CrappyDom
Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline
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LA is right, therapy is what is called for on such a serious issue but here goes my two cents
quote:
Pretty much, everyone i've ever loved has walked on me. Starting about the age of 4.
As a child there is nothing you can do
As an adult you have many choices you can make and yours appears to be
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(you get abit tired of it and abit pissed off.. heh) So pretty much, i'm generally pretty sure that no one will ever "stick" I sorta just wait around for others TO walk.
Setting aside for the moment the issue of the people you choose, say you found Mr. Perfect Friend (Mr. PF) who is caring and sensative. Well MR. PF sees that giant wall, hangs out for a while hoping it comes down and when it doesn't he walks. This is what we call a self fullfilling prophecy...
Then we go on to how you see what you are doing...
quote:
Not so i can let ppl in, but so well if i can control my responses to ppl that i have found myself to care about. I dun want to think that those that i love - dun love me, are about to walk on me, have fogotten me, dont really care and i dun want to push them away to make them want to walk.
Most aren't about to walk out on you, but if they are good people and they see your wall up day after day, they either lose interest or put up their own wall. You then sense that wall and move away and again, the prophecy fullfils itself.
Bottom line is you need to learn that if people come into your life or leave it that is has much less to do with YOU than it has to do with THEM. This requires that you learn to value yourself in a way you don't seem to have done. Being tough and self reliant isn't the same thing as self love and I am not talking masterbation here. You also need to learn that if someone decides you are not the friend/lover/whatever THEY need that it doesn't mean you are not worthy of their friendship but that they are looking for something else.
As an over the top example, say you meet some hot uber dom and you get all hot and bothered by him. You have a super hot session, millions of orgasms and you to stare at each other with puppie eyes and start dreaming of having a relationship. Then he tells you that he wants you to serve as the human toilet for his two dogs or he is going to leave, you would probably tell him to leave but YOU WOULDN'T FEEL ABANDONDED, you would be able to realize, because it is such an extreme interest, that his leaving was about his interests not yours.
SO, you need to learn that on a less extreme level, that when people come and go it is about them and not because you are not worthy of having them as a freind/lover/whatever.
I edited this to add one thing. You put up a giant wall and trust me, people can sense it. So the people who DO want to be connected, who DO want to meet people they can make long term emotional committments to stear clear of you. So, who doesn't care if another person has a wall up and never really makes emotional committments, another person just like you who is always willing to cut any ties with another because they were never there in the first place.
So it isn't about choosing "good" or "bad" people, it is about the people who choose to come into or stay out of your social circle. You never even get the chance to choose people who might make a deep committment to you because they steer clear of you in the first place. Now this is a broad generalization but like many broad generalizations it is often true. Just like I am sure there are people, probably emotionally needy, who you steer clear of the minute you get a sense that they are "like that" whatever "like that" happens to be.
Good luck, you can do it.
< Message edited by CrappyDom -- 9/6/2006 9:18:53 AM >
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Abandonment issues - 
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