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Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 5:26:28 PM   
beenwhipped


Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline 		I personaly have only experienced bottoming in S&M and LOVE it to no end. To me, before "joining" the lifestyle i thought that it was a form of kinky sex. My personal thought have changed damaticly. I know that the vanilla community does see BDSM as sex but i still am not sure about this side of the fence.

I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

thanks for the answers and not flaming the hell out of me.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 5:33:24 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		No, I don't approach BDSM in a sexual manner. I don't get sexual gratification out of it, doing BDSM stuff doesn't physically arouse me, and I don't have sex with playmates. SM, and training, and receiving service all make me happy in nonsexual ways. I approach it as a fun, private hobby.

As luck would have it, I top collaboratively with my lover. BDSM is almost always sexualized for him. He occasionally regards domestic service as nonsexual, but that's about it.

Monica

(in reply to beenwhipped)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 5:36:49 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Whatever works is what works. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to beenwhipped)
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RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 5:43:52 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, although I have definitely had scenes without sex.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to joyinslavery)
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RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 5:51:29 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		For me it depends on which activities. Some of them are extremely erotic and sexual and some are just pleasurable physical activities. 

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 6:13:34 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Mmm, wonder if I'm going to wander onto thin ice here.

There are times when I just simply enjoy working a sub over, figuring out what I can do during a scene, those sometimes turn sexual. However, most of my efforts are focused on arousal of my victim.

I would have to say, for the most part, I associate bdsm with sex. I'll often turn down play simply because I prefer to include sex in it, if my partner isn't getting sexually charged from it, I generally don't get anything out of it.

(Ho-hum! *crack*, yawn! *wack*, sigh! *pop*, are you done yet?)

I've considered agreeing to no sex sessions, just to see what I could do, though, and I'm still considering it. It might actually help me earn a moderate reputation in the community, meet more people, make more friends, etc. But then, somehow, I don't think I'd like being a 'service' Dom either. Seems rather one sided to me since I really don't get off on playing like that, rather I enjoy the results of what I'm doing, especially if it causes my partner arousal.

But that's just me.

(in reply to beenwhipped)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 6:17:32 PM   
beenwhipped


Posts: 191
Joined: 5/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

Mmm, wonder if I'm going to wander onto thin ice here.

hell i figured i was stepping out onto thin ice when i started this thread, but so fare i have gotten good responces. thanks all

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 6:59:33 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I'm a sadist in the classic sense of the word: I am sexually aroused by causing pain. This doesn't mean that I don't seperate BDSM and sex...I most often do. I've actually had few encounters where I've taken it to sex in the 5 years I've been active. I also can orgasm from pain, I'm learning, in particular biting. Lovely thing. Still, that pain doesn't always lead down the sexual road, either.

But, most assuredly, all this is WAY more than kinky sex to me. But then, it's more than just BDSM to me, too.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to beenwhipped)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 7:05:34 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beenwhipped

I personaly have only experienced bottoming in S&M and LOVE it to no end. To me, before "joining" the lifestyle i thought that it was a form of kinky sex. My personal thought have changed damaticly. I know that the vanilla community does see BDSM as sex but i still am not sure about this side of the fence.

I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

thanks for the answers and not flaming the hell out of me.


Sexuality is often linked to the form of human dominance and submission we speak about, but not always in the immediately discernable way many envision in sensational BDSM scenarios. I feel the stratum from where sexuality lends its deeper influence is a vastly complex world of the braided relations between the mind and the neuroendocrine, of the cognitive and animal portions of one's brain—where imagination, ego, elaborate emotion and instinctual desire cannot be so easily parsed and separated. I feel if we were to strip sexuality from us, our topography of behavior and motive would change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.

(in reply to beenwhipped)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 7:13:53 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:


Sexuality is often linked to the form of human dominance and submission we speak about, but not always in the immediately discernable way many envision in sensational BDSM scenarios. I feel the stratum from where sexuality lends its deeper influence is a vastly complex world of the braided relations between the mind and the neuroendocrine, of the cognitive and animal portions of one's brain—where imagination, ego, elaborate emotion and instinctual desire cannot be so easily parsed and separated. I feel if we were to strip sexuality from us, our topography of behavior and motive would change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.


My goodness that was eloquent. I think my animal and cognitive portions just braided.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 7:19:54 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Yes. I can do vanilla sex but I'd rather incorporate B&D into it if I have a choice.

< Message edited by popeye1250 -- 8/1/2006 7:21:08 PM >

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 7:32:35 PM   
eroticangel


Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		oh my goodness  i don't ever want my topography of behavior and motive to change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.   WOW !!!! Sir you indeed are eloquent!!!!!

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 7:43:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beenwhipped
I guess that my question is do you associate your BDSM lifestyle, scenes or however you enjoy this with sex?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

First off, I'm using bdsm as "the stuff we do" and "lifestyle" to be "relationships I am in."

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff with someone I have no sexual connection with whatsoever.

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff with someone I have much sexual connection with.

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff AND sexual stuff with someone I have no sexual connection with whatsoever.

I can submit to and do bdsm stuff AND sexual stuff with someone I have much sexual connection with.

I can also submit to and do bdsm stuff and NOT sexual stuff with someone I have much sexual connection with.

Frankly, a huge majority of people into bdsm link it somewhat to their sexuality.  Even if they say "It's not about sex!" the fact is that they would not choose to engage in bdsm or in a relationship with someone who was not of a compatible sexual orientation- which means on some level sex is a part of their choice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to beenwhipped)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 8:03:44 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Any BDSM activity is always sexual for me, whether he uses me for sex at that moment or not.  My connection to him encompasses all facets of our relationship - mental, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, sexual.  However, often times my sexuality is where I am most vulnerable, and so it is often where I am most expressive, whether outwardly or subtly.  This by no means suggests the relationship is "all about sex," but it means that a sexual energy constantly flows between us.

(in reply to beenwhipped)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 8:09:09 PM   
cheshireboy


Posts: 217
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		i found that what makes it easier for me to endure certain things in a scene, is the erotic nature of it....doesn't have to be anything touching me sexually...but being nude with the idea of something sexual while mentally being aroused has made it so that some of the scenes do take a sexual nature...but that to me has always been the icing on the cake...the other part of it has been the daily reminders of who i am, and what i do....and those are not done sexually but are still neverless needed to feel the sense of ownership
 
cheshire.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 8:14:06 PM   
nerdyryan


Posts: 7
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		I've had the odd experience of sceneing with someone who found the experience to be very sexual while I did not (and we both enjoyed ourselves immensely). It was more sensual, ie of the senses' than sexual for me.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 9:00:46 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticangel

oh my goodness  i don't ever want my topography of behavior and motive to change dramatically—even among those who don't believe sexuality plays any role at all in what they do.   WOW !!!! Sir you indeed are eloquent!!!!!


Heavens I'm being mocked; I can just feel cloudboy coming.

(in reply to eroticangel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 9:09:54 PM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		I can do 'nilla sex, too, but, I'd rather reserve it for those initial meetings between Me and My Critterque guest. Those gals seem to lose their inhibitions much faster if there's a slab of meat cooking on the grill, hickory and mesquite smoke filling the air as it carries the scent of the tribal dinner. heheheheeee
Gentry

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 9:30:13 PM   
Shannadaswitch


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		As odd as this sounds, BDSM has been sort of a way to control my otherwise out-of-control need for sex. The way I see it is this, being I am a switch that is into the whole SM part of BDSM, the endorphines I get when Topping/bottoming someone in a scene take care of the sex thing. I get my high off of sceneing. However, there have been a few scenes that have led to sex, and sex (at least to me) seems a hell of a lot better after a scene. So, I guess, there COULD be a connection in BDSM and sex...however, you don't need sex to have a good scene with someone. But if you combine the two, things get really interesting...

Just my two-cents,
-Shanna

(in reply to leatherorlace)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Relationship between BDSM and sex - 8/1/2006 11:06:33 PM   
Draydenscandide


Posts: 30
Joined: 7/19/2006
Status: offline 		Master and i don't like to scene with others unless we can have sex.  While we do enjoy the BDSM aspects immensely for their own merit, they merely whet our appitite for the amazing sex incorporated with them.

As a matter of fact, while trying to bond with the Lifestyle community at a large function in RL, we were amazed at all the people who wanted to "play" but were only speaking of doing a pre-scripted course of actions ending in no sexual gratification of anyone involved.  From personal experience I find that there is little that can compare with that moment in between falls of the flog when His bare hand brushes across my naked grrl-parts. 

(in reply to Shannadaswitch)
Profile   Post #: 20
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