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Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Discuss. - 8/22/2006 3:12:31 AM

SusanofO

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In the name of equality, I am starting this thread - just to see what will happen (really). It is a fair question. This topic has already been covered in threads where it applies to FemDoms, and also to submissives and slaves, so - here we go...and, for anyone who is wondering, I am completely serious in posting this thread topic.

Personally, I couldn't care less who is doing the working, as long as the folks involved have enough money to support themselves.

I myself have been fond of staying at home, and maintaining and keeping a home, and love the idea of caring for a Dominant by being at home, so for me, the answer to this would hinge on whether current income(s) would be sufficient for two if neither person was working, and whether anyone's self-esteem would be damaged by this arrangement, if both people were involved in it, instead of just one, so am sure some discussion about that would be necessary.

I am sure that personally, if this arrangement were to take place, I would really need to know that a Domiant cared for me, and would be protective of me and my welfare if they weren't working, which I am sure they could be - just in one less "traditional" way, I guess.

I know there exist Dominants that do feel the slave or submissive should be the one providing the income, and also there exist Dominants that feel this is almost solely "their" domain (breadwinner).

So - maybe people can expound on the reasons they feel the way they do about this?

I am curious to see how other people think about this topic. I am not (I repeat, Not) trying to start a flame war. I honestly want to know what people think, and am urging folks to be as respectful in their comments as possible.

Thanks for any replies.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 4:01:08 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

Post #: 1

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:28:03 AM

heartfeltsub

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Joined: 11/5/2004
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As i agreed with amayos on the other thread when he posed the question, i will give my reaction to this if i was told by a prospective Dom that i would be working outside the home and He would be staying at home and my paycheck would be a tribute to Him. Personally i would say, it was nice knowing you and have fun looking for a walking paycheck somewhere else.

That being said, i was a stay at home mom when my sprongs were younger and i put in a very full day, so i know how much work some one who stays at home can have. But now that my household does not include sprongs, and i would also be the one cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc any way, i would be unwilling to put myself in a position to be supporting someone who is not working.

i realize that may very well be sexist thinking, but it would be a huge red flag to me if someone did not want to work at all, not ran a company out of the home, but didn't want to work and wanted to be paid for the priviledge of not working because they happened to be a Top/Dom and i happened to be a bottom/sub.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 2

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:29:26 AM

SusanofO

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What if they wanted to be a "house-husband" kind of person, and kept the house spotless, and cooked and cleaned, and did all of the things a housewife traditionally does? I guess that might apply more ot a male submissive, but maybe not - I guess it would be up to the Dominant. I have the feeling some male Dominants in this situation might just hire a maid, instead of being a "house-husband", if the female submissive was the one bringing home the fat paycheck.

Personally, I don't think any female who is working a sixty-plus hour work week at a professional (or any) job should come home to piles of dirty laundry and house cleaning. I think even submissives in this situation should probably hire an occasional cleaning person, or at least get other folks in the house to pitch in and help - but that's just me. If she doesn't she may not have much energy left for bdsm activity, especially with sprongs.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 3:43:58 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 3

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:38:48 AM

heartfeltsub

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Though i have met some Doms who like to cook, and who take part in the chores that have to go on in a household, there still seems to be a separation of roles of what is a man's job and what is not. Again i realize that is a sexist comment, but it still seems to be mostly true.

And while i can see a male sub being the house-husband and i see absolutely nothing wrong with that, i don't see (again my opinion) any Doms i have ever known doing so.

In fact, even if it was completely honorable and not just a way to not have to go earn an income, i would struggle with it as part of my idea of my service is the cleaning and chores and such, and i'm good at those things.. And yes i realize that my service would be whatever my Dom says it would be.

i guess it suffices to say that i would have a problem with it on many levels.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 4

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:41:08 AM

SusanofO

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Thnaks for the reply.

I see nothing wrong with anyone's comments on this topic, btw - people feel about it however they feel. Opinions are not "debatable" as some may seem to think (or maybe they are, but are still opinions, not facts).

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 3:42:17 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 5

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:50:38 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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Anyone living in my house will be employed, unless and until I win the lottery.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 6

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:51:09 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

As i agreed with amayos on the other thread when he posed the question, i will give my reaction to this if i was told by a prospective Dom that i would be working outside the home and He would be staying at home and my paycheck would be a tribute to Him. Personally i would say, it was nice knowing you and have fun looking for a walking paycheck somewhere else.

i realize that may very well be sexist thinking, but it would be a huge red flag to me if someone did not want to work at all, not ran a company out of the home, but didn't want to work and wanted to be paid for the priviledge of not working because they happened to be a Top/Dom and i happened to be a bottom/sub.

Agreed on most points here. There are exceptions to this rule of course. If the dominant in question were financially secure and contributing to the household, if i made enough money and they were engaged in something, anything, going to school, building motorcycles, caring for a huge piece of property, or if they were ill; then i would consider it.

And like you i raised my own unmentionables while working, taking care of the house and the farm, but my Master also worked.

It almost feels like you commented, sexist or even in my case hypocritical because i now stay at home for me to feel this way. But i still take care of the house, yard, laundry, do the majority of the cooking, do maintenance on the car, boat and bikes, and work on various projects around the house.

It was Scooter and Jewel who did not want me to work, and after a short period of time i understood why.

But a man who wants to do nothing still would raise a big red flag to me. I guess to my thinking it would make me wonder how this person could be responsible for me when they were not responsible for themselves.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 7

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 3:58:19 AM

SusanofO

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Thanks for the replies, people. I have to say, there is a notable lack of male Dom response to this thread - so far. Hmmm.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 4:07:40 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 8

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:29:09 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Wow - No men are replying to this thread. Except Level - so far. Thanks, buddy.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 9

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:34:51 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Again, I feel that people should make whatever decision works for them and their relationship(s). If someone is financially independent, why work when there are so many other ways to fill your time, with interests and hobbies and volunteerism.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 10

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:34:57 AM

bills944

Posts: 122
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Everyone over 18 and less than 65 should work unless they're disabled or watching children period.......................................................

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 11

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:35:55 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I hadn't responded to any of these, so I'll just mention my experiences here.

All of my BDSM relationships where my partner and I lived under the same roof was 'my' roof. I've always worked, and while I can say the women in question all started out employed, some of them had trouble keeping employment.

This wasn't my desire, but it really wasn't a big concern. I have always been all for keeping things separate. There was never a question they were 'supposed' to contribute, and I was doing well alone. I never encouraged them not to work, but their dispositions made the situation what it was. Bad choices on my part. It gets worse than that, but I'll leave it at that.

My thinking these days is that, under the right circumstance with the right person, finances 'might' be discussed as part of the situation. I'm not an abuser, so it's not like I'm going to steal, but I think contributing would be nice, especially for some of the extras that might come up specific to the relationship.

But still, I would generally see living in my space, which is my responsibility. So, I would have to be able to maintain that. Don't get me wrong; I have plenty to occupy myself if I didn't work and that would be great. So, if the lottery is in my future that would probably be the way out of working. Not having a sub or slave support me.

Unless she insisted. I do value opinions in my charges.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 12

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:36:28 AM

SusanofO

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thanks for the replies. I really appreciate them, because this really is an area that hasn't received much serious discussion , at least as far as I know.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 4:44:52 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to bills944)

Post #: 13

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:37:11 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Wow - No men are replying to this thread. Except Level - so far. Thanks, buddy.

- Susan

As always, you're welcome

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 14

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:39:25 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Oops. Ignore this. Sorry, I need to take a nap, I guess. I am screwing up my posts. Too early for me...

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 4:42:57 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 15

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:40:48 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I do think society has a stigma for non-working men - much more so than for women, still. If everyone had independent incomes, then this might not even be a question for some. But, for some it still might be. I don't know if this is "fair" or not - but I think that impression and cultural learning is definitely out there operating ...

And - I don't know why there's a quote box around this - and it's too early in the morning for me to figure it out, hehe.
- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/22/2006 4:41:40 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 16

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:45:50 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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OK firstly a disclaimer. There are situations where 'work' isn't an option.... however I don't believe that either side of the dynamic should be totaly reliant on the other. There ALWAYS needs to be some way for BOTH partys to function and begin somekind of new life IF the worst happens and they part ways. Neither should feel trapped because of an inability to walk away and loose the neccessitys of a roof over their head and food to eat.

A Dominant needs to be in control of their OWN life before they can take control of someone elses. The above statement is something I see as vital. I have no problem with a sub or slave who may earn more than I, but I will NOT be a kept Man. I can maintain a comfortable life without their input anything else is a bonus. Anything LESS would have me reliant on them in a way that undermines the Dynamic. Now I am damn well stubbourn enough to refuse to put up with unacceptable behaviour even if it would cost Me the roof over My head, but I won't put Myself in that situation anyhow.

They have My collar around their neck, they ain't putting a financial collar around MINE! I pay My own way and am not reliant on anyone else to provide a decent level of comfort. I budget damn well!

It is not wether someone works or not, so long as they can and do maintain their ability to stand on their own feet financialy.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 17

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:51:29 AM

Tikkiee

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I could not have a relationship with a man who did not put forth the effort to support himself. (let me stress that there are only a few exceptions to this; disabilities which prohibit a person from working are one of them )

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 18

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 4:55:50 AM

kinkiminx

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy
But a man who wants to do nothing still would raise a big red flag to me. I guess to my thinking it would make me wonder how this person could be responsible for me when they were not responsible for themselves.

I'd feel the same way. If someone lost his job and didn't have one in the mean time, or was ill and needed to take time off, of course there would be no problem with that, but as you say, if someone doesn't want to work...

I'd also apply the same standards to myself, I'd hate to stay at home and look after the house, would feel guilty about living on someone else's income and also work because I want to and have ideas and ambition, not because I simply have to.

I can't imagine myself with a house husband - I don't think it would work between me and someone who could be happy to stay at home all day, they say opposites attract but not in this case as I wouldn't understand it at all. Housework doesn't take as long as it used to, partly because modern applicances speed things up, and partly because people are nowhere near as thorough as they used to be. I can't imagine there's enough housework for someone to do as a job, not in an ordinary 4 bed semi anyway. -I probably rush my housework.
A farm on the other hand... well I would have thought that would count as work anyway?!

To be honest I've never considered things that way. Though I can see myself being with a Dom long term, I don't want kids, so have always assumed both partners will be working.

I can't be one of those subs who says "whichever way my Dom chooses" whether I am happy with it or not, because as well as the need for power exchange most people have other needs too, and when it comes down to it people should be able to work with each other's needs if they're going to be together. Then again I'm one of those unrully Dom-less subs :) Of course a Dom should consider his sub's needs in that descision as well as his own. If his sub can't meet those needs, most likely she can't be forced to be a different person without any damage.

Which partner stays at home, (if any) is always going to be something individual to each couple. But the idea of Doms not working because they are Doms? That would just be lazy!!

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 19

RE: Male Doms should not have to work for a living. Dis... - 8/22/2006 5:00:51 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I know many women on CM will say they don't mind who does the earning but I have yet to meet a woman that would make such sacrifices for men. In my experience most women see men who don't work as shiftless. I obviously meet the wrong women. However, staying home and doing the chores would drive me crazy. I prefer how I live now, single and paying for a cleaner and taking my clothes to the local laundry and no woman to get under my feet....hmm unless she naked and begging for mercy.

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 20

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