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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: She's far away...any suggestions? (9/8/2006 7:16:27 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Talldrkgentleman
As a poly person, it becomes so tiring seeing multiple partner relationships fail so often when so often they can be successful if done right.
FYI- it's generally bad netiquette to post a private email on a public forum without consent.
But since it's my email (and there really wasn't much else to it other than apologizing if my words put you on the defensive and letting you know I HAD replied to most of your posts here and that the reason I don't do it right away is because, despite appearance I'm NOT online constantly during the day and because I stop posting when I feel nothing more productive will come of it), I'll go ahead and respond.
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I guess my question to you is this: why does seeing multiple partner relationships fail tire you?
It's a personal cause. There's no reason most of them can't be successful, and I'm here to help others and give perspective. If I didn't CARE about it, then anything I say here would be empty. As callous and negative as I might come across- it really does come from a place of respect and caring.
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What business of yours is it to judge or dictate the rights and wrongs of how others play or live?
The same as it is to everyones. You're free to completely disregard my advice- many people here do. But you came here for advice from us, and got it.
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Why do so many here feel that it's their way or the highway?
For me it's because I've walked through the fires myself and see weekly fires of others publicly all the time- if I can do something by offering my perspective to help prevent some of that, I will.
You can discount my experience and advice if you like, but I'd suggest making sure you know exactly what you're discounting first.
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Why would you be bothered in the slightest by strangers attempts to do what you do, or dream as you dream whether they do it "right" or not?
Because I'd prefer they fulfill themselves rather than walk off the cliff. I'm not empathic, but I'm quite sympathetic.
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But advice such as "you two are like a square and round peg," or "your not really a Dom" or "she's just a mess" (particularly when i've seen you talk to others in such a mess quite passiionately), is not particularly advice, it's just plain uninformed criticism.
Of those statements, I only said the "she's a mess" one. And I don't think it's informed at all considering everything you've told us about her so far. Her behaviors and needs are certainly not those of a stable mature solid adult.
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You know so little of us, yet you and others wish to take their years of experience and throw it from the pulpit like the word of God. Yet the fact always remains this: Like us in our path, you are merely guessing and still guess everyday in your own. There are no rules written in stone; it is all an improv. Anyone who says different, knows little of the individuality of human beings. No two are alike and so no two relationships can ever be alike.
But they certainly can be alike enough. YOu wanted advice from us for a reason, you obviously felt we COULD know about your relationship to give you meaningful advice.
Now you're saying we don't and can't.
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I do not understand what you get out of this or why my words would "tire" you, but if you wish to be a counselor to others (as many dominants need to do), then my suggestion is to act like a counselor and try and be a great one. No good counselor or therapist would ever say the things you say on my post without knowing a great deal about their pupil or patient.
Not to your face probably.
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It would have been sage to merely warn ("watch out for that") rather than castigate any efforts of mine. Unless you see clear proof of great abuse (and sometimes even then), warnings are best, suggestion is better, absolutes are foolish.
Yes, I considered that my approach was too strong and would put you on the defensive and react with potshots like you did rather than take an honest perspective and just decide calmly whether it was right for you or not. But my mood took me to the strong end.
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It seems those who post on this board continuously, tend to forget their beginnings; the time when they too took such risks that seem to the experienced like baby steps. Like parents rolling their eyes at the young at heart, and with a "you'll soon find out" (you poor fools!), these Doms (and sometimes subs) think the young have little to offer to the wise and sage. Yet let us not forget the love and woe, of Juliet and her Romeo. They were as young as my lover and I feel, and they had a great deal to say to the seemingly wise and knowing...
Considering I'm 26, that's quite a feat for me to look down on the young.
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I will merely ignore those who from reading a few paragraphs I write pronounce the future of my relationship with the woman I love dead from its inception. We would rather choose the optimistic path for love is surely optimism itself.
thank you all....
No one pronounced death from inception, stop being hyperbolistic. Love is nothing but love- many a relationship has withered and been long dead while people hang on to "love." Love won't get you through to the long term- cooperation, security, discipline and maturity will. Enjoy optimism, but temper it with good judgement.
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