RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (Full Version)

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BuxomGoddess714 -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/30/2006 5:55:47 PM)

Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer?
 
Simply stated, The Rescuer is really someone who needs to rescue themselves but is afraid to turn inward, do the hard work, face their real issues because that is very painful.  The need to feel complete, not be alone, deal with ADD, etc. may in some minds be different from addictions, being broken, confused, etc.  But it's all signs of needing to be Rescued.  Instead of turning inward and dealing with our own issues, we focus outwardly on others.  We think if we make others happy, that is finding our peace and happiness.  This is part of co-dependency and the role of The Rescuer.  We become dependent on others for our validation.  We wouldn't talk about what we do for others unless we needed to be validated for it. This is dangerous because people may take a bad opinion of us or abandon us, so we need to have our own identity.  Being a complete person means you have limits, boundaries and PROTECT yourself and resources.  Which means you cannot possibly Rescue or allow needy people even remotely close enough to suck the life, finances, physical and emotional energy out of your life.  Closeness is for healthy people who have earned it.  When they have a "boom" of course you help them get up.  That is self love, protection, balance, healthy and being a complete person.  Then when another complete, healthy person comes along you won't be a pile of broken drama for them to run from.

Be blessed,
Goddess

No good deed every went unpunished.



juliaoceania -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/30/2006 6:14:57 PM)

quote:

It is done because it makes the person performing the altruistic wants to do them and feels happy and/or fulfilled doing them.  What these philosophies have left me with is a sense of freedom and joy to be able to go do nice things and be a good person.  I can do the things I have to do simply because I know they are the right thing to do.  Even more important, these desires are not tied up in whether other people think I am doing nice things or being a good person.


Funny thing, I try to smile and say hello to all I encounter if I make eye contact with them. No matter how I feel about the world that day, if I go outside and I open a door for someone, move out of someone's way, say "hi" to a stranger... it makes a crappy day feel that much better inside of me.

If I feel better about the world I have more motivation to rescue those whom I can, and just brighten the day of someone else.

The Butterfly Effect.... our littlest movements can change someone's life, perhaps even rescue them.



Sinergy -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/30/2006 6:17:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

> There is an aspect to the whole "Rescuer" thing
> which seems to imply that the rescuer feels the
> person is unable to rescue or fix themself.
 
Remind me the next time you are drowning in the middle of ocean not to throw you a life-preserver, or take you aboard my boat.



You know, I had one more thought on this.

It kinda says something about you that you would refuse to rescue somebody who was drowning because they posted something you did not like or who disagreed with something you said.

What I am reading is that your definition of "rescuing" somebody comes with conditions which have to be met before you will rescue them.  I remember reading something about that when I was studying the theory of codependancy.

Thank you for proving my point about the aspect of "rescue" implying the rescuer feels that person being rescued cannot fix themselves.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy



sophia37 -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/30/2006 6:33:55 PM)

I discovered long ago I could rescue no one from drowning, when I realized I need rescuing from the deep myself. It took a long time to come to that conclusion. In the mean time, I learned how to swim.



Sinergy -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/30/2006 6:40:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

I discovered long ago I could rescue no one from drowning, when I realized I need rescuing from the deep myself. It took a long time to come to that conclusion. In the mean time, I learned how to swim.



I used to teach boating and swimming and lifesaving and the like at summer camps when I was a teenager.

Reach, throw, row, and go.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy



BuxomGoddess714 -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (10/1/2006 12:03:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhipTheHip

> There is an aspect to the whole "Rescuer" thing
> which seems to imply that the rescuer feels the
> person is unable to rescue or fix themself.
 
Remind me the next time you are drowning in the middle of ocean not to throw you a life-preserver, or take you aboard my boat.



You know, I had one more thought on this.

It kinda says something about you that you would refuse to rescue somebody who was drowning because they posted something you did not like or who disagreed with something you said.

What I am reading is that your definition of "rescuing" somebody comes with conditions which have to be met before you will rescue them.  I remember reading something about that when I was studying the theory of codependancy.

Thank you for proving my point about the aspect of "rescue" implying the rescuer feels that person being rescued cannot fix themselves.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy


The Rescuer assists with conditions because it is really all about them.  I know that sounds off, but they are having a need met so the conditions must meet the need.
 
Goddess
 



Frank01 -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (10/1/2006 12:11:47 AM)

The rescuer feels powerful in doing so. It's far from altruistic.

It often turns to disgust when the rescued either keeps fucking up-or no longer needs to be rescued.



UtopianRanger -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (10/1/2006 12:57:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

I discovered long ago I could rescue no one from drowning, when I realized I need rescuing from the deep myself. It took a long time to come to that conclusion. In the mean time, I learned how to swim.



For something that so many equate as mostly a physical act.....It's the most mental thing out there.




 - R



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