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Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 10:58:42 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		One of the local areas I play in has recently had a spate of non-consensual issues arise, especially focusing on sexual contact during negotiated scenes, and what was allowed and not allowed.

I and the Venue I help manage created these cards to respond to that:



We're getting these printed as we speak, so they will be available for all of our events, at the front desk, along with pens for filling out.

We're encouraging people to take a few to use at other events as well.

GET YOUR OWN PERSONALIZED CARDS!

The other side is blank. If you'd like your own cards with your Fet name, link, info (instead of The Venue logo), and the other side with your hard limits and most common play needs, just contact us (The Venue on FetLife or me—since I lay them out), and I'll get you the files.

At no cost.

This is our service to the community.

TO OTHER VENUES

If you think this is a good idea, and would like the original files, or would like cards made with your information, please reach out.

We'll be happy to help you get what you need to create your own Sexual Consent Cards.

*smiles*

_____________________________

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I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 11:23:57 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I think it's generally a good idea, but it doesn't seem to be a good layout. In casual/pickup play, I'm ok with my breasts being touched skin-to-skin, ok with butt touched over clothes (or skin to skin where not covered by my panties), but not ok with having my pussy or anus groped even with clothes in the way. The checkboxes don't seem to allow for that sort of different limits for different areas thing.

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 11:36:30 AM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline 		There is limited space on the front of the card. The back of the card is blank for any additional notes.

*smiles*

That said, I agree. There is only so much I could think of in the first iteration.

_____________________________

Nookie
--
https://datingkinky.com

I Write! A few of my books on Amazon: http://amazon.com/author/msnnotes

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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 11:44:29 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Oh, I understand that, I just think that changing the layout slightly might work better. For example
The Venue
Sexual Consent Card
Breasts/nipples
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
Buttocks
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
Genitals
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
vaginal penetration
_fingers _toys
_intercourse (condoms required)
Anal area
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
_fingers _toys
_intercourse (condoms required)

(in reply to NookieNotes)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 1:34:28 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I think it's a great idea, but still sad that we need them.

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 1:49:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I think it's a great idea, but still sad that we need them.

This was my exact thought.



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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 2:48:15 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		I worry about potential issues regarding withdrawal of consent. Bottom changes mind mid scene, and this card is the used as validation with the person "previously consenting".

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 2:52:49 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

I worry about potential issues regarding withdrawal of consent. Bottom changes mind mid scene, and this card is the used as validation with the person "previously consenting".



Then they can safe word and it's game over

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to artemiss)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 2:55:15 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		They could have safe worded without the card, how is that different?

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 3:24:37 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

They could have safe worded without the card, how is that different?

Its just an additional way to ensure clarity on all sides when negotiating. It shouldn't replace negotiation, it shouldn't be used to validate anything. If a bottom wants to safeword they should. But for the sake of safe playing, its one more way of opening up communication between players and about boundaries.

(in reply to artemiss)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 3:28:02 PM   
Wayward5oul


Posts: 3314
Joined: 11/9/2014
Status: offline 		I would also add that by being sponsored by the organization behind the event, the cards send a clear signal to attendees that consent is a priority, not just a talking point.

(in reply to Wayward5oul)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 4:18:51 PM   
NookieNotes


Posts: 1720
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Oh, I understand that, I just think that changing the layout slightly might work better. For example
The Venue
Sexual Consent Card
Breasts/nipples
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
Buttocks
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
Genitals
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
vaginal penetration
_fingers _toys
_intercourse (condoms required)
Anal area
_no touching _clothed only _skin to skin
_fingers _toys
_intercourse (condoms required)


Good idea! The challenge here is the business card size. I'm thinking a postcard size option as well, and this would fit nicely.

*smiles*

Thank you!


quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

They could have safe worded without the card, how is that different?


It's different because if something is NOT consented to, and it happens, even with a safeword and an immediate stop, it's non-consensual.

With this, if they originally agreed to it, and they safeword and it's stopped, it' not non-consensual. It's simply over.

There is no way to undo a penetration, for example.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Wayward5oul

I would also add that by being sponsored by the organization behind the event, the cards send a clear signal to attendees that consent is a priority, not just a talking point.


This is critical. I am also suggesting, though, that people get their own, for carrying around, or make something similar, for those who tend to float into subspace (where even safe wording can be hard, sometimes).

I've never needed something like this, but then, I don't sexually scene with people outside my relationships, unless I am invited in by another Top/Dominant who is in charge of that bottom and takes the responsibility (as in the case of a 5-on-1 pegging, for example).

_____________________________

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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 4:22:30 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

They could have safe worded without the card, how is that different?


Very different as the card limits the need for safe wording, if you use the card you eliminate a lot of the need for safe wording, that's a pretty easy concept. It's like walking away from a deal, you can always walk away but you are less likely to walk away if what you are getting is clear in advance. Imagine you buying a house, why would you fill out requirements the house has to have, because you can always walk away, so if you are looking for 4 bedrooms, garden and pool and a quiet area, the realtor won't bother dragging you through dingy studio flats... Of course you could walk away but why waste time with something that's not compatible in the 1st place?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to artemiss)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 4:44:54 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Pretty simple concept, nice way to be condescending.

You are viewing the card as pre-scene negotiation, which is fine. That wasn't my concern. Negotiations should have been taking place without a card.

I'm less concerned with what happens before the scene, than in the top using the card as justification to others after a scene. "Hey look, the bottom had agreed to it prior, so yeah, it was ok" when in fact the bottom may have withdrawn consent.


(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 4:50:41 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I think it's a great idea, but still sad that we need them.

This was my exact thought.




It amazes me what some people think grown ups need. I think I would give up on life if I ever was so unable to communicate that I needed flash cards.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 4:58:51 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

Pretty simple concept, nice way to be condescending.

You are viewing the card as pre-scene negotiation, which is fine. That wasn't my concern. Negotiations should have been taking place without a card.

I'm less concerned with what happens before the scene, than in the top using the card as justification to others after a scene. "Hey look, the bottom had agreed to it prior, so yeah, it was ok" when in fact the bottom may have withdrawn consent.





Why don't you stop playing the victim card and just discuss? I wasn't condescending but if you think I was, it possibly says more about your ability to comprehend than anything else.

As I pointed out, if the bottom withdraws consent then there is the safe word, you DO know what that is and that it will stop a scene? So your concern is pretty much just noise and you wanting to pick a bone. Ever tried to grow up? And yes that was condescending but since you apparently can't deal with real life, not uncalled for.

Now would you like me to give you your victim card or did you bring your own?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to artemiss)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 5:13:38 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Victim card? Where? Stating something is a pretty simple concept is condescending, period. And pointing out someone else's bad behavior is not the same as crying victim.

As you said, playing with someone who is not compatible is a waste of time. So why waste more time, trees and the resources the club paid to provide the cards, filing it out the card? When really all you are suggesting is that they are a form of communication and negotiation. Things that can be accomplished through many other means.

Silly me, I think consent is fluid and (especially on casual play encounters) can change from moment to moment. If we are talking about people who are capable of violating consent, we are talking about people who do not hold the strongest of morals. And yes, that makes me concerned that they will hold up the "consent card" as a way of justifying that the bottom really did want and agree to it.

But perhaps I stuck a cord with you, as you seem more than willing to point out what you believe others deserve.

< Message edited by artemiss -- 1/16/2016 5:20:22 PM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 6:08:15 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm, I guess parties these days are more sexual than I remember. The play parties, unless held in a private home and very limited to invited guests, that I've been to had strict no penetration and only partial nudity (underwear at all times and nipples covered with type etc).

If there is a problem with non-consensual acts taking place you probably would be doing better to clean house and get rid of the sexual offenders and/or players remorse victims in your midst. I know that's easier said than done, sometimes, and barring that I can see how this card could help. I have to say I hope it does take care of the issues because that sounds like a huge headache for the group/DMs/Hosts etc.

(in reply to artemiss)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 6:24:07 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

Victim card? Where? Stating something is a pretty simple concept is condescending, period. And pointing out someone else's bad behavior is not the same as crying victim.

As you said, playing with someone who is not compatible is a waste of time. So why waste more time, trees and the resources the club paid to provide the cards, filing it out the card? When really all you are suggesting is that they are a form of communication and negotiation. Things that can be accomplished through many other means.

Silly me, I think consent is fluid and (especially on casual play encounters) can change from moment to moment. If we are talking about people who are capable of violating consent, we are talking about people who do not hold the strongest of morals. And yes, that makes me concerned that they will hold up the "consent card" as a way of justifying that the bottom really did want and agree to it.

But perhaps I stuck a cord with you, as you seem more than willing to point out what you believe others deserve.



No you didn't strike a cord unless it was the idiot cord, I believe that people make choices and should inform themselves about their choices, apparently you believe that the bottom is always abused, I tend to stay away from professional victims like you, you know people who can't make up their minds. People like YOU are actually the reason why a lot of us don't play casually anymore, because if you negotiate a scene and all hard limits in advance and you give somebody the chance to use the safe word and stop the scene, there will be people like you who decide after the scene they enjoyed that they might feel guilt for what they indulged in willingly, then decide they were "abused" and blame it on the top. This is a game for adults, since you clearly can't function as one and can't take responsibility for your choices or decide that not using your safe word MUST be the fault of the other person, that makes YOU the person nobody should get involved with, since you obviously don't hold the strongest of morals or believe in personal responsibility.

Perhaps you just showed why people shouldn't ever attempt a scene with you, as you refuse to take personal responsibility for your own actions. Grown ups negotiate a scene and if they don't know each other very very well, have safe words, it's a pretty common concept, somebody who doesn't use the safe word doesn't get to shift blame. Ever thought about growing up since you do want to play games that are reserved for adults?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to artemiss)
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RE: Sexual Consent Cards - 1/16/2016 6:46:19 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		A concern for the welfare of others had zero to do with my personal responsibility.

I am very adept at my job, mostly because I don't condense things to their simplest version. I see the linkages and connections. I see people as more than a list of fetishes and limits. I understand how personalities and desires don't always mesh, and know that emotions are not predictable.

I do not, nor have I ever desired to "scene", because unlike you, who makes money off being a kink delivery system, I want more out of my interpersonal relations.

< Message edited by artemiss -- 1/16/2016 7:05:43 PM >

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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