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The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 11:49:04 AM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline 		I've been going to a BDSM function and met a Dominant woman. I asked if she was a Pro-Domme and she said no.
We've been talking and I told her I would like to be trained as her personal pet/slave.
I'm not looking for sexual intercourse, no BJ, no HJ, no "release" on my part. I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.
She told me she is very busy and is only able to see me once a week, maybe twice.

She gave me her address and told me what time to show up and what to wear.
She then says she expects a gift each time we meet. However, if I'm too busy to buy her a gift I can give her cash instead.
I asked her how much should the cash amount be? She said $200 is reasonable - however, it should only be under emergency conditions, when I'm not able to buy a gift.
I told her that she initially said she isn't a Pro-Domme, so why is she charging me?

She said Pro-Dommes charge money for services rendered and this is their main income.
She isn't a Pro-Domme because she doesn't charge money and she isn't offering a service. This is an authentic D/s relationship. And I'm the only one she will be seeing.

She said to think of it this way. If you are in a relationship and your significant other is constantly asking you for something you will want some type of appreciation or else you would feel used and abused. In her case, gift = appreciation.

Honestly, I don't know what to make of it.

(By the way, I'm not looking to have my profile critiqued, or have someone bring up my past posts)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 12:07:47 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		sorry but your past posts are relevant.
Stop paying women.
You are the person having these issues.
Those are her rules, you can say no and walk away.
She may find someone else to do her bidding.
You wont.




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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 12:45:33 PM   
MaryMaryProDom


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		ilovestarbucks,

She is NOT a professional. Pro-Dommes and FinDommes charge you for services rendered. That's it. This woman is not charging you for services rendered. When you are in a Dominant/submissive relationship, the submissive must make sacrifices. She is only asking you for gifts to show your appreciation. Quit your whining!!!

(in reply to Lucylastic)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 1:01:28 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
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Status: offline

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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 1:11:47 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		It sounds like she wants you to bring her a present whenever you see her. Reasonable, we like presents. If you can't be bothered to take 20 minutes out of your week to think about what she might like and get her a present, she's punishing you by imposing a $200 fine.

And honestly, if you can't take that 20 minutes to think about her and what would be a nice present for her out of your entire week, then you're the one treating her like a service provider. And if that's the case she might as well get paid.

(in reply to stef)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 4:41:11 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		I think "findomme" might be more accurate. The difference is that when you go to a pro-domme, you are paying her for a service. She is being payed to cater to your fantasy with in her skills, talent and kink-ability. A fin-dom is expecting you to cater to her interest and pay for the opportunity.

However, I agree with previous posters that have said that this is just as much your pattern. There are many lifestyle dominants who want relationships, not money. On the other hand, you can't pay or bribe them to be compatible with you. If they are not, they will move on.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 4:59:59 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryMaryProDom

ilovestarbucks,

She is NOT a professional. Pro-Dommes and FinDommes charge you for services rendered. That's it. This woman is not charging you for services rendered. When you are in a Dominant/submissive relationship, the submissive must make sacrifices. She is only asking you for gifts to show your appreciation. Quit your whining!!!


Since when did BDSM become so mercenary? If they ask for compensation of any kind they are either pro domme or findomme. When a gift is "required" it is no longer a gift. It is payment.

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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:10:47 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		Some questions you might want to ask her:

If she wants you to show appreciation for all the things you ask of her, What does she think that you are asking of her? What does she think that she is doing that is worth appreciating? In general, if she is training you, you show your appreciation by behaving as trained. Is buying her gifts, what she is training you for? Because that is the behavior she is requiring of you...so are you buying her gifts as a thank you for requiring that?

I might be able to get behind something like bringing her a specific order from starbucks and learning what type of coffee she wants, paying for and picking up her drying cleaning and learning more about her specific laundry care.

But what are you learning from her that she is expecting appreciation for? Is it worth 200 dollars. (It might be if it is a skill that you can apply to your job and eventually earn 200 for)

(in reply to igor2003)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:16:16 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

you're the one treating her like a service provider. And if that's the case she might as well get paid.


That was my thought:
quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks
I just want to be trained and be in an authentic D/s relationship with her.



I will reiterate again, your approach is what sets you up. You don't approach it like a relationship, you approach it like a transaction and then get upset because she does the same.

Every single post you make is the same thing. Whining about myriad of women that try to charge you. The common denominator is you.


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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:20:44 PM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MoxieMcfly

Some questions you might want to ask her:

If she wants you to show appreciation for all the things you ask of her, What does she think that you are asking of her? What does she think that she is doing that is worth appreciating? In general, if she is training you, you show your appreciation by behaving as trained. Is buying her gifts, what she is training you for? Because that is the behavior she is requiring of you...so are you buying her gifts as a thank you for requiring that?

I might be able to get behind something like bringing her a specific order from starbucks and learning what type of coffee she wants, paying for and picking up her drying cleaning and learning more about her specific laundry care.

But what are you learning from her that she is expecting appreciation for? Is it worth 200 dollars. (It might be if it is a skill that you can apply to your job and eventually earn 200 for)



It's supposed to be a non-sexual D/s relationship. I have no problems buying her something from Starbucks, or doing some errands for her.
But don't Dominant women enjoy training and having things done her way? Having someone do errands for her?


(in reply to MoxieMcfly)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:31:11 PM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline 		Deleted

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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:36:14 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ilovestarbucks


But don't Dominant women enjoy training and having things done her way? Having someone do errands for her?




By random people? Doubtful.

Most D/s relationships are about the connection contained within the power, not just the power. You're only offering the chance to tell someone what to do. Chances are she can do that with a lot less effort elsewhere.




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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:51:25 PM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline 		???By random people? Doubtful.

???Most D/s relationships are about the connection contained within the power, not just the power. You're only offering the chance to tell someone what to do. Chances are she can do that with a lot less effort elsewhere.


This is supposed to be an authentic D/s relationship. She isn't seeing anyone else nor am I. We are not random people.
I'm not telling someone what to do. She is telling me what to do.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:56:12 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		You really do have three options when some one says they want you to buy gifts to show your appreciation: 1. Buy gifts because you are appreciative. 2. Don't buy gifts because you are not appreciative. 3. Decide you are not appreciative and let her know what you expect of her to earn your appreciation.

In other words 1. it works for you 2. it doesn't work for you and you move on 3. it doesn't work for you and you renegotiate.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:56:34 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		I'm curious why you are so focused on the $200 when she also said she would prefer a gift (of no determiedvalue)?
Why not just bring her flowers and Starbucks?

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 5:58:47 PM   
ilovestarbucks


Posts: 86
Joined: 9/12/2015
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

I'm curious why you are so focused on the $200 when she also said she would prefer a gift (of no determiedvalue)?
Why not just bring her flowers and Starbucks?



Because I asked her if I could buy her some herbal tea and health snacks as a gift and she said she would consider me cheap and not appreciative at all. I then assumed the gift had to be close to $200

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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:01:13 PM   
MaryMaryProDom


Posts: 36
Joined: 4/25/2016
Status: offline 		igor2003 "Profile Not Found"
Wrote:
"Since when did BDSM become so mercenary? If they ask for compensation of any kind they are either pro domme or findomme. When a gift is "required" it is no longer a gift. It is payment."

Typical submissive male thinking. Expecting her to do all the work and not giving anything in return. If it's a Pro-Domme you give her money. If it's a relationship, you give her gifts to show your appreciation.

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:02:21 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		Teavanna and Whole Foods can quickly add up to 200.

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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:04:12 PM   
MoxieMcfly


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/26/2015
Status: offline 		She is in a relationship with him. Is she not appreciative of him? What gifts is she buying him as appreciation?

(in reply to MaryMaryProDom)
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RE: The Difference Between Pro-Domme & Women Who Charge - 10/29/2016 6:06:57 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		you should ask what she would consider good gifts instead of jumping to conclusions.
Gifting stuff you just randomly throw into your shopping basket while you're grocery shopping does make you cheap. But then "cheap" to me is a gesture thing and not a price tag thing; she might disagree.

On the other hand, is that kind of humiliation part of the relationship?

(in reply to ilovestarbucks)
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