UtopianRanger
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quote:
Bottom line is you need to learn that if people come into your life or leave it that is has much less to do with YOU than it has to do with THEM. This requires that you learn to value yourself in a way you don't seem to have done. Being tough and self reliant isn't the same thing as self love and I am not talking masterbation here. You also need to learn that if someone decides you are not the friend/lover/whatever THEY need that it doesn't mean you are not worthy of their friendship but that they are looking for something else.
As an over the top example, say you meet some hot uber dom and you get all hot and bothered by him. You have a super hot session, millions of orgasms and you to stare at each other with puppie eyes and start dreaming of having a relationship. Then he tells you that he wants you to serve as the human toilet for his two dogs or he is going to leave, you would probably tell him to leave but YOU WOULDN'T FEEL ABANDONDED, you would be able to realize, because it is such an extreme interest, that his leaving was about his interests not yours.
SO, you need to learn that on a less extreme level, that when people come and go it is about them and not because you are not worthy of having them as a freind/lover/whatever.
I edited this to add one thing. You put up a giant wall and trust me, people can sense it. So the people who DO want to be connected, who DO want to meet people they can make long term emotional committments to stear clear of you. So, who doesn't care if another person has a wall up and never really makes emotional committments, another person just like you who is always willing to cut any ties with another because they were never there in the first place.
So it isn't about choosing "good" or "bad" people, it is about the people who choose to come into or stay out of your social circle. You never even get the chance to choose people who might make a deep committment to you because they steer clear of you in the first place. Now this is a broad generalization but like many broad generalizations it is often true. Just like I am sure there are people, probably emotionally needy, who you steer clear of the minute you get a sense that they are "like that" whatever "like that" happens to be.
Good luck, you can do it.
Crappy......
I can honestly say after reading a great many of your political rants, its not often I agree with you. But with regard to this post and ''abandonment issues'', as others have said, you are spot on the money.
Off and on over the last twelve months, I have spent a great amount of time trying to develop a relationship with lady who openly acknowledged in the beginning that she had SEVERE abandonment issues that were deeply rooted to her father and the total lack of attention he paid to her over the course of her childhood.
Now being a guy with lots of patience, and ''hellified'' physical stamina .... I tried every single angle you can think of, but it never worked. I'd get to first base....then I'd steal second.... then each time I started to get a bigger lead off the second base bag.....walla! the girl pulled the best ''pick off'' move you’d ever seen, and just like that I was on my way back to the dugout. {And I’m usually very successful}
I have literally never been so frustrated in my life - It was / is impossible to ''get in'' And anyone who knows me personally will tell you that my trademark is that I never quit or give up with regard to any endeavor.
But I'm here to tell you now.....that I'm hella tired of trying....and I am going to hang it up for now.
{Kelly}Riotgirl ..... you definitely have my sympathies  ....but pay attention to what a few very enlightened folks here have written here and go see someone, a doctor, a counselor, therapist or someone that can help, because these people are right, its just way too big of problem to let rest on your shoulders.
Best wishes and good luck.
- R
Edited to add : To anyone who's been abandoned or treated like shit by your mother or father.....while I was fortunate to have two very good, loving parents.....I have a fairly good idea as to how you feel - Man....keep your head up and love yourself.
< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 9/9/2006 4:03:06 PM >
_____________________________
"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."
-General George S. Patton
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RE: Abandonment issues - 
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