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Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:21:29 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		This is probably another silly question, but this must be my week to ask them, so here goes..

Question: Is in common to have wild and-or dangerous fantasies, not knowing whether, if you got the chance, you'd really want to act on them? Because for about the past two months, I've had some I consider "wilder" than usual (for me). I am not worried about having them, because I realize they are just thoughts.

**BUT - I Do wonder if this means anything in particular - like whether I actually am wanting to do them? Or, whether they are just related, perhaps, to me expanding my knowledge of bdsm, and therefore my fantasies may have gone up a notch or two, and that doesn't mean they are actual desires of mine, in reality? I've been doing a lot of bdsm related reading, lately - maybe that has something to do with my recent increase in having these thoughts? None of them are near-death related (if anyone is wondering) but, some are pretty "out there" (and I am not a prude, or unimaginative) - and this is a real question.

I have no real clue just what my "pain tolerance" is, (compared to anyone else, or what anyone might expect of me, perhaps), as was made evident to me by contemplating the very recent thread by mistoferin, about Newbies claiming to be pain sluts.

Maybe you're thinking I should be able to tell whether I want to do them or not. Maybe so, but, I am not all that experienced (but have some experience: One year w/a Dominant where we met 2-3 times a week and engaged in: Spanking, Belts, Straps, a Whip, low-level Exhibitionism, Begging and Orgasm Denial). Overall, on a 1-10 scale, I asked him once, and he said he'd rate the intensity level of most of what we did at a 2-6, depending on the scenario. Otherwise, I have no basis for comparison, as far as the intensity of these experiences, and his rating scale is related to his own past experience, so there you go, as far as anwering that question...). If that is even pertinent to this question, which it may not be. Heck, I am not sure I could even get somebody to do them with me, ever, or not - and right now, that is not a concern of mine, because I am not really "seeking" now anyway). But, I am wondering if this is a relatively common occurrence, or if it means something else - and if so, what that might be?

*Do other people frequently think up stuff they know they will probably not ever act on? Or, do they want to find someone to do those things after they think of them? I know it all depends, but is there a general go-by answer to this question? Thanks for any replies.  I am just wondering who else does this, I guess.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/26/2006 1:50:26 AM >

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:36:16 AM   
sctiepipn


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/28/2006
Status: offline 		Hopefully I can somewhat help you.  Think of it as broodening your horizon and adding things to your BDSM library.  I have thought a lot of things I would like to try, problem is very few of my past GF's have wanted to or even come close to allowing any of what I wanted to do. I have ideas of what I want to do and someday may be able to act on them.  But back to the point, you mentioned you were reading a lot about it and it is more than likely just opening up doors you did not know were there before.  Hope this helps

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:38:16 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I could think of it that way, I guess. Thanks much for the reply.

- Susan  

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:41:43 AM   
Homestead


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Status: offline 		The depths can only be plumbed by connecting to a well much deeper than your own.

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:44:04 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe a  good point, and one to certainly keep in mind for later. Thanks for the reply.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:56:01 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I have fantasies that I don't intend to act upon and others I simply haven't decided about.

quote:

I Do wonder if this means anything in particular - like whether I actually am wanting to do them?

It means that yes, on some level you do, it does appeal to you.  But having the desire doesn't mean you will act on it.

There can be several reasons you might not act.  Two that come to mind are that...

A) You find out the reality of it doesn't match up to the fantasy.  Living something out in your mind is one thing, reality is often a bit different.  In our fantasies, accidents don't happen, knots are tied perfectly, things don't break, etc.  In reality these things are problems we mere mortals must attend to, these an many more.  Lots of great fantasies have come to ruin that way.

B) The consequences outweigh rewards.  Simply put we live in a world where our actions have consequences, sometimes good, sometimes bad, often a bit of both.  Sometimes our fantasies come at a price... it means taking risk or accepting a price that we may or many not be willing to pay.  I've know submissives who wanted to be kept naked and chained up as a slave... until they became mothers and then suddenly the price of that fantasy was too high to pay.

quote:

Do other people frequently think up stuff they know they will probably not ever act on?

Yup, I've got such a creatively devious mind

quote:

Or, do they want to find someone to do those things after they think of them?

For some of them, yes I do... so far as is practical.  I like indulging my deviously creative mind where it is possible, but some things just come with more risk or consequences than I'm willing to accept.

Example, I have a fantasy of tracking and capturing a slave released into the woods with a head start.  I was talking this over with a friend who shares that fantasy (she happens to be submissive).  She once met someone who claimed he could do this (turned out he was a couch potatoe who knew nothing about hiking, much less tracking), but the idea of being hunted for 24 hrs thrilled her.  I commented I wouldn't do that, because the risk factor for injury after dark gets too high.  For me, such a think would be a daylight adventure only, in a controlled area I knew was reasonably safe, and would probably not last for more than a couple of hours.  So while the fantasy of an overnight hunt is exciting, I won't do it because I feel it would be too risky.

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 1:57:54 AM   
champagnewishes


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From: Orange County
Status: offline 		Fantasies....the unrestrained imagination.  No doubt as you feed your mind its performance increases.  Many of these fantasies manifest into the physical.  I like to think some are better left as just that...fantasy.  My only advice is to use fantasy as a guideline.  Don't over play them in your mind to the point that disappointment creeps in when reality doesn't adhere to the script of fantasy.  Enjoy each for what they have to offer.

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:04:47 AM   
srllile7


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Well if it helps any I have the exact same problem of not knowing whether or not I want to act on some of my fantasies. This started as soon as I began trying real life Bdsm and some fantasies i thought were just that came true and I loved it. But I had the opposite reaction; all of a sudden my brain stopped turning out all these elaborate fantasies, to my Masters dismay, because I was not sure if I really wanted every little thing I thought about and fantasized about to come true or not. And well I still have this problem but now ive taken up the adage of ill try it once in a safe and consensual situation where I can call it off at any moment. And if I don’t like it then I don’t and if I do yippee. But as long as im okay with it then why does it hurt to try?

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:10:04 AM   
SusanofO


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Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Padriag, thanks for the reply.The hunting thing sounds kind of interesting, and I can see where that would be fun for a few hours in a remote area, in the daytime. I think I saw a documentary on "60 Minutes" or some show like that last year, about a guy who actually tried this in a fairly well-travelled state park, albeit in a remote area of it, and he is (if I remember right) now in prison, (but, he was threatening the females in queston with a hunting bow, so he maybe is two bricks short of a load, as far as making himself a sitting duck for law enforcement, on both counts).Common sense does matter.

Lately, many of mine have involved sadistic things being done to me (and, considering I don't know even if I am a pain fan, I consider that a bit weird, and it resonantes for me, with your intelligent reply). I think I am interested mostly for the intense feelings of utter helplessness and dependency they evoke, not really, perhaps, related as much to pain, per se. I don't know. One is someone chaining me to a wall, and I just sort of live there, on the wall, and they feed me sometimes, and the rest of the time I am brutally (or less brutally) whipped. I admit that one seems a bit self-serving (but I do like it). I could go on about these, but will spare myself, the self-consciousness that might well ensue. When the time comes, though, I am not that self-conscious, and have some of these written down, even. But - they seem to be (some of them, to me) awfully brutal, compared to my previous fantasies.

The others seem to revolve a lot around pony play, and I am interested in Objectification in this realm, but it does seem that pony play for many is considered somewhat exotic, for some reason, and not many seem that into it. Maybe I could (eventually get this need met in another way - but I do think pony play is truly just hot).

The other fantasies revolve around doing things are controlling to male submissives, and I do think I have Switch tendencies, regardless of never having acted on them, or I probably would not be thinking about that, even.  I appreciate your answer.

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/26/2006 2:24:40 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:15:07 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		srlille7: Thanks, that is good advice for later - maybe try it once and see what happens (if someone else is willing).

champagne wishes: Nice to know I am not alone (I didn't think I was, but late at night sometimes one does wonder). Thanks for the reply.

- Susan  

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:25:45 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Padriag, thanks for the reply.The hunting thing sounds kind of interesting. I think I saw a documentary on "60 Minutes" or some show like that last year, about a guy who actually tried this in a failry well-travelled state park, and he is (if I remember right) now in prison, (but, he was threatening the females in queston with a hunting bow, so he maybe is two bricks short of a load, as far as making himself a sitting duck for law enforcement).Common sense does matter.
 
Yes, common sense definitely matters, so does a) not doing things in a public place that will get you arrested... and b) consensual partners, not random campers.  What I have in mind involves no weapons, well... maybe a paint ball gun (that's been a recent addition).  Mostly it simply involves tracking and then physically capturing the slave by pitting my own abilities against hers.  Course be damned embarassing if she ended up capturing me...   An many a fantasy was brought to ruin that way, LOL



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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:29:20 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Ha! Paintball guns are relatively harmless (my nephew has one). Also, if she gets to pick the paint color used, that could be a slight added attraction (I kid you not).

This guy had advertised on the internet, apparently, for women to do this with him - so it was partly consensual -BUT - he had somehow neglected to mention to them that he was really and truly going to be hunting them with a dangerous weapon (regardless of the fact he never intended, so he said, to actually shoot them).
The fact he left that part out, and also that public nudity was involved (on the females' part - he had done this more than once already, once with several females at the same time), and in a public state park, was what got him arrested.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/26/2006 2:38:28 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:51:59 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Hello Susan.
 
I know that when I first started out, I had fantasys I never dreamed of fulfilling - what I considered way 'out there' and far too masochistic/sadistic - fantasys that possibly broke laws.  I assumed I would never carry them out - that they would remain in my head.
 
But over time, the more you experiment, the more you learn about yourself, I found I began doing.  Cutting and blood letting can be considered extreme by some people... I find it calming and releasing.  Would I advocate doing it all now?  No - slow and steady and understanding ones own limitations is a key factor.  Taking into consieration all outcomes and consequences is vital. And sometimes, as Padriag said - there is sometimes a let down and you have to be able to deal with that.
 
But I have grown to learn never say never.
 
Peace and Rapture


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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 2:53:16 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
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Status: offline 		I've honestly never understood the concept of a fantasy that you wouldn't like to do in real life, but maybe that's because I've never had fantasies of killing anyone, chopping off limbs, and so on.  Of course, if I ever had a snuff fantasy or something like that, I'd draw the line.

There's only one fantasy I've never acted on, and it's because it would take a huge amount of preparation.  Otherwise I've lived out every fantasy I've ever had, and although a few of them have been at an intensity level that was pretty near crazy, I've come through it all OK.

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 3:58:40 AM   
mstrjx


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Status: offline 		Susan,

I think what you are describing is rather like a newbie (and that's not I'm saying you are, just hang with this) who runs down the checklist, and thinks 'Yes, these are good', 'I'm not sure about these', and 'No, this definitely doesn't sound interesting'.  Then, when they start beginning to learn more in real time with a real partner, their outlook changes.

Whenever I start a relationship with someone who's pretty new I explain to them that who they are now, relative to these issues and possibly just in terms of who they 'are', is not the person they will be in six months, nor a year.  Your guide goes through the things you were pretty sure you would like, and sure enough you do, but then some of your softer limits are explored.  Because you trust your partner and (assuming) he has experience in these things, you give them a try too.  Some you might like, some not.  You read more, you fantasize more.  Some of your taboos might get broken down psychologically in conversations with your guide.

I know that my limits as a dom/Master have certainly expanded over the years, and I would have to say partially because I encountered partners who wanted to explore certain areas.  One of my beliefs is that the dominant partner has to be willing to expand their boundaries slightly faster than the submissive partner or else the submissive partner might 'outgrow' that dominant partner and become bored.

I think this discussion also falls along the lines of limits, so I'll just throw this out.  There are still things I haven't tried, partially because of my own lack of interest.  But I feel my own true 'hard' limits would fall along the lines of a) death, b) the obviously illegal (sodomy laws notwithstanding - please!) and c) consensuality issues such as children, animals, and the unwitting vanilla passerby.  Since that's fairly broad, it is safe to say that my limits truly become my partner's limits, and sometimes if it makes sense those get pushed out a little bit towards mine.

Jeff

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 4:10:48 AM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		there are times when i get thoughts or fantasies that i know will never happen, and upon reflection, i have always took it as i am growing deeper in my submission....but then some of those ideas are so a non reality i just look at them as a daydream, but by having those it made me realize that what i considered a hard limit, is infact was just my original idea on something being wrong.  thinkin you are right on the mark when you just look at it that way....
 
cheshireboy
"if it was only just a smile"

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 4:14:25 AM   
wandering4u


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Status: offline 		SusanofO - fantasies are just that, your mind wandering through a variety of situations that you are interested in or have been exposed to or just curious about.  Enjoy them but don't let them rule your life.  It just may be something your mind what's to find out more about (even if they don't seem interested in them)

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 4:33:54 AM   
peterK50


Posts: 433
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Status: offline 		Some wild fantasy's are better off as fantasy's ,[the 12 scoop hot-fudge sundae comes to mind], but fantasy is part of what keeps the lifestyle fresh. There's always another possibility.

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 4:37:46 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		mstrjx;

Well yes, my limits do certainly include the things you mentioned, and also LaM, mine don't inlcude getting limbs sawed off, but - I do consider some of them quite sadistic and extrme, nonentheless.Thanks for your reply.

mstrjx, thnaks for the comments about the Dominant being willing to explore (and maybe a bit faster than the submissive, this makes some sense to me, and I had not thought  of it).

Peterk, chesire boy and Wandering4u: I appreciate the kind  and fun replies. Thanks for the feedback!



- Susan   

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/26/2006 4:39:09 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 7/26/2006 5:01:25 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		No, I haven't acted on my "Wilder Fantasies" (((yet))). I would think most fantasies are fine, as long as no one gets harmed in the process.

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What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller


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