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Amaros -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/27/2006 5:17:10 PM)
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Well, I'm not what you might call an "experienced dom", I have very liitle experience in terms of formal, explicit D/s, but I have much experience in the darker side of human nature - just stuff that, ya know, happens, and I'v had the opportunity to observe people under all manner of stress, pain, and compromise that one usually only sees in the movies. I've personally been reduced to my psychological core, stripped of my illusions (most of them) and I'm in pain right now that I believe would make a confirmed masochist blanch - I understand many of these things on a level of personal experience.
At times, I watched, other times I participated, and it was at times confusing, to see somone enjoying something that they weren't supposed to be enjoying maybe, or enjoying it but wrenched by conscience, guilt - seen people literlaly destroyed by guilt, or knowledge of the risks they exposed themselves too, and I've seen people die - both quickly, and very, very slowly from a variety of circumstances.
In here, on the boards, one typically see's the people who have it together for the most part, they may indulge in some very edgy scenes, but ultimately, most of you are under control, even if it's transparent.
There are many, many more however, who are not online, unmentored and unmonitored, at the mercy of forces, internal or external, larger than themselves - real basket cases, you might say, or at the very least, working without a net in the most primal sense imaginable, without restriction or heed for basic health and safety, with no thought of tomorrow.
It might sound romantic, all this savage grace, but in my experience it's mostly stressfull, psychologically damaging, and ultimately fatal, even to the strongest of the strong.
I've given it some thought over the years, I've seen the expressions on the faces of people who thought they had nothing to live for staring down the barrel of a loaded gun - I've stared down the barrel of one or two myself, and it's been a very rare experience for me to see anyone who, when it came to the choice - wouldn't rather live, if only for one more minute. I've also seen that particularly epiphany come too late to do any practical good.
I'm not sure I'm making any sense here, or answering your question, but it seems to me that to be part of a community, any community, including the BDSM community, that one implicitly assumes certain responsibilities to other members of that community.
Where that begins and ends is often a matter for debate of course.
For myself, I can think back to one or two people I might've knocked some sense into, but didn't bother to try because it wasn't convenient at the time to my sense of self preservation - now of course, my primary responsibility is to my children, but I can't help thinking of what became of certain people guilty only of loving others without equivocation, hesitation or contrition, and whether there is anything I could have done for them, and whether it would have been worth the effort, regardless of the consequences, to try and keep them out of trouble long enough to get a grip.
Part of the problem is, I learned very early on that death is a riddle I'm in no rush to solve, though I contemplate it now and again to put things back into perspective. There is a certain sick fascination watching someone hurl themselves towards it without compunction, but there is no satisfaction in it.
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