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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/22/2006 6:24:48 PM

sissifytoserve

Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
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I was told I should put a "male" picture in my profile becuase I showed her a male (non-dressed) picture of myself, and talk less about my interests.

WTF..is up with that?

Why don't I just COMPLETELY change what I am and my interests to accomodate someone else?

What a lie.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 10/22/2006 6:25:17 PM >

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/27/2006 7:06:19 AM

sugarcoatedscamp

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/5/2006
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve

I was told I should put a "male" picture in my profile becuase I showed her a male (non-dressed) picture of myself, and talk less about my interests.

WTF..is up with that?

Why don't I just COMPLETELY change what I am and my interests to accomodate someone else?

What a lie.

Do you spend any of your time dressed "male", or are you dressed "female" 24/7? Your profile doesn't have text (I don't know if it did before or not), so I don't know if you're a man who likes to cross-dress as a kink, a full-time transvestite, a transsexual, etc. If you do indeed spend some of your time in your male persona, then I'd agree that it benefits you to have a picture of yourself that is so, but not at the expense of the others, which showcase at least some of the reasons you're on Collarme.com in the first place. In that case, I wouldn't consider it a lie at all, just a broader view of who you are, illustrated by your photos.

I realize I'm playing devil's advocate a little bit, but maybe she meant to discuss things besides your kinks on your profile, not that you shouldn't discuss your kinks at all. Of course, I'm basing this on the assumption that you at one time had profile text, because one can't talk less about something they don't talk about at all (correct me if I've missed something). If you're looking for a relationship and not just a playmate or sex partner, then you'll want them to know more about you than just what gets your rocks off, right? Sure, talk about your kinks♀, but talk about the other things in your life, too. You can't spend 24/7 playing and having sex any more than you can spend it doing any other single activity (save for breathing, etc.).

Just remember, when someone says to you that you're too-something or not-something-enough, add "for me" to the end of their statement. They may not say it aloud - heck, they may even think they speak for the majority - but you and I both know they only have one mouth and it's attached to one person. One person's too-anything is another person's exactly-right. Keep your chin up; I wish you the best in finding yours.

♀ I may rub some of you the wrong way using the word "kinks". I'm using the term as loosely as I can, folks. *wink*

< Message edited by sugarcoatedscamp -- 10/27/2006 7:12:34 AM >

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/27/2006 8:49:39 AM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer**waves at other dommes** So, is this a common perspective? Does a subbie who has a long list of advanced and complicated fetishes on his or her profile strike you as more or less attractive as a play partner? Does a long list of interest translate to you as "high maintenance" or "open minded and flexible"?

Granted, I'm not currently looking for a sub, but if I was... a long list of fetish interestes screams high maintenance, and more kinky than I can handle. I personally figure that such a person requires someone who has been very active in the lifestyle for many, many years (re: decade +). Since I don't meet this criteria (few fetishes, relative newcomer/unexperienced

), then I assume (an evil 6 letter word, I know! lol) that I can't meet their needs, and hence can't have mine met either. As someone said earlier (sorry, I had a mt and my brain is now fried...) a real relationship takes two. So, I just read the profile, wonder, and move on.

BTW, I always answer emails... even the ones that say "I wanna f$%k you". If no one tells these people WHY they don't get answered, then how are they supposed to learn? Just because it's obvious to YOU doesn't mean it's obvious to THEM. But, that's just my opinion *shrugs*.

Tootles

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/29/2006 10:34:40 AM

silverthorn7

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/13/2005
From: New Mexico
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Nice set of suggestions, sugarcoatedscamp. I would like to add my bit:

Please do not send dick pictures unless requested. Do not send sm pictures of you with another Mistress - or alone. Please do not describe your dick. Please do not say you will do anything to serve a mistress and then state you will kiss feet, lick pussy, any of those things. Yuck - like I would let you get that close and that is again, what you want. Remember - it is not about you. It is about pleasing your Mistress.

When you offer to "serve", a good place to start is to ask the prospective Mistress what SHE wants, how SHE wants to be served. Believe me, some days I would rather have a nice dinner out and a movie than some fool I don't even know trying to suck my toes or help me take a bath.

Here is the reward for those of you who can grasp the dynamics of D/s: Don't miss it - this is the TRUTH:

Good slaveboys(or girls) get to do the really fun stuff. That is the secret. If you put you ego aside, put your kinky fantasies aside long enough to really please a Domme you may be lucky enough to have a scene with - you will most likely get everything you ever wanted and then some. Pleasing Her first is the secret. A happy Domme is a generous Domme. A happy Domme will take you to the place you really want to go. A happy sub/slave is one who has served his/her Mistress well.

Silverthorn

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/29/2006 10:44:58 AM

sissifytoserve

Posts: 1016
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

Some of us crossdressers dont want to put a clear picture of ourselves up in our profiles.

Being how society is....it could be used as a weapon to ostracize and ruin a person professionally and socially.

People don't take that into account.

I know a female dom who lost her job in a nursing home as a result of it.

< Message edited by sissifytoserve -- 10/29/2006 10:52:21 AM >

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/29/2006 11:14:52 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerPurrs

You're singing my song! I would also add to those submissive men, that there are many more of you looking for us dominant women then there are dominant women seeking a submissive male.

Your one line introduction email, "I'm in your town, let's hook up," isn't going to get you anywhere with most of us. You need to stand out from the flood of emails we get, and show us why you should have our attention.

Something in your profile besides, "I'm submissive and want a femdom" is also helpful.

I couldn't agree MORE about spelling, punctuation and grammar. They are the first impression I have. They are the first indication I get from you about what kind of effort you are going to be willing to put into a relationship. If you can't be bothered to run spell checker, then chances are high you just really don't put much effort into anything.

Personally, I appreciate someone who cares enough about my eyes as to not ask me to read a poorly written, punctuated and spelled email or profile.

As a Lifestyle Domme with a Pro Sessions business...I get a lot of those "I'm in town lets meet at My hotel".
I dont session with them.Just because I am a Pro doesnt mean I am obligated to meet them,but yet they think I am...WTF is up with that.

There are some that think just because you are a Lifestyle Domme you should drop everything for them...again WTF are they thinking?

And another thing I have a room converted into a Dungeon...why go to a Hotel?
I have what I need here and this is where I do sessions/scenes.

WOW do I sound bitchy today

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/29/2006 11:33:39 AM

jdtallfem

Posts: 180
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

Well I do my best to answer most emails (even the rude ones which I may point out are rude) and I read the profiles and try my best to let the subs know why they might work or not work for me. It takes a lot of work and effort to do this, though, and I'm new at this site and not burned out (smiles).

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/29/2006 7:20:28 PM

liks2plzlf

Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
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I understood perfectly, what Belkincp said. I guess it must be a man thing.

(in reply to MissyRane)

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/29/2006 7:25:33 PM

tasha_tart

Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Were your parents close relatives or what? Geez guy your never going to get a woman being nasty like that. Change your attitude and learn to spell, or at least use spell check occasionally.

~Lashra

It's sad when cousins marry.

Tasha

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/30/2006 4:52:26 AM

paCDponygirl

Posts: 20
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer**waves at other dommes** So, is this a common perspective? Does a subbie who has a long list of advanced and complicated fetishes on his or her profile strike you as more or less attractive as a play partner? Does a long list of interest translate to you as "high maintenance" or "open minded and flexible"?

Granted, I'm not currently looking for a sub, but if I was... a long list of fetish interestes screams high maintenance, and more kinky than I can handle. I personally figure that such a person requires someone who has been very active in the lifestyle for many, many years (re: decade +). Since I don't meet this criteria (few fetishes, relative newcomer/unexperienced ), then I assume (an evil 6 letter word, I know! lol) that I can't meet their needs, and hence can't have mine met either. As someone said earlier (sorry, I had a mt and my brain is now fried...) a real relationship takes two. So, I just read the profile, wonder, and move on.

BTW, I always answer emails... even the ones that say "I wanna f$%k you". If no one tells these people WHY they don't get answered, then how are they supposed to learn? Just because it's obvious to YOU doesn't mean it's obvious to THEM. But, that's just my opinion *shrugs*.

Tootles

Hello, (curtsey)
Two things about Your post which i liked very much. The first is THANK YOU for answering Your mail. You are exactly right, if You don't tell me what i am doing wrong, then i don't know. It is NOT OBVIOUS to us. Some of us want to do better believe it or not. Secondly, i am one of those people with a long, long, long list of kinks and fetishes. It was not until recently that i found out that this scared people off. i always figured it would make me more attractive, somethig for everyone. What i just recently put in my profile is that that list is not an all or nothing proposition. i don't like them all equally, there are some that i can certainly live without and some i cannot. Can i suggest that next time You run across one of us super kinksters, that You ask them about it. Find out what are deal breakers and what aren't. Maybe You will find them easily compatible with You. Then again, maybe not, but at least You found out. Also, sometimes people like me can be a great value to a novcie Domme. You can use us to explore and learn about different things. i for one love working with newbie Dommes but not everyone does.
Great post
lauren
xoxox

(in reply to Mikal)

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Post #: 70

RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/30/2006 6:01:15 AM

Mikal

Posts: 3673
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: paCDponygirl
Hello, (curtsey)
Two things about Your post which i liked very much... Can i suggest that next time You run across one of us super kinksters, that You ask them about it. Also, sometimes people like me can be a great value to a novcie Domme. You can use us to explore and learn about different things. i for one love working with newbie Dommes but not everyone does.
Great post
lauren
xoxox

lol... Well, aren't you a doll! You're welcome, and thank you! Somehow though, I doubt you'd be one of those people who message's me to tell me how to serve them, or that I'm a whore looking for the right lil' monkey (my words... theirs were crass). I just luuuuuuuvvvvvv those people. Really. I do.

You're right, a "super kinkster" as it were, could provide an excellent soure of knowledge to a novice Domme... and lots of laughs *picturing me with some of your toys... haven't a clue as to what all of the stuff was in your dungeon pics...* Yep, that'd be the stuff that howls of laughter are made of, lol.

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RE: A letter to single submissives - 10/30/2006 11:05:56 PM

LadyOunce

Posts: 126
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Secondly, an introductory email speaks better of you when you use complete sentences and are attentive to spelling, punctuation, and capitalization, etc. For example, it's much more important to capitalize the beginning of the sentence than it is to capitalize words like "You" or "i", as some prefer to do

This is one of my greatest pet peeves. Grammar does not equate to submission. I would rather a well spoken email to prove to me you're sincere in your search rather than some inane capping ideal.

(in reply to sugarcoatedscamp)

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Post #: 72