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Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 7:44:57 PM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?
Real life is not naked in chains and being flogged 24/7, and there has to be something else that keeps you together, at least in my mind.
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??
I may get misinterpreted in this, but I mean are they they kind of person you would love on any level, just having the dynamic present in the relationship makes it more special and deepens the committment?
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 7:55:53 PM   
behindmirrors


Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?

Yes, I do. Absolutely.

quote:


Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??

We have many common interests: music, art, the kinds of books we like to read, movies, philosophies we're interested in...the list goes on and on.
I love my Dom's personality, he and I are both very intellectual, creative types, and are a good match there as well. His heart is big and empathetic, he listens to me, and I to him. What makes him so special? Everything he is and works for, in my eyes.

quote:


I may get misinterpreted in this, but I mean are they they kind of person you would love on any level, just having the dynamic present in the relationship makes it more special and deepens the committment?
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?

Yes and yes. I met him before I was into the lifestyle, and it is with him that I am finally able to explore it as I have always wanted to.

I think having common interests outside of BDSM is fundamental to making something long-term work. If all you have in common is the play, it's really hard to stay together, keep growing as people, and feel satisfied, in my opinion.

behindmirrors.

< Message edited by behindmirrors -- 9/3/2006 7:56:20 PM >

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:00:54 PM   
Custosmorum


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/16/2006
Status: offline 		My love is the most amazing man, and I care for him with all my heart. We have many common interests, common values, and an unstopable chemistry. For us this is simply another way for us to please ourselves and each other.
For context purposes we met and dated vanilla first, and are now exploring this together...       

(in reply to behindmirrors)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:13:01 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Yes, yes, yes, yes.

He's the best person I've ever met, when it comes to be compatable with me. He's my friend and my support system.


_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Custosmorum)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:16:36 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		If you took out the M/s or D/s dynamic, we wouldn't be who we are.

This is a little bit like those questions we asked each other in high school and college: Ummm, if Sally got into a really bad accident and couldn't walk ever again, would you still stay with her?

Sure, she could still give blowjobs.

OK, but suppose like she couldn't give blowjobs anymore either.

I don't see the value in asking yourself questions about imaginary situations that can't ever be real.  Loving me means loving d/s, because I'm not going to be in any other kind of relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?


< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 9/3/2006 8:18:12 PM >

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
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RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:17:47 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		That is an interesting question. My slave was always asking me that in the beginning. I explained to her that the fact that I enjoy being with her so much no matter what we are doing, and the fact that I love her big heart and that she is just such a good person, makes the M/s part of our relationship even better. To own the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with; there is nothing better.
And I gotta agree with Lord, and I have told my slave the same thing. We will always be in a M/s slave relationship, so wondering if I would still love her without that dynamic is pointless.

< Message edited by Estring -- 9/3/2006 8:31:03 PM >

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(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:24:19 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I'd love him anyway.  We know each other's secrets and  heart.  I know everything about him and he- me. We are each other's "soft place to land". :)  (to refer to another thread's name)

We actually had no common interests at all except the lifestyle.. but we know the person underneath it all and that's the glue.  If there were no ":lifestyle".. it would make no difference.

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 9/3/2006 8:26:36 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:24:39 PM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you all for the replies so far, i was nervous that i was not getting my question accross in a manner that could be understood.
I look forward to reading more thoughts and ideas.
aintbehavin

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:41:02 PM   
PrimitiveLogic


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Md.
Status: offline 		To me a relationship (especially here) needs to embody  many levels.  If there is no solid foundation; all the skillful application of kink nor control will hold someone's interest in the long run. But then again, is the question focused on LT or ST relationships? A committed relationship needs more than trust to hold it together; it needs an attraction that is felt during the moments in between the moments. It doesn't matter what one calls it...it simply is.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:41:58 PM   
puella


Posts: 2457
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Love has no contingencies.

< Message edited by puella -- 9/3/2006 8:42:19 PM >

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:44:20 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Love has no contingencies.



Ditto.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to puella)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:45:11 PM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		PrimitiveLogic
This was meant for the long term 24/7 relationships mostly.
In a long term live in relationship there is so much more going on in life that has to be dealt with such as jobs, kids, bills and play does not happen every night.  I guess it is how you feel about the person as a person, if they are your best friend, if you respect them for their values and the way they relate to you and can you talk about issues other than l/s.
aintbehavin

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:46:18 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If you took out the M/s or D/s dynamic, we wouldn't be who we are.

This is a little bit like those questions we asked each other in high school and college: Ummm, if Sally got into a really bad accident and couldn't walk ever again, would you still stay with her?

Sure, she could still give blowjobs.

OK, but suppose like she couldn't give blowjobs anymore either.



Look at it this way then.. if the situation were reversed.. think she would stay with you?  Certainly you are more than just a "dildo with legs" to her.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:47:29 PM   
abytchgoddess4u


Posts: 268
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline 		Honestly?

Without all those things, and more...I wouldn't want to play with them at all, let alone enter into a relationship.

I need true connection for longterm...:)


_____________________________

"Everything in the Universe Is within you.
Ask all from yourself." Rumi

"The world will know and understand me someday. But if that day does not arrive, it does not greatly matter. I shall have opened the way for other women."
George Sand

(in reply to PrimitiveLogic)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:48:38 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LL1aintbehavin

I guess this is mainly directly at the couples that are in a 24/7 relationship with their significant other, be it any orientation.
If you took the M/s or D/s dynamic, and the bdsm out, do you still love the person for all of their other qualities?
Real life is not naked in chains and being flogged 24/7, and there has to be something else that keeps you together, at least in my mind.
Do you have common interests??  Do you like their personality, their intelligence??  Their heart???  What is it that makes them special on a human personal level??
I may get misinterpreted in this, but I mean are they they kind of person you would love on any level, just having the dynamic present in the relationship makes it more special and deepens the committment?
Is that person the most amazing person you have ever met in or out of the lifestyle?


We have a lot in common but I suspect without the underlying dynamic I probably wouldn't love him or be attracted to him.  For us its such an intrinsic part of who we are and how we relate that without that... I'm not really sure how we'd relate but I suspect we'd relate as really really good friends.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:49:29 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I didnt fall in love with my Master because he was a Dominant, I fell in love with him as a person. With that said we are still a M/s relationship and are together because of that.

(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:52:35 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, if you removed the d/s and SM from my primary relationship, it would stand. I know this because it stands well without the first and with relatively little of the second. My primary partner and I met through BDSM, and I chose my primary because of our nonsexual compatibility, and despite a number of sexual and BDSM incompatibilities. We have common interests and similar life approaches. We think in differing ways--I'm a verbal thinker, he's a visual one--which allows us to divide our tasks according to our abilities and be more effective together than we are alone. While our goals don't complement one another, they don't conflict.

Although, despite this glowing recommendation, my primary isn't the most amazing person I've ever met in or out of BDSM. He's simply the person I'm most interested in sharing a bed with every night. The most amazing person I know is not someone I would have sex with or hit.

Now, because we're not absolutely, entirely perfect for one another, we both enlist other people to help us out with the incompatible bits. I have a friend with a similar intellectual project, and we spend time together and work at it. Similarly, I develop friendships with people who are compatible with my sexuality and BDSM activities, and like I spend time working on arcane stuff with the friend in the previous sentence, I spend time beating the snot out of the friends in this sentence.

Monica


(in reply to LL1aintbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 8:56:36 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		The situation wouldn't be reversed either.  That's the whole point.  D/s is part of who we are.  I'm not me without it, and neither is she.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If you took out the M/s or D/s dynamic, we wouldn't be who we are.

This is a little bit like those questions we asked each other in high school and college: Ummm, if Sally got into a really bad accident and couldn't walk ever again, would you still stay with her?

Sure, she could still give blowjobs.

OK, but suppose like she couldn't give blowjobs anymore either.



Look at it this way then.. if the situation were reversed.. think she would stay with you?  Certainly you are more than just a "dildo with legs" to her.

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 9:27:12 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, he is the love of my life. I'm his Mistress and he's my sub, but if something horrible happened and that changed, I'd still love him.

Love shouldn't revolve around who's giving the orders or who is taking them, it should be something deeper then that. At least in my opinion.

~Lashra



_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Would you still love them - 9/3/2006 10:00:31 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The situation wouldn't be reversed either.  That's the whole point.  D/s is part of who we are.  I'm not me without it, and neither is she.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

If you took out the M/s or D/s dynamic, we wouldn't be who we are.

This is a little bit like those questions we asked each other in high school and college: Ummm, if Sally got into a really bad accident and couldn't walk ever again, would you still stay with her?

Sure, she could still give blowjobs.

OK, but suppose like she couldn't give blowjobs anymore either.



Look at it this way then.. if the situation were reversed.. think she would stay with you?  Certainly you are more than just a "dildo with legs" to her.



So if you could not put out the dominance thing.. you would be useless to her then?  No friendship.. no liking of any sort?  Kinda sad. but such as it is.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 20
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