RE: Getting over it

RE: Getting over it (Full Version)

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Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:36:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I think many people, regardless of lifestyle have dysfunctions, some worse than others. A broken person is a broken person, regardless of kink. Any Dom who would repeatedly put up with ridiculous behavior from a sub is not much of a Dom, or perhaps he's a maso. But he's not anything a strong sub would ever respect. Which is what I have said all along. Grow up or hit the road. But of course, that makes me cruel and sad and all sorts of nasty things. Why do subs seem to have this conflict with wanting a strong guy who caves in? Can you see how much of an oxymoron that is?

Jasmyn -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:43:17 AM)
Bearlee thats not entirely true ... it was something he began to articulate in later posts when his opening post was called into question ... only took 237 posts to get to the gist of it all but whoop there it is ... Caretkr ... I didn't respond to your earlier response to my original post, lol and a bizillion pages later it seems kind of redundant to do so ... but in light of what you have now said ...something I totally agree does happen ...if a sub of mine is pouting all over the place, he does indeed get told to get over it...but being pouting mr sad sack is an entirely different beast than a subservient aware of the boundaries and limits I've set down for them...if punishment is required ...I'm happy to dish it out ...

agirl -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:43:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I'm becoming more and more amused at the outrage being expressed by simply stating that people should be accountable for their own feelings and deeds. I guess there is an attitude of arrogance that really DOES consider Dominants to be superior, godlike creatures who can "fix" any fuck up who happens along. ROFL....I guess that emotional masochism is not reserved for subs alone. Being punished seems such an emotive issue. It's actually surprised me. I'm not entirely accountable for my feelings ........but I'm accountable for my behaviour surrounding them.....my Master doesn't pander to either and it would be disaster if he did. He will NOT be manipulated. What would I gain if I could manipulate? Absolutely fuck-all. I get punished when I deliberately and knowingly disobey..that's about it. WHY would I DO that in the first place?......because my desire at the TIME is to do what I want, and I can manage to bury my head in the sand long enough, sometimes to forget what it's like to be in great pain. There's no big emotional drama....I don't need release from my guilt...I don't always even FEEL guilty!......but it's * You do this, then THIS happens...At least 8 times out of 10 I'll choose to do the right* thing.......being hit really isn't a fun project nor a balm for my wounded soul. It actually fucking HURTS. No, I'm not a submissive soul but I do try to respect the reason that I asked to be his slave and am aware that he isn't in need of an arse to whack. agirl

amayos -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:46:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDeAnnya ...I will not enable someone who wants to push my buttons for punishments sake. Sorry Im not down with that. Those who are, are encouraging deal breaking behaviour. Thats on you all. To each thier own. A good Dominant says "you do that again Im leaving you" and they mean it. Not play kiddy games and spanky poo. A good Domme sticks to his/her guns, and leaves the worthless tripes behind. Mistress DeAnnya, Very well said. To address Caretakr's post directly, I align with the overall crux. I know I certainly have a low tolerance level for game playing. Self-styled "brats", players, energy vampires and kid glover romantics are always filtered out—leaving a very few remaining. If the right raw material is present in a girl (or pretty boy) they can be shaped, otherwise they will not add to your advancement and gain. I seek slaves because I like to be served, and served well. I am not here to hand out charity.

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:48:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn Bearlee thats not entirely true ... it was something he began to articulate in later posts when his opening post was called into question ... only took 237 posts to get to the gist of it all but whoop there it is ... Caretkr ... I didn't respond to your earlier response to my original post, lol and a bizillion pages later it seems kind of redundant to do so ... but in light of what you have now said ...something I totally agree does happen ...if a sub of mine is pouting all over the place, he does indeed get told to get over it...but being pouting mr sad sack is an entirely different beast than a subservient aware of the boundaries and limits I've set down for them...if punishment is required ...I'm happy to dish it out ... I think agirl said it very well. Emotions cannot always be controlled, but how they are expressed can be.

Jasmyn -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:50:11 AM)
Hands you a coffee [:D]

KatyLied -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:51:25 AM)
quote: Which is what I have said all along. Grow up or hit the road. Hello? I was able to say it without calling a sub a "bitch" or a Dom a bastard.

Jasmyn -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:51:40 AM)
& yes, agirl...once again well said ...I do enjoy your postings

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:52:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDeAnnya ...I will not enable someone who wants to push my buttons for punishments sake. Sorry Im not down with that. Those who are, are encouraging deal breaking behaviour. Thats on you all. To each thier own. A good Dominant says "you do that again Im leaving you" and they mean it. Not play kiddy games and spanky poo. A good Domme sticks to his/her guns, and leaves the worthless tripes behind. Mistress DeAnnya, Very well said. To address Caretakr's post directly, I align with the overall crux. I know I certainly have a low tolerance level for game playing. Self-styled "brats", players, energy vampires and kid glover romantics are always filtered out—leaving a very few remaining. If the right raw material is present in a girl (or pretty boy) they can be shaped, otherwise they will not add to your advancement and gain. I seek slaves because I like to be served, and served well. I am not here to hand out charity. That's pretty much it. Some material is going to be suitable for service-most will not be. The motivations behind desiring to serve are very important. Using a Dominant as a crutch, is not a worthy motivation.

Level -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:52:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn & yes, agirl...once again well said ...I do enjoy your postings Same here. She is quite unique.

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:54:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: Which is what I have said all along. Grow up or hit the road. Hello? I was able to say it without calling a sub a "bitch" or a Dom a bastard. I got my emotive point across. Then we were able to examine the reactions. Interesting.[:D] Ever wonder at how easy buttons are to push? Or how easily we allow it?

Bearlee -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:56:21 AM)
Uhhhhh... here is the OP: quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I've had past girls who thought I was an absolute bastard, for a certain attitude I had. You see,I won't punish. I don't think I should be enforcing someone keeping her word to me. And I don't feel that I should be catering to a girl atoning for HER guilt-when she childishly insists on beating herself up for screwing up. Here's why. I won't be held responsible for someone eles's lack of emotional self control. If I cater to this nuerotic impulse, I only further reenforce it. I really hate having my time wasted by someone moping around-when there are things to be done. Get the fuck over yourself and deal with it, bitch. And drama only encourages more. You see,taking punishment is very catholic. There's really not a lot of consequence in avoiding the sin-if all you have to do is to pay some quick and easy penance. What I want to see happen, is work. I can try to all the outside reenforcement in the world-and it usually won't work. The real nitty gritty and improvement comes when you force someone to take the proper personal accountability-and make them do the internal work, that corrects the attitudes and feelings that made the problems to begin with. Rather than slapping a bandage on the "boo boo". Maybe it's just me, but it looks like he's been fairly consistant in what he was trying to say...though perhaps more coffee DID improve his attitude! LOL I think he's a lot like I am; likes to post ideas he wants to think about and read what other's have to say; but he doesn't suffer fools well. I think some write better than do others, and certainly punctuation can be an issue; so much is lost in online communications.

Level -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 7:57:49 AM)
When I hear about threads and button pushing, that Pauly Shore looking guy comes to mind, zenowhatshisname. [>:]

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:00:58 AM)
I know, it's really amusing to watch him twisting panties, until people scream in rage. Such a waste of emotional energy.........and the man has never even had real flesh under his hand.

DesertRat -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:01:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I think many people, regardless of lifestyle have dysfunctions, some worse than others. A broken person is a broken person, regardless of kink. Any Dom who would repeatedly put up with ridiculous behavior from a sub is not much of a Dom, or perhaps he's a maso. But he's not anything a strong sub would ever respect. I mostly agree, except for the very last part. In some situations, the D/s or M/s dynamic is irrelevant...not even detectable...and the one putting up with the situation may be doing so out of love. Giving it his/her best shot, as it were, and putting up with things that would be patently unacceptable in a relationship with a healthy person. Bob

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:02:50 AM)
[:D]The pissiness came from me taking a sledge hammer to fantasies Bearlee. I broke the toy,I am an evil evil man. How DARE you inject reality into my situation!

Bearlee -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:07:39 AM)
Well...we know bandaids don't work if it's broke. I'm for RT, anyway. Regarding pissiness, I had the feeling you enjoyed watersports! LOL <grinz broadly>

Caretakr -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:09:43 AM)
Hmmm, that depends dear. Speaking of which..........[:D]

Chaingang -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:10:27 AM)
Bob: You have a big heart as your Achilles' Heel. [;)] What you describe could also be seen as textbook style "co-dependence." Sometimes enough has to be enough and you must kick someone to the curb - the reality is that by breaking the cycle of co-dependence on your end you provide an opportunity for the person to becomes well by no longer supporting and collaborating in their bullshit. There is also a chance that the person you are trying to help will just go seek another co-dependent, such is life. Hey, I'm a benevolent dictator and not nearly as mean as I may come across in this kind of forum. At the same time I don't allow my generous nature to be a weakness. That just will not happen. P.S. Save that unconditional love for the cats. Humans are not worthy!

subneicy -> RE: Getting over it (7/23/2006 8:11:16 AM)
Kudos to you Caretakr! As an attention whore myself, I often find things to do to garner attention. As a great MASTER recognizes this and corrects appropriately. I am not a masochist, so a swift swat often cures the problem. However, I have noticed with a masochist this is simply foreplay so ignoring them often works better. Although the submissive will be hurt, ultimately you are doing a great service toward their growth.

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