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When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 5:40:59 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Boiz!  A word to the wise:  Never, Ever, Never Ever NEVER NEVER EVER dismiss a Domme!

While on the phone last night with a potential sub, suddenly, in mid sentence, he interrupted Me and said: "well, I'd better let you go, it's getting late"...



To which I politely replied:  "You have a good evening!" Then when I snapped the phone shut I promptly deleted his number.

If and when one of you boiz is lucky enough for a Domme to consider engaging you in chat, or IM, or a phone conversation, or a face to face meeting, Never, Ever, Never Ever NEVER NEVER EVER dismiss a Domme!

Always wait graciously, even painfully, through any long empty silence or even a boring or longwinded conversation or volley of IM's until SHE decides it's time to dismiss you!

In the event that a pressing matter warrants your untimely departure or exit, Always, Always ALWAYS explain that you have something you must attend to, and ask Her permission to be excused.



Yes, I think it's safe to say you could call this My "pet peeve"!

*tosses the boi's phone number away, deletes his email addy and calls out:  "NEXT!"


TexasMaam




< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 7/26/2006 5:42:22 PM >

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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 6:02:01 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yes it sounds like he wasn't hearing what he wanted too and decided it was a waste of his time. I've noticed a few(not all) submales who grab your attention in email/IM by seeming sincere and worthwhile, once you get on the phone if you don't talk dirty to them they aren't interested anymore.

I met one on here that seemed so sincere in email and then IM's me to tell me about his pro Domme sessions, I told him I hate to tell you this but hearing this garbage doesn't excite me whatsoever, so it must be for your benefit. I deleted him from my AIM list.

Yes don't dismiss or think for a sec the Domme isnt wise to the game.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 6:10:25 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, darnit, you know, we'd had such a good first conversation earlier in the evening.  Second conversation was initially going well until he decided he 'had to go', then it went right into the tank. He's kind of a newbie, not accustomed to protocol, and over the past several weeks our communications via email indicated there might be something there worth exploring.  The thing is, after that faux pas, there won't be a Third conversation!  I'm willing to train a sub, but I'm not willing to try to teach a submissive basic D/s manners.   tsk tsk tsk...

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 7/26/2006 6:21:07 PM >

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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 6:54:00 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I certainly can't speak for all subs but...I've had online conversations with Dommes in the past (which I don't allow to go to a phone conversation until I can discern the person I'm talking to in IM or other format is capable of decent grammar, clear thought processes, and that they can follow reasonable connecting/sequential points), whereupon I move to talking on the phone and they then sound like Fran Drescher or some such and I'm feeling like I want to shoot myself.

Kind of a vocal fingernail chalkboard screeeeeeech.

At that point I'm polite, like my Mother taught me, I try to find a hole or a natural pause in the conversation and I'm OUTA there!

If I had to listen to that for the next 50 years I'd have to dive in front of a high speed checkered flag winner.

(So...what I'm saying is...the dude may have thoroughly enjoyed the time he spent with you in IM...but something struck him unusually and he just couldn't do it).

Or...he could just be a dick with ears.

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 7:17:50 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		While I understand good D/s manners are important, there some situations that warrants for sub to dismiss a Domme, which I have several times online mainly because some  for example like out of nowhere some faceless stranger calling themselves a Domme declares that they own me. Sorry, but I am not going to be polite and in my good manners when they do that without knowing me orme knowing them, especially online before ever meeting me in person. Now that is for the "Dommes" and online Dommes that contacted me.

As for the more decent ones, bit hard to follow complete D/s behaviour when we are still in the online negociations without meeting each other yet. Bit silly I think to  ask permission  online to a  stranger  if i could go to the bathroom or  go to  work or take care of my cats and  etc.  Yes, I am into D/s, but not into online D/s, does nothing for me as it feels fake and a joke. Want me in good behaviour? Then come see me in person...which of course some in the past cancel our meets 2-3 times in the row and I just give up and move on.

In realife situations at BDSM parties, munchies, and gatherings, can still feel weird to be in D/s behaviour with Dommes that do not claim me, especially if I have no interest in them, even more so if they make me cringe depending on their character, how they are and so on like this one Domme who is way to motherly saying one time if she had more time she would taken me under her wings, and in the meantime in my mind I shudder and "god no". Very few Dommes in person was willing to follow proper D/s with, or at least try to, despite not being claimed by but at least shown some interest in me in return, but usually already have a sub and are monogamous, despite claiming they are bi they really closer to being straight, or way to busy.  Ottawa BDSM community is small, to conservative and lacking, especially when you met them all practically.

So yes....*goes back to her corner*

-mellian


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(in reply to LTRsubNW)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 7:25:51 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Perhaps, had he been a bit better with his presentation of the need to get off the phone, that would have gone over well. I am used to my boys having to request we end a conversation for the night.  A 2-3 hour time difference makes that quite common. As long as they ask politely, and tell me why (ie usually tye have to work or go to class in the morning and it is well past midnight their time) I have no problem with it.
However, the one time someone ended a conversation with "Oh, well, I guess I'll be going, great chatting with you", my response was "Glad you enjoyed it, it wont happen again."  I was flooded with emails asking me why, what he had done wrong... Its one thing to explain D/s protocol, another to explain simple manners. It is always rude to decide to leave in the middle of a conversation, no matter what the reason.

DV

(in reply to mellian)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 7:58:12 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		mellian - I believe the problem wasn't just that he left the conversation, it was that he interrupted her in the middle of a sentence, which is plain rude no matter what kind of scenario you are in.  If you did that during a job interview, you wouldn't get the job.  That's basically what was going on there - she was talking to him with the potential of him becoming a part of her home as a submissive, and he did something that someone with manners should never do.

I don't expect submissives who are talking to me to ask for my permission to leave, but if they interrupt me, or just vanish - then they are done.  Saying that they have something to do (and it needs to be something specific, not "oh, I gotta be somewhere") is perfectly acceptable, I tell them to have a nice day and that I hope we get to chat again soon ... if they are wanting to get out of the conversation for one reason or another, then I expect them to be honest, even if they are vague (i.e. "I don't feel that we are really clicking, so while I've enjoyed talking to you I don't think it would work between us" - or something similar). 

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 9:20:11 PM   
planomaid


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		Without knowing more about what was happening on his end of the phone, your reaction seems a bit, extreme, to me.  Perhaps a roommate walked in, or someone else interrupted him and he was unable to appropriately ask for permission to end the conversation?  Maybe he got nervous about talking about whatever it was you were discussing, or perhaps maybe he is a "dick with ears" as someone suggested.

If he seemed promising enough to have more than one phone call, then perhaps things could be salvageable between the two of you.  Obviously if he is not told of his shortcomings he will never know that he made a mistake. 

Just my $.02 worth.  Hopefully you will have better luck next time.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 10:11:38 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I can't say its clear whose loss it is.

Is it wise to toss the potential love of your life away because he failed to follow "protocol?"

Does failure to follow protocol definitively out someone as a poor submissive?

You do offer sensible guidance ---- to the subs --- but to Domme's I'm not so sure. (Should they follow your example?)

Is it better to follow rules or one's instinct?

Interesting post. It makes me think.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 10:43:58 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		The only possible way that I would accept being cut off mid-sentence by a submissive (or pretty much anyone else, for that matter) would be if it was with the equivalent of "I'm really sorry but I have to go right now.  I promise I'll call you later and explain."  followed by the promised call and explination.

Sorry, but interrupting is rude, and I strive very hard to not interrupt anyone without a damn good reason, so I find it intollerable when others interrupt me (and again, it's not a D/s thing, it's a general manners thing).

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 7/26/2006 10:44:31 PM >

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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/26/2006 11:27:34 PM   
planomaid


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

The only possible way that I would accept being cut off mid-sentence by a submissive (or pretty much anyone else, for that matter) would be if it was with the equivalent of "I'm really sorry but I have to go right now.  I promise I'll call you later and explain."  followed by the promised call and explination.

Sorry, but interrupting is rude, and I strive very hard to not interrupt anyone without a damn good reason, so I find it intollerable when others interrupt me (and again, it's not a D/s thing, it's a general manners thing).


Yes, for generally accepted phone manners, I would agree.  However, everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes, if the situation warrants, there is not time to extricate yourself politely from a conversation.  The end is abrupt by necessity and apologies can be made later.  The idea would be (at least for me) for when the next time the two parties spoke, an explanation should be offered up front, and if not offered, then certainly one could be asked for. 

I've always liked the concept of ask first and condemn later.  Keeps the ole foot outa da mouth on occassion!  :)

(in reply to SweetDommes)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 4:31:56 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I cut off a phone communication a few years back with a potential dominant after we had moved from email to phone conversations. I tried to be as patient as possible on the phone, but she had called me when she was drunk and was doing everything possible to pick a fight with me on the phone. I realized then and there that there was no way we were ever going to be an item.

But I was obviously to blame because she wrote me a few times after that to talk about how I "screwed it up" and I'd have to beg for a second chance. I'm not sure what else she wrote because I put her on ignore from that point forward.

(in reply to planomaid)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 6:17:06 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I've never felt it was wrong for a sub to be the one to bring a conversation to a close.  I like to be natural when having a conversation with another person, especially in the initial stages of getting to know someone for a potential relationship.  Then again, I need to have a balance of vanilla and D/s in my relationships.  Being interrupted mid-sentence would annoy me, however.  My guess is that he just wasn't that "into you", or someone came in the room and he needed to exit quickly.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 6:32:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		From here it looks like a rather large over-reaction, but that would be because it isn't a pet peeve I share. They are our pet peeves and we are allowed them, if it means we loose some possibilitys, C'est la vie

I don't react well to being interupted in the middle of a sentance either but I'm likely to just call her to task for it. Keep doing it however and bye bye!


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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 7:01:07 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		fast reply:

quote:

there is not time to extricate yourself politely from a conversation


Oh sure there is.  It takes no more time to be polite than it does to be rude.  This is actually a pet peeve of mine too.  I don't believe I have ever made someone talk on the phone with me when they have other things that need to be attended to but a simple, "Ma'am, I am sorry but I have something that came up, may I leave now?" goes a lot further than something that indicates he's bored and wants to go do something else. 

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 7:23:08 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		I think you're overreacting here a wee bit.

Interrupting you in the middle of a sentence without apology was indeed rude, and I don't think anyone here will argue that point with you.  However, since he isn't your boy, he's not beholden to any protocol above common courtesy. It's more than a little presumptuous to expect certain behaviors from people you have no authority over, especially without informing them of your expectations on such matters in the first place.

Your profile states "Attention to protocol and genteel manners are essential."  It might behoove you to expand upon that and explain which aspects of protocol you're referring to.  With that, perhaps you can avoid such an unsavory experience in the future.

~stef

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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 7:25:48 AM   
blckmlslv


Posts: 42
Joined: 2/23/2004
Status: offline 		Any slave should be honored to hear the voice of his/her superior. To end the conversation without the approval of the superior is unacceptable.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 7:30:49 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

...
*tosses the boi's phone number away, deletes his email addy and calls out:  "NEXT!" 


Especially in that the boy was new, isn't that called 'Throwing the baby out with the bath water"? 
 
How does one BUILD a relationship if ya don't 'start' somewhere?  I'm wondering if, in light of your reaction here, he wasn't being MOST gracious. 
 
Perhaps he hung up the phone thinking 'Next', himself?

(in reply to TexasMaam)
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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:08:41 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Amen. That sort of thing from a grown adult, regardless of his knowledge or experience, gets the 'Hi Ho Fuck You' from me.

The other thing that's got my panties in a knot this week is using slang verbiage.  "Yea" is a word used by a prospect the other day that snapped my last nerve.  He used it, and well, couldn't even bother to use Ma'am or Mistress or whathaveyou.  Here's the conversation:
Slave says something stupid, ending in "......yea, I should do that for you, huh?"
Me: "Yea?" 
Him: "Yeah!!!!!" 
Me: "Yeeeeaaaaa??????" 
Him: "Do we have a bad phone connection?"
Me: "You had best hope that's what it is, otherwise, your ass is grass and *I* am the lawnmower, boy."

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: When sub 'dismisses' Domme - 7/27/2006 8:12:29 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

The only possible way that I would accept being cut off mid-sentence by a submissive (or pretty much anyone else, for that matter) would be if it was with the equivalent of "I'm really sorry but I have to go right now.  I promise I'll call you later and explain."  followed by the promised call and explination.

Sorry, but interrupting is rude, and I strive very hard to not interrupt anyone without a damn good reason, so I find it intollerable when others interrupt me (and again, it's not a D/s thing, it's a general manners thing).

It's usually the thing that flags me to the fact that he was lying about something, namely a wife or girlfriend that had just walked in on him.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to SweetDommes)
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