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WhipTheHip -> RE: Why do you feel the overwhelming NEED to be the Rescuer? (9/28/2006 2:13:48 AM)
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I answer these questions with respect to me.
Characteristics of Co-Dependent People Are:
> An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others.
Mostly false, with a little truth. I don't believe I am responsible
for anyone's actions. But I do think if I was a better person,
I could get other people to behave better by being a better
example, and helping people understand how much their
actions increase or decrease human and animal suffering.
> A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to
> “love” people they can pity and rescue.
False. I don't "pity" anyone.
> A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time.
False. I think subs do more than their fair share.
I rather be a Dom, than a sub. But wouldn't mind
a relationship with each party doing their fair share.
If I could do more than my fair share I would, but
I can't.
> A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts.
I don't know how to answer this one. I don't become hurt when others
don't recognize my efforts on their behalf, but I do become disappointed.
I have yet to meet a person who liked unappreciative people. If you
help someone, you like your efforts on their behalf to be appreciated.
I help people whether or not my efforts are appreciated because I believe
it is the right thing to do. But it is sure nice when people appreciate
the help I give them. Who likes to be unappreciated? This is why
the DSM-IV-TR needs a lot of reworking.
> An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do
> anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment.
I am dependant on relationships. I wouldn't characterize my
dependance as unhealthy. I will do a lot to hold on to a
relationship, but not "anything." I don't know anyone willing
to do ANYTHING to hang onto a relationship. And people not
willing to do a lot to hang onto a relationship are not very
committed to that relationship. About feelings of
"abandonment," I don't know. I think that would be the
least of it.
> An extreme need for approval and recognition.
How high is high? How extreme is extreme? Most people
have some need for approval and recognition. I have
some need for approval and recognition. Is this an
EXTREME need? I would say not.
> A sense of guilt when asserting themselves.
No. I make the best leader.
> A compelling need to control others.
I make the best leader precisely because I am not controling.
If a sub had any complaint with me, it is more likely she would
find I am not controling enough, rather than too controling.
> Lack of trust in self and/or others.
I trust myself and others too much.
> Fear of being abandoned or alone.
I don't "fear" being alone. I dislike it.
> Difficulty identifying feelings.
No. I do not even know how this can be possible.
> Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change.
I don't know. I started out life religious, became
an athiest, became a fundamentalist, then became
an athiest again. I have a dozen professions. And
I've lived in a half-dozen different countries.
> Problems with intimacy/boundaries.
I hope not, but I guess this is something only others
can judge. If I had such a problem, I wouldn't be
aware of it.
> Chronic anger.
I NEVER get angry in real life with people I know. I occassionaly
get mildly angry at strangers. I often get angry with people
on-line.
> Lying/dishonesty.
I have never told a lie in my life. Just kidding.
I try to avoid lying because I am not clever enough
to avoid getting caught. I am not a very good liar.
But what would I say, if I was a liar? Maybe, I would
give the exact same answer.
> Poor communications
I think I am pretty good at communications. So do most
people in real life, though many people on the Internet say
otherwise.
> Difficulty making decisions.
This is partly true.
So, am I codependant? Do I care? No!
Cheers,
Michael
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