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From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 9:04:26 AM

Cell

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Anyone here have any anecdotes about pursuing kink with a vanilla partner they'd like to share? Or any lessons learned regarding turning a vanilla relationship into kinky one?

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 10:27:18 AM

Lucylastic

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Oh, that could get real personal, I'll mail you on the other side.
My hubby is nilla, we went quite the way into it too.
It didnt work out, hes a dominant kind of guy but has no desire for D/s and not exploring kinkier stuff than was bedroom play anyway.
anyway, I will send you a message soon. :")

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 2:09:46 PM

LilJuly76

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ah well I can tell you a short story how I was introduced. I was a BDSM virgin, I was practically a vanilla virgin as well, two bad relationships (nilla) and a real bad incident and someone I was affiliated with at the time asked me to be his BDSM submissive (and than later on I became a slave in his poly house) and like a BDSM virgin I said "ah what?" and we sat down and had a long talk and I actually agreed, I was with him for 5 years.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 3:43:32 PM

MuscleBoundDom

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/24/2015
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I was in a vanilla relationship, nothing kinky at all. I started working out and she began massaging and licking my muscles. Very kinky! One thing lead to the next now I'm a fitness instructor teaching people how to build the perfect body!

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 4:01:21 PM

LilJuly76

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I'm still learning how to use this board, my reply was to the original poster. I goofed.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 6:50:45 PM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

I'm still learning how to use this board, my reply was to the original poster. I goofed.
[/quote
Its ok LilJuly, i didnt think you were responding to me:) point of interest tho,if you want to respond to someone, use their name, at the beginning of the post, or you can quote the message you are responding to, by using the quote button.
It puts the post you want to respond to, in a box.
Like above
Please feel free to ask if you need to. Welcome to the boards.

_____________________________

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\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 6:53:15 PM

Greta75

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FR
So far in my experiences, if someone is vanilla, it's almost impossible to make them like bdsm.
But recently, my vanilla sexual mesh, as we got to know each other, I got to discover he used to date a submissive who introduced bdsm into his life, and she was rather extreme, so he has experienced alot of it, infact I would say seen more than me, attended many play parties with her. He said he broke up with her because she really wanted him to hurt her till she bleeds. And it was just getting too crazy for him. Initially when I confess I was into bdsm, he was a little freak out, thinking that means I am gonna be at her level. He kept telling me, he will refuse to do anything that will hurt me.

I had to assure him my spectrum is very mild and nothing at her level, which is true anyway.

So one successful case, sort of. Now we dabble in both vanilla and bdsm at a level that makes me very happy in bed with him. No D/S involve though. Anyway I don't do D/S casual so I don't bother bringing that up.

But I guess another sub broke him in a little for me already. All the men who have experienced zero bdsm that I have dated, never liked it, after it was introduce. Even mild spanking, they just keep telling me, they feel like the bad guy hurting a woman. They don't want to do it!

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/19/2016 6:57:34 PM >

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 6:58:04 PM

Andalusite

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I've introduced a few guys to BDSM, but they were already interested, even though they didn't have any experience.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/19/2016 7:00:01 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I've introduced a few guys to BDSM, but they were already interested, even though they didn't have any experience.

Submissive slanted guys or dominant guys?

I think it's super easy to find vanilla guy to like submissive stuffs. But very difficult to find vanilla guys who like dominant stuffs.

If only I liked submissive men, the world is my oyster.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/21/2016 7:41:06 PM

Andalusite

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Greta, one was my Dominant for a couple of years. A couple others were into topping, bottoming, or switching but we didn't have a D/s dynamic, just egalitarian kinky gf/bf relationship.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/21/2016 10:25:40 PM

domincalifornia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cell

Anyone here have any anecdotes about pursuing kink with a vanilla partner they'd like to share? Or any lessons learned regarding turning a vanilla relationship into kinky one?

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/22/2016 12:52:32 AM

ReMakeYou

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Joined: 1/20/2012
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In the bedroom, or as a relationship model? Because maybe I've just been very lucky, but most of the people I've dated have been at least open to trying some of my kinks out. A lot of otherwise vanilla partners are willing to try something and incorporate it to make you happy so long as it's not too painful for them and you're mindful of their needs too.

More lifestyle, I guess I'm lucky that lifestyle has never been that big a draw for me. A good number of kinksters will balk at 24/7 protocol, it shouldn't be surprising that almost all 'nillas will.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/23/2016 10:28:48 PM

Cell

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
I will send you a message soon. :")

Liar!

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/23/2016 10:40:38 PM

Cell

Posts: 409
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
If only I liked submissive men, the world is my oyster.

I wouldn't have thought vanilla men leaning toward dominance was that rare. Weird.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/24/2016 7:38:53 AM

Draciron

Posts: 21
Joined: 12/28/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

FR
So far in my experiences, if someone is vanilla, it's almost impossible to make them like bdsm.
But recently, my vanilla sexual mesh, as we got to know each other, I got to discover he used to date a submissive who introduced bdsm into his life, and she was rather extreme, so he has experienced alot of it, infact I would say seen more than me, attended many play parties with her. He said he broke up with her because she really wanted him to hurt her till she bleeds. And it was just getting too crazy for him. Initially when I confess I was into bdsm, he was a little freak out, thinking that means I am gonna be at her level. He kept telling me, he will refuse to do anything that will hurt me.

I'll respectfully disagree. I've introduced a number of women to the lifestyle. Most of which continued with the lifestyle after we parted ways. It is all a matter of perspective. People are scared of the lifestyle as we are portrayed as freaks, deviants and that there is something fundamentally wrong with us Psychologically for liking what we do. I've found that if you just be real, honest and let them get to know you in a nilla way first, then introduce the lifestyle a little at a time. Educate them and show them that the lifestyle is really more natural for most people than odd. That goes a long ways. Yes there are some people for whom the lifestyle is not appropriate. There are others that lack the necessary skills and bent to be a Dom, but are not submissive in their nature. However a significant percentage of the population, maybe even half would love the lifestyle if they could get over prejudices hammered into them by Feminists, Religious leaders, and similar misguided influences. In fact many of the people who speak out the loudest against D/s are people who would love the lifestyle if they gave it an honest try.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/24/2016 7:46:53 AM

Draciron

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In an abnormal Psychology class, the authors made a hilarious attempt to assert behaviorism and kink. The authors of the text book actually believed that kinks were formed when a person masturbated with an object in view. Thus creating an association which leads to conditioning to become aroused at the sight of the object. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I read that. If that were the case, a jar of Vaseline would be the ultimate sex symbol. We would have to purchase it in plain brown paper bags and keep it safely out of view. Socks, corners of rooms, doorknobs, a whole host of things would become sexually arousing.

We are born with kinks. It is just a matter of how long until we discover them and whether we indulge in them or not. Behaviorism can play a role in the lifestyle, but it doesn't make us who we are. We may like an activity more or less because of good/bad experiences, but the desire to participate comes from deep in our primal origins.

Figured y'all would find the masturbation theory as hilarious as I do.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/28/2016 2:04:10 AM

SesualDaddy

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This is kind of funny..

In today's standards,BDSM is the new ''normal''.

In many cases it's today's ''vanilla''.

I know this is a hard pill to swallow but their is much truth to this fact.

I know married couples who are far more kinky than many in BDSM and they never heard of BDSM accept 50 shades.

BDSM today is E-HARMONY with a little extra added kink.

Back in the 60's,70's and even 80's it was more an underground closed lid lifestyle.

I kind off liked it better back then sneaking into these dark back ally's and going deep underground away from society to practice BDSM.

It was more voyeurism and exciting back then to be sneaky and keep it on the down low.

Today it is everywhere in the day light hours.

Hollywood got a hold of it and know it's the new normal for many people.

In many ways it lost it's edge,it's darkness and it's taste.

Welcome to E-Harmony.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/28/2016 3:18:44 AM

LilJuly76

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thanks I appreciate that, I really need to check these threads more often

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/28/2016 2:26:32 PM

shiftyw

Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
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My boyfriend of 6 years was nilla

I take great pride in how I've corrupted him.
Honestly- we talked about it before we "went steady"- and since I'm the s type in the relationship- I let his interests dictate what was introduced. I let his comfort and let him research on his own. It was really low pressure. We aren't edgy or even D/s- just I like kinky sex, and now he does too. We went and continue to go, slowly. I did a bit of what is probably considered 'topping from the bottom'- but being more experienced than him- it was just necessary in my opinion.

I love him dearly. I love that this relationship is the exact right amount of BDSM/kink for me and that he has enjoyed finding his D side with me. Its been a fun (although not always, no one is perfect) ride.

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RE: From vanilla to BDSM/DS. - 1/29/2016 11:02:31 AM

WickedsDesire

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I married vanilla and then I divorced her. Good times (dreadful times). Long, long time ago.
And do note in no way am i belittling the word vanilla although it almost doesnt exist in any format - which is what someone else pretty much said
BDSM did not suddenly appear it has always been here, just rarely talked about openly.

Sure, lots of bad stereotypes about and their minds are far gone with the sherman tank cavity stretching ways, porn addled minds of delusion, looking for 49 slaves - not that their wives are aware.

Sure! some minds can be opened, some cannot, even with trepanning.

< Message edited by WickedsDesire -- 1/29/2016 11:03:55 AM >

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