Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Do you think women date up and men date down?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/10/2016 6:20:07 AM   
Zonie63


Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY

I was reading a post about BDSM and dating sites. The posters said that typically women "date up" and men "date down". So that means if Barb was "dating up" and met Dan, that means Dan was "dating down" and met Barb.

I was wondering if this is just the opinion of a few. I wanted to ask a general question and see if people believe that women date up and men date down


I don't think it would apply to everyone. A while back, I read an article about women executives earning high salaries lamenting about how they can't find available men at a level equal or above where they are. If they limit themselves and refuse to date down, then they'll have far fewer choices available. It's simple mathematics. But I don't think most women actually do this, since I know lots of couples where the wife earns more money than the husband.



(in reply to cindyluvNY)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/10/2016 7:15:59 AM   
TWpowercouple


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/5/2016
Status: offline 		In any relationship, you'll see a "reacher" and a "settler," but I think assigning either as having a particular gender role, or even a particular D/s role, is oversimplifying human relationships.

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/10/2016 7:41:47 AM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		Do you mean look wise, mad as a bag of irrate owls wise,or cash wise.
Online there is a glut of men - ratio of men to women folk – and we are always looking for a hole to stick it in – I remember telling the doctor it was a hot summer days, so I had to vacuum naked, and well you can guess the rest.

Where was I, ah! over t-here. So for me to get a date I have got to lie about me not being a hobo of wretch with a cat problem and explain to the them my yacht hit an iceberg, my other yacht, made of gold, hit the titanic, and my spare yacht was sunk by a mysterious swirling vortex (bathplug).

And I must always tell them they look fifty years younger and malarkey like that. Naturally I lob in some snowboarding, and mountaineering, and lion taming, to wet their juices and appeal to their far gone brain sprockets of utter woe. And, I knew from the first hw r u babe it was love at first sight with monstrous creature.

respectmen has a bit of point. But you forgot to add in these creatures of utter wretch, are in the main married,and just like the attention on account them being attention vortexes- as ive used that word already maelstrom, and invoking their bitter schadenfreude (as opposed to good advice)on account of it makes them feel big. But that can be equally tempered with man creature, before i even discuss the ones sneaking online without their partners persmissons and so on

I have also consulted the Universe and it reliably informs me there is no up or down.

If all women date up then they will eventually run out of men. And if all men date down they would eventually run out of women. Thusly leaving 50% of both sexes single according to my abacus.

(in reply to respectmen)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/10/2016 9:09:27 AM   
jj292


Posts: 100
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		There is some truth to the hypergamy claim. It's partly due to cultural history. Historically, women didn't work much at all outside the home. A woman would marry, raise the kids, cook, work in the home. The man would go out and work and provide for the family. That's just how it was for centuries. Men, at least in theory, could work hard and eventually gain more wealth and social status over time on their own. The only way women could gain wealth or status was through marriage. So families would always motivate their sons to succeed and do well in the world. Then they would motivate their girls to marry a successful man. That's the way the family can gain in status.

In the western world today, those days are long gone due to a combination of economic forces and the advancement of women's rights and feminism. But traditions and cultural dynamics tend to take a long time to change, especially in more religiously conservative areas.
Today, 60% of college graduates are women. Already, 40% of households have a female breadwinner. Hypergamy is going to become mathematically impossible as the society moves more and more towards equality and women start climbing the social ladders themselves. And we are starting to see that in the upper levels. Often, rich women will complain that they can't find a suitable man to marry. It's not that there are not any good men out there...the problem is she has priced herself out of the market. Her standards are way too high. On the other hand, it is true that there are some men who are intimidated to be with a woman who makes more money. He may worry that society will judge him harshly that he's not "wearing the pants" in the relationship.

So our social dynamics that society used to organize itself for hundreds or even thousands of years is going to become obsolete very quickly...within this century. Both men and women are going to have to become more flexible on the gender roles.

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/10/2016 6:11:13 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: respectmen

As its always women rejecting nearly every male on the website while they are just the average fatass, men are usually having trouble finding any woman interested. It's fair to say that women these days generally do only want to date up.

These BDSM sites are full of fat, middle aged, unemployed women, with a ton of kids, who think they are "it"...when really they deserve to be laughed at and put in their place.

An SSBBW on disability pension would most probably have a better chance in getting her kinks on than the average male on this site.


Just because you don't think you deserve better than yourself, doesn't mean you should have any issues with any woman aiming higher than themselves. They are not you. Anything is possible. People shouldn't settle.

It just seems like such comments is all about, "Why didn't that woman who can't get any other men settle for me?" Why would you ever want any woman to settle?

Find the ideal one for anybody is gonna be a difficult task. It's gonna be a very special person and it should be difficult to find. Expect it to be hard.

When a man with no limbs can land a super hot babe and have kids with her, anything is possible for men of all kinds.


< Message edited by Greta75 -- 4/10/2016 6:14:28 PM >

(in reply to respectmen)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/11/2016 2:52:16 AM   
dreamofdaddy


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/14/2010
Status: offline 		Judging by my past history, I would say that, at least for me, this is completely untrue, lol. Not saying I am Angelina Jolie, haha, but some of those dudes......just wow.

_____________________________

To be captured is to be released.

(in reply to respectmen)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 4:59:30 AM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

SSBBW?
Grotesquely huge fat bitches. 70+% body fat.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 9:47:37 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cindyluvNY

The posters said that typically women "date up" and men "date down". So that means if Barb was "dating up" and met Dan, that means Dan was "dating down" and met Barb.



For only one to date 'up' while the other one dates 'down', both parties need to be looking for the exact same thing in their partner. For example:

- Both Dan and Barb want to date somebody who makes more money than they do; Dan makes 40k, Barb makes 240k= Dan is dating up, and Barb is dating down.
- Both Dan and Barb want to date somebody who is prettier than they; Dan is an underwear model, Barb weighs 400lbs= Barb is dating up, and Dan is dating down.

The thing is, reality doesn't look that way. Usually partners are not looking for the same thing from their partner as the thing they're offering. They're looking for that which they do not have. The thing they want to compliment themselves.
So realistically, the situation usually looks more like the following:

- Dan wants to date somebody who makes a lot of money, Barb wants to date somebody very pretty; Dan is an underwear model who makes 40k, Barb weighs 400lbs and makes 240k= Dan is dating 'up', because he's dating somebody who makes far more money than he does; Barb is dating 'up' because she's dating somebody who is far prettier than she is.

The same applies to D/s btw, a Dom wants somebody who is more submissive than they are, and a sub wants somebody who is more Dominant than they are. Thus, they can both date 'up' and both get what they want, because both of them are looking for opposite things on the scale.

It's very unusual for two people to hook up when they had both been looking for the exact same thing in a partner (which always always guarantees that now one of them has been let down). Usually people hook up because of how their differences compliment each other.
Add to that the fact that men tend to look for different thing from women then women look for in men, and now you've got a situation where it's more than possible for both parties to date 'up' at the same time.... just not on the same scale.

You can both have a prettier partner than you yourself are, or both have somebody who makes more money than you. But you can very well have a prettier person hook up with a more money maker, and have both of them getting exactly what they want in excess of what they had.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to cindyluvNY)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 2:26:25 PM   
WickedsDesire


Posts: 9362
Joined: 11/4/2015
Status: offline 		is this the cake forum?

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 3:10:52 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


Add to that the fact that men tend to look for different thing from women then women look for in men, and now you've got a situation where it's more than possible for both parties to date 'up' at the same time.... just not on the same scale.

You can both have a prettier partner than you yourself are, or both have somebody who makes more money than you. But you can very well have a prettier person hook up with a more money maker, and have both of them getting exactly what they want in excess of what they had.


I'll also add that men and women tend to have different triggers for what they find attractive. Men tend to be more visual and women tend to be more emotional.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 3:18:25 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		FR

Am I the only one who assumed that 'dating up' meant getting together with someone more successful than oneself?

Well, whatever ....

quote:

UllrsIshtar
it's more than possible for both parties to date 'up' at the same time.... just not on the same scale.


... Yes, that makes sense. Actually, even at the level of facial aesthetics: I remember noticing, even as a young kid, that I'd go for girls whose faces were rounded (as opposed to bony, like mine) and who had big brown or blue eyes (as opposed to my own smallish green eyes). I'd be fascinated by female faces that were very different to mine, in fact.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to WickedsDesire)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 3:44:37 PM   
darkmatter24


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
There is some truth to the hypergamy claim. It's partly due to cultural history. Historically, women didn't work much at all outside the home. A woman would marry, raise the kids, cook, work in the home. The man would go out and work and provide for the family. That's just how it was for centuries. Men, at least in theory, could work hard and eventually gain more wealth and social status over time on their own. The only way women could gain wealth or status was through marriage. So families would always motivate their sons to succeed and do well in the world. Then they would motivate their girls to marry a successful man. That's the way the family can gain in status.


This is generally correct when describing a particular period in time when social roles were already established, but I think it would be beneficial to understand why respective gender functions evolved the way they did. It's not because anyone made a conscious effort to steer them in that direction; it's because it was the optimal way, and societies that adhered to it survived.

Men always had to be the risk takers who did the most dangerous tasks. There are two reasons for that:
1. They are physically stronger
2. They are expandable from a procreation perspective.

Few men can impregnate many women, but few women cannot sustain the population. It means that any society worth its weight in survival had to put special care in protecting the life of women. Women could not be sacrificed in combat like men could, even if they were able to physically rise up to the challenge. It simply wasn't an option. Perhaps there were tribes/societies that attempted this approach, but none of them survived to tell the story.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
In the western world today, those days are long gone due to a combination of economic forces and the advancement of women's rights and feminism. But traditions and cultural dynamics tend to take a long time to change, especially in more religiously conservative areas.
Today, 60% of college graduates are women. Already, 40% of households have a female breadwinner. Hypergamy is going to become mathematically impossible as the society moves more and more towards equality and women start climbing the social ladders themselves. And we are starting to see that in the upper levels. Often, rich women will complain that they can't find a suitable man to marry. It's not that there are not any good men out there...the problem is she has priced herself out of the market. Her standards are way too high. On the other hand, it is true that there are some men who are intimidated to be with a woman who makes more money. He may worry that society will judge him harshly that he's not "wearing the pants" in the relationship.


Yes, women can assume the exact same roles in the modern world that men can. And yes, that means they will probably have to adjust their expectations as to the kind of men they pick as partners because the higher you are on the totem pole, the fewer people there are above you. And it works both ways of course. The higher a man is in the pecking order, the more picky he will be in selecting the woman he wants. It presents a bit of a challenge for those at the top of the procreative food-chain because social status does not always match physical attractiveness, so mutual expectations of both genders will diverge.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jj292
So our social dynamics that society used to organize itself for hundreds or even thousands of years is going to become obsolete very quickly...within this century. Both men and women are going to have to become more flexible on the gender roles.


Actually, I don't think so. Women with a lot of power and influence do not want effeminate men. And vice versa. Stay at home fathers do not want butch women - they want feminine girlfriends and wives. Gender roles are not going to change. It's the method of assessing potential partners that might be under pressure to change. It remains to be seen exactly how it plays out.

(in reply to jj292)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 4:14:34 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Stay at home fathers do not want butch women - they want feminine girlfriends and wives.


Every time I read that word 'feminine' I pretty much know the writer of it has something entirely different in mind to me. It's only ever used, as an adjective, by a certain sort of male to describe a certain sort of female. I nearly always get the sense that 'feminine' means something like Marilyn Monroe for the writer; whereas it means Catwoman for me. Or Sarah Connor. 'Gutsy feminine', maybe. I even like a bit of muscle on a woman - it looks pretty damned fine to me. Well, why wouldn't I? I have muscle myself - it'd make sense that I'd appreciate the same on a woman, no?

God that word 'feminine' is so loaded to the brim with *such* iron-hard assumptions. Well, what can I say? I fancy the sort of women that I fancy, and that is that. I'm no doubt totally PC - but, then, so is my dick - and, like most males, I let my dick point me to the women I want to get off with.


_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to darkmatter24)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 4:42:38 PM   
darkmatter24


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Stay at home fathers do not want butch women - they want feminine girlfriends and wives.


Every time I read that word 'feminine' I pretty much know the writer of it has something entirely different in mind to me. It's only ever used, as an adjective, by a certain sort of male to describe a certain sort of female. I nearly always get the sense that 'feminine' means something like Marilyn Monroe for the writer; whereas it means Catwoman for me. Or Sarah Connor. 'Gutsy feminine', maybe. I even like a bit of muscle on a woman - it looks pretty damned fine to me. Well, why wouldn't I? I have muscle myself - it'd make sense that I'd appreciate the same on a woman, no?

God that word 'feminine' is so loaded to the brim with *such* iron-hard assumptions. Well, what can I say? I fancy the sort of women that I fancy, and that is that. I'm no doubt totally PC - but, then, so is my dick - and, like most males, I let my dick point me to the women I want to get off with.



Not sure what you mean exactly. MM, Catwoman and Sarah Connor all have feminine sexual appeal. How in the world would you think that they don't? I have yet to meet a heterosexual man that does not find them attractive.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 4:47:13 PM   
mousekabob


Posts: 187
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkmatter24


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

Stay at home fathers do not want butch women - they want feminine girlfriends and wives.


Every time I read that word 'feminine' I pretty much know the writer of it has something entirely different in mind to me. It's only ever used, as an adjective, by a certain sort of male to describe a certain sort of female. I nearly always get the sense that 'feminine' means something like Marilyn Monroe for the writer; whereas it means Catwoman for me. Or Sarah Connor. 'Gutsy feminine', maybe. I even like a bit of muscle on a woman - it looks pretty damned fine to me. Well, why wouldn't I? I have muscle myself - it'd make sense that I'd appreciate the same on a woman, no?

God that word 'feminine' is so loaded to the brim with *such* iron-hard assumptions. Well, what can I say? I fancy the sort of women that I fancy, and that is that. I'm no doubt totally PC - but, then, so is my dick - and, like most males, I let my dick point me to the women I want to get off with.



Not sure what you mean exactly. MM, Catwoman and Sarah Connor all have feminine sexual appeal. How in the world would you think that they don't? I have yet to meet a heterosexual man that does not find them attractive.



I actually know quite a few men who don't find those names to be sexually attractive. Master doesn't understand the whole MM attraction, does nothing for him.


_____________________________

aka littlewonder
------------------------
Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to darkmatter24)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/13/2016 4:54:01 PM   
darkmatter24


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mousekabob

I actually know quite a few men who don't find those names to be sexually attractive. Master doesn't understand the whole MM attraction, does nothing for him.





I admire his high standards. Mine are rather pedestrian by comparison.

(in reply to mousekabob)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/14/2016 6:50:36 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		The difference is simple.

It's what you are looking for - relationship or sex.

A man that is looking for sex dates down, a woman that is looking for sex dates up. Why? Because they can.

But if you are SERIOUS about looking for a relationship, it reverses.

Men that are seriously looking for a relationship only date up, and women that are seriously looking for a relations only date down.

This is entirely caused by the law of supply and demand.

Note, when you disobey the rule about dating up (i.e. you are a woman trying to get a relatinoship and try to date up, or a man trying to get sex and trying to date up), you just waist your time and get nowhere - often blaming the opposite gender




(in reply to respectmen)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/17/2016 4:40:46 PM   
darkmatter24


Posts: 34
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

The difference is simple.

It's what you are looking for - relationship or sex.

A man that is looking for sex dates down, a woman that is looking for sex dates up. Why? Because they can.

But if you are SERIOUS about looking for a relationship, it reverses.

Men that are seriously looking for a relationship only date up, and women that are seriously looking for a relations only date down.

This is entirely caused by the law of supply and demand.

Note, when you disobey the rule about dating up (i.e. you are a woman trying to get a relatinoship and try to date up, or a man trying to get sex and trying to date up), you just waist your time and get nowhere - often blaming the opposite gender


Men and women have different priorities when it comes to relationships; there is no doubt about that. Promiscuity may be fun for both sexes, but it belatedly affects women more than men, because they have a much bigger wager in the fight. Women hit their peak sexual attractiveness between the ages of 13-33, or thereabouts. They have most men at their feet during that time except the few at the top of the hierarchy. The majority of women have this unique power and perhaps do not even realize it. Well, they should. Because such opportunities do not last for a lifetime and they tend to diminish quickly with age. It would be a wonderful world where we could take an unlimited time to pick our perfect partners and live with them forever, but that's not the world we live in. So it's time to adjust and prepare accordingly.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/17/2016 4:53:20 PM   
ThatDizzyChick


Posts: 5490
Status: offline 		What a load of BS

_____________________________

Not your average bimbo.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? - 4/17/2016 5:32:56 PM   
alanaprovaskaya


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/13/2016
Status: offline
Ok


< Message edited by alanaprovaskaya -- 4/17/2016 5:33:15 PM >

(in reply to ThatDizzyChick)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Do you think women date up and men date down? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109