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RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:30:28 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

I appreciate the little bit of compassion here in your post darkinshadows, that seems to exist for those people who fund themselves in completely loveless marriages, for example. I know maybe they "should" get a divorce, etc. I am not arguing w/anyone as to whether having an affair is dishonest.

I am just thinking Drake should declare himself to be Poly and save himself the trouble of having to hear this same old run of opinion against adulterers again.

Yeah, I know they're dishonest. I also know that until someone has been in a situation where they see absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak, in their relationship w/ a spouse, that they cannot truly know how great a temptation to "cheat" can be, or how sensible it seems as an option.

Yes, it's dishonest. I also think it's completely and utterly understandable. I am not saying it's right.

But - I believe that until someobody has really actually found themselves in this situation, though, I think judging it is really premature.

Because they can declare all they want just how "honest" they'd be, how they'd never cheat...fact is, though - that they might cheat, too. I think it might pay some to walk a mile in someone else's shoes first, before jumping on the old judgmental badnwagon and tearing cheaters to shreds. That doesn't make it right, but it sure would make this conversation a little more compassionate.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 10:46:28 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 41

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:37:19 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

My apology for not making myself more clear...

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 42

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:38:46 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

Yes, it's dishonest. I also think it's completely and utterly understandable. I am not saying it's right.

But - I believe that until someobody has really actually found themselves in this situation, though, I think judging it is really premature.

I completely agree susan...

(btw - I wrote you on the other side on something else)

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 43

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:42:46 AM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i have been the cheater and the cheated on. neither of those were in marriages (i've never been married), but in long-term relationships. you're right - i may cheat again. that doesn't make it right or acceptable. if the relationship/marriage is completely loveless and hopeless, it needs to end. i'm not necessarily attacking cheaters, or all cheaters, here. i understand that there are circumstances where i would be sympathetic to cheating, where i may have/might cheat myself, i just don't think that should be an excuse for it. and i'm certainly not claiming i'm perfectly honest. i'm just saying that no matter who does it, that doesn't mean it is or should be right or acceptable.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 44

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 10:47:47 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

For some people, commitments do change. Life changes and evolves constantly... full stop. Marriage and being married should not be used as a guilt trip.
Whilst I don't disagree with what you have to say - your looking at the whole situation from only one side and using huge generalisations on other peoples relationships. But why? Its not your relationship - your not involved - you dont want to ever get involved... then thats all there is to be said about it. Does it matter if you think that they are cheating? Nope... your ideas are irrelevant. Does it matter if you think they are unattractive? Nope... again - makes not difference except to you own little world and your own little circle of friends.

You are making assumptions that the spouse is devoted. How would you know? You don't - you are making assumptions on not knowing and not even wanting to know a given situation. These people are human beings. They have feelings, needs and desires just like you and I. You have no idea where they are right now - how they got into that position and what will happen in the future. Of course there will be people who are serial fuckers who have the happy wife or husband at home... but your choosing to hate and label - and essentially that is what you are displaying - a section of people based on your perception of what cheating is. And perception doesnt make reality.

And why on earth should anyone married or otherwise, be expected to settle?

Peace and Rapture

I'm not quite sure what you are saying here. Yes, people change and situations change, that's why divorce is an option. It really doesn't matter if the spouse is devoted or not, it really doesn't matter if the spouse is a raving lunatic. To go outside of your committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) without the other persons express understanding and permission is WRONG. You can slice it and dice it any way you please but in the end you (or whoever we are talking about) has done the wrong thing and robbed/cheated another person out of their options/choices and in the end will find there is a price to pay. It's not complicated.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 45

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:09:59 AM

angielouwhos

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Although I too would be concerned about the honesty/integrity issue, I also understand that there are many types of relationships and marriages. I would definitely want to know the spouse and of a married man, whose wife did not participate in the lifestyle, I would be very interested in that. I have no idea how people can handle "sneaking around". I know that many people have somtimes very valid reasons for it but it has to be a really stressful way to live.

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 46

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:32:07 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

I'm not quite sure what you are saying here. Yes, people change and situations change, that's why divorce is an option. It really doesn't matter if the spouse is devoted or not, it really doesn't matter if the spouse is a raving lunatic. To go outside of your committed relationship (marriage or otherwise) without the other persons express understanding and permission is WRONG. You can slice it and dice it any way you please but in the end you (or whoever we are talking about) has done the wrong thing and robbed/cheated another person out of their options/choices and in the end will find there is a price to pay. It's not complicated.

What I am saying is that it doesnt matter if you judge them as being wrong or not. Right /wrong - doesn't matter in situations like these. There is no black and white in reality, no matter how much people may like to think there is. If someone is cheating it isn't always there fault... it takes two to make a relationship(or more if its poly). Permission is irrelevant. Cheating 'may' be morally wrong - consensually wrong - however, it doesn't make a person unattractive, or the dregs of society. If such a relationship is wrong to you, then don't get involved. But I do not see how constructive it is for people to stand and cast judgements on others without knowing the person or the specific situation in any depth. Thats no different to people assuming BDSM is all abuse related - or that all muslims are evil - or that all christians are anti abortion. These are not facts, only heresay and perception.

And perception does not reality make.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 47

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:33:51 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

for this slave, "married men cheating" are not attractive, regardless of their physical appearance, artistic flair, intelligence or any other factor this slave could possibly think of with regards to what she finds "attractive". so, due to the perceived oxymoron in your question, this slave has to go with:
None of the Above.

(in reply to Crake)

Post #: 48

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:38:30 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

There's a guy who lives down the street from me and his wife has been in a mental institution w/schizophrenia for the past twenty or so years. He doesn't want to get a divorce, because otherwise she won't have decent health insurance, and the quality of her care will go in the toilet (the state-run facilities for people w/these problems are abysmal in my state). There are people like him out there....I wonder what people suggest in that kind of circimstance.

He is a middle-aged newspaper Editor, and still pretty good-looking. Is he just supposed to be "faithful" for the rest of his life to a woman who doesn't really even recognize him anymore, and maybe never will again? He does care about her, but whatever they had once is pretty much "gone". Yet, he doesn't want a divorce. Hmmm.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/17/2006 11:40:37 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 49

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 11:43:10 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Anything can be constructed to be a tautology.

This is not in the realm of this discussion.

I wrote volumes and removed it. this--this---- no, not even..............

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 50

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 1:02:56 PM

angielouwhos

Posts: 87
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Situations like that, and there are many more than one would think, is exactly why we I'm non-judgemental about married men and women in these situations. True infidelity mental or physical is a two way street for every couple involved, the "blame" should not rest on one person.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 51

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 2:46:44 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake

please answer assuming you would be attracted to the man if he weren't married:
you may choose multiple answers.
feel free to elaborate on your answer if you'd like to discuss it in depth.

Attractive, married men cheating on their non-kinky wives...
1) are a turn off because of dishonesty
2) are more attractive than the same man if he is single
3) are a turn on, but I would not date one myself
4) used to turn me on until I slept w/ one
5) used to turn me off until I dated one who told me he was single
6) neutral, would sleep w/ him & keep his secret if I liked him
7) should divorce & become poly if they seek variety
8) are a turn off for another reason
9) are great for sex because they don't get clingy

Sorry, you didn't ask for my opinion, but I'll give it nonetheless.

(I'm a sub).

I was married for 10 years (longest 14 years of my life), and the proudest thing I can claim (there are a few others) is...I never once cheated on my wife.

Long story, won't go into it but...I had every reason, and every opportunity...

(I wanted to {once or twice

})...But...I didn't.

I wouldn't.

I would never.

I was married (even as I was separated).

End of discussion.

Those of you that do...that's an entirely different discussion. Some of you have/had permission...great stuff. I didn't, and I would have never asked.

Men cheating.

I think, if you don't have permission, or if she doesn't know...that would qualify you right up there with sewage.

(Rotting).

The rest of you...I don't know your story...but if you're hurting someone...your story sucks.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 8/17/2006 3:06:49 PM >

(in reply to Crake)

Post #: 52

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 3:02:52 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline

hmmm...I thought I posted here already. One thing I'm curious about...why the choice to say 'attractive men'? I think people who cheat are all equally cheaters...regardless of their sex, ethnic background, religion, looks, sexual preference...yada yada yada.

Having said that...I have dated married men and consider THAT cheating. Even though I've not cheated on a partner of my own I do not believe I am any less a 'cheat' for cheating with someone else's partner. I feel badly about it now...even though the other women never found out. I was still a cheater; but no more.

And yes, I suppose there ARE some special situations...alzheimer's comes to mind, too. <sigh>

beverly

Edited to change 'woman' to 'women'..... <wince>

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 8/17/2006 3:05:20 PM >

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 53

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 3:03:28 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

There is no black and white in reality, no matter how much people may like to think there is. If someone is cheating it isn't always th(eir) fault...

True. There's a million stories under this veil.

And a million reasons why their story is unique.

Well said.

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 54

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 3:21:18 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

for this slave, "married men cheating" are not attractive, regardless of their physical appearance, artistic flair, intelligence or any other factor this slave could possibly think of with regards to what she finds "attractive". so, due to the perceived oxymoron in your question, this slave has to go with:
None of the Above.

Ya know, I'll tell you something...this is a PERFECT example of total and unabashed bias.

Now it's true, I'm neither married, nor a cheater but...I could be something in a chiffon dress and a nice teal head piece.

(Okay, fine, I'd look like shit, but the fact is YOU NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE!!!!!!).

But I digress.

I have no "artistic flair" nor do I know any oxymorons (but I do know a few really stupid people that breath far too much oxygen), so...I take umbrage with the fact that you presumed I was something of a...(wait...one second...someone's explaining something to me....oh...of course...right then...)

Never mind.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 55

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 4:17:44 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake

please answer assuming you would be attracted to the man if he weren't married:
you may choose multiple answers.
feel free to elaborate on your answer if you'd like to discuss it in depth.

Attractive, married men cheating on their non-kinky wives...

10. Are not appealing to me because my self worth and love far exceed his need to copulate.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Crake)

Post #: 56

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 4:35:11 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: Crake

please answer assuming you would be attracted to the man if he weren't married:
you may choose multiple answers.
feel free to elaborate on your answer if you'd like to discuss it in depth.

Attractive, married men cheating on their non-kinky wives...

10. Are not appealing to me because my self worth and love far exceed his need to copulate.

porcelaine

Nice.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 57

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 4:53:51 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

Until my husband died many thought that i was a cheater also even tho we had our agreement. So i can not judge the Doms on that issue alone. I can say i resent the idea that they are called cheaters. Just because one is married to a vanilla does not mean they are dead and should not be allowed to participate in the activity they choose. Instead of looking at the married issue i look at the compatability issues which i think is much more important than their marital status. Oh and yes my vanilla husband had his vanilla girlfriends.

I guess I am one of those people who thinks you should be compatible before you get married to the other person.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 58

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 5:01:37 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Thus endeth the lesson...........right there........I knew this girl was something extraordinary.

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Do not make a bunch of fucked up arguments about why there are mitigating circumstances......

'Oh, Lord.......forgive me, but what if there are 10 righteous men found within the city?'

Fuck you, you ain't one of 'em.

Get in or get out........the situational, rationizational logic is out of line.

Oh, but if I could hide it the rest of OUR lives, no one would be the wiser, and we would both be happy...........

ASSWIPE!!!!

this must be another one of the gifts that are bandied about here, because you FEEL it.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 59

RE: Attractive married men cheating on their wives... - 8/17/2006 5:30:29 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

My opnion to female cheaters is exactly as low and unimpressed as it is for male cheaters.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fistmeisater6969

What of the sub who does likewise to her (or his) husband, would those who critisize do so as readily I wonder.

(in reply to fistmeisater6969)

Post #: 60

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