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Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 6:22:58 AM   
Hotprofessor


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		HI Everyone:

I have been in  relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us.  I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared?  Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?

Thanks ahead of time for any help in this.

Hotprofessor
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 6:33:26 AM   
Wulftooth


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Don't know about BDSM, but on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.  On Urth it is more like collar you or let you go and have nothing more to do with you making you dead in essence to them.

(in reply to Hotprofessor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 6:45:47 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.


Wow.  That sounds like an intense way to live.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Wulftooth)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 6:50:15 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I prefer not to have a comittment of that magnitude pushed on me.

(in reply to Hotprofessor)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 6:53:38 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Wow.  That sounds like an intense way to live.


It does make for intense reading and roleplaying. Intense living? Maybe.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 8:13:19 AM   
1fundom


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/2/2004
Status: offline 		Caretakr:

When you say that "you prefer not to have a committment of that magnitude pushed onto me" that a sub asking to be collared is pushing her wants/desires onto the DOM?  Are you saying that this is not an appropriate request from a sub?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Hotprofessor

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 8:19:05 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:


When you say that "you prefer not to have a committment of that magnitude pushed onto me" that a sub asking to be collared is pushing her wants/desires onto the DOM?  Are you saying that this is not an appropriate request from a sub?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Hotprofessor


Incredibly interesting.  How often do we see someone so blatantly switch profiles, and such vast differences between the two????
 
[Mod Note: HTML cut and paste of user ranking/avatar deleted]


< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 7/21/2006 9:07:33 AM >

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to 1fundom)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 8:20:38 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have heard different views on this and no one knows your dominant's view but him. Asking all the doms on CM will not illuminate his view on such matters because some will think they want a sub to beg for acollar, others do not like it. Has he ever discussed collaring with you?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Hotprofessor)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 9:23:53 AM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.


Wow.  That sounds like an intense way to live.



What Wulftooth is describing above is a fictional 'tradition', that fictionally evolved to create the impression to potential slaves of the following. "Be willing to die for what you ask for." And it's also saying to the Master, "Do not belittle such a request. It's a deadly serious matter."

The Gorean view is that if you're going to do something, don't do it half assed. That's all. :)

The Gorean act of submission isn't something to be dismissed or disregarded. It's considered an absolute discarding of one's previous life to take on a new one. For starters, the submissive has to consider that all that went before her submission into slavery, is not even considered history, it becomes nothing. It's literally a fresh start. For the Master, it's a pivital moment of his dominance, to carefully consider the life that is now in his hands as having infinite potential and therefore infinately precious. Either accept the offer or kill the one offering it as an act of mercy.

It's a very complex message. :)

Granted, we can't do that in reality, but in considering how it's played out in the books, it sends a very powerful message.


(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 9:50:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:


I have been in relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us. I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared? Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotprofessor

HI Everyone:

I have been in  relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us.  I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared?  Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?

Thanks ahead of time for any help in this.

Hotprofessor

Look you both have to say yes to it anyway, so I never saw the point in whether one persons says yes before another.

However, the only person to know what way they prefer is to ask the dom themselves.  Some prefer to be asked or begged, some prefer to do the asking.

It would be the right thing to do to be honest about your feelings no matter what.  I guess that's something else that puzzles me- if the relationship is fully honest on all sides, wouldn't it just be that whoever had those feelings would communicate them to the other when they came up?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Hotprofessor)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 10:17:02 AM   
thegunslinger


Posts: 81
Joined: 6/4/2006
From: Grand Rapids, Michigan
Status: offline 		I'm agreeing with Lucky, if it's an open trusting relationship, go ahead tell them how you feel. Who knows, They could be waiting for you to ask.
/tounge in cheek
just get ready to run fast, move to another country, enter witness protection program if They are gorean and say no.
/tounge in cheek


_____________________________

"The essence of domination is to take another's power and then use it for mutual pleasure." - John Warren

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 10:23:40 AM   
Seekingoneslave


Posts: 10
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what's been said here. No one on this site knows your partner better than you do. If you think it's something he would want you to do, do it. If you're uncertain, ask him. Communicate with each other.

It's your relationship. The only protocol you need to follow is that set up by you and your partner. Don't base your relationship on what others do in theirs.

(in reply to Hotprofessor)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 10:47:31 AM   
merrymischief2


Posts: 19
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		HP, I say ask away. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I know this forum is "ask a master" but wtf.

merry

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotprofessor

HI Everyone:

I have been in  relationship with a DOM for over 8 months now and I feel very comfortable with us.  I would love to be "collared" and am wondering if a sumissive should ask to be collared?  Is it up to the DOM to make the first move or should I tell him that I want to be his "collared" submissive?

Thanks ahead of time for any help in this.

Hotprofessor

(in reply to Hotprofessor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 11:14:10 AM   
Hotprofessor


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Merry:

Thank you very much for your comments and I totally agree....nothing ventured, nothing gained ...so I will be asking as open communication is what this relationship is all about.

Hotprofessor

(in reply to merrymischief2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 11:59:11 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: 1fundom

Caretakr:

When you say that "you prefer not to have a committment of that magnitude pushed onto me" that a sub asking to be collared is pushing her wants/desires onto the DOM?  Are you saying that this is not an appropriate request from a sub?

Thank you for your thoughts.

Hotprofessor


So, are you 1fundom or are you Hotprofessor  ?


_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to 1fundom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 12:10:14 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		Yes it is innapropriate to ask.

The Dminant should do so, if they feel the sub is worthy.

(in reply to 1fundom)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 12:15:16 PM   
Dauric


Posts: 254
Joined: 7/13/2006
Status: offline 		Well, aside from the general consensus that there's no abolute right answer to that question, it depends on how much you need to go the next step with your Dom. If it's something that you want, but can be put off for much later then let it slide for a while. There are some studies that place commitment before two years as risky to the relationship, but these studies have little if anything to do with a D/s or M/s relationship, so they may or may not be valid in this case. It might not be a bad measurement to go by though. At 8 months of a relationship you've probably still got some discovery to do.

If you -really- feel that this is the right thing and you want to be collared, you could try rephrasing the question that you intend to ask. Don't ask "Will you collar me?" but instead say "What must I do for you to want to collar me?".  Put the onus of action on yourself, turn the question from "What I want." to "What do you want?"

But that's just my $0.02

Dauric.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 12:25:43 PM   
Hotprofessor


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Dauric:

What an excellent suggestion to put it back on to me and the ownership of the want.  This is defininitly a positive spin on the question and I appreciate your input into this.

Hotprofessor

(in reply to Dauric)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 12:27:26 PM   
Hotprofessor


Posts: 9
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Tress:

I am not sure how the ifundoms' picture got into this discussion.  I am hotprofessor and was asking Caretkr a question.

Hotprofessor

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Asking to be collared - right or wrong? - 7/21/2006 12:27:56 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulftooth

Don't know about BDSM, but on Gor you can do a submission where a Master must either collar you or kill you.  On Urth it is more like collar you or let you go and have nothing more to do with you making you dead in essence to them.


Gors, you gotta love 'em. Lol.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to Wulftooth)
Profile   Post #: 20
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