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BitaTruble -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/7/2006 3:23:15 PM)
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This is quite a thread. I think, in the quest for a security blanket for your lady, that you have forgotten what happens when that security blanket is no longer needed. Generally, it's tucked into a corner somewhere to collect dust. Unfortunatly, the security blanket your lady desires is another woman. Once you are able to make your life together on a more permanent basis, what is to become of this other woman? It seems to be a temp fix that on the surface might, indeed, bring some calmness to the chaos you are experiencing right now but the long term needs to be attended to as well. Plans need to be made for the future, who those plans will include and what the long term goals are going to be for a strong and healthy relationship are questions you both must ask.. and answer and once you find a lady for your lady, she needs to be included in the communication because it's her future as well.
Consistant action, letting your words always be true .. these things will, eventually, help her achieve a sense of security regarding your relationship. It can't be rushed. You are only talking about 120 days here until you can reunite. Tomorrow it will only be 119 days. Surely, such may be a hardship, but it's not impossible to endure. Have you considered a daily ritual that she can begin? Something you wish for her to do which she would not otherwise seek to do without your leave? I know when Himself has to go on business trips and he can't take me, I have tasks which help to strengthen me while he's away. (Meditation, tai chi is great, journal or diary, writing fictional stories or video taping for you to view at a later date.. things of that nature) I would rather he didn't have to travel, but life dictates he does, so we deal with those times and by having routines/rituals in place, one of which he approves, I am able to get through the days and nights on my own without going too loopy because of it. (Aside from my normal loopy menopausal state that is. ::chuckles::)
I am a bit concerned by your statement that you are new to this and learning and embracing dominance because of her submissive needs. Is this not something which comes naturally to you? If you are doing things just for her, I would only suggest you proceed with extreme caution. Also, you have said a few times that threesomes go against your core nature yet you are bringing up a scenario which directly contradicts that core nature. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your lady who is also a submissive is to say 'no' to a 'want', because Sir, her desire for another woman is a 'want' not a need. She won't expire if she doesn't get hugged for 3 or 4 months even if she is going to feel like that's so.
It's so easy to submit when it's something we desire anyway. In case someone's failed to bring this to your attention, D/s is not the easiest way to live life.
For your submissive, it's not about 'getting' from you.. it's about giving 'to' you. That's what makes it submission. Sometimes we have to struggle .. such struggles can deepen our submission. This, of course, does not hold true for everyone, but it's true for the vast majority of submissives. The 'easy' is a piece of cake, and just because it's easy doesn't mean that it's any less submissive as far as actions go .. but, perhaps, well at least for me, the easy parts don't help me grow as much .. neither as a woman nor a submissive. It's the tough stuff, the stuff that makes you cry and sweat that tastes the sweetest because you've gotten through it, gone past it, grown from it and it makes you cherish it all the more. Similar to the difference between being given something and having to work for it. Getting is great.. earning.. ah, so much better and holds so much more value for most of us.
Anyway, such a choice is, of course, your own. Finding a lady for your lady .. well, I think a stranger reading the totality of your words regarding the issue may see something from an objective viewpoint simply because there is no emotional investment, so try not to be too hard on those of us who view it as potentially harmful to what appears to be a relationship with great aspirations for the future.
Your lady wants you to have the authority, to be the one in charge. Simple enough in theory and only needs practical application to make it work. That's your job. If you want to 'be' the Master.. you have to BE the Master.
This is too long, but one last thing... if I were you, I would read Crappy's post again, print it out and tape it to my computer. ;) In addition to having your lady do some rituals, you doing some as well isn't going to hurt.
Best of luck and I wish you many bright blessings on your relationship.
Celeste
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