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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 11:15:33 AM

WhoreMods

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FR:
Whether it's a gift, a demand or a weapon depends on the submissive. This isn't something that can be generalised until all the bottoms are homogenised, I'd suspect.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 2:53:44 PM

kiwisub22

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The gift of submission always sounded a bit precious to me - like something from a bodice-ripper novel, a little theatrical or drama-ish.

When my Sir and I developed a relationship I didn't ever consider it a gift - which to me is something you get or give once in a while - it was more of a verb than a noun - it was a "doing" action, a daily thing that required continued sustaining. I submitted, he dominated, and we were both tickled pink with the results.
Or, if you will, it was more housekeeping than birthday presents.

Not nearly as romantic sounding, but much more realistic....

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 4:24:43 PM

LilJuly76

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homoginised like milk?

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 4:34:43 PM

longwayhome

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Submission is certainly a "gift" in the sense of it being something that is given as opposed to being taken.

But that is maybe being a bit literal because, when most people say that submission is a gift, they are referring to the kind of gift which is something special you wrap up with a bow. That can all get a bit precious and some people certainly act as if they are doing someone a favour by giving them the "gift" of their submission, a favour they should be eternally grateful for.

Implying that anyone should be eternally grateful doesn't sound to me like a good way forward in any relationship. Whatever the dynamic or the form it takes, surely a relationship should work for both parties, with both benefiting and, if you are lucky, satisfying deep seated emotional needs for both partners.

It is probably also not useful to regard submission specifically as a gift because both parties in a relationship give and receive of themselves and, as been pointed out, in that sense dominance is "given" just as much as submission. Both are an active choice, as is entering into any relationship in the first place, be it for short term play or to meet longer term needs.

The one thing I do think is of value however is reminding people that they should have proper regard for themselves when consenting or making decisions. It's all too easy for some people to be sucked into the mantra of "it's not about you want, it's about what I want" and forget that they need to get something out of the relationship. If the joy of putting someone else's needs and wants before their own satisfies a deep need in them then that is great, but they should value themselves in making that choice and positively consent, rather than doing it because someone tells them to.

< Message edited by longwayhome -- 9/29/2016 4:40:35 PM >

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 4:57:13 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GBaxter

I know it's a popular platitude we hear in BDSM, but as some female subs can be rather arrogant and condescending about it,
is a female sub, or a female switch's submission really a gift ?

I do not view it as a gift. A new strand of Tahitian pearls is a gift. A relationship dynamic is not.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 10:04:22 PM

tamaka

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For me it's not a gift. If you can't take it (inspire- mode or otherwise... whatever works) then... you can't have it.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/29/2016 10:30:18 PM

DaddySatyr

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For me, a gift is something given without expectation of return.

When a lady offers her "gift" to me, she expects my dominance in return. Therefore, not a "gift", by my definition.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 1:06:14 AM

HoneyBears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

It's a useful concept for a new sub in that it reminds them to ignore the frenzy and take time to determine if this person will be a good partner or not.

I must admit, that when an unpartnered dude starts throwing out negativity about women who rejected him, the natural assumption is to cheer that they were smart enough not to 'gift' their submission to him.

Butt hurt is never attractive.

^In total agreement^
Very often, new subs (and new dominants) do not value what they have to bring to the table, either expecting to give or receive free samples for the asking (or demanding).
Viewing one's submission and one's dominance as a precious gift in that sense, can be useful in disabusing some of their ignorance and insecurity.

In their sub (or dom/me) fevered state, newbies can tend to rush into wanting to become instantly owned subs (or instant Masters and Mistresses) -- especially the hastily transmogrified "slaves" who get caught up in You Master, me slave or Me Grand Exalted Master, you lowly slave theatrics.

For those who are not new to WIITWD or who are not coming from a place of damaged goods (including low self-esteem), power exchanges are usually handled without having to resort to D/s *gift exchange* platitudes or endless rounds of bartering.

One would envisage that at this juncture of taking it or leaving it, that subs, dominants, and switches should be self-assured of their personal worth as to what they each have to offer for mutual consideration.

-- Lisa & Cub

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 2:20:34 AM

HoneyBears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDizzyChick

Yes, it's a gift I give myself.

We likey.

(We share everything with one another.

)

-- Lisa & Cub

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 4:35:03 AM

MariaB

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I can see why ‘gift’ is often used and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Just as a virgin may see her virginity as a special gift to her future husband, why shouldn’t a person see their submission as something prized? There really is nothing wrong with a little modesty.

Submission is rarely (unless it’s a profession) just given away randomly, it has to be enticed and seduced out of a person. On the other hand, no dominant is going to spend time trying to seduce submission from someone they have no desire to dominate. Just like a person can be inspired to submit, a dominant type has to be inspired to dominate and so something considered a gift is only a gift to those who truly wish to claim it.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 12:31:39 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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IMO -no...no more than if I agree to a date with a vanilla man and realize that we click and I want to get to know better. I am not "gifting" him when we date or if we have sex...I do it because I like and am attracted to him. I date a dominant and we start dating, eventually it moves to sex...only difference is the sex will be more fun!

The whole "gift of my submission" reminds me of the old bodice ripper books where they would say things like "gifted him with her virginity". Yeah...it belongs to me and for me to decide WHO gets it but, I get something out of it!!!

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 1:21:44 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

The whole "gift of my submission" reminds me of the old bodice ripper books where they would say things like "gifted him with her virginity".

He pushed his rod into her and she surrendered her flower.....

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 1:29:39 PM

LilJuly76

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I think that kind of fluff is what newbies really want just at a slap my booby or tweak my nipple or tap me on the bum to make me cum! I think I can be a fluff writer with a side of kink.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 1:38:51 PM

Greatlilbabygirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

The whole "gift of my submission" reminds me of the old bodice ripper books where they would say things like "gifted him with her virginity".

He pushed his rod into her and she surrendered her flower.....

Ew........

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 3:00:14 PM

kiwisub22

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I always enjoyed .... his love lance, and her pulsating passion pit .....

and I have read some REALLLLLYYYYYY bad romance novels.....

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 3:03:18 PM

OsideGirl

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 3:05:44 PM

kiwisub22

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That's too funny because I work in the medical field and there are more descriptions for the "down there" bits than you would imagine. I don't know why people can't just say penis or vagina.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 5:59:56 PM

ohthat1percent

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I never understood the aspect of submission as a gift. Unless someone is going through the motions of what they believe being submissive is, submission cannot be given or taken, its a reaction - many times a physical reaction. The actions people do that are considered submission are just that actions to express the reaction. You can control how you express your submission, but in my opinion, you cannot control the natural reaction of submission.

I think people misinterpret actions as what submission is, instead of acknowledging the actions are expression, not reactions. Some expressions can't be control because they are instinctive -- i.e., a sexual reaction, lowering your eyes in the face of dominance etc.

So no, I don't see submission as a gift -- many people, I believe feel the active expression of submission can be given or withheld, thereby creating the concept - -misinterpreted in my opinion of it being a gift.

For me, even the expression of submission is something that is controlled by the dominant. So again, its not a gift, its simply meeting the expectation of he who controls.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 7:57:26 PM

YourSincereSlave

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As a sub who won't sub for just anyone, yes I see it as a gift, of sorts.
To me, it involves power exchange, therefore I'm giving control so someone specific
The thing is I see domination as a gift as well.
Both sides should cherish and value what is given to them by their counterpart, I think.
That's what makes it a gift.

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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 9/30/2016 8:06:00 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourSincereSlave

As a sub who won't sub for just anyone, yes I see it as a gift, of sorts.
To me, it involves power exchange, therefore I'm giving control so someone specific
The thing is I see domination as a gift as well.
Both sides should cherish and value what is given to them by their counterpart, I think.
That's what makes it a gift.

So, then friendship is a gift
any relationship is a gift
a job is a gift

by that criteria

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