ohthat1percent
Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Greta75
FR
No matter how you guys wanna put it. Submission is a big deal to me. Not easily given. Infact, almost never given. As I said, only been given once in my life time so far. Thus yes, it should be treasured and appreciated when I give it.
Some dominants have no problem treating it as a precious gift. I guess end of the day, it's finding the dominant that fits the way you process things.
This is different from having a BDSM top for play where I pretty much order him what to do. That's not a gift and that's not submission.
Trusting someone 100% and giving your life over to someone is a tremendous life altering decision. It's basically trusting someone enough to give up total control. I trust nobody with my life. So for me to hand that over, is just the biggest thing I could ever do in my life.
And a dominant who trivalises this because he has been casually dominating too many subs on a casual basis, that dominating is just like casual sex to him, one night stands ya know, is probably not a dom for me. As he is jaded.
You know, when a man trusts me enough to be open about all his deepest and darkest skeletons to me. To me, that's a gift too. He is gifting me with the most vulnerable parts of himself. That is the way I process it. And I treasure and guard his secrets to my grave.
Honestly, for me, what you have posted sounds utterly exhausting. I don't think I am diligent enough (i'm kinda lazy lol) to constantly have to hold my expression of submission over a guys head to make sure he's treating it all precious and the like. Also that to me is way to much control for me lol. I'd constantly be say nope, not yet, well that put him back two steps.
Just an odd question, but how are you giving him total control and all this deep trusting someone 100% etc, if you hold your submission hostage and constantly evaluate whether or not he is worthy of maintaining your gift to him?
This isn't about trusting a man with your expression of submission -- its trusting him with YOU, and that he will not harm you.
Too many people -- to me -- isolate this submissive part of them - as if its a prize to be won, and they exhaustingly have this check off list as what is needed to win it and that its all this and a box of chip, etc. i'm tired just thinking abou that effort.
When do you get to just be?
Seriously, this is the second time I've seen people utter submission to someone and life altering decision. I don't get that honestly. Entering ANY kind of permanent relationship is life altering, D/s doesn't make it more so, it simply makes it a decision.
To me, by the time you get to permanent, you should already have a fair idea and have been living the life you will be once the "submissive" decision has been made. It should already be existing even if it hasn't been put into words and outlined.
Just because people aren't holding their submission to a man they want to be with hostage, doesn't mean that the D/s isn't a big deal to them. For many its a need rather than a want as you are describing and because of the need -- they don't have the luxury of analyzing and evaluating to see if they can provide their gift to the person. Its something many find they can't hold back.
It seems to me you are using your submission as a tool rather than existing in your submission.
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RE: Is submission really a 'gift' ? - 
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that you have a friend, Dominant woman A. You've known Dominant woman A for several years. Since she's your friend, the two of you talk about things that happen in life and things that interest you. 
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