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RE: A typical situation - 3/24/2016 11:52:10 AM

tj444

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cinnamongirl67

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cinnamongirl67

There is nothing like being with someone who loves you no matter what. Whether you lay there, whether you swing from the chandeliers, or whether you don't want sex at all.

sure, but if its all one-sided, his love is gonna die out over time.. there is only so much you can take going down a one-way street.. the poor guy feels like he is raping her when he is trying to make love to her, he will eventually not want to touch her at all, there will be an invisible wall down the center or their bed.. imo you need intimacy and the same or similar sex drive/desire to keep love alive.. without that, you are just buds/friends.. same thing goes with how you handle money, if one is a saver and the other is a spender, the mis-match will cause serious trouble/bankruptcy sooner or later..

It's his decision. I made a statement. People do what need or want. Maybe divorce is the answer.
Yes, him not wanting to touch her etc, COULD happen but there is a possibility it WOULD NOT happen.
Riding out trouble sometimes turns out pretty good, instead of bailing. When you bail, there is always that wonder.
Anyway, once you hit a certain age, you learn life can have some surprises, and doesn't always go as we think. Surprises that can go either way. The old saying the grass isn't always greener on the other side is very accurate. A few times it might actually be. But actually jumping the fence, whether pretty immediate or a couple years down the line, you might say "same shit, different day" the newness wearing off is typical.

that may be but how many years does the poor guy need to stick it out for before he should throw in the towel? I stuck it out, way longer than i should have and I regret that i did.. I wasted all those years with a guy that wasnt right for me.. while i was doing that did I miss a chance with the guy I should have been with instead? (maybe) I finally decided that I would rather be single and alone than in that kind of terrible one-sided relationship.. Is the grass greener here for me? Even tho I havent met Mr Horny & Right for Me (yet), the answer is Hell yes! Its sorta like the saying "better to reign in hell than serve in heaven"... And i think you can avoid the "same shit, different day" thing by taking things slower, making sure you know what the person is really like, and not marrying them.. I sometimes also wonder if, since we live so long now & change along the way, if serial monogamy is the new norm..

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RE: A typical situation - 3/27/2016 1:35:45 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

You have already ruled out other possible reasons.. I am afraid there is no solution to the problem, maybe they should divorce, remain friends & dad lives in part of the house and she lives in the other part and the kids still have 2 parents everyday.. both parents can date whoever they want.. His love for her will die a slow death anyway (I say this from experience), but that is not bad, it will allow him to move on so he can find someone he should be with..

He has agreed to move back in for the sake of the kids, but the funny thing is, he asked for new arrangement to be living in separate bedrooms. It's killing him to sleep beside her and have her be an unresponsive piece of log. She has insist that separate bedroom is not an option for her and she wants him in her bed and she will try to work with him on the sex bit. So well, who knows what will happen from here. For now, his going back to her and try it out for the kids. And all I can do is wish him the best of luck! And maybe her sex drive will miraculously come back since she's fighting for her marriage.

It's always difficult when there are kids involve, and you really want to spend every day with your kids. His choosing his kids, over his sex drive. Which is just, father's love wins over personal desire for sex. One of his kids is autistic too and have trouble forming friendships with his peers, and is very close, needy and dependent on his dad for friendship and company, and he feels bad not being able to be around all the time, the last 6 months. It's a very difficult situation.

The way he put it, what will he regret more? Giving up his desire for more passionate sex? Or giving up and missing every moment of his kids growing up years?

I guess he can always still rediscover sex after the kids are grown and independent. Just 10 more years!

But I think that relationship is over if the wife doesn't fix the sex thing. It's only delaying the inevitable.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/27/2016 1:46:45 AM >

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RE: A typical situation - 3/27/2016 1:50:41 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
But it's important to me that my partner turns to me. If he's emotionally more intimate with someone else, like Greta's friend is with her, that by itself would kill my sex drive.

I have always been emotionally intimate with my male best friends. Men who are friendzoned and I don't fuck. Always been more emotionally intimate with them than men who I have sex or exclusive relationship with. It's probably got to do with me also being emotionally intimate with my 2 brothers, 2 men I clearly don't have sex with either. So it's like what I grew up with, 2 great brothers as my best friends, and listening ear. And it happens naturally with other men too who I don't have sex with.

I guess because, it's pretty hard to find great sex, and also great outside the bedroom mental connection, the best of both worlds, is always out of reach for me. So usually, I just get different parts of my needs from different men. And due to my mother issues, I always had problems connecting with any women, so I end up with male best friends.

You are blessed to find someone you can be both parts to. I wish one day I can meet someone who fulfills both ends for me too, but for now, I have not met such a person.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 3/27/2016 1:52:45 AM >

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RE: A typical situation - 3/29/2016 11:50:31 AM

tj444

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Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

You have already ruled out other possible reasons.. I am afraid there is no solution to the problem, maybe they should divorce, remain friends & dad lives in part of the house and she lives in the other part and the kids still have 2 parents everyday.. both parents can date whoever they want.. His love for her will die a slow death anyway (I say this from experience), but that is not bad, it will allow him to move on so he can find someone he should be with..

He has agreed to move back in for the sake of the kids, but the funny thing is, he asked for new arrangement to be living in separate bedrooms. It's killing him to sleep beside her and have her be an unresponsive piece of log. She has insist that separate bedroom is not an option for her and she wants him in her bed and she will try to work with him on the sex bit. So well, who knows what will happen from here. For now, his going back to her and try it out for the kids. And all I can do is wish him the best of luck! And maybe her sex drive will miraculously come back since she's fighting for her marriage.

It's always difficult when there are kids involve, and you really want to spend every day with your kids. His choosing his kids, over his sex drive. Which is just, father's love wins over personal desire for sex. One of his kids is autistic too and have trouble forming friendships with his peers, and is very close, needy and dependent on his dad for friendship and company, and he feels bad not being able to be around all the time, the last 6 months. It's a very difficult situation.

The way he put it, what will he regret more? Giving up his desire for more passionate sex? Or giving up and missing every moment of his kids growing up years?

I guess he can always still rediscover sex after the kids are grown and independent. Just 10 more years!

But I think that relationship is over if the wife doesn't fix the sex thing. It's only delaying the inevitable.

ah yes.. the old "for the sake of the kids" crap.. like the kids arent gonna figure out that things arent right and normal like their friends parents marriages.. good luck to him tho, we will see how many of those 10 years he really makes it thru (they will feel like 30 years of torture).. & yeah, i do know what it feels like to sleep in a bed with an unresponsive log.. And, I bet once he does divorce her (be it in 1 year or 10 years) he goes on to have more kids with a new love & a second family like so many people here have done..

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