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RE: Married Women - 9/30/2006 9:16:01 PM

Kashan

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Point taken Frank. Having never been a married cheater, I was only looking at it from the mistress' perpective

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RE: Married Women - 9/30/2006 9:17:25 PM

Kashan

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I was assuming the people cheating were clever enough to cheat without their spouses finding out...it happens more often than you think

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RE: Married Women - 9/30/2006 9:18:26 PM

LadyMorgynn

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But if a married person cheats with an UNmarried person, then you only have 1 injured party if they are found out, not 2.Only 1 person is hurt. And.... I don't think that not being found out, makes cheating okay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kashan

I was assuming the people cheating were clever enough to cheat without their spouses finding out...it happens more often than you think

< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 9/30/2006 9:20:02 PM >

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RE: Married Women - 9/30/2006 9:24:45 PM

Kashan

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Well, if you want to have an ideal situation, then nobody would cheat. Since that isn't happening, and the person being cheated with almost always falls in love and wants the cheater for themselves, it is actually easiest on everyone for the person being cheated with to be married. Then they have the same amount of free time to give, the same expectations, the same lifestyle and the same commitments. The people being cheated on are fer less likely to be left or called in the middle of the night by a desperate lover. They are far less likely to feel anything has changed in their own relationship and therefore far less pain than if their mate had a "hanger on."

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RE: Married Women - 9/30/2006 9:48:42 PM

marieToo

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General Reply:

Not everyone being 'cheated' on is neccesarily getting hurt. Some non-cheating spouses actually know that their spouse is fucking around , yet they close their eyes to it because they have their own reasons for choosing to stay in the marriage and theyre quite happy that hubby or wifey doesnt want to roll in the hay with them anymore. I think the blanket assumption that theres one victim and one whore in these cases, is a very narrow view.

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RE: Married Women - 9/30/2006 9:56:04 PM

LadyMorgynn

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You left out the son of a bitch who's doing the cheating too

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
I think the blanket assumption that theres one victim and one whore in these cases, is a very narrow view.

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RE: Married Women - 10/1/2006 9:16:10 AM

Kashan

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Wel, clearly the cheater is not getting hurt, if anything his life is greatly improved. What about the people who's spouses refuse certain aspects of sex that they feel they need? Like oral sex? Many people flat out refuse. Many people see sex as just a chore to do with their spouse, not an adventure to be explored. And I have spoken with many (progressive open minded yet very strogn women) who say they don't mind if their husband goes elsewhere to get his needs met, so long as she knows nothing about it and he is safe and does't bring any diseases home. Some even tell their husbands so (which takes the excitement out of it I can assure you.) Wow, for alternative lifestyle folk, some of you are really stuck in the 50's

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RE: Married Women - 10/1/2006 10:17:45 AM

agirl

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There are rafts of people that withold more important things than sex in their relationships.......it's narrow to view it entirely in terms of *getting their leg-over* when their partners are *unfaithful*.

Almost all of the people that have confided in me about their unfaithfulness had been suffering in many different ways well before it happened and it wasn't a *leg-over* job at all.

All but one of these people ended their marriages for reasons that were nothing to do with *another* person and one stayed with her husband, albeit not entirely happily; more out of *fear of the unknown*.

One person I know stayed and tried his utmost to make things work and was deeply hurt by his wife's indifference and coldness toward him. He wanted the family life he'd hoped for, didn't want to lose daily contact with his children..... I don't know the ins and outs of their personal interaction, no-one ever does.....for all I know, she may have had a major reason to BE that way.

The reasons for staying, the reasons for going, the reasons for finding solace elsewhere are often to do with loneliness, unhappiness and human vulnerability.........not a *quick bit on the side*.

agirl

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RE: Married Women - 10/1/2006 10:42:38 AM

Frank01

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn

But if a married person cheats with an UNmarried person, then you only have 1 injured party if they are found out, not 2.Only 1 person is hurt. And.... I don't think that not being found out, makes cheating okay.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kashan

I was assuming the people cheating were clever enough to cheat without their spouses finding out...it happens more often than you think

Not if the cheater is lying to both parties.

Then you have three hurt parties,after the wife whacks the husband upside the head with the skillet.

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RE: Married Women - 10/1/2006 11:11:00 AM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

The reasons for staying, the reasons for going, the reasons for finding solace elsewhere are often to do with loneliness, unhappiness and human vulnerability.........not a *quick bit on the side*.

Yes.

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RE: Married Women - 10/1/2006 11:13:25 AM

LotusSong

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Here is something a friend of mine once said:

"Marriage is the maximum loneliness with the minimum amount of privacy".

Marriage is what you make it. It is a constant negotiation and learning experience. When you are married for several years, you realize that people can change. I was 20 when I got married. I know I have given my husband pause at times. It doesn't mean there were not rough times and that everyday was bliss.. but what it is is LIFE. We worked through it all.. and now even look back and laugh :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 10/1/2006 11:21:07 AM >

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RE: Married Women - 10/2/2006 5:35:31 AM

agirl

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Marriage isn't always what you make it. It takes both parties to be involved in the process and many times that just doesn't happen.

When one person in the union won't/can't/doesn't stay *involved* the other can be left struggling. I have seen such judgement of people that have *strayed*.

There are many forms of *cheating* and *absenting* yourself emotionally from the marriage is one and it's no more honourable and righteous than any other.

It's unfortunate and sad when marriages fail....and it's often myopic to *blame* in the judgemental way that I've seen so many times here.

As someones says often........just my view and I could be wrong.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 10/2/2006 5:36:26 AM >

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RE: Married Women - 10/2/2006 6:01:26 AM

SirLordTrainer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong
It doesn't mean there were not rough times and that everyday was bliss.. but what it is is LIFE. We worked through it all.. and now even look back and laugh :)

Hello you.. indeed it is what you make it, on both sides. But back to the OP, that would be a deal breaker.. which is exactly why the majority in BDSM look down upon married people, both male and female exploiting our lifestyle as a means of satisfying their own self centered lust

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RE: Married Women - 10/2/2006 7:19:37 AM

Dnomyar

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In answer to the ops worry. They are not few and far inbetween. Just expand your search area.

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RE: Married Women - 10/2/2006 7:53:39 AM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Marriage isn't always what you make it. It takes both parties to be involved in the process and many times that just doesn't happen.

When one person in the union won't/can't/doesn't stay *involved* the other can be left struggling. I have seen such judgement of people that have *strayed*.

There are many forms of *cheating* and *absenting* yourself emotionally from the marriage is one and it's no more honourable and righteous than any other.

It's unfortunate and sad when marriages fail....and it's often myopic to *blame* in the judgemental way that I've seen so many times here.

I agree with this completely. There are many ways to betray a spouse, other than sexually, yet we (society in general) somehow only see fucking around as 'cheating', and we tend to blame the cheater for the failure of the relationship and overlook the other parties responsibility in it.

There are a multitude of ways to 'cheat' or break vows, Such as lying to your spouse, neglecting your spouses needs, refusal to communicate, refusal to be emotionally available, mistreating or being verbally abusive to your spouse etc etc. Yet somehow the physical/sexual betrayal is always viewed as a sin, while the other types of betrayals are somehow forgiveable and acceptable and easier to overlook. Apparently we place more value on the sexual part of the vows than on the emotional aspects of the relationship. In other words, having a neglectful spouse who refuses to commincate for 20 years is wrong, but its not nearly as wrong as having a spouse who refuses to be sexually faithful. To me, thats backwards. Id feel more betrayed from being neglected or randomly lied to about something, than if my spouse had a sexual fling.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 10/2/2006 7:54:51 AM >

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RE: Married Women - 10/2/2006 9:46:51 AM

Voltare

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Alright, now that the dust has settled a bit:

I don't have a problem with adults doing what adults do. Most people have cheated at one time, or another. If I spent all my time worrying about my neighbors drinking too much, yelling at their kids, or kicking their dogs, I wouldn't have any time left to work, eat, or sleep.

What bothers me most about the opening post was the 'Dom' in question whining about how he can't get laid. Obviously, his post was a little superficial, so we can't tell for sure that he wasn't looking for a romantic relationship or what not, but it was the public announcement that 'I like to screw other men's wives in secret.' Sure, that's his kink. There are lots of kinks and fantasies that are repugnant, sick, or immoral. Ageplay is something that many people think is wrong, and I enjoy it. The fine line is that I try to engage in activities that only pose a risk to people who accept that risk. The wife's husband and children don't[/] have a say in it, and if a man found out his wife was cheating on him by walking in and seeing her tied up while being spanked - well, that's just too big of a risk.

People with necrophilia don't necessarily have to have sex with corpses to enjoy themselves. The fantasy can be satisfied in lots of creative ways - an ice bath, for example. Whatever the kink, there are ways to express and enjoy it without such a serious risk of hurting innocents and bystanders. I don't care if someone wants to drive his car 190mph, just as long as it's not on the same highway I'm on! This isn't a puritan attitude, it's an attitude that there -is- a right and wrong, and while we all do things wrong sometimes, 'It's just my kink' doesn't make it right.

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RE: Married Women - 10/2/2006 11:43:07 AM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Alright, now that the dust has settled a bit:

I don't have a problem with adults doing what adults do. Most people have cheated at one time, or another. If I spent all my time worrying about my neighbors drinking too much, yelling at their kids, or kicking their dogs, I wouldn't have any time left to work, eat, or sleep.

What bothers me most about the opening post was the 'Dom' in question whining about how he can't get laid. Obviously, his post was a little superficial, so we can't tell for sure that he wasn't looking for a romantic relationship or what not, but it was the public announcement that 'I like to screw other men's wives in secret.' Sure, that's his kink. There are lots of kinks and fantasies that are repugnant, sick, or immoral. Ageplay is something that many people think is wrong, and I enjoy it. The fine line is that I try to engage in activities that only pose a risk to people who accept that risk. The wife's husband and children don't[/] have a say in it, and if a man found out his wife was cheating on him by walking in and seeing her tied up while being spanked - well, that's just too big of a risk.

People with necrophilia don't necessarily have to have sex with corpses to enjoy themselves. The fantasy can be satisfied in lots of creative ways - an ice bath, for example. Whatever the kink, there are ways to express and enjoy it without such a serious risk of hurting innocents and bystanders. I don't care if someone wants to drive his car 190mph, just as long as it's not on the same highway I'm on! This isn't a puritan attitude, it's an attitude that there -is- a right and wrong, and while we all do things wrong sometimes, 'It's just my kink' doesn't make it right.

Agreed completely. Dishonesty is not ok. Its not ok to fuck around, or to risk your spouses health etc. I personally didnt mean to come off as if i was advocating any kink that involves non-consent. I strayed from the topic perhaps.

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RE: Married Woman Looking For More - 10/2/2006 12:58:06 PM

NastyDaddy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zenofeller

heh it amuses me no end to see exactly how fucking puritan posters here are.

quite frankly, if you imagine being married as an exclusive arrangement, not only are you behind the times, you are also in for a surprise.

Apparently you missed my point entirely... the inference being she may encourage his recreational fetish so that she may in turn do likewise. Perhaps only her milkman knows for sure.

You described marriage, not I. Suffice it to say each generation of weds are influenced by their parental role models, and are arguably remote controlled by media and/or peers as opposed to any partner in any relationship, esp marriage. What happens when you let them off the farm and they see the bright lights of the city... they change/transition, and sometimes fast!

Todays marriage is not yesterdays marriage, it's a more velcro marriage (borrowing on the often used term velcro collar). The words until death do us part often equate to for the time being. In convenience based relationships, many things are commonly dealt with in a retro-payback fashion to justify unorthodox relationship behavior. When trust and honesty are not preserved, they become perverted, abused, often beyond repair.

The state of being consensual has been a long established BDSM virtue/requirement for fetish validation/acceptance. Dominating a married person without the spouses consent is a non-consensual violation of the spouse, a non-consensual violation nonetheless.

Vanilla cheating seems to be widely justifiable due to the "modern watered down" state/status of marriage versus hiding/masquerading vanilla cheating under a BDSM fetish umbrella.

BDSM does not justify cheating in the absence of spousal consent... that's merely BDSM abuse. Advocating cheating wives in a BDSM discussion forum can easily be viewed as soliciting/trolling, especially if the pickings are become slim as stated in the OP.

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RE: Married Woman Looking For More - 10/2/2006 1:36:14 PM

LASub4Real

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelAussie
I am a dom / master who has always had a deep desire to dominate married woman without their husband knowledge.

It is an excellent way to get a bullet in your head.
Don't assume that every huband is going to take the more reasonable route and anyone can be gotten to.

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RE: Married Woman Looking For More - 10/2/2006 4:47:16 PM

AquaticSub

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You know... maybe it's just me but I thought that BDSM was all about trust. Because if I can't trust you then there is no way on this earth that I'm letting you tie me up and dangle knives around my skin. That's on all levels. If you lie to me about cheating, that's a breaking of my trust and you are out the door.

If all parties concerned are aware and happy with the arrangement, go for it! Have a great time! But I continue to be confused by those in this lifestyle who abuse the trust placed in them. If you are cheating on your wife, how can a submissive trust you?

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