CreativeDominant
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ORIGINAL: SusanofO
This is probably another silly question, but this must be my week to ask them, so here goes..
There is that old saying that "the only stupid question is the one unasked". I think the same could be applied to a lot of what people consider "silly" questions.
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Question: Is in common to have wild and-or dangerous fantasies, not knowing whether, if you got the chance, you'd really want to act on them? Because for about the past two months, I've had some I consider "wilder" than usual (for me). I am not worried about having them, because I realize they are just thoughts.
I think it is pretty common, especially among those who have a fertile imagination and who also have a deep curiosity about things they are interested in and who bother to try to satisfy that curiosity through research...whether it be reading, watching, discussion, doing, etc....to have fantasies based on their interests. The deeper the interest, the richer the imagination, the deeper the extent of the research, then the fuller the fantasy.
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**BUT - I Do wonder if this means anything in particular - like whether I actually am wanting to do them? Or, whether they are just related, perhaps, to me expanding my knowledge of bdsm, and therefore my fantasies may have gone up a notch or two, and that doesn't mean they are actual desires of mine, in reality? I've been doing a lot of bdsm related reading, lately - maybe that has something to do with my recent increase in having these thoughts? None of them are near-death related (if anyone is wondering) but, some are pretty "out there" (and I am not a prude, or unimaginative) - and this is a real question.
I am going to do as the others have and stay away from Freudian/Jungian analysis and look at this from the standpoint of you wanting to know what others think, based on their own experiences.
Sure, it could mean that you want to do them, to some extent, for some. Some may be just as you classified them...fantasy and destined to remain that way. I've never believed that all fantasies or dreams were necessarily reflective of my desires. Some are designed by the subconscious to act as a relief valve (e.g.: tying up the ex...even non-consensually...and just doing everything to her that she liked to a point either just short of her satisfaction or to a point wayyyyyyyyyy beyond her satisfaction. Picturing an argument in your mind with someone when you know that confrontation is coming in real life and picturing all you'd say and do within the safe boundaries of the fantasy/dream world).
During the summer, when I attend a bunch of hot rod shows, my dreams seem to reflect that. I dream about what I am working on, seeing it reach conclusion and driving/showing it. Whenever I talk to a submissive about trying something new, I again read up on it and go over notes I've taken at demos (yes, I hear the snickers out there...~grins~...I take notes at some demos) and start thinking about it and then, like you, tend to dream/fantasize about it. Like you, for me the fantasy/dream sometimes goes beyond what I consciously feel capable/wanting/desiring of doing.
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I have no real clue just what my "pain tolerance" is, (compared to anyone else, or what anyone might expect of me, perhaps), as was made evident to me by contemplating the very recent thread by mistoferin, about Newbies claiming to be pain sluts.
Maybe you're thinking I should be able to tell whether I want to do them or not. Maybe so, but, I am not all that experienced (but have some experience: One year w/a Dominant where we met 2-3 times a week and engaged in: Spanking, Belts, Straps, a Whip, low-level Exhibitionism, Begging and Orgasm Denial). Overall, on a 1-10 scale, I asked him once, and he said he'd rate the intensity level of most of what we did at a 2-6, depending on the scenario. Otherwise, I have no basis for comparison, as far as the intensity of these experiences, and his rating scale is related to his own past experience, so there you go, as far as anwering that question...). If that is even pertinent to this question, which it may not be. Heck, I am not sure I could even get somebody to do them with me, ever, or not - and right now, that is not a concern of mine, because I am not really "seeking" now anyway). But, I am wondering if this is a relatively common occurrence, or if it means something else - and if so, what that might be?
Like others here, I think it is a common experience. As to your experience, you do have some and want more. That's a sign, along with what you've expressed on other threads, of an ongoing interest in WIITWD, both from the mental and emotional aspects as well as the physical aspect. Personally, I don't think that we can always distinguish that which we don't want to do from that we do. As Padriag noted, there are things I do now that I wouldn't have dreamt of doing when I started. Speaking of Padriag, I think he also made a good point in noting that a dominant has to be willing to be a bit "faster" in his willingness to open up and explore his submissive's fantasies as she just might "outgrow" him if he is not. The key is to be able to do so and to be the willing guide on his submissive's exploration of these fantasies. After all, isn't guidance one of those things that dominants say t hey want to do?
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*Do other people frequently think up stuff they know they will probably not ever act on? Or, do they want to find someone to do those things after they think of them? I know it all depends, but is there a general go-by answer to this question? Thanks for any replies. I am just wondering who else does this, I guess.
I think up things allllllllllll the time that I know I may never act on...either due to circumstance or the person I am with at the time or the likelihood of being able to set up the situation, find the other partner (s), find the space, etc.. Sometimes, a new fantasy comes to life within your head that you find your partner can't get themselves wrapped around. It may be a case of it being against their hard limits to begin with or it may be a case that they thought they were willing to explore but now that it has been brought out and steps have been taken to start fulfilling it, they discover that they AREN'T all that willing to go there. It may be that while your partner and you are both willing, other people are not or you can't find a safe or big enough space to accomodate it, etc.. And sometimes, the sadly ironic thing is that you can find someone willing to explore these fantasies and who maybe even has some of the same desires to explore but then find that you are incompatible with that person in other ways that, whether you want them to or not, interfere with being able to get the fantasy/dream carried out. But...if you are ever-optimistic, you keep looking for ways to work around that or fix those problems between you or begin looking for another that you are more compatible with
Great question Susan...not a silly one at all.
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RE: Do You Always Want to Act On Your Wilder Fantasies? - 
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