lurkers shouldn't be so close in the first place.

As to the "sheep" and "wolves," none of the venues I've been to charge different prices for men vs. women, though some have discounts for couples or triads. I get in for free, but only because I volunteer, not because I have tits.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 1/15/2016 5:38:20 PM >

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Post #: 72

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 5:54:28 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

crumpets, it's not like people are deliberately hitting lurkers who interfere with their scenes, they just are Captain Oblivious and walk right into it. It's like getting accidentally kicked or stepped on when you're on a crowded dance floor, but unlike the dance floor, the lurkers shouldn't be so close in the first place.

As to the "sheep" and "wolves," none of the venues I've been to charge different prices for men vs. women, though some have discounts for couples or triads. I get in for free, but only because I volunteer, not because I have tits.

I have to admit I did once, hit somebody deliberately with a whip, but he was taking his dick out and masturbating and aiming at the girl I was having the scene with, let's say rather than her being thrown out of subspace, I changed single tails as he was hit right on the head (and not the one on his neck) and there was rapid shrinkage. If you watch a scene, your pecker or other body parts stay out of it, you just watch, if you don't it may hurt in an unpleasant way

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RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 5:55:30 PM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocStrange

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

I've hit people with floggers in the backswing.

I've hit people with a flogger on the forward swing.

I have been hit with a flogger on the side swing

Yep. I tend to think of this as not even scene space etiquette. More like pool hall etiquette. If you can't figure out that whatever toy I'm swinging goes both ways, that's probably your own fault. You wouldn't b^tch if you were in a pool hall, walked directly behind someone taking a shot, and you got hit with the pool cue. Don't do it when I'm swinging a whip, either.

Amen
I dont have eyes in the back of my head and if you're(generic) walking to close to me while im playing its your own fault.

I think one of the most problematic parties I went to was a primal/kidnap/punch/takedown events.
The problem was again space, they had regular players as well, and a lot of the hard play involved, running /trying to escape/evade the captors. throwing bodies about and fist flying yeah was the closest thing to a consensual chaos I have seen.

There was some fascinating scenes but too much shoving and feet flying for my liking. I would go back again tho:)

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Post #: 74

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 5:59:35 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks]

i don't know if u r new to BDSM or not, but at play parties the Dominants are called, "Sir" or some other title, and Domme are called, "Ma'am" or some other title.

Yeah, no. Sorry kid, but as someone who has hosted more play parties that you will likely ever be invited to, It's pretty clear you have zero idea what you're talking about. If you've earned the title, then you'll get the title. Randoms at a party didn't earn it, especially when they are displaying the social graces of a 40 year old virgin, or a 20 year old "master".

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Post #: 75

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 6:02:58 PM

Andalusite

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LadyConstanze I can't blame you, but I think most cases, the guy just got in the way. In that situation, he certainly deserved it (and switching whips so you didn't risk cross-contamination was wise).

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Post #: 76

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 6:05:24 PM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks

@LadyPact

I think it all depends if the man was submissive or dominant.
As a Dominant, we tend to be aggressive, it's in our nature.
If he was Dominant, I think the more appropriate response would have been something like this,

"Excuse me Sir, but please do not touch the property. Please respect the boundaries."

Well, that's my 2 cents worth.

Why do you think she should call him "Sir"?

oh hey, thanks for asking me that question. i don't know if u r new to BDSM or not, but at play parties the Dominants are called, "Sir" or some other title, and Domme are called, "Ma'am" or some other title. well, u know, the one i go to is that way. she may be at a similar play party where titles are appropriate. i mean that's no excuse 4 anyone to barge in and take over a scene. scenes r to be respected. but in any case, titles are to be given too.

wow, Ive never called any dominant Sir, unless they are someone who has my respect for other reasons as well as their style of dominance.
And my name at play events is Lucy, Unless im with my submissive.
I get called Ma'am a lot, but I would never expect a dominant male to announce I call him sir.
If someone has a "title" within protocol arenas I adopt that, I dont think I have ever called Lady Pact anything but LP or Lady P, even in public.

While I know plenty of dominants who think Dommes should call them Master or Sir, thats a wand stuck up their arse.
Common courtesy is fine. But unless its a leather or high protocol event, thats what people get.
Im a hugger tho, so with people I know, they get a Lucy hug.

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Post #: 77

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 6:05:56 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
I think one of the most problematic parties I went to was a primal/kidnap/punch/takedown events.
The problem was again space, they had regular players as well, and a lot of the hard play involved, running /trying to escape/evade the captors. throwing bodies about and fist flying yeah was the closest thing to a consensual chaos I have seen. There was some fascinating scenes but too much shoving and feet flying for my liking. I would go back again tho:)

Oooh, that sounds like fun! I had a fantastic primal/wrestling/rough body play scene last weekend, but we kept it confined to our area. I don't think I'd like having the scene involve random people, but being able to run around and chase each other in a smaller scene (with one to 4 other people, say) sounds like a blast!

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Post #: 78

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 6:20:09 PM

ilovestarbucks

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm not new.....I've been involved in one of the largest kink communities in the country for over 2 decades. No one is expected to call someone Sir or Ma'am, unless it's part of their relationship. Sir and Ma'am is a sign of respect and respect is earned. So, no, LP is not obligated to call that man "Sir" and since he attempted to touch a submissive without her consent, he isn't worthy of the title.

You're also confusing BDSM with D/s.

oh hey i'm sorry. i didn't know. i'm still learning.

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Post #: 79

RE: So, maybe I could have been more diplomatic - 1/15/2016 6:32:28 PM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
I think one of the most problematic parties I went to was a primal/kidnap/punch/takedown events.
The problem was again space, they had regular players as well, and a lot of the hard play involved, running /trying to escape/evade the captors. throwing bodies about and fist flying yeah was the closest thing to a consensual chaos I have seen. There was some fascinating scenes but too much shoving and feet flying for my liking. I would go back again tho:)

Oooh, that sounds like fun! I had a fantastic primal/wrestling/rough body play scene last weekend, but we kept it confined to our area. I don't think I'd like having the scene involve random people, but being able to run around and chase each other in a smaller scene (with one to 4 other people, say) sounds like a blast!

Its not my thing per se play wise..but it was fun watching.

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