RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/9/2016 3:52:22 PM)

I'm going to point out that you didn't refute a single point I made in my last post.
quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen
So basically, when a male wants casual, he only see's women as objects and not humans, he doesn't respect women, he is self entitled.

Nice slant, but nobody here said that. If you find a partner to have that consensual casual sex with, I highly doubt anybody here is going to say a word about it.

quote:

This is nothing but demonisation of male sexuality. Do you people really think your attitudes are liberating to male sexuality? This is no better than slut shaming.

Really? I sure as heck didn't see you opposing slut shaming when there was a woman running around the board calling other women whores. I didn't see you standing up for your fellow men when that same poster decided to slam people for being of a different sexual orientation. You don't find that hypocritical?

quote:

These people who are cranky at me in here are also so damn dumb that they most probably won't place the same standards on a woman who only wants casual. What's even funnier is that they don't see dommes who want a financial delivery system as seeing men as financial objects and not humans, they don't respect men, they are self entitled etc etc etc.

Do you have me on hide or something that you've never read anything I've ever posted? When have you ever seen me say anything that would make you think that I'm not in this for me? I've got a really cool criteria about selecting people for casual S/m, but don't kid yourself. It really is about getting the most out of my time and effort. On any given day, I can tell you why I chose to play with person A over person B, and it's going to be something that directly relates to my benefit.

quote:

A man who wants casual seeking a woman who thinks alike (who wants casual too) is a mutual agreement. I have no idea what the flying fuck is wrong with that. It seems that androphobia is fucking rampant in these forums. Bigotry against male sexuality seems to be the norm in here. You would really think that this attitude towards anyone's sexuality would be less common in a BDSM site.

No, it's not a mutual agreement. It's not an agreement until the two people say they are going to play together. That's a part of what the concept of consent is about. It's not *just* about that I happen to want to engage in activity X and you (general you) also happen to want to engage in activity X. There's also 'why do I want to engage in activity X with you' as compared to someone else. If I'm going to have a better time with person A rather than person B, or person C has a greater advantage to me than playing with person D, that's how it's going to go.

Do I begrudge you for wanting what you want? Of course not! Go get your freak on with anybody who agrees to engage with you under the terms and conditions that each of you have set. However, nobody is required to give it to you.




princessmika -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/9/2016 3:58:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

quote:

As LadyPact so beautifully stated, if you don't like prodommes, you don't have to go to one. Everyone has a right to choose what they want to do.


This is exactly my point when women whinge about men only wanting a fetish delivery system. Why is one bad but not the other in the minds of many people? If you accept pro dommes, then its no different to accept a male who only wants his kinks on.


Hm, the way I see it... I think the demand for pro-dommes was created (at least much in part) by men having a fetish that wasn't being cared for in his personal life.

As others have stated, there is *a lot* of hate here for pro-dommes, especially findom. Believe me, I would know, haha.



respectmen -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/9/2016 8:16:40 PM)

quote:

How are you coming to this conclusion? For it to be related to business at all, there has to be something exchanged of comparative value. This is where your theory based on gender goes to crap. Instead, it goes more like this:


How the flying fuck isn't it a comparative value if what the man is offering is what the woman wants and what the woman is offering is what the man wants? Unless you are trying to say that the worth of a woman is more than the worth of a man.

Jesus fucking christ. It's really this simple. If the man wants casual and the woman wants casual too and if the man wants the woman and the woman wants the man too. What the fuck is the problem?

quote:

Let's say you want to get tied up. Did you bring the rope with you or did you expect me to provide it? You want to get flogged or whipped? Did you bring those? Did you shell out for that really cool single tail? How about the other expendables? The needles, the wax, the materials for sensory dep... Did you buy those or in this "business arrangement" where we both want to play, did you expect me, as the top, to provide them?


What does this have to do with toys? This is why I haven't bothered going into this nonsense earlier because I really don't understand what the fuck this has to do with what has been discussed. Who cares which one provided the rope or whatever. One of the two parties have to. That's between the two parties to decide. Are you saying that the person who owns the most toys or the best toys is a better person than the other? That's fucking laughable. If you want to be so anal about what I own over who I am as a person, you're obviously not worth knowing and I would pretty much laugh at someone in the face who is like that.

I wouldn't fucking care if you owned the best bondage equipment out there. If a woman had a better personality and approach for my likings but had no toys at all, I would choose that woman over another woman who may have the best bondage equipment out there on the market. I couldn't give a rats what fetish equipment she owns or doesn't own.

I've seen you mention toys in discussions on numerous occasions. It seems that you mention this to boast about you owning some rather than including it in a discussion where it's actually relevant.

quote:

My investment is looking a lot higher on the dollar and cents scale compared to yours. When I walk into the club, I bring all of this stuff to make this scene happen. Did you?


Not only toys, you are also making this about money. For what? For an agreement for casual play. How damn anal can one get? Firstly, clubs aren't my scene. Secondly, in a private one on one session, I bring the handful of toys I own... if needed. I couldn't care less if she had no toys at all.

quote:

So, really, when you walk into the club and think it's an equal exchange because you want to get done, you're putting the onus on the top to be the fetish delivery system AND the financial delivery system because that gear (and learning how to use it) doesn't grow on trees. Are you putting equal monetary value into the play you want to receive?


This is laughable as the people who buy toys aren't just buying them for the people who they plan to use them on....unless if they are a pro domme. They are also buying these toys for themselves. If they didn't like the idea of how the toy is going to be used and if they didn't like the toy itself, they wouldn't have bloody purchased it to begin with. So don't feed me that crap. That said, a top wouldn't agree to play with a bottom to begin with if they aren't going to enjoy it also. If the top enjoys it just like the bottom enjoys it, that is an equal exchange. Last time I checked, the bottom is also providing a fetish delivery system...unless a top is being forced at gun point to play with the said bottom or is being paid for it.

quote:

Nice slant, but nobody here said that. If you find a partner to have that consensual casual sex with, I highly doubt anybody here is going to say a word about it.



Post number 33, 31, 29. That said, you don't have to look far in the forums to see the phrase "fetish delivery system" which pretty much demonises men who want kinks fulfilled without relationships or who simply just mention their kinks. Ya know, how dare they!

quote:

Really? I sure as heck didn't see you opposing slut shaming when there was a woman running around the board calling other women whores. I didn't see you standing up for your fellow men when that same poster decided to slam people for being of a different sexual orientation. You don't find that hypocritical?


That's because I never spotted such a person in here. As you may realise, I don't hang in these forums as much as the average poster in here. I have a life unlike others who spend way too much time on here. Only a small percentage of all posts in this whole forum catch my attention.

quote:

When have you ever seen me say anything that would make you think that I'm not in this for me? I've got a really cool criteria about selecting people for casual S/m, but don't kid yourself. It really is about getting the most out of my time and effort. On any given day, I can tell you why I chose to play with person A over person B, and it's going to be something that directly relates to my benefit.


Well there you go. The bottom is also offering a fetish delivery system. So this is an equal exchange. You don't hold any superiority over him simply because you provided the rope or whatever. You wanted it, you wanted him, you got it. So why the bitching?

quote:

No, it's not a mutual agreement. It's not an agreement until the two people say they are going to play together.


Ummm duh, where did I say that rape or non consensual sexual assault is a mutual agreement? I'm not sure if you are either purposely taking what I say out of context or you are actually so stupidly paranoid that you really believe within my statement I mean regardless if a bitch gets raped. Seriously?

quote:

However, nobody is required to give it to you.


This is another shaming tactic always placed on men for simply just having sexual desires. I am sure that there may be some men out there that think women owe it to them. But the vast majority of men out there would most probably not have such a sense of entitlement. There is a difference between just wanting something than there is to feel that it's owed to you. It seems that a man is automatically unfairly deemed that he feels it's owed to him for just simply wanting whatever kink it is.

The usual stereotypes placed on men and women wanting their sexual desires met is that the man is deemed as being self serving while the woman on the other hand is deemed as being submissive and providing a gift to men. The double standard is stupid and sexist and must die.



FieryOpal -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/9/2016 11:07:38 PM)

Dafuq?

None of your side-stepping has to do with what she was saying.

You need to get it through your thick head that this isn't about 1:1 T/b ratios. You are 1 among 50. What makes you so special and what do you bring to the table that would distinguish you from the other 49 bottoms a female Top can choose to play with?

In fact, forget about T/b BDSM play for a moment. I'm into D/s. I don't want a bottom; I want a submissive to own. Out of 50 bottoms and/or fetishists, there might actually be 5 men who are submissive. Out of those 5 men, I would be hard-pressed to find 1 to whom I am sexually attracted or have any sexual chemistry with, who also happens to be into the exact same kinks & fetishes that I am. (I am a Sensual Domina who doesn't do casual, and I am wired to only want to engage in BDSM activities which I find erotic in nature.)

Given this scenario, what right do those remaining 49 have to bitch and moan about my not wanting to *do* them?

What right do you have to complain that there may be a 1:50 ratio of women who share compatible kinks & fetishes with you who are only interested in casual play (49 either don't want casual play or don't share the same kinks & fetishes that you do). According to your logic then, the 49 women who don't want anything to do with you think they are "better" than you are just because they have personal preferences of their own (as do you) which are not aligned with accommodating your need for a kink & fetish delivery system.



LAIsGreat -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/9/2016 11:47:59 PM)

@FieryOpal

How come a man can send out 50 emails to 50 different women and feel attractive to all 50, yet a woman will receive 50 emails from 50 different men and not feel attracted to any of them?



FieryOpal -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 12:22:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LAIsGreat

@FieryOpal

How come a man can send out 50 emails to 50 different women and feel attractive to all 50, yet a woman will receive 50 emails from 50 different men and not feel attracted to any of them?

I wasn't talking about on-line interactions, but IRT at a dungeon club or fetish party where T/b play takes place.

I don't do on-line D/s, and the reason why I take on-line interactions out of the equation is because nothing is real until it's in person in real life, and you are perhaps mistaking interest for attraction.

Semantics aside, though, a man who is interested in finding a Mistress who sends out 50 introductory messages, won't know whether he is attracted to all 50 Dommes. He is merely playing the numbers game by casting out as wide a net as possible.

A Domme who receives 50 messages will probably only find 5 of those messages worth responding to. I'm not saying that she won't reply to more than 5, just that most of the messages won't interest her. The other 40 will contain run-of-the-mill form letters or will have been sent by men who don't fit the basic criteria contained in her profile and/or who don't appear to be compatible (putting it conservatively, because that number might be more like 49). In my own case, I have keywords contained in my profile which act as a pre-filter, bringing that starting figure of 50 down to 35 from the getgo.

Assuming that there are 10 men remaining (which could be closer in number to only 1), after subsequent message exchanges, most of those 10 will get screened out as not being a suitable candidate to bother meeting with.

And so on. For the sake of speculation, if I were to end up meeting 2 of these men, I may or may not hit it off with 1. Or with neither.

You do know that these numbers are arbitrary, and that YMMV. [:D]

[Edited to Insert Word]



respectmen -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 12:30:23 AM)

quote:

You are 1 among 50. What makes you so special and what do you bring to the table that would distinguish you from the other 49 bottoms a female Top can choose to play with?


What makes you more special simply because you are a woman? Do you want your same type of standard here to apply in the workplace? Men would more likely be offered higher positions and higher paid positions in the work place simply because they are out numbering women who are offering the same. Why? Life choices.

The fact of the matter is that no gender is more worthy than the other. But do you offer an equal value of substance that's required out of what you expect?



LadyPact -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 12:55:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen
How the flying fuck isn't it a comparative value if what the man is offering is what the woman wants and what the woman is offering is what the man wants? Unless you are trying to say that the worth of a woman is more than the worth of a man.

Sorry, man. Just got in.

Nope. Didn't say that at all. YOU assigned genders to this. Not me. I am saying though that more often than not, the top is probably bringing more to the table. See, if you suck as a bottom, I'm just not going to have as much fun. If I suck as a top, just think of what I could do to you. Nerve damage, burns, infection... The list goes on and on. You, and every other bottom out there, might want to think about that a little bit.

quote:

Jesus fucking christ. It's really this simple. If the man wants casual and the woman wants casual too and if the man wants the woman and the woman wants the man too. What the fuck is the problem?

Can you pin point where **I** said I had a problem with it? I'd be happy for you. I just want you to be a little more truthful about it. In my opinion, there's a good chunk of people on this site who aren't into the casual thing (either play, sex, or both) and a lot of those people happen to be women.

quote:

What does this have to do with toys? This is why I haven't bothered going into this nonsense earlier because I really don't understand what the fuck this has to do with what has been discussed. Who cares which one provided the rope or whatever. One of the two parties have to. That's between the two parties to decide. Are you saying that the person who owns the most toys or the best toys is a better person than the other? That's fucking laughable. If you want to be so anal about what I own over who I am as a person, you're obviously not worth knowing and I would pretty much laugh at someone in the face who is like that.

Nope. I'm saying, more often than not, the person with the toys and/or the skill to use them is probably the one who has the greater ability to make the play happen. If you want something as a part of your play, as a bottom, bring it with you.

quote:

I wouldn't fucking care if you owned the best bondage equipment out there. If a woman had a better personality and approach for my likings but had no toys at all, I would choose that woman over another woman who may have the best bondage equipment out there on the market. I couldn't give a rats what fetish equipment she owns or doesn't own.

And, there you go. You just used your own criteria to say who you would prefer to play with. Believe it or not, that's what other people do, too. It just became more than one person wants someone to beat (or tie, or whatever) and the other person wants to be beaten.

quote:

I've seen you mention toys in discussions on numerous occasions. It seems that you mention this to boast about you owning some rather than including it in a discussion where it's actually relevant.

Any time I'm discussing casual play, absolutely, the toys are going to be a part of that. If your BDSM doesn't involve any, go you.

quote:

Not only toys, you are also making this about money. For what? For an agreement for casual play. How damn anal can one get? Firstly, clubs aren't my scene. Secondly, in a private one on one session, I bring the handful of toys I own... if needed. I couldn't care less if she had no toys at all.

Most of the people I play casually with, I'm going to meet at the club, first. It's safer for me, and frankly, it's safer for you, too. Just because I'm not bigger and stronger than you doesn't mean that I, or any other top, couldn't screw your day up once you're in a vulnerable position.

quote:

This is laughable as the people who buy toys aren't just buying them for the people who they plan to use them on....unless if they are a pro domme. They are also buying these toys for themselves. If they didn't like the idea of how the toy is going to be used and if they didn't like the toy itself, they wouldn't have bloody purchased it to begin with. So don't feed me that crap. That said, a top wouldn't agree to play with a bottom to begin with if they aren't going to enjoy it also. If the top enjoys it just like the bottom enjoys it, that is an equal exchange. Last time I checked, the bottom is also providing a fetish delivery system...unless a top is being forced at gun point to play with the said bottom or is being paid for it.

You really don't know the other side of this, do you?

OK. You don't do clubs. Are you familiar enough with clubs, etc to know that damn near all of them have in the dungeon rules somewhere, some version of "just because a person is a submissive doesn't mean they are your submissive?" Unfortunately, some people don't let that sink in for the reverse. A top who happens to be at the same event doesn't necessarily mean they are there to top you (general you).

quote:

Post number 33, 31, 29. That said, you don't have to look far in the forums to see the phrase "fetish delivery system" which pretty much demonises men who want kinks fulfilled without relationships or who simply just mention their kinks. Ya know, how dare they!

You know that criteria that I mentioned earlier? "Do-me the way I want to get done" is the easiest way to get scratched off of my dance card. There's a different vibe to it that I don't care for. If a person wants to dictate what's going to happen, I'd highly suggest they find a service top because I'm not a good play partner for them. I just consider it basic incompatibility.

quote:

That's because I never spotted such a person in here. As you may realise, I don't hang in these forums as much as the average poster in here. I have a life unlike others who spend way too much time on here. Only a small percentage of all posts in this whole forum catch my attention.

I might suggest to you that you at least read the threads you participate on. You say you post on these matters to raise social awareness? Don't want to be shamed for your sexual desires? The basis for not wanting to be shamed for it shouldn't depend on whether or not you have a penis.

quote:

Well there you go. The bottom is also offering a fetish delivery system. So this is an equal exchange. You don't hold any superiority over him simply because you provided the rope or whatever. You wanted it, you wanted him, you got it. So why the bitching?

Nah. A person willing to bend over doesn't do sh^t for me. 'Cause, I'm gonna tell ya, that's not "delivering" all that much. Gender aside, please feel free to ask me how hard it is to get people to bottom for me. I get to be more selective just based on the fact that I can. For every person I do play with, I reject two or three others. It's always been like that.

quote:

Ummm duh, where did I say that rape or non consensual sexual assault is a mutual agreement? I'm not sure if you are either purposely taking what I say out of context or you are actually so stupidly paranoid that you really believe within my statement I mean regardless if a bitch gets raped. Seriously?

Holy f^ck, where did that come from?

That was the best you could come up with? That only rape/sexual assault are consent violations? Bull! You know better than that.

quote:

This is another shaming tactic always placed on men for simply just having sexual desires. I am sure that there may be some men out there that think women owe it to them. But the vast majority of men out there would most probably not have such a sense of entitlement. There is a difference between just wanting something than there is to feel that it's owed to you. It seems that a man is automatically unfairly deemed that he feels it's owed to him for just simply wanting whatever kink it is.

Here's where we're different. I'm totally cool with your sexual desires. Just don't involve me in them. I don't caaaarrrreee about the fact that you want to (or don't) want to get laid just because you happen to be on the same website, or happen to be at the same club, or if you would happen to live three houses down on the same street. And, let's be honest. You really don't care about mine. I don't bug the shit out of you trying to send you emails to tell you about them or attempt to make you a part of them in any way.

Do you have any idea of how many thousands of emails I've received over the years from guys wanting to tell me their sexual fantasies, desires, or their kinks? Then, they bitch because women like me don't respond. How many guy on guy emails have you received over the years that expect that kind of thing from you?

quote:

The usual stereotypes placed on men and women wanting their sexual desires met is that the man is deemed as being self serving while the woman on the other hand is deemed as being submissive and providing a gift to men. The double standard is stupid and sexist and must die.

Well, I'll give you that. I find the whole "submission is a gift" thing to be bullshit.

You want to bottom? That's great! Have a blast! But just like you, I'm only negotiating what I'm willing to give.

I'll see you on the next 'we had sex and now Master doesn't call me anymore" thread.




FieryOpal -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 1:02:33 AM)

You are missing the point, and I will explain this to you only once. There is such a thing called reality. Ever heard of it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

quote:

You are 1 among 50. What makes you so special and what do you bring to the table that would distinguish you from the other 49 bottoms a female Top can choose to play with?

What makes you more special simply because you are a woman? Do you want your same type of standard here to apply in the workplace? Men would more likely be offered higher positions and higher paid positions in the work place simply because they are out numbering women who are offering the same. Why? Life choices.

The fact of the matter is that no gender is more worthy than the other. But do you offer an equal value of substance that's required out of what you expect?

The reality is, male submissives outnumber female Dominants by roughly 50:1 in person. On line, that figure could be closer to 100:1 in terms of the availability of Dommes (1) seeking a male sub or male play partner (100).

It is this reality which creates a huge imbalance in scarcity of supply and incessant demand to get kink & fetish itches scratched, a void which gets partially albeit temporarily filled by BDSM service providers for those men needing to get a quick fix who are willing to pay for it. This has nothing to do with typical male/female 1:1 probabilities.

Real life F/m... Deal with it as a mature adult, or keep on languishing in your loopy and puerile cycle of self-defeat. [:)]



respectmen -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 1:38:24 AM)

It is true that males wanting you outnumbers women wanting males simply because a lot of women want to date up.

But what you are realistically offering ruins your whole stance and existence. You are no better just because you have a vagina between your legs. If you think so, you're a chauvinist.

If you want equality in other areas like the workplace, why not want it when it comes to the worth value in dating?



LadyPact -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 1:54:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen
What makes you more special simply because you are a woman? Do you want your same type of standard here to apply in the workplace? Men would more likely be offered higher positions and higher paid positions in the work place simply because they are out numbering women who are offering the same. Why? Life choices.

Oh, quit that crap. I used to hire and fire people for a living. I know more about the EEO, OSHA, and avoiding discriminatory practices regarding employment than most people do on this site. Working HR is *nothing* like one conducting their personal choices in their relationships.

When it comes to opportunity to employment, housing, medical care, and basic human rights, as a society, we have to give everyone the same access. There is no such thing in personal relationships.

quote:

The fact of the matter is that no gender is more worthy than the other. But do you offer an equal value of substance that's required out of what you expect?

Absolutely!

I'm going to tell you right now, I can have just as much fun with a person who has never bottomed before as I can anybody else. Hey, if you're going to let somebody who has never suspended a person before or whip someone have at your ass, you have fun with that.

If I were a bottom, I'd be the worst elitist that you ever saw. For me, it wouldn't be about giving people a chance or hopefully, it's going to be ok. I'd look for the best tops based on skill. Just how I am about this thing.



BondageersT -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 3:15:58 AM)

WHAT KIND OF IGNORAMUS ARE YOU. for fucks sake this is one of the most stupid notes, on here .

you are either too young or too old, hope you get better soon.



Zonie63 -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 7:29:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

People in here are always whinging about men only wanting a fetish delivery system. Yet, these same people never complain about women only wanting a financial delivery system, such as pro dommes and financial dommes.

What makes them any better??? If you complain about one and not the other, you're a hypocrite on the grounds of criticising a person who only wants one thing from another and nothing more.

If they get to be on here looking for a financial delivery system, so should men who only seek a fetish delivery system. Not to mention, women are never judged on here who only want kinks and nothing more. Why the double standard?



I don't know that anyone is necessarily better than anyone else. I agree that there are double standards throughout society and even in the law itself. I think that everyone should have equal rights before the law and that society should be more equitable.

But when it comes to issues like judging or shaming others by individuals expressing their private thoughts, that's a different matter. And if they're hypocrites, then they're hypocrites. Even hypocrites get free speech, just as you are free to call them on it.

I've read similar discussions in other forums, and it seems that the basic underlying premise of your arguments is basically this:

- "Equal" should mean "equal" on a consistent basis, with no exceptions or double standards whatsoever.

If this is your position, then I would agree that you have a point. If one purportedly favors a system of gender equality, then it's fair comment to call them out if they support a policy or demonstrate an attitude which appears to contradict the premise of gender equality.

But I'm not sure what kind of conclusions or proposals this might be leading to. What is the solution? What would you propose?

1. Should we, as a society, become even more proactive and double-down with a no-nonsense campaign that "equality means equality" no matter what, without exceptions, double standards, indulgences, or special dispensation? Couldn't that solve most of the issues you're addressing?

or

2. Are you using these examples of double standards as evidence that gender equality is an untenable, impractical, and impossible goal to achieve and that it should be abandoned entirely? Should we go back to the old order, since we're going to have double standards anyway?

Which of these comes closer to your true position?





WickedsDesire -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 8:01:21 AM)

You will find I bitch about most pro dommes, especially the fake scamming ones, and those with no concept of what the word lifestyle means. I tolerate barely most of the rest, and I am fine with the ones who contribute with words and advice no matter the subject.

So you are corrected – as have many others before me - my wine has just reached chill point so I am late to the party so to speak.

Did you know half all members from a search of Scotland (keywords Glasgow and Edinburgh) are fin dommes....most hideous & truly monstrous, and the rest scammers. When that is the case something clearly �amiss�

I feel sorry for genuine men/women on these places, indeed all sites, looking for another. For they are all easily outnumber by oh the married and at it, and then malarkey

I have explained people, people and the internet, so many times, everywhere. I am not doing so again



LadyPact -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 9:50:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
The reality is, male submissives outnumber female Dominants by roughly 50:1 in person. On line, that figure could be closer to 100:1 in terms of the availability of Dommes (1) seeking a male sub or male play partner (100).

It is this reality which creates a huge imbalance in scarcity of supply and incessant demand to get kink & fetish itches scratched, a void which gets partially albeit temporarily filled by BDSM service providers for those men needing to get a quick fix who are willing to pay for it. This has nothing to do with typical male/female 1:1 probabilities.

Real life F/m... Deal with it as a mature adult, or keep on languishing in your loopy and puerile cycle of self-defeat. [:)]

As you know, I'm not much of a techie kind of person, but one of my inner geekdom things is research. I gave my own shot at this 4-5 years ago based on information that any user can access. I did take advantage of some things we already know:

1. All dating/hookup sites have peak joining rates (in the US) from Dec - Feb. It's already been established that there are various reasons for this. Greater media pressure to be 'partnered' during the holidays, the shifts from outdoor activity to indoor activity, changes in social obligations, etc.

2. Weekends see a greater influx of new accounts.

So, I picked a random weekend 24 hour period (Friday evening to Saturday evening based on, what I thought was the highest activity period, which was Eastern Standard Time) to see the numbers of new members. Since the site is so hetero-normative, I focused only on profiles that listed "straight" as their sexual orientation. I also didn't go too in depth with any of the profiles that listed 'switch' because I wasn't going to get into top leaning switches, rather than bottom leaning switches for the same reason I wasn't going to try to decipher what people were doing if they listed as bi-sexual. Due to low results, I also took out those who listed themselves as transexual. I skipped "couple" designations all together.

Everything else, I left "open". Height, weight, any state, age 18-99, etc. I put no parameters on what they were actually "seeking".

Now, I get to play Captain Obvious.

The highest 'new member joining' by far, were males who ticked the submissive or slave box. (I pretty much had to combine those out of necessity.) In that 24 hour period, there were just over a hundred. (It was either 102 or 103. I can't remember.) Second to those were male Dominants, and that was in the mid-sixties.

Females. For female s-types joining the site in comparison to male Dominants, I got roughly 3:1. (Just like with males, I combined the submissive and slave categories.) I did not read those 23 or so profiles, so I can't tell you if they included words like princess, sugar daddy, or spoil. If I had, it probably would have been closer (at least) to 4:1 or 5:1.

The lowest joining group was that of female Dominants. Of the ten I found in that 24 hour period, I discounted one immediately because of it being a duplicate. Because this was the least popular category, I read the profiles.

From the nine remaining, I took five off of the table because there was some version of pay for play in the profile. One I considered "iffy" because of the language used. My final number was three. A hundred bottom/submissive/slave guys compared to three Dominant women who *might* be looking to play, have sex, enter a FL relationship. With those kind of numbers, this is not where I'd be placing my chips for the highest rate of success.




DocStrange -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 10:44:50 AM)

I have seen that 100:1 ratio for a long time. Give or take a few people. And the website does not matter. Yahoo groups was that way, even the CRC chatrooms before that. And even before that I saw in an electronic BBS (pre internet).

The law of supply and demand comes into play when you have a 100:1 ratio of anything. People, men in this case, offer money to get what they seek. Pro Dommes and Fin Dommes would be almost non existent if the ratio was 1:1 or even 2:1.

As to way there is only 1 dominant per 100 men? Who knows. Sounds like a good research project :)



Zonie63 -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 11:09:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

So, I picked a random weekend 24 hour period (Friday evening to Saturday evening based on, what I thought was the highest activity period, which was Eastern Standard Time) to see the numbers of new members. Since the site is so hetero-normative, I focused only on profiles that listed "straight" as their sexual orientation. I also didn't go too in depth with any of the profiles that listed 'switch' because I wasn't going to get into top leaning switches, rather than bottom leaning switches for the same reason I wasn't going to try to decipher what people were doing if they listed as bi-sexual. Due to low results, I also took out those who listed themselves as transexual. I skipped "couple" designations all together.



In my observation browsing the female profiles here, I find that a lot of women (possibly even the majority) list their sexuality as "bisexual." I haven't counted, although I've seen it so often that it might skew the numbers if they're excluded from the stats.

I have looked at sites like Alexa which rate the demographics of site visitors, and it's true that men outnumber women on dating sites - except for religious dating sites, where there are more women than men.

Even before the internet, I would read printed personal ads in various publications, and "men seeking women" always outnumbered "women seeking men." And, as you pointed out, the ratio is even more lopsided between submissive men and dominant women. I'm not sure if it's 50:1, though. That seems a bit too high.

On its face, it seems like it's a great deal for women, since they have the luxury of being able to choose between dozens of men contacting them. Yet, I still see plenty of profiles from women who have been on the site for years and still can't seem to find a suitable match. This is where all the number-crunching doesn't add up. If a woman checks her inbox and finds 100 messages from a bunch of desperate, horny, creepy guys, there may be that one guy who might be suitable but whose message gets lost in the shuffle. I sometimes wonder if that happens.

As for this site - at least on the profiles side - I recognized that there is a certain level of...toxicity. There's something about the processes which take place here which seems "off," yet I can't quite put my finger on what it is.



OsideGirl -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 1:18:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DocStrange



The law of supply and demand comes into play when you have a 100:1 ratio of anything.
Exactly. You see it with the housing market right now, limited edition sneakers, hell everytime Apple has a new release.

quote:

People, men in this case, offer money to get what they seek. Pro Dommes and Fin Dommes would be almost non existent if the ratio was 1:1 or even 2:1.

There are areas where (in general population) women outnumber men...and the supply/demand is in full force. With many women to choose from...the men are the ones that get to pick and choose.

So, really what he is claiming is discrimination, is really just the laws of supply and demand.



PeonForHer -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 2:40:55 PM)

quote:


There are areas where (in general population) women outnumber men...and the supply/demand is in full force. With many women to choose from...the men are the ones that get to pick and choose.


Teacher training college. Wall to wall crumpet - no worries. A happy year I spent there. [;)]



DocStrange -> RE: Fetish delivery system vs financial delivery system (4/10/2016 3:04:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

There are areas where (in general population) women outnumber men...and the supply/demand is in full force. With many women to choose from...the men are the ones that get to pick and choose.

So, really what he is claiming is discrimination, is really just the laws of supply and demand.


Yes there are. There is a college near Cincinnati, the University of Miami. That ratio of women to men was 4 to 1 in the 80's and 90's at the college. The little town of Miami, the bars, parks, restaurants, and every place else was flooded with women on the weekends.

But to have more women then men is not the same as more Dominant women to men. I still have not found a place where the Dominant woman out number the men :) But in Germany I will say the numbers are much better versus the USA.

Agreed the OP is claiming discrimination when the issue is really supply and demand



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