RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging potential in submissives

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RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 7:30:39 PM

mellian

Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
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I seriously would like to know how a Domme gauges the potential of a sub. I mean, I had some Dommes locally after getting to know me in person say I have potential, yet rarely say how exactly and usually nothing happens with them. Of course, some of them I am not interested in either for one reason or another. How could I have so much potential yet be ownerless?

-mellian

_____________________________

Since my pic link doesn't work, here is my profile:

http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/50276/details.htm

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 21

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 7:39:18 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Or maybe like the fact that this sub had tried to quit smoking by going to a hypnotist twice before and the second time she did quit and like maybe she could help me quit smoking?
That would be channeling that negativity to work better for me right?

(in reply to mellian)

Post #: 22

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 7:45:37 PM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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popeye: Yes, maybe.

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 23

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 7:58:46 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Or maybe the sub had an interest in,...oh,...I don't know say.....Pony Girl Training and I was going to take a trip to Minnesotta in Sept to see a Pony Girl Training Show on the 15-17th and was going to actually be in *her city* for *two days* right off of Rt. 80 visiting a Navy Buddy of mine who lives on a street with a very funny name like, ....oh..... "Shady Lane Circle" say, and would invite her to go to the Pony Girl Training Show with me if she wanted to?
You know, to actually get her into Pony Girl Training by seeing how it's done LIVE or at least have a fun time if nothing else.
Or maybe just to take this sub out to dinner to get to know each other better even if she didn't or couldn't go to the Pony Girl Training Show in Minnesotta?
That could be channeling into something better too, right?
Couldn't it?

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 24

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 7:59:48 PM

BillsGalSusan

Posts: 69
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

Bill really encouraged me to use my ability to get a feel for power relationships between people and my empathy in a career. I was, until I retired, a social worker. When I was getting ready to leave that field, he had me take some techie classes thinking that my attention to detail and fascination with technology could be put to use in a second, very much part-time, career that I could do from home.

As different as those two sorta natural skill sets are, they are both parts of myself that are related to aspects of my submissiveness.

EDIT: I realize neither of these are examples of undesirable behaviours. I guess I just don't have any of those

. Bill just said both of those things are sometimes not all that great. Who knew?

Another Susan

< Message edited by BillsGalSusan -- 8/2/2006 8:06:21 PM >

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 25

RE: Gauging potential in submissives - 8/2/2006 8:05:44 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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popeye: To calrify: I am not sure if someone could re-enact what a certified or expert hypnotist mght do, but if someone asked me to do something like that, sure, I'd try to help (re: helping someone quit smoking).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 8:07:37 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 26

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:09:10 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

BillsGalSusan: He sounds like a really caring and observant guy. Thanks for the encouraging example.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to BillsGalSusan)

Post #: 27

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:14:22 PM

Homestead

Posts: 1005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mellian

I seriously would like to know how a Domme gauges the potential of a sub. I mean, I had some Dommes locally after getting to know me in person say I have potential, yet rarely say how exactly and usually nothing happens with them. Of course, some of them I am not interested in either for one reason or another. How could I have so much potential yet be ownerless?

-mellian

Potential is a seed. What it is, cannot be seen until it grows.

(in reply to mellian)

Post #: 28

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:18:08 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Homestead: That's a fairly good point (above). But what would encourage (or discourage) someone from trying to see if anything would grow?

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Homestead)

Post #: 29

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:26:34 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

popeye: Will you e-mail me privately to discuss things like this. General: I am in the process of renovating parts my house, and have people who are going to be coming and going at all times of day soon, and am having a family reunion sometime in September (date not set for sure yet). I do appreciate (truly) the thought, but am not sure if I could handle that yet. It's not you (I'll give you my therapists's number if you want to talk to her about me. It might be a real eye opener. I am definitely still in "healing mode" as far as old wounds are concerned. You've been warned (he). But you've got a heart of gold for asking and inviting me - and from the bottom of my heart I do appreciate it. You are a good guy and thanks much. Please understand and don't hate me. Because you're a special person.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 8:28:30 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 30

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:40:43 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

book marking for reading at a later date.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 31

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:44:53 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Susan, what are you talking about? That was a hypothetical situation!
You know, channeling!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 32

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:47:44 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

popeye: Oh.I apologize...I am a bit sleepy just now (but can't seem to tear myself away from my computer). Well, as far as as chanelling, it qualifies. Definitely!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 33

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:54:17 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

LOL, Susan, check your messages.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 34

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:56:45 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

popeye: Okay. Well, I apologize again. I feel like a complete fool. I am so sorry. I am just...whe I get tired I just read things wrong. One night I replied to a thread with answer that made it look like I hadn't read the thread at all. Another night I posted one response t the wrong thread entirely. Makes me look and feel stupid(but I'm really not). Just a bit tired.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 9:06:54 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 35

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 8:59:29 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

LOL, CHECK YOUR MESSAGES!!!

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 36

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 9:29:01 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I remember reading about how Dominants (or Dommes) sometimes re-channel what they consider negative behavior in their submissives and am wondering if anyone has examples regarding how they have accomplished this.

One thing that comes to mind, as I recall, is that particularly in our early days, he really focused on my positive traits and behaviors, and built them up. Rather than focusing on my weaknesses, he laid a path of successes for me. As he later told me, I needed to be built up, not crushed further. As I embarked on a pattern of successes, however small, my confidence began building, and soon I began focusing on the good things, and spent less energy on the negative. My energy level remained the same, but my focus was different.

quote:

How does a Dominant (or Domme) gauge whatever potential their submissive has?

As has been pointed out here, lots and lots of time, patience, conversation, and observation.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 37

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 9:30:46 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

This thread seems to have gotten off track (maybe my fault, but it doesn't matter, really).I am hoping that more people feel they can answer with a reply, if the question isn't too general. Thanks to all who have replied, so far. I am really curious about this, and am taking it seriously.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 9:40:24 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 38

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 9:37:04 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

owned girlie: Thanks so much for the reply. I am a big fan of encouragement also (it's always seemed to be more of a motivatorfor me, too). Yes, I am hearing time and patience a lot, so that must be true (my one bdsm relationship was not an overly committed one, which was fine for the tyme period in which is happened, but also the reason I am asking: I know little about the thought prcess that goes into discerning these things for Dominants, and am just plain curious.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2006 9:46:00 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 39

RE: Re-channeling undesirable behavior and gauging pote... - 8/2/2006 9:41:26 PM

DoctorDubious

Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Doctor D:
*I am wondering what this whole "evaluation" process would be like for some Dominants.

What goes through their head when they look at a submissive and see this so-called "blank slate" I've read so much about? I relaize this is probably hard to answer, and I know it does require time and patience and getting to know someone.

- Susan

Hey all........

Sounds to me like what's wanted is the answer to....
.... "How do you know if you should enter a risky,
         strange unbalanced-power-type-relationship..."

#1. all relationships are risky
#2. all relationships are unique, thus strange
#3. all relationships have unbalanced power,
       but D/s types are more extreme, and more conscious of it.
#4. for me, it's not about evaluation, or the grotesque idea of "her potential"
          it's about "do we fit together"

*****************************
I quoted a great Mary Oliver poem on another thread
that is IMHO just full of wisdom...
http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=464300&mpage=2&key=&#471669

She says "you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves"

That's about the best BDSM line I've ever read....
.... though the first line of that poem is "you do not have to be good"
..........which is so radical almost nobody will really grok it, especially me.

Here's how this old goat tries to figger out
if somebody might work out as a friend ....

quote:

ORIGINAL: DoctorDubious
Smell 'em and see if the pheromones line up.
Lick 'em to see if they have "good taste".
Talk to 'em and see if the values line up.
Fuck 'em and see if the kinks line up.
Play with 'em and see if the fun lines up.
DD

Basically, you gotta see the person in person, several/many times.
You cannot rely on mere words.
A variety of situations, especially involving "play"
in the vanilla sense of enjoyment...
Use all your senses, and observe carefully.
Test for physical attraction/chemistry/heat in several innocent situations.
Trust you intuition..... BUT give it lots, lots, lots,lots to go on....

Don't rely on mere words,
as some very dubious men have learned how to talk sweet,
how to ask the right questions and play them back romantically, ... etc...

If you get really serious,
fuck 'em a time or two
(or whips, or clamps, or cherry pie, or whatever sex is to you...)

Then..............
pick a fight and see how he/she reacts....
You may as well have a good fight early,
'cause you will surely will have one later anyways.
(I am not kidding about this, either).

But surely all this is more or less
what any sensible person does anyways... right?
(except the Dubious Plan of picking a fight)

DD

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 40

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