juliaoceania
Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006 From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Status: offline
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quote:
Oh YES! I often find it very difficult to have an intellectual arguement with a person ( often female ) who is emotionally close to me ( sometimes not even close ). They seem to equate a difference of opinion as a total judgement on them. I can vigorously argue with others and both of us take no offence or emotional distress. I can love someone, respect them in all ways, and still disagree and challenge them on certain things. But usually it does not reflect any judgement on them as a person I like. I hate it when a woman might actually say that I think she is stupid, just because we are debating on opposite sides. It makes it hard to discuss things. A very dull silence can happen and carry on for a long time. I just avoid bringing up things. This forces me to go elsewhere for mental stimulation. That is sad and frustrating. I have very little I cannot talk to with the man in my life, he respects my opinions. There is only one time I have gotten tense in a conversation with him, and that was because I am militantly antiwar ( I am aware of the contradiction...smiles) and he is not. I do not even get tense over this anymore, because we have the same goal, just different approaches to solving it. I do not want to be with someone that agrees with me all the time, never challenges me, and I like him having the veto power to tell me to shut my piehole.. I need someone who is able to do so around, so it might as well be him... and the beauty of that.. I never feel judged for it... quote:
My assessment of someone being stupid has nothing to do with their level of agreement or disagreement with me. I WISH it were that easy, I'd be able to ignore a lot of people I dislike and disagree with :) Females unfortunately have a much higher tendency to equate agreement with liking and disagreement with disliking and that can cause a lot of strife in the communication process. I have to agree with this. I have had this experience more than once.. I have noticed women tend to be consensus builders instead of debaters. I have the tendency towards consensus, but I also enjoy debate.. sometimes people take that to heart and personal when it is not about them.. it is about ideas. I do not know if it is a fundamental difference in the female brain or if it is socialization. Who knows, maybe we have misperceived this altogether... although I think that studies tend to show your observation to be true. If I did not like people for disagreeing with me I would be a very lonely person...smiles. Anyways, I can separate a kooky opinion from the person who has it... I hope people will not think me stupid for my kooky opinions (although I do try to back them up with some kinda thought process).
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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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