RE: She's far away...any suggestions?

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Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 1:45:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross My best way to handle distance: 1) Keep Busy, you shoul be encouraging her to go out and explore, find friends, get offline, get off the phone, indulge her hobbies. 2) Make plans together for how you will be NON long distance, when it will happen, what you will expect, etc. And then of course, follow through. I have been actually trying to get her for months to GO ONLINE and find out a few more things about herself and about this lifestyle. In the past she didn't really wish to mix with the 'freaks', and never saw herself as one. Well, seems she now realizes her 'freakiness' and actually posted her (very proud i was). I'm trying to find her a submissive friend (to know she's not alone out there), and am even trying to find her a bi-girl to play with. She is encouraged constantly to be with her friends (she is no recluse), and to find new ones (even sexual ones-no guys please). I need to keep her focused on our future. Follow through is everything. thanks

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 1:47:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman Good day Gentleman (and ladies), I have a dilemma and am wondering if there might be insight amongst the clan. Distance does not always make the heart grow fonder, especially when for months I must be apart from a sub who has great needs, and fears of separation. She needs an incredible amount of attention and reassurance, and now that she has fallen in love for the first time (with lucky me!), a separation (due to business) that is to last at least 2-4 months is beginning to fray her spirit. She flip-flops like a pancake; one day all love and kisses, the next all doom and gloom. I have had distance relationships before in my vanilla relationships, yet never have I known it to be so difficult as with a sub-girl. Are they just down-right needier than most? Yes, I guess that’s the trade-off and the wonder of such a thing. Anyway, without my touch, my discipline, and my guidance she is unraveling before my ears (over the phone that is). Any suggestions? It seems foolish to try and discipline her from afar. Perhaps tasks to keep her mind from wandering (a wandering mind is her wonder and her angst). Her incredible imagination though beautiful and fantastic can often turn against her, and bring her to the depths of despair… Until I can bring her to my side, it ain’t easy or pretty... Any thoughts? being someone who has dealt with LDR's .. I can tell you it sounds like your girl is going thru what some call sub drop ... a period of time when their at an emotional unrest about a relationship .. this I find usually with girls who have not had much experience with D/s relationships ... they are at a vulnerable state and get kinda clingy .. they just need a reassurance from you on a day to day basis that their position in your life is secure .....ifyou truely value this relationship then take thetime to assure her your not going looking for anyone other then her Yup! That's the problem and that is that is one of the certain solutions. thanks

slve2MastersWill -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 5:15:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman quote: ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill Dear Talldrkgentleman, ... Me and Master are having a discussion about Need, Wants and Desires.. and there is a very fine line between eed and demanding... just curious If your Master is experienced, i would be very interested to hear about this discussion and how things turn out. Will keep you posted on the discussion

slve2MastersWill -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 5:29:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman ... What was most difficult for me was her incredible and almost insatiable pursuit of the "perfect love." This love was beyond the realm of reality. It was a love of no suffering and longing. I do not believe in such a love and have had far more experience in committed relationships in the past. I know when the going gets tough, that only THRU problems lies the answer. She merely wished to kick over the table and give up. It has been a long process in guiding her toward a mature and adult love, yet one that is still intimate beyond most people's imaginations (we are intimacy junkies). What I meant by "needy" is probably the problems caused by her continual and ever present flip-flopping in her mind about so many, many things. She has been blessed with an incomparable imagination that is a double-edge sword. Though like the charioteer I ride her imagination to heights I never dreamed, this same wonder can be the cause of great distress and even despair. You spoke of her needing to know I will be there for her and am not interested in another while on the road. Her imagination compounds such troubles to make her seem almost irrational at times if not down right insane. She's no loony; she just needs her imagination and her life to be controlled (a most difficult concept to understand for a new guy). I guess a person who needs such control I feel to be needy beyond the norms of society as we know it. She has been taught to stand on her own two feet and helping her understand that perhaps she merely needs to stand upon another for such support has been a long and arduous road for her. She continues to wish she did not "need" so much, and could stand by herself. She has wished it for many years and not being able to do so has often put her into a spiral. I was the first to come along and say that maybe she was just different. That her "wish" to be controlled may be a need rather than the insane pipe dream others believe. Perhaps being controlled is why I refer to it as "needy". I guess needy to me is more the problems that arise when she confuses her wants and her needs, or when she fights that I believe her to be (and that she greatly suspects in herself; for i have listened long and hard to her and truly believe I know what is best for her.) that make any sense? thanks for your thoughts Oh yes you make a lot of sense!... transitioning to being controlled can be a bumpy ride. Hmmm confusing her wants and her needs with what you know is best for her. As sub/slaves we are still human beings that do have wants and needs.. I express my thoughts and feelings to my Master on a daily basis i don't always get the response i would like to hear but in the long run he knows whats best. how can i say this... it takes time for the mind to understand that life becomes really easy when one accepts the fact that Master will care for one always and ones only concern is Masters happiness... I don't know if that made a lot of sense.. i sometimes tend to ramble off a bunch of thoughts in my head without a coherent thought process... smiles

CrappyDom -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 6:42:09 AM)
quote: long ago told her I would hold her hand forever, the abandonment issue is no problem (though she often disbelieves my sincerity in that). Read your sentence again...do you still think it isn't a "problem" for her? Also, do yourself a GIANT favor and buy her a copy of The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and a copy of The Topping Book by the same author. They are simply the best out there written by two people who have done more of this better than almost everyone here combined. If you are a reader I would also pick up a copy of Consensual Sadomasochism. They can all be had through Amazon.com

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 7:18:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman I'm trying to find her a submissive friend (to know she's not alone out there), and am even trying to find her a bi-girl to play with. Stupid idea. She's JUST getting comfortable posting online. Finding pussy to present to you for threesomes in the future is not going to make her happy in the long term. You also need to work on her presentation and whining. A dom can only take so much of being told he's not doing things right. She needs to be taught to say "I am feeling needy right now. Would I be able to hear something sweet from you?" and "I feel like you're not paying attention to me in this way, is this how you feel?" and allow you to present YOUR side of things for HER to understand, rather than put you on the chopping block and have to rush to redeem yourself.

MstrssPassion -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 8:14:49 AM)
I saw this "looking for a bi-girl for her to play with thing" & just sighed... She knew you would have to leave at a moments notice for work & you knew she had issues with separation... yet you both decided to continue the relationship... you agree that you both created this problem. You mention she is insecure & thinks you will find another while you apart & here you admit that you are searching for others... you've confirmed her fear because you are contacting/trolling around for others. I'm wondering if this girl is even bi or the least bit bi curious. Who knows, maybe she will meet up with a local girl, decide that this person can fulfill her needs & have no further use for the man that is out of town. Be careful what you ask for, live-n-learn & stop setting yourself & others up for dismal failure... I really wish you luck & don't wish you anything bad... but it is easy to see that this isn't going to go well.

Mavis -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 9:50:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross You also need to work on her presentation and whining. A dom can only take so much of being told he's not doing things right. She needs to be taught to say "I am feeling needy right now. Would I be able to hear something sweet from you?" and "I feel like you're not paying attention to me in this way, is this how you feel?" and allow you to present YOUR side of things for HER to understand, rather than put you on the chopping block and have to rush to redeem yourself. Damn LA, that was a convicting little tidbit. i don't whine, but i know i have done the laundry list complaint.. thank You for another way to express things. i really need "the little book of better ways to say stuff"!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 9:56:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis i really need "the little book of better ways to say stuff"! "I" statements followed by sincere opportunity for the other person to explain themselves never fails. Once you've trained yourself in it, it becomes almost second nature. I've caught myself doing it in the kitchen. Instead of telling my partner "You left your plate on top of the counter AGAIN, you're such a dork for not putting it in the dishwasher" I automatically just ask "Is there a reason the plate is on the counter?" Cuz while I know probably there isn't, it gives him a chance to explain and if there is, then tension avoided. And I find it invaluable when dealing with all levels of conflict. To the OP again...in all the advice you were given, did anyone suggest "Oh yeah, and while your needy fragile and overemotional and immature sub is having tremendous trouble dealing with her first long distance relationship and you not sure how to deal with it- DEFINITELY go seek out some new hot pussy to enjoy." NO you weren't. Because it's a stupid idea and completely goes against your supposed goal of forming a long term lasting strong relationship with her.

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 10:02:05 AM)
[/quote] I don't know if that made a lot of sense.. i sometimes tend to ramble off a bunch of thoughts in my head without a coherent thought process... smiles [/quote] Wait a second...are you my girl? You sure sound like her! Lol. Yes, of all the odd wonders I have found about D/s, the realization that when concentrating on pleasing me or others she finds true peace and happiness. Concentrating on her own desires often puts her into a spin; like a dog chasing her own tail. I have so often made the mistake of letting her spin me in her whirlwind; such are the mistakes of the newbie. Thank God I know I know little...

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 10:10:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom quote: long ago told her I would hold her hand forever, the abandonment issue is no problem (though she often disbelieves my sincerity in that). Read your sentence again...do you still think it isn't a "problem" for her? Also, do yourself a GIANT favor and buy her a copy of The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and a copy of The Topping Book by the same author. They are simply the best out there written by two people who have done more of this better than almost everyone here combined. If you are a reader I would also pick up a copy of Consensual Sadomasochism. They can all be had through Amazon.com Trust me, I KNOW it was as has been a problem for her. Much of our problems have come from just basic commitment. She knew early on I might leave and leave quickly yet we proceeded to move forward. Yet I knew she could not move forward without a great deal of commitment. So, without knowing whether the pool held water, I made the dive; such is the stuff of faith. I have faith in her and in us and in myself to make such a commitment. She has tested my commitment in ways that I sometimes feel no man could have endured, and in enduring these tests, I have found wonder, compassion, understanding, and love beyond my wildest dreams (and they can get pretty wild, mind you). Time and time again I prove my word is my bond, and over time she has come to realize my promise is true. Thanks for the advice, i have heard of these books and once her mother leaves from visiting her, I shall send the bottoming book to her (LOL!). Somehow I don't think Mom needs to accidently open the Amazon.com package and see that sort of thing. It's just a guess, but I think I might be right about that.

slve2MastersWill -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 10:32:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman quote: I don't know if that made a lot of sense.. i sometimes tend to ramble off a bunch of thoughts in my head without a coherent thought process... smiles Wait a second...are you my girl? You sure sound like her! Lol. Yes, of all the odd wonders I have found about D/s, the realization that when concentrating on pleasing me or others she finds true peace and happiness. Concentrating on her own desires often puts her into a spin; like a dog chasing her own tail. I have so often made the mistake of letting her spin me in her whirlwind; such are the mistakes of the newbie. Thank God I know I know little... LOL no I am not her.. but i know what she is going through. I did some of the same stupid things today that you have mentioned in your previous posts.. thats when i wish i could kick myself in the ass for being such an idiot..lol oh well we live and learn and it is time to focus on other things. ... smiles

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 10:41:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman I'm trying to find her a submissive friend (to know she's not alone out there), and am even trying to find her a bi-girl to play with. Stupid idea. She's JUST getting comfortable posting online. Finding pussy to present to you for threesomes in the future is not going to make her happy in the long term. You also need to work on her presentation and whining. A dom can only take so much of being told he's not doing things right. She needs to be taught to say "I am feeling needy right now. Would I be able to hear something sweet from you?" and "I feel like you're not paying attention to me in this way, is this how you feel?" and allow you to present YOUR side of things for HER to understand, rather than put you on the chopping block and have to rush to redeem yourself. WHOA!!! "Stupid Idea?" I am 3000 miles away from this woman and unless your idea of a future threesome is over the phone, I just don't understand this post. I realize that for many men a threesome is the end all of fantasy, but such things are not my cup of tea. I understand some men force their women to have bisexaul experiences against their will, yet such a thing would not only be repugnant to me, but I just don't see the turn-on. My girl is 100% bisexual and has not had a female lover for a long time. So long in fact that she has asked me to help her find someone. I do not have a problem with her experimenting sexually with her own gender (though do if the gender is like me). From the moment we met she has begged me to bring a third into our bedroom for play. For a long time I resisted (Pleasing one woman is a lifetime's work; pleasing two...well I'm not sure I am quite the God I wish I was). Yet eventually I succumbed because I finally thought of a plan that seemed original and beautiful. I thought "what if I can just teach them both to please each other." It took me months to find a suitable candidate (I'm sure there are a great deal of people here who know of that problem), yet finally I found the perfect girl for us. Of course, in her ever unpredictable way, she accused me of wanting only a threesome and that she wasn't enough for me. After pulling some hair out and a good hardy laugh, I cancelled the date, and within the month she was yet again asking me to bring in a woman. Mmmmm...I have decided that I don't wish to begin such a task again (for it is truly formitable), but opt instead to just give her someone to play with alone. My girl has many fantasies; deciding which are ones to make come true and which to keep fantasy is my job. When such decisions are left to her, she can and has gotten herself into great troubles. I am trying to guide her away from such things. I succumbed to her threesome fantasy and she turned on me when I made it actually happen (she is not used to men making her fantasies come true). I am always ever watchful that even though she likes to pretend I'm her horsey, I shant be bringing Mr. Ed into the boudoir in this lifetime. But no...I do not force my will upon her. I just know she needs the excitement of romance, the touch of another, and the thrill of exploring the wonder of her sensuality. If I am 3000 miles away, this is something we can share. I will keep her away from the fakes, flakes, and phonies, she will tell me all, and I can delight in her delight. It's as simple as that. She has been longing for a woman for months while we were together. She is not a lesbian and will never fall in love with a woman (at least not enough to make a life). If she turns out to be one, then I will have the pleasure of knowing I helped her find her true calling, but I don't think she is. Besides, I don't wish to commit my life to a future sappho and this is certainly a fine way to find out if she is one (she's not, but it seems a good way to end this thought). Yet, I see nothing wrong with letting her have the naked friendship she so desires with another woman. I am not like most men when it comes to this sort of thing. A threesome to me goes counter to my nature (had one, it wasn't that great)but then again so do many things in this new lifestyle and with this wonder of a woman whose laughter is my treasure. I have learned to never say "never." If we ever have some threesome as she so often asks, it will be done on my terms and I will make sure it is nothing less than beautiful. But that is far far in the future if it happens at all. For right now, a woman for her will have to do. Why do you feel this is wrong or stupid? You also need to work on her presentation and whining. A dom can only take so much of being told he's not doing things right. She needs to be taught to say "I am feeling needy right now. Would I be able to hear something sweet from you?" and "I feel like you're not paying attention to me in this way, is this how you feel?" and allow you to present YOUR side of things for HER to understand, rather than put you on the chopping block and have to rush to redeem yourself. The most difficult thing for me to understand was to get away from her own percieved wants and have her concentrate on being a good girl (that and her desire to be raped during argument certainly threw me!). This is sound advice. thank you

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 10:59:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion I saw this "looking for a bi-girl for her to play with thing" & just sighed... She knew you would have to leave at a moments notice for work & you knew she had issues with separation... yet you both decided to continue the relationship... you agree that you both created this problem. You mention she is insecure & thinks you will find another while you apart & here you admit that you are searching for others... you've confirmed her fear because you are contacting/trolling around for others. I'm wondering if this girl is even bi or the least bit bi curious. Who knows, maybe she will meet up with a local girl, decide that this person can fulfill her needs & have no further use for the man that is out of town. Be careful what you ask for, live-n-learn & stop setting yourself & others up for dismal failure... I really wish you luck & don't wish you anything bad... but it is easy to see that this isn't going to go well. Please see the post I have just written to another who thought finding her a woman was "stupid." It seems difficult for you and LuckyAlbatross to imagine that a man might wish for his lover to have a female lover merely for her own delight without having the alterior motive of entrapping the two to make three. Imagine this: I have a girl who wishes to be with a girl and has little idea how to go about it. Her only experiences have been either been under the influence or uncomfortable passions while she was young. Now older, she wishes to explore with more resolve and not worry about things like the morality issue or wooing someone who may or may not be open to all she wishes to explore. She has great problems with rejection and just can't see herself going to some gay bar to cruise. I mentioned the Internet and would help her find a suitable candidate to be with; just the two of them. She cooed in delight at such a prospect and said if I gave her such a thing she would be forever grateful. So I sift through the masses, send her the suitable (and believable) candidates, and she takes it from there. I have to tell her NO, do not meet someone if you havn't talked on the phone. NO, do not take this woman for she is not your type. NO, do not meet someone merely because they are available. NO, do not hurry but wait for something beautiful and perfect. She does not have the constitution, patience, or stamina for this new online scene. I do. I can guide her toward that which she desires and this fantasy is neither dangerous or harmful if it is done with great care. Who knows, maybe she will meet up with a local girl, decide that this person can fulfill her needs & have no further use for the man that is out of town. Well then thank God I revealed her inner Lesbian and I shall be heartbroken but happy for her. I really wish you luck & don't wish you anything bad... but it is easy to see that this isn't going to go well. Is this "easy to see" or just difficult to imagine? I think it's the latter. Again I ask you and those who feel all men have alterior motives: Why is finding a female lover for my lover so stupid it makes you sigh? thank you for your thoughts

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 11:08:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis i really need "the little book of better ways to say stuff"! To the OP again...in all the advice you were given, did anyone suggest "Oh yeah, and while your needy fragile and overemotional and immature sub is having tremendous trouble dealing with her first long distance relationship and you not sure how to deal with it- DEFINITELY go seek out some new hot pussy to enjoy." NO you weren't. Because it's a stupid idea and completely goes against your supposed goal of forming a long term lasting strong relationship with her. WHOA AGAIN!!! Wow woman, You sure do jump to conclusions, don'tcha? I have stated that I am a long way away from my lover, yet you decry my looking for "pussy" for a threesome? Don't you think my unavailability might put a damper on that plan? (btw-if you have done a long-distance threesome enquiring minds wish to know how such a thing is done. It's not that I'm interested, but I am certainly curious!). In what way does my finding a woman for my woman to enjoy while I'm away completely goes against my supposed goals? Must she not be hugged or touched whilst I am away? Must she succumb to the norms that sexual liasons with women are against YOUR morals? Must she forever long for that which she longs? Must all men who wish to offer their lovers such a thing only wish to have a threesome?

slve2MastersWill -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 11:08:52 AM)
Again I ask you and those who feel all men have alterior motives: Why is finding a female lover for my lover so stupid it makes you sigh? Well is it not that most of the time men have alternate motives..lol... I am glad you are helping her explore her fantasies.. it is hard to understand someone when one only hears one side of the story.. smiles.. meaning...Mistress Passion and Lucky Albertross are just trying to understand the situation.. I would have to agreee though if she were not one asking for another female it would be a stupid idea... smiles

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 11:09:22 AM)
OK I'll go with the idea that your intentions are truly honorable. But don't start to explore or get her exploring this UNTIL you've spent considerable time together, know that you won't be separated again for awhile and have a seriously solid foundation between you both. Right now the foundation of security you have within yourselves and the relationship is like runny mud. You've got an issue here with your sub. Bringing someone new into that situation for ANY purpose is a stupid idea. Clean your house before you invite guests.

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 11:13:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: Mavis i really need "the little book of better ways to say stuff"! "I" statements followed by sincere opportunity for the other person to explain themselves never fails. Once you've trained yourself in it, it becomes almost second nature. I've caught myself doing it in the kitchen. Instead of telling my partner "You left your plate on top of the counter AGAIN, you're such a dork for not putting it in the dishwasher" I automatically just ask "Is there a reason the plate is on the counter?" Cuz while I know probably there isn't, it gives him a chance to explain and if there is, then tension avoided. And I find it invaluable when dealing with all levels of conflict. To the OP again...in all the advice you were given, did anyone suggest "Oh yeah, and while your needy fragile and overemotional and immature sub is having tremendous trouble dealing with her first long distance relationship and you not sure how to deal with it- DEFINITELY go seek out some new hot pussy to enjoy." NO you weren't. Because it's a stupid idea and completely goes against your supposed goal of forming a long term lasting strong relationship with her. OMG! I just saw on your profile you are bisexual! You did not mention that you too have desires for women on your post. Now I am very curious to find out why what is right for you is not right for others. Are you sure you should be posting advice here? It seems those in glass houses shouldnt' throw stones. You enjoy women, yet you don't wish others to do the same? Perhaps all women are not as forward as you and need help in finding such lovers. Why is it so wrong for her to be so shy, and wrong for me to help her find a lover? I would love to hear your response.

Talldrkgentleman -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 11:18:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slve2MastersWill quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman quote: I don't know if that made a lot of sense.. i sometimes tend to ramble off a bunch of thoughts in my head without a coherent thought process... smiles Wait a second...are you my girl? You sure sound like her! Lol. Yes, of all the odd wonders I have found about D/s, the realization that when concentrating on pleasing me or others she finds true peace and happiness. Concentrating on her own desires often puts her into a spin; like a dog chasing her own tail. I have so often made the mistake of letting her spin me in her whirlwind; such are the mistakes of the newbie. Thank God I know I know little... LOL no I am not her.. but i know what she is going through. I did some of the same stupid things today that you have mentioned in your previous posts.. thats when i wish i could kick myself in the ass for being such an idiot..lol oh well we live and learn and it is time to focus on other things. ... smiles We both kick ourselves in the ass for being such idiots on a regular basis. We both make many, many mistakes. Yet isn't that the essence of love? To understand that we can make mistakes, and adore our lover who put themselves out on that limb for love. It is like this D/s thing itself. Each opens themselves to unimaginable vulnerability, and when mistakes are made (often), the mere effort of trying is seen as an act of true selflessness. When it works it becomes twice as glorious! thanks

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 11:19:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman OMG! I just saw on your profile you are bisexual! You did not mention that you too have desires for women on your post. Now I am very curious to find out why what is right for you is not right for others. A) Being bisexual is hardly the same thing as actively looking for a sexual partner B) I said it is not right for you RIGHT NOW. quote: Are you sure you should be posting advice here? It seems those in glass houses shouldnt' throw stones. You enjoy women, yet you don't wish others to do the same? You would enjoy sexual pleasure while your house is flooded and crumbling around you? I'm not the one posting about how my sub is a complete insecure mess and I have no idea how to really help manage the situation. quote: Perhaps all women are not as forward as you and need help in finding such lovers. Why is it so wrong for her to be so shy, and wrong for me to help her find a lover? I would love to hear your response. Because she's fragile, insecure, immature, unable to express herself honestly, has NO experience in this arena, and the relationship between you two right now is extremely brittle and unstable, with you not there to help in anything. Get your house in order and secure, THEN go find others to join you. My house is in order.

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