AtUrCervix
Posts: 2111
Joined: 1/15/2016
Status: offline
|
Greta, this chic is broken. Got married because it was her time to do so....taught her whole life that's what she wanted.
I married the love of my life in 1987. For our first date, I asked her for a list of 5 things she'd never done that she always wanted to (ride a horse, walk under a waterfall....)....she gave me that list and I said "great....see you at 6:00 a.m. on Saturday" and we didn't go home until we did every single one. My proposal made the local news, we were invited to 2 local morning talk shows to talk about it.....went to Hawaii for our honeymoon, in December, had a great condo on the beach, honeymoon night, maybe 3 people in the entire condo complex, I found a cabana and hot tub on the beach (she loves hot tubs), said "let's go down to the hot tub and fuck".
When we were dating (she was a holy roller....raised by holy rollers) she kept telling me "when we get married, I'm going to give you the best sex you've ever had in your life".
She said "what if someone sees us?" (it was 2:00 a.m.) I said "well then, they'll get a nice show".
She said I was a pervert.
For wanting to have sex in a hot tub on the beach.
She meant it.
I was literally slack jawed.
Every time I attempted to have sex (for the first 6 months), it was like pulling teeth.
Eventually, I simply gave up....didn't want to force myself on her.
She was constantly worried about what other people thought (about everything).
I finally, after 4 years of this, confronted her parents privately one day for two hours and asked them..."what is in her past that's so dark? Why is she so afraid of sex?"
They both insisted there was nothing there. Fervently so.
Then, 6 months later we're having turkey day at my brother in laws house (she had two brothers) and the topic of sex came up, both my sisters in law asked me "why would two healthy young men not want sex?" I said "You have to be kidding me....you too????"
(And these girls were FINE beyond EVERY possible description).
6 months after that, my Mother in law asked all of us over for a "special, very important dinner".
(Meanwhile, my wife and I had been going to counselors, 3 consecutively different ones, each one telling my wife to "let go of your father....he doesn't live with you", with me trying to figure out wtf was wrong).
My Mother in Law sat us all down, proceeded to break down, balling her eyes out, explained that her father (my wife's grandfather....a lifelong pastor) had raped her (my Mother in Law) for years between the ages of 5 and 9.
They moved every 8 to 12 months to "serve God" in a new town.
Hmmmmm......
Anyway....there's a BILLION more pieces to this story but, suffice it to say, I tried to stay, I paid all her bills during the 3 years I lived elsewhere, left "the door open" at all times, I gave 139 and 1/2%. I gave a vow, in front of God, and 625 people, that I'd take care of her and love her for the rest of my life. When your in Laws support the fellow that isn't their own in the divorce, it speaks pretty loudly. It was an impossible battle. Eventually, I too was broken. I simply gave up after 10 years of absolute hell.
I don't think up till then, I even had 2 parking tickets....and certainly no history like my Mother in Laws.
Up to this point, I hadn't discovered any of my now current interests, possibly they're a derivative of the nightmare I went through, who knows but....I moved out hoping a little tough love would have an impact and, it did....but it was always all words....no deeds.
She used to get calls from all her friends on our wedding anniversary, birthday, every possible opportunity for me to have done something incredible for her, all asking her "so.....what amazing thing did _____ do for you THIS time????", because it was always something incredible.
She also used to say "Marriage is 90/10....you give 90 and expect 10".....I used to ask her "so when were you planning on giving your 10?"
When I moved out, she wrote me a looooooong letter explaining how she'd done nothing during our marriage to show me I was valued and "if it takes the rest of my life....I'm going to prove it to you"....and then of course....did absolutely nothing.
10 years....longest 30 fucking years of my life.
When she was younger, she always had someone in her life....she needed someone. Being a single girl in her eyes was being a failure.
6 months after we divorced, she married a fellow I later discovered was arrested for jacking off in his car in a Jr High school parking lot with his door open as a 13 year old girl passed by (he was 45 or so) at 7:15 in the morning.
A lot of things make a ton of sense now but, some people Greta, you just can't fix.....they can't be fixed....they're simply broken.
In my case, I don't think my ex was ever raped by her father...it came up after the revelation from my Mother in Law in our counseling sessions....but she insisted it never happened and, I believe she was telling the truth (although, frankly, knowing my ex father in law...I wouldn't put it past him for a second), but she was certainly affected by her Mom's opinion on sex....holy roller.....sex is what you do for your husband because it's a duty....that kind of thing.
Again, there's soooo much more to this story...I could write for days....but it's just more of the above, in different ways.
The best advice you can give this guy is..."get the fuck out"
He'll write a few checks over the next 20 years, but it'll be a 10th the cost to his psyche.
He deserves to be happy....and with this woman.....he will never be. Ever.
(And it'll get muuuuuch worse).
< Message edited by AtUrCervix -- 3/20/2016 6:10:38 AM >
|
RE: A typical situation - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread