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RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 2:19:49 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Elegant, I would certainly HOPE that you could have a Master/slave relationship which is also a loving relationship.

I did not say it could not be done (love and an M/s relationship) but I did say that love is sometimes a barrier in our M/s relationship.

quote:

I think that if you find someone and you both enjoy each other's company during the M/s activities and that person were living with you say, that over the course of some time that the two of you would very naturally grow closer and want to be with one another.

S/m is 'activity'. I don't consider a Master/slave relationship an 'activity', it is who we are.

quote:

I wouldn't want to be in a M/s relationship where I didn't care for the person! lol

Caring for a person and romantic love are two different emotions. I care about my friends, I care for my stepmother...I love my children (non-romantic) and I love Master Archer (romantic)

quote:

I think that as a relationship matures you can't help getting closer to the other person. An M/s relationship is after all, a very intimate relationship just by it's very nature.

Again, an emotion that does not equate to love.

quote:

When a sub agrees to become involved with a Master, just that in itself is a stepping-stone committment.

But the commitment does not always mean love is part of the relationship.

quote:

Many people, in this site even have fallen in love!

Master and I married 3 years ago...after i was collared for 5 years.

quote:

I could go on and on but I just don't think that having a B&D relationship and falling in love are incompatable at all.

Repeat: I never said they were incompatable.

Also, B& D relationships are NOT the same as M/s relationship.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 61

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 3:46:32 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Elegant, you're right I totally misread your post. I was running on 2 hours sleep lastnight.
I also started a "new" post that I also put on the board two weeks ago! Two different threads asking the same question!

< Message edited by popeye1250 -- 8/28/2006 4:00:03 PM >

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 62

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 4:25:00 PM

abqdev34

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljeanti

For me it would be trust above all, and second for him to understand me and me to understand him.

I think you hit the head of that nail perfectly. For me trust is the bedrock that allows everything else to spring forth. When you can trust someone, honesty is without question, passion can be unrestrained, barriers fall by the wayside, communication is open and easy, and one can find comfort and peace within a place that is special and secure.

(in reply to liljeanti)

Post #: 63

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 4:57:27 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

For me.. it's chocolate covered carmels from the Rock Mountain Chocolate Factory.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to abqdev34)

Post #: 64

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 5:05:02 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

LotusSong: Ha! Me, too!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 65

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 5:15:54 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Out of all of those trust is the key as with any relationship.

~Lashra

Hello A/all,

While I would tend to agree with this, my experience is that most people I have been involved with are somewhat lacking in the ability to be trusting. What seems to pass for "trust" is, instead, a passionate desire they have had to fit the actual situation to fill their expectation that they will be lied to.

I know most of us probably have reasons to mistrust other people, but I prefer to live my life with my rose-colored glasses on and simply go on the assumption that this person will be worthy of my trust. Spending my life suspiciously eyeing people, knowing deep down inside that their entire goal is to screw me over, is not the way I choose to experience my life.

Just me, etc.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 66

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 5:18:20 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for your reply, Sinergy.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 67

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 5:25:42 PM

Windygal

Posts: 57
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline

Someone who can remember I like chocolate ice cream, and I DISLIKE chocolate CHIP ice cream. Someone who does little things that show they are thinking of Me. subs and friends and family included.

Miss Diane aka Windygal

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 68

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 5:27:37 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Yeah - little things show someone cares, I agree.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Windygal)

Post #: 69

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 6:17:45 PM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline

For me, it's the level of comfort that capturedlad and I have with each other. It's also the support that we give each other in all areas of our lives. The foundation of our loving relationship transcends whether or not BDSM is involved, but it was through BDSM that we met.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 70

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 8:47:16 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Love can get in the way of discipline, as those with children see when it comes to having to discipline our kids, it's easier (short term) on our hearts to simply let it slide. The same idea applies in a D/s M/s relationship it is easier on our dominant hearts short term to let things slide (not talking about play punishments here but real structured relationship discipline).

While the slave may tell us in all honesty that their love is not conditional on us not ordering them to do something they dislike, there is often that little nagging doubt that lurks in the back of ones mind saying If you make her do this she's not going to love you anymore. The fear of love being withdrawn is another way love can get in the way.

These are by no means insurmountable obsticals, but the are real concerns that long term D/s M/s couples who have love as a component they value in their relationship will have to come to terms with.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)

Post #: 71

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 8:51:43 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Personally my goal is first that the relationship be fullfilling and lasting, loving and special and such will occure naturally.
The thing that I have found of utmost importance to maintaining the long term M/s relationship though is Commitment.
Commitment to the relationship working will force you to get all those things mentioned above that make it special and fullfilling and loving, whatever is important to the couple in question. Commitment of both parties to the relationship in more than just words or cerrimony but commitmen that takes on daily weekly monthlyy action towards amking it work.

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 72

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 8:59:37 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I stated it in my initial paragraph - a feeling the person knows me well enough to "read me" without even needing to verbalize/speak to me, at times - (and uses that knowledge to nurture our relationship - this last added in a later paragraph). Thanks for the reply, Marie.

- Susan

Im sorry, Susan. Sometimes I read too damn fast. :)

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 73

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 9:01:52 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Nobody's gonna replace you, ExSteel - don't worry. Do you have any insightful comments on the original question?

- Susan

Susan, I tried on this one, but can't come up with anything that hasn't been said well. It is such a vast topic with millions of words having been written about love which is what I see your post is about.

Speech! Speech! Speech!

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 74

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/28/2006 11:56:59 PM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

I can't begin to narrow it down to one single attribute. I think it's many things:

Trust
Vulnerability
Compassion
Honesty
Communication

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to subsa)

Post #: 75

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/29/2006 1:37:35 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greeting susanofo

i have one thing that counts more the anything else

trust that makes is sexy wanting ans exciting

mons

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 76

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/29/2006 4:20:07 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 77

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/29/2006 4:34:32 PM

OriginalWench

Posts: 39
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

See, now here you're think I'm going to be silly. But I'm not.

All the things you mention: communication, trust, honesty, commitment (which you didn't mention), respect, knowing the other person, ease (including silence) ... these are things I bring to the table any time I walk into a room. You can choose to believe that or not.

So let's make this interesting.

I'll supply all of the above if you can bring one thing. That's all. One thing. Good luck.

Pumpkin ice cream.

Jeff

Ooh, if I weren't already head over heels... I'd SO offer to take you up on that! I love pumpkin ice cream.

Poo, now I'm gonna hafta go get some tomorrow.

_____________________________

"I have a mind like a steel trap; it is rusty and illegal in 47 states."
"I'm too young to have Alzheimer's. I have Halfzheimers."

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 78

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/29/2006 6:33:57 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginalWench

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

See, now here you're think I'm going to be silly. But I'm not.

All the things you mention: communication, trust, honesty, commitment (which you didn't mention), respect, knowing the other person, ease (including silence) ... these are things I bring to the table any time I walk into a room. You can choose to believe that or not.

So let's make this interesting.

I'll supply all of the above if you can bring one thing. That's all. One thing. Good luck.

Pumpkin ice cream.

Jeff

Ooh, if I weren't already head over heels... I'd SO offer to take you up on that! I love pumpkin ice cream.

Poo, now I'm gonna hafta go get some tomorrow.

Wow. Someone called me on my point.

I grew up in the suburbs of Cincinnati. My parents had relatives (which means I suppose I had the same relatives) in Middletown, OH. There was a mom-and-pop ice cream store that they visited once or twice that I recall. Eaton's or something like that. Started with an 'E'.

Never, not once, have I seen pumpkin ice cream since I was in single-digits. I'm 45 now.

(It rather makes you wonder why I offered that up in my response, hmm?)

So, where on Earth do they still have pumpkin ice cream? I see from your profile you live in Pennsylvania, maybe it's a sorta-kinda Midwest thing.

Bah, it's not on my diet anyway.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to OriginalWench)

Post #: 79

RE: What one thing most makes for a loving bdsm relatio... - 8/29/2006 9:28:49 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

There is not one thing that makes for a loving BDSM relationship.

For me, a passionate connection that draws us to each other with a vengeance, combined with intellectual compatibility, complete trust and open communication. shared laughter and commitment.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 80

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